Pov y/n
She runs one of her hands down my arm until her hand reaches mine and she intertwines our fingers. I watch her as she takes my hand off her body to lead me to the couch.
We sit down, facing each other, our hands staying intertwined. My stomach still does happy flips because of what just happened.
Scar also seems to be excited about it since her cheeks stay lightly blushed and a smile is present on her lips.
"I...that was amazing." She says, trying to find the right words. Since I'm at a loss for words as well, I can't really help her but nod in agreement.
"It was better than I imagined it." I whisper and see a surprised look on her face, realizing what I just said.
"I mean...I was just...not in a creepy way...and..." I shut my mouth, my cheeks flushing red in embarrassment.
Shit, I didn't want to expose myself like this. I keep my eyes low, watching out hands. But when a soft hand places itself under my chin and Scarlett gently tilts my head to look at her, I see nothing bad in her eyes.
"It's okay, no need to be embarrassed about it. And it's not creepy, don't worry. I also thought about it since our almost kiss last week." Scar admits and I smile a little, feeling a bit better about it.
"You have?" I ask, now a little curious what she thought about. She nods and takes her hand away from my face, now that I'm looking at her.
"I don't really know what happened in that moment last week but it felt right and I was ready to kiss you. If we wouldn't have been interrupted, I would have kissed you. I couldn't stop thinking about it the past week because I wasn't sure what it meant. You know, wanting to kiss a woman, wanting it really bad.
It's not because I'm not comfortable with homosexuality, I just never thought about it a lot when it came to me. I never really was attracted to a woman before. Yes, I thought they looked very beautiful and hot but that's it. I've only dated men before, so this was and is something really new for me. Even after a whole week of thinking, I'm not sure, what it meant. Or what this means." She gestures between us and I can hear how lost she feels. I give her hand a little squeeze, which makes her eyes focus on mine.
"It's okay. That you don't know yet, I mean. It's a process and some take longer to come to terms with it and others are faster. But that doesn't say anything about you as a person. There is no rule that says you have to have it figured out until you're twenty or so.
Even if you were sixty and figured it out then, that's still absolutely fine. All that matters is that you are comfortable with it and give yourself time to process and think. It can be scary at first because you're entering a part of yourself you never thought was there but you're not alone. I am here with you and if you want to and let me, I will be here for your journey. And even if it turns out, you're not attracted to women, so be it. No one forces you to have a certain sexuality and you can't control the attraction you feel." I assure her and see her eyes softening at my words.
Her fingers start to play with mine as she lets my words sink in. Her eyes looking down at our hands while she thinks. I give her all the time she needs and just watch her movements, trying to see if there's anything I can do for her.
When she looks back up at me, she has her bottom lip between her teeth, chewing a little on it, a pretty sure sign she is nervous.
"You said it's okay if I figure out that I'm not attracted to women but wouldn't that hurt you? You know, after our kiss...?" She asks, her words carefully chosen and I see concern in her eyes. Real one, that tells me that she is truly worried about it and just the fact that she cares this much about my feelings, makes me fall for her even more.
"It probably would, yes. But as I said, it's not something you choose and if you're not attracted to women, than there's nothing to change that. It will hurt but it wouldn't be the first time I've fallen for someone who is straight. And I know you're not intentionally hurting me feelings, that's all that matters." I tell her and give her a reassuring smile while a tiny ache in my heart makes its presence known.
If she would be straight, it would really hurt me but I wouldn't be mad. Apart from the fact that it doesn't change the situation, it is as I said, she doesn't really choose who she's attracted to and isn't leading me on to hurt me.
Her eyes tell me she is thinking about my words and they tell me that she doesn't like the fact that it would hurt me at all.
"I really, really appreciate your honesty and your support, thank you." She starts, a small smile back on her face.
"And you're right, I can't force attraction but, although I'm not a 100% sure yet, I think I am attracted to women. At least to one, to you. I...am not sure if I am or was attracted to women before but I am pretty sure I'm attracted to you. And I don't really care what it says about my sexuality right now because it's more important what I feel towards you.
When we kissed, it felt like my whole body wanted to explode with positive emotions. There was this tingling shooting through my body and I never wanted to let go of your lips. And since last week, I've been thinking about you. When I came into the shop on Wednesday, it was more because I wanted to see you than because I wanted coffee. Something inside me just pulls me to you and I'm not sure what it is but it's there. When I saw you in my clothes, I had to pull myself together to be able to say something because my mind went blank. Same thing when you walked in with your wet hair this morning." She reaches a hand out and plays with a strain of my hair. Only gently, not wanting to hurt me.
"It looked so goddamn attractive and still does. Just the way it slightly curls and...just..." She breathes out, trying to figure out what to say.
"Each time we hung out, I felt the connection between us growing and each time I wanted to spent more time with you. First I thought it was just on a friendly basis because the thought of being attracted to you didn't cross my mind. Not until you told me that you're a lesbian. That was the moment, as dumb as it may sound, I remembered that there can be more than just friendship between two women. But I didn't think much of it.
The moment the first article about us appeared, I was so scared to lose you, even though I've only known you for over a week. I was relieved when you didn't run away or something like that. I think the first time I really thought about it, was last week when you came over to watch Rose. You dropped everything to help me out and that night, my thoughts always ran back to you. Back to the memories of how respectful you treated me and how you were always kind and treated me as a normal person, even after figuring out who I am. And not just me, you also treat Rose so good.
You play with her and goof around. Whenever she comes back from playing with you, she has this huge smile on her face and tells me all about it, no matter if I saw it or not. I see the way you look at her, with adoration and care and it added to the feeling that was building up inside me. When we started flirting last week, that was the moment I realized that I really meant the things I said and that the feelings might be more than just friendship. So, to sum up this really long rambling: I think, no I know that I like you and am attracted to you, y/n."
Scar takes a deep breath before sucking in her lip, waiting for me to react to her words. I take a few seconds to process them before I lock eyes with her again.
"I'm not sure what to say to that, except 'thank you'. Thank you for all those nice words and compliments. And I would lie if I said, I didn't think about us the past week as well. That almost-kiss was on my mind a lot and I was wondering, what it might mean and if it was just the heat of the moment or more. Turns out, it was more and I couldn't be happier about that.
Since the moment I first saw you, you had a mesmerizing effect on me and I wasn't sure why. I only knew that you were stunning and the most beautiful woman I ever saw.
With each time we hung out, my feelings developed further but I didn't notice that at first. I too thought it was only friendship but there was more.
It took me a little while to admit it but when I finally did, I knew for sure that the feelings I have are more than just a crush. I am attracted to you, not just physically but also emotionally. We haven't spent a lot of time together but it always was special and I had a smile on my face afterwards. You are right about the Rose part, I adore that little sunshine so much and care for her. She is just the sweetest little girl I ever met and seeing you two interact just melts my heart because I can tell that you love her more than anything and that is so wonderful. And I really like you too and I don't know when I came to that realization but I did and ever since, I just...I'm excited whenever you text me and even more when we meet up. I am not sure, how far my feelings are right now but I'm gonna be honest, I think I'm falling for you."
Silence surrounds us for a few seconds as she thinks about my words before her smile widens and her hand, that was playing with my hair, cups my face. She leans closer and when I feel her breath on my lips, I close my eyes, excited to feel her lips on mine again.
This time the kiss is very sensual and different since we now know what the other one feels. When her tongue licks over my bottom lip, I part my lips and let her explore my mouth.
She is shy but it's cute and when her tongue meets mine, they start to dance with each other and it feels better than I ever could have imagined.
I let go of her hand to slowly wrap my hands around her neck, pulling her a little closer.
Her now free hand grabs the back of my neck and she starts to play with the hair there.
When air is needed, we pull away but keep our faces close. Her lips are a tiny bit swollen from the kiss and her cheeks are lightly pink again. It's the sweetest look and I try to save this image in my head, not wanting to forget it.
Her finger starts to trace along my jar and up to my lips, where her thumb brushes over them before she pulls my bottom lip a little down with her thumb. In a quick motion, her thumb is replaced by her lips and the butterflies inside my stomach turn into a whole zoo. This kiss is shorter but as amazing as the ones before.
She sweetly smiles at me while pulling back, tugging some hair out of my face, pulling my hands from her neck to intertwine them with hers again. One of our hands she brings up to her lips and softly kisses the back of my hand, making my heart soar with happiness.
"As much as I would love to keep kissing you, I think there are some things we should talk about." She silently says, bringing our hands back down and looking at me with soft eyes. I nod.
"Yeah, you're probably right." I agree but not quite sure what exactly she means.
"Would you be okay with us just dating for now? I know we just kissed but I still would like to give this time to evolve, maybe get to know you better, take you out on dates." She starts and my smile grows at her words.
"Of course. We can do this in whatever speed you are comfortable with, we don't have to settle anything yet, nothing pushes us to do that. We will see where the future guides us and what we'll become. And if and when we're both ready, we can take this to the next level, maybe even involve a romantic gesture." I say, winking at her, which makes her giggle a little and my heart pounds faster at the cute sound.
"That sounds like a very nice plan. Now, speaking of dates and gestures, how do we handle publicity? I mean, we can stay inside and only meet at mine or your place but I would love to go on walks with you again and be outside. I don't want to hide away because you are too amazing to be hidden."
I blush at her words which makes her smirk a little. Sometimes I think she makes me blush on purpose, not that I complain though.
"I don't want to hide forever either. I want to be able to plan cute dates like picknicks or little trips. As much as I love your house, being outside together is nice." I agree with her previous words and she slowly nods, her mind thinking about a plan.
"How much do you mind the paparazzi?" She asks, searching my eyes for an answer while I think about her question.
"I mean, I don't read the gossip they write because I don't care, so I guess not a lot. But I know it can play into your career and I don't want to complicate things for you, or Rose." I add and see her eyes starting to sparkle at the fact that I also think of her daughter.
"Thank you, I appreciate that a lot. Rose shouldn't be affected, I luckily managed to keep her out of the media most of the times and people seem to respect that. And I don't think the kids in her school really read those gossip magazines. But I would still say that we keep a little to ourselves, meaning that things like holding hands or even kissing should be reduced to a minimum." Scar's eyes watch me a little worried, scared her words hurt me in any way.
But they don't. Of course, I would love to be able to hold her hand in public and stuff but I totally understand why it's not really possible, at least in our current situation. Maybe later, if there is a later, when we are in a relationship and ready to let the world know, that will change but until then I will be careful.
"Yes, that makes sense." I agree and she breathes out in relief.
"Alright. I will inform my management so they know what's going on and can try to keep the media low. Speaking of, we already talked about them might digging. What are things you don't want them to know, like at all?" She asks, her thumbs rubbing the back of my hands to keep me calm since I last had a little panic attack when we talked about this. I think about her question for a few moments.
"Everything concerning my family. They don't need to be involved in this and I also don't want people to find out about my dad because then there would be rumors or stuff like that and I don't want to put my mom and siblings through that." I decide and Scar nods, accepting and agreeing with my boundaries.
"I will tell my management that they shall keep an eye on that. We can't control what gets published, but I have a pretty good team, they are good at discussing with people from media. Depending on the situation, I might have to give up a statement, the details would have to be discussed then but would you be okay with that? It wouldn't contain any personal information about you, it would just be to clear things up." She explains and I let that thought run through my head.
"Okay, yeah. I think that's okay." I agree and she gives me a smile.
"Please, if there is anything now or in the future that you're not comfortable with, no matter if you once were or not, promise me to tell me, so we can sort it out together, okay?" She asks, now more serious but still softness in her eyes.
"I promise, I will tell you when something bothers me." I promise and her expression grows soft again until she furrows her eyebrows a little.
"Now about Rose...we already talked about how I see that." Scar says and I nod.
"Yes and Rose will stay your first priority. I will follow your lead in whatever you say is best for her. I totally understand if you don't want to tell her yet. And from my perspective: us dating will change nothing in the way I treat Rose. Even if we would fight, it doesn't change how I will be with her. You have my full support in whatever decision you are making when it comes to her." I tell her and see her smile growing, her eyes lighting up with an emotion I can't quite pinpoint but it's a good one and that's all that matters.
"That is exactly what I meant when I said you treat me and Rose with so much respect and care. Thank you for your understanding and support on this matter, it really means a lot to me. And yes, I think it's best if we don't tell her, for now. Not, until we know what exactly this is and where it will go. I know Rose already loves you, that's not the problem, I'm just worried she'll think that us dating is like a promise that we will stay together forever. And I don't want to make that promise now. We still have to figure out what this between us is exactly before we can make any decision close into that direction."
Scar looks at me and without wanting to, I feel hope rising up in my chest.
She didn't deny a further future. It's probably dumb that I am happy about that when we just decided we're starting to date but still. When I realize I haven't responded yet, I quickly nod.
"Okay, we won't tell Rose that we're dating." I verbally agree and Scar shuffles a little to lean her head against me, wrapping her arms around me.
"Thank you for being understanding and patient." She says and looks up at me, resting her chin against my shoulder. My arms wrap around her body as well and I pull her a little closer to me.
"Of course." I reply easily and with a smile.
Her smile becomes fuzzy and she leans her head against my shoulder, snuggling further into me. I smile at that action, loving to have her close to me.
A/n: This is the last chapter for this marathon. I hope you enjoyed it :D
I'd love to get your feedback :)
It felt right to choose those four chapters because they are all connected very closely and lead up to the kiss and this talk.
Speaking of: They told each other how they feel about one another and decided to officially date.
I thought it was also important to include Scarlett's thoughts about her sexuality.
And about that, to everyone who's part of the LGBTQIA+ community: You are great just the way you are! You're amazing and I hope you'll find happiness and everything you desire. Don't change who you are for other people and don't let them talk you down because you are a beautiful person!
(If any of you need to talk about this or want someone to listen, my dm's are always open :D)
Thanks for reading and love to you all <3