I'm so glad practically no one is on the bus. The seat next to me is empty, and it's the same as the seats in front and next to me. It's so much better than it was on my way over here. The bus was crowded, and it was really awkward sitting so close to a coughing stranger for seven hours.
It was clear that my book would wait, and I would catch a bit of the sleep I was deprived of this morning. Making myself at ease and taking both of the seats to lay, I start to think back on what happened last night. The more I seem to focus, the more my headache seems to resurface. I give up and drift slowly to sleep.
My cellphone rings, waking me up just as fast. Fortunately for me, the headache is gone. I see a lovely picture of Steeve, taken during a trip to Glasgow.
"Hey, babe." I coo as I answer and straighten myself to see if the bus filled up a bit more than it was on the way, which it did, but not enough to require me to sit still on my seat. I lay back on the bench.
"Hey! I am just letting you know that I'm at the station."
"What? Already?"
"Yeah. Were you sleeping? You told me your ticket says you are supposed to be back at 5:25, and it's 5:13."
"Yes, I was, and it seems like I did for the whole trip." I seem to slowly wake up, and I take the time to take in my surroundings inside and outside the bus.
"I talked to my boss, and he gave me tomorrow off, so I get to be with you. I even thought I could drive you to your afternoon class. What do you say?"
"Oh, Stee, that would be awesome." I immediately get overjoyed by his very caring and unusual behaviour.
"I thought you would want a change of mind after what happened yesterday..."
"I met him this morning too, actually... I'll have to give you further details, but we sorted this out. We will work together on my story."
"So you are getting published?" I hear his genuine happiness, and it overwhelms my heart to have him so caring so suddenly. He never behaves like this.
"I am getting published."
"That's incredible, baby!"
"Yes, it really is. Look, I'm getting into the station now. Give me two minutes, and I'll join you in the parking." I say to him, gathering all of my belongings as the driver parks the bus.
He tells me where to find him as I walk out before I hang up with him. It feels so good to be back. The air is different. It seems silly, but it's somehow colder here than in London, and I prefer it that way. Manchester is my home.
Steeve is waiting for me in the car, and something strikes inside of me. It's weird, and it never happened before. Maybe it's because of all the new stuff I've experienced this weekend, but I feel different. I'm not that excited to see him. It hurts me to feel that way because I'm so used to being with him, I wouldn't see my life any other way. We've been through rough times, I have suffered a lot, but he is all I know...
I am so confused with my sudden indifference towards him. Maybe indifference is not the right word. But I am not nearly as excited or reassured by his presence as I used to be. It scares me, if I'm honest.
I'm walking towards his car at a steady pace, trying to wrap my head around the fact that my life might have changed drastically, but it doesn't change anything. I have responsibilities here as my life is here. But I can't keep on wondering what it would be like to be in London, living there. I have only a few weeks left of school before graduation. After that, I'm free to pursue my dream or follow the plan I always made for myself. A plan Steeve has agreed on from very early on in our relationship. I think that's why it has worked for so long between us, even if we are polar opposites.
1. Get my degree.
2. Intern at the archives department of the Manchester Museum.
3. Get a job there permanently.
4. Get married.
5. Get pregnant.
6. Live happily ever after.
I based my steps on certainties. That's why I volunteer at the College library to add to my extracurricular activities and my good grades for my internship.
Somehow, I never wanted to pursue my passion for writing since it is based on so many uncertainties that I would never rely on it. But, this weekend, my life changed.
I feel my phone vibrating in my pocket, and I frown at who it might be. I rarely get notifications on my phone, and nobody texts me since I have very few friends. Having a life so calculated with all my responsibilities, I hardly ever have time to spend with anyone. There's only Steeve, the Nando's staff and the library's old ladies. And since Steeve dislikes my brothers, I don't have a close relationship with my family as I used to have.
Ash: Why did you leave without saying goodbye?
It takes a second to remind myself who he is, but the butterflies win me over, and I remember him clearly.
I frown at the text, and I get all excited that he voluntarily texted me again. I get a giddy feeling in the pit of my stomach and decide to respond immediately.
Me: I had an important meeting early in the morning.
I look up and see Steeve walking to me, smiling like I was but at my cellphone to a man I barely know. I guess I just love the sudden attention. That's so not something I'm used to.
I take place in his car, trying to get my mind around the fact that I'm home and everything that happened in London means nothing, apart from my meeting with Marcel. Because it shouldn't.
My boyfriend sits back in the car and drives me home. I explain in detail my first meeting with Mr Wright and how I grew to dislike him. It gets him to remember what he suggested to me when I called. To go out. I decide to be frank about what happened, about what I remember.
"I'm glad you listened to me and let loose a little." He looks at me and slides his hand on my thigh, rubbing his thumb on my pants.
"Maybe I let loose a little too much..." I let out and look outside my window, thinking involuntarily back at Marcel and being in his car this morning.
"You need to tell me what happened. You never want to go out with me when I go to the pub with my friends." He complains, but he knows why. I always work, or study, or write.
"Well, there's not much I remember..."
"Oh wow! I wish I had been there. You are so wild when you get drunk. You get all sexy and kinky. But... It must have been boring to drink by yourself?"
I tell him all about the woman I met and her friends in the band, The SOS. I think I omitted how hot they were and my slight infatuation for the drummer, but I share what I can remember, which isn't a lot.
"I remember drinking lots of beer. I think we had tequila, but I'm not sure." I furrow my brows and think hard about what happened, but I only get hit by quick pictures in my head and a brutal reminder of my persistent headache.
"We?" Stee repeats, and I search for a way to escape. I don't want to answer him. I know how jealous Stee can be. If he would have been there, he wouldn't have let the boys look at me. Hell, I don't think he would have let me talk to Sophie neither. That's just how he is.
My phone vibrates, and I quickly look down on my lap. I can't hide the smile on my lips again. The butterflies are back.
Ash: How did it go?
Me: Good, thanks.
I quickly reply, not being very elaborate. I bring back my attention to Steeve and his worry to hear my wild night.
"There was a bachelorette party. They paid a couple of rounds of the tequila. It was fun." I lie and feel bad doing it. This isn't me.
"Tequila? You hate that. Remember the morning after prom when you were sick like crazy?" Steeve reacts and finds his smile again. I'm very glad he does.
"Yeah, I know..." I murmur in disgust at the memories it brings back. "I got sick all over your car. The only good side of getting me drunk with tequila was all the sex we had that night, on the backseat, before I ruined it."
"It's almost a shame you don't drink that anymore... The things you did... It gets me hard just thinking about it." He exclaims, and I can't help but smirk.
I love turning him on. The effect I have on him is a significant turn on for me too. The way he looks at me, his brown eyes undressing me as his attention is mostly not on the road as it should be, heats my body. His hand on my thigh slowly slides between them and moulds my groin.
I want to enjoy it, but the vibration of my phone gets my mind distracted from what my boyfriend is doing to me.
Ash: I can't get our kiss out of my mind.
I see it now. The lime, he sucked it in. His lips kissing my skin, his teeth biting my neck, his tongue caressing mine, I remember it all now. His hands-on body felt strange but thrilling at the same time. It was like the tequila made me another person. Someone that wasn't me, but I can't deny how I enjoyed it. It was sloppy but delicious. My hand in his caramel locks, his hazel eyes in mine, how could I forget something that made me feel so good? So alive?
I turn off my phone as quickly as I read the message. Oh my God! What happened last night? Tequila happened... I can't believe I did this! This isn't me at all. What have I done?
I close my legs absentmindedly, and Steeve gets a hint I'm not open to the idea anymore. I don't know if he noticed it was because I checked my texts. After all, he was looking at the road, but he took his hand away from me.
"What else happened?" He asks me, and I instantly feel like he knows. Up to this moment, I didn't remember anything, so how could he know?
"Pardon me?" I stop breathing a moment.
"You told me you met Mr Jerk again this morning. How did that go? Well, I presume if you got yourself a publishing deal."
I breathe finally, glad he didn't see through me. I decide to keep those memories to myself until I decide where I stand with what happened. I can't help but laugh at how Steeve called Marcel. Mr Jerk. It makes me smile.
"Yeah... We finally agreed, but I can tell you it won't be easy to work with him. He is hot and cold at the same time. He can be super gentlemanly and kind, but being arrogant and mean the next minute. I can't figure him out." I elaborate to change the subject from what happened at the pub.
"So, how will it work? Do you have to go to London every weekend?" He wonders, and I respond to what Marcel and I've talked about. "But if you do have to go to London, my cousin lives there. I'm sure she would let you crash at her place."
"Your cousin? Did I meet her?"
"Nope, her family hasn't come to Manchester in years, but I saw my aunt the other day at Mum's, and she gave me her phone number to keep in touch. She talked about their life, what she has been up to and how she doesn't like her daughter's boyfriend. She asked me about myself, and I told her all about us and our life. She seemed prouder of our life than her daughter's. But my cousin's cool. I texted her a few times. We talked about you a bit and your trip to London. Cool stuff." I listen to him, but I don't overthink about it. My mind seems to be somewhere else.
Once we get home, he throws his key on the messy, overloaded counter, and I get immediately irritated. I hate when he does that, but I'm too knackered to fight. I'm not the one using the car anyway, so he'll have to look for them if he loses them. I can't believe he still hasn't cleaned up. I've asked him nicely before I left yesterday. It's not like he does anything else around the flat. But I'm too tired to start the predictable fight.
I throw myself on the couch in our tiny living room, that's also our dining room with the kitchen right next to it. I take in my surroundings and get annoyed at the mess in this place. I was gone not even 48 hours, and he's made a mess of this place. His workout bag is in the middle of the entrance. His dirty sweater lays on the floor in front of the bedroom door, and he has numerous shoes right outside the closet. It's like, you were so close to the goal. You had one effort more to make.
I sigh and decide to let it go. I shouldn't be surprised. It's the same every week. It sucks nonetheless because I'm the one that cleans it up all the time. I roll my eyes at the thought of it and let my head fall on the back of the couch, letting my body melt onto the fabric. I'm so tired. This was a very stressful weekend, and I'm glad it's over.
"What do you want for dinner, babe?" Steeve asks from the kitchen, surprising me at the idea that he might want to cook and I won't have to do it, for once.
"You are cooking?!" I exclaim, lifting my head to look at him in the kitchen a few feet away.
"No, but I thought that if you weren't up to cook, we might want to order out." He says, and I let my head fall back where it was. It would have been too good to be true.
"Nando's?"
"You read my mind. What do you want?"
"I feel like I could eat only their mashed potatoes, and I would be content."
"Alright, my baby girl wants mashed potatoes, I'll order you some, and I'll give you mine too."
"The usual." I giggle, and I smile to myself.
I hear him talk on the phone, and it reminds me of mine. I take it out and turn it back on. I can't seem to get that drummer out of my mind. Now that I remember what happened last night, I can't seem to get it out of my head. How can a man I met only once make me feel giddy and guilty that way? Would I have done anything with him if I wasn't as drunk? I don't think so... Of course not. I am a faithful person, and I love Steeve... I don't get why I would have even considered it...
I look at the text again.
Ash: I can't get our kiss out of my mind.
What do I do? Do I respond to something, or do I not? I don't want to lead him on, or do I want to? I love the attention, I do, and that surprises me the most. Is that playing with fire?
I click on my phone, and I see the typing bar flashing. I need to be truthful, but a wave of stress takes over me as I start typing. I don't even read back what I write and send it quickly before I change my mind.
Me: Me neither.
Like I thought I would, I regret it. Immediately. At the same time, adrenaline and excitement get over my senses.
"Babe?"
I jump and hide my phone in my pocket as I look up over the couch to see Steeve walking out of the kitchen.
"Would you mind going downstairs to take our order? Ronnie wants to know how it went." He lets out and, even though I don't want to get up, I want to tell her everything.
I take my wallet and head down, making two steps outside to head back inside, into the restaurant. I walk to the front desk to pay for my order. As soon as she sees me, Ronnie walks to me and makes me pay before dragging me, excitedly, in the kitchen to our hidden place, the fridge.
Surrounded by all the vegetables and the meat, we always feel free to confide and talk about things. There are no cameras here or bosses to judge how much we talk. It's weird, but with her hiding in here, that's where I get to be who I really am.
"Tell me everything!" The tall, gorgeous, model-like woman says to me.
"I kissed another man." I blur out, closing my eyes to rip off the band-aid.
"WHAT?! That makes a lot more to talk about. I can't believe it. You got more actions than me this weekend." She says, both kidding and gobsmacked.
Veronica is this remarkable woman with beautiful long brown hair, long lashes and dark brown eyes. She is very graceful, almost feline-like. She is very popular with men and often gets hit on by customers. If I had been a man, I think I would have been trapped in her net too. She has this envious hot slim body as I'm small and a bit too curvy. I don't have the greatest esteem of myself. That's why having Ashley thinking about me makes my hormones go crazy.
I explain every detail, every feeling to her and every beer. She doesn't judge me in any way, and I feel very good about telling her because I judge myself a lot.
"With this new juicy stuff in your life, you haven't told me about the editor..." She asks, but one of the cooks gets in and surprises us, so Ronnie takes a lemon and heads out.
I follow her closely, my head down. On the other hand, my order should be ready.
"We'll talk about it tomorrow night." I let out as I walk to the counter, take my order from under the heating lights, and put it in a paper bag.
"Just tell me if you are getting published or not..." She whines at me, pouting her lower lip, standing next to me. She's the person I should be thanking for making this incredibly surreal dream a reality. She's the one that sent my book to all these publishers.
"Yes. I have to thank you for that." I smile widely as she jumps a little in excitement, trying to stay professional and collected.
"I was sure you could do it. You really have it all now..." She sighs and smiles at me.
Yeah... Talk about having a perfect life... It doesn't seem like it anymore. One weekend changed it all.