I moved over to the window.
Outside, even through the sun was shining and the sky was a harsh blue, the world looked cold.
The wind was whirling dust and torn paper into spirals and some kids were playing on the streets.
And even though the weather was nice and people were having fun, there seemed to be no colour in anything.
The world around me was working the way it was supposed to, but i felt like i didn't fit in.
"(y/n) ?" my brother asked and I turned around to face him.
His dark brown eyes were watching me carefully.
He noticed something was up.
He knew that I have troubles with depression since my aunt died three months ago.
She was my favorite person and I just miss her so much.
Josh is the only one who does know, besides my best friend Kayla.
"What do you want Josh?" i asked curiously.
I never wanted him to know in the first place, but I had to tell him after he found my box of razor blades while our parents were in canada for two weeks because of their jobs.
"Mom made me go upstairs to tell you dinner is ready. Are you coming?"
"Yeah, I'm coming. Thanks." I simply answered.
"Are you okay (y/n)?"
"Never felt better!" I said sarcastically.
That made both of us chuckle.
"You know that you can always talk to me if you want to." he said with a serious face.
"I know Josh. Thank you."
He came to me and gave me a tight hug.
"Love you little sis."
"I love you too Josh."
I am more than thankful to have a brother like him.
I can tell him everything and he won't judge me.
I remember that when he found my box of razor blades he didn't called my parents or told anyone.
He walked into my room with the box in his hands and looked at me worried.
But instead of screaming at me or anything he gave me a hug and told me that everything will be fine and that i can always talk to him if I feel bad.
This day was six weeks ago and since then i never touched a blade again.
I snapped back into reality when I noticed that Josh was looking at my worried because I had tears in my eyes.
He stepped back a little and his lips formed a little smile to cheer me up.
"Come on let's go downstairs. Mom is probably waiting."
I was thankful that he didn't asked why i was about to cry but he probably knew anyways.
I just simply nodded and followed him out of my room.
Josh and I sat down at the table and mom brought the food and sat down too.
It was tuesday so we had tacos.
We started eating and it was really good.
I hope one day I would be able to be as good as her in cooking.
- time skip to evening -
I took my phone, opened my spotify and put some bring me the horizon on shuffle, because they are one of my favorite bands ever.
"The sadness will never end" started playing and I walked over to the window.
It was already dark outside since it was 10pm.
The streets were empty and the street lights did put the scene into a dimm orange light.
I sat down on the windowstill and closed my eyes to focus on the song.
...
Close your eyes
There's nothing we can do
But sleep in this bed that we made for ourselves
You're trapped in your past
Like it's six feet under
...
After the song ended i opened my eyes again.
I noticed that the light in my neighbors house went on, which was pretty weird because the house was empty for more than one year.
"I hope the new neighbors are nice..." I thought to myself.
I stood up and layed down into my bed because I was pretty tired.
I closed my eyes and started drifting away.
The last thing I rememberd is that "Parasite eve" was playing.