"Akshara, shhh, look at me. Look at me." I cupped her cheeks and gently moved her face to align with mine. I needed her to focus on something other than herself.
It felt almost criminal for me to holding her cheeks because they were so tiny for my large hands. And so soft, so very soft for my firm and rough hands. I felt like I was going to end up scratching her cheeks. My heart kept telling me to be careful. It tried to convince me she was fragile. That I needed to take care of her.
My brain on the other hand was reprimanding me. The voice in the back of kept saying that I knew how to handle panic attacks before and this was no different. But it felt different. I don't know why, but I did.
"Akshara..."
"Aaa...bh...iiii...," she said between her loud, laboured breaths.
"What do you do when you get a panic attack?"
Akshara wasn't listening to me and instead fidgeting in my arms. I let go of my hold of Akshara's face and engulfed her in a tight hug. I wrapped my hands around her body and laid her head against my chest.
For some reason, I knew it was wrong but yet it felt so right. Akshara resting her head against my chest, right over my heart just felt so damned right. It felt like time had stopped and all I could hear was the loud and fast thumping of my heartbeat which got louder with each passing second.
"Akshara, what do you do to stop your panic attack?" I asked her again, firmly.
"Ssss...i...nggg"
I nodded my head. "Okay, you have to sing for me now. Okay Akshara, sing."
I gently ran my fingers through her long and silky locks of hair.
Akshara shook her head.
"You have to."
No response. Akshara's state of panic has escalated and she had started hyperventilating. I could feel her body shaking and shivering against my hold.
"Hmmmm....hmmm...hmmmm...." I wasn't a singer by any means and had a terrible voice, but that didn't matter. At this exact moment, all that mattered to me was Akshara.
I pulled us away from the hug and gazed into her eyes, making sure that she didn't have a chance to look away. I needed her eyes to be focused on me. I needed her to be focused on me. I stroked her cheeks gently while continuously humming to her —silently hoping —pleading that she would join in too.
"Hmmm....hmmmm....." I continued.
"Hmmm...," it was soft, mellow, gentle, and broken but she started to hum back.
I nodded my head to get her to continue, encouraging her to find her voice, find her calm.
And slowly, Akshara began to sing. Her melodious voice occupied the entire conference room and all I could hear was her voice bouncing off the walls and into my ears.
And suddenly I felt like I had been found. Even though I had never been lost. Or maybe I had been lost. I just stood there, mesmerized, lost in her voice, in her while she lost herself in her music. The ripples of the high notes and low, everything was so soft; so pristine, so perfect.
"Abhi..." A voice called out to me in the distance.
"Huh?"
"Abhi..." Akshara. It was Akshara calling out my name. Abhi. The name sounded like dripping honey from her mouth —so smooth, so...right.
"Akshara..." I felt lost. She raised her eyebrows and motioned towards my hands. I jerked my eyes away from her face and followed the pathway of her eyes. I was gripping her hands with mine, firmly. I had been so lost in her voice —in her that I didn't realize that I had tightened my grip on her hands, as if to not give her even one single chance to pull away from me.
What was happening to me?!
I pulled my hands away from hers ans snapped back into reality. "Sorry," I apologized.
I could see a smile tilting on the corner of her lips. "It's okay, Abhi", she assured me.
Abhi? Why was she calling me Abhi? Only a select few people were allowed to call me Abhi. I was as confused as I was starting to get angry. No one had the right to call me Abhi —especially if I wasn't the one who gave them that right.
"Abhimanyu. Dr. Abhimanyu Birla." I bit out.
She looked at me with raised eyebrows, confused at my sudden change of demeanor.
"Who told you that you can call me Abhi?"
Akshara bit her lips in hesitation, a move that did not go unnoticed by me but one that I tried to not focus on. "You did."
Wait what. Now I was confused.
"I am the bartender from Phoenix? You got really drunk so I had to drop you home. And in your drunken state you convinced me to call you Abhi, even though I didn't want you. You started to throw a tantrum when I refused to call you Abhi and wouldn't go to your room." She explained herself, carefully.
I stared at her blankly.
"Oh, I guess you don't remember huh?" She stated, looking dejected.
Oh no, not with that face. I wanted to make her feel better. But I was trying real hard to remember who she was too. And then it hit me. She was the bartender who dropped me off, Akshara and the one whom I was supposed to thank!
"No...I remember. I remember now. I'm sorry for what I did when I was drunk. But since we are at a professional setting; you have to call me Dr. Abhimanyu Birla or even Dr. Abhimanyu is fine." I said sternly.
I was embarrassed. Not for my antics but the fact that I didn't remember her.
"Okay." She gave me a soft smile.
I nodded my head and went back to take a seat back at the head of the conference table. I needed to get this over with. I don't know what was happening to me but this wasn't the Abhimanyu I was. Something was off. And I didn't like it.
"Akshara, if you want you can go home now. I don't think you are up for an interview. We can reschedule for another day, if you'd like." I said, trying to calm my beating heart and averting her gaze by burying my face in her candidate file.
"No, no! I am totally fine. I would like to interview now please."
I looked up from the file I was holding. "Are you sure? Shouldn't you go home and take some rest?"
Akshara shook her head. "No, I want my chance to interview."
I nodded my head in acceptance and admiration. This girl had willpower and determination. "Okay then, please take a seat so we can begin with the interview."
I held out my hand and pointed to the chair at the end of the table, gesturing for Akshara to take her seat.
"Thank you so much! I'm very grateful for this —"
"Let's begin, shall we?" I say, cutting her off.