Best Served Fake

By onceuponabook_

1.9M 63K 16.4K

"Little Valerie," said Kai, bending closer to me. "Are you blackmailing me into dating you?" He didn't seem p... More

one // own my heart
two // kiss my flirtatious ass
three // betrayal is super kinky
four // forgive me
five // spotlight
six // we are never ever getting back together
seven // would you forgive me anything?
eight // everyone saw my boob
interlude // instagram DM
nine // goodbye
ten // the dumbest plan
eleven // the big phallus
twelve // very mafia of you
interlude // valerie's text messages
thirteen // i haven't peed in three days
fourteen // you're such a dick
fifteen // disparage away
sixteen // girlfriend?
seventeen // cut his balls off
interlude // valerie's text messages
eighteen // wink, wink, hint, hint
twenty // you shameless hussy
twenty-one // stage one
twenty-two // are we putting on a show?
twenty-three // only one bed
twenty-four // drums of war
twenty-five // you're disgusting, james
twenty-six // a proposition
twenty-seven // nothing like a play about piss
twenty-eight // lena montez
twenty-nine // how dare he
thirty // you know, platonically
thirty-one // purple tutu
interlude // valerie's text messages
thirty-two // the questions game
thirty-three // swimming carnival
thirty-four // eat shit
thirty-five // foundation
thirty-six // what-the-actual-fuck o'clock
thirty-seven // kai's second fave after jamie
thirty-eight // faked her own death
thirty-nine // getting railed on a balcony
forty // shit list
forty-one // be my alibi
forty-two // romantically bone down
forty-three // not here to fuck spiders
forty-four // mass exodus
forty-five // bitching it is so much less stressful
forty-six // there will never be two
forty-seven // kill a fifteen-year-old
interlude // a text conversation
forty-eight // abrasive and off-putting
forty-nine // a human-sized dick sponge
fifty // unwilling ghost
fifty-one // squashed lemon
fifty-two // some sort of harley quinn
interlude // instant message
fifty-three // we're even
fifty-four // decked him
interlude // cora's text messages
fifty-five // the best thing
fifty-six // the whole time
other works
Q+A
playlist
bonus // kai's pov

nineteen // keep talking creeper to me

31.3K 1K 259
By onceuponabook_

"No."

Cora gasped. "What do you mean no. She looks so pretty."

Isabelle shook her head. "She looks like a Mormon. A stunning Mormon, but still. It would be fine, because we are a non-judgemental crowd, except that we are trying to make Tommy Aster jealous."

The outfit that Cora had picked out for me was pretty; a blush pink silk maxi skirt that fell to my ankles, paired with a white, high-necked top with flowing sleeves. Her shoe selection was a delicate pair of silver heels, and while the outfit wasn't religiously conservative, it was far more mid-twenties winery attire than sexy teenage party.

The mirror in the corner of my room showed a girl who looked put together, responsible. The kind of girl you'd ask to a charity dinner, or to a classy date at a nice restaurant. I looked like a girl who wandered on the arm of a wealthy businessmen who wanted a trophy wife. Nice, of course, but not... unreserved depths of jealousy inspiring. 

I hadn't thought too deeply about my attire until yesterday, when Cora had asked me at lunch what, exactly, I was wearing to Rebecca's.

I'd shrugged and proclaimed that I'd find something in my closet.

Isabelle—who had miraculously disappeared from her own table and apparated in the spot between Will and Jameson to steal a few chips from Will's plate—had looked at me with glittering, excited eyes. "Oh, you have to wear something adorable. Not that you don't look adorable always. Wanna get ready together? I can come over. Cora should come too. It would be fun!"

Her enthusiasm was infectious, and I found myself nodding at Kai's sister before I even had the opportunity to consider her offer.

Kai had blanched at Izzy's words. "Get ready for Rebecca's together? Since when were you going?"

Isabelle had grinned. "Since Jake Bodrum invited me."

Jake Bodrum was a big guy in my year; a little douchey, but good-looking enough that people had let him get away with it. He always laughed loud, a deep, booming sound that always garnered attention.

"He's too old for you," Kai and Will had said in unison. They eyed each other with a small, serious nod of agreement. Will cleared his throat and continued. "You're far too young for him, you know."

Isabelle laughed and patted Will's head condescendingly. "But far too old to let you babysit me." She turned to me and said, brightly, "See you tomorrow afternoon, Valerie? Kai will give you my number."

Although Kai wasn't necessarily wrong that the meaty Jack Bodrum was too old for Isabelle, I couldn't deny that I was thankful for her presence when she emerged from my closet with a dark green mini skirt and a black crop top that I'd never been able to figure out, because it was nothing more than two triangles of fabric and a whole lot of black strips that tied elaborately around the body.

"This," Isabelle said emphatically, her eyes shining.

"Is that even a top?" Cora asked.

Isabelle looked to me hopefully.

I winced. "I mean, I did want to make a statement?"

Izzy brightened and tossed the clothes at me.

"Her boobs will fall out," Cora cried.

Isabelle grinned. "And wouldn't that be a statement?"

I had come to discover that Isabelle Delaney was a little bit crazy. If Kai was known as a bit of a bad boy, Izzy was going to give him a run for his money in her glory years. Because if Sydney thought Kai was the kind of guy a good girl could tame one day, I honestly couldn't imagine the same for Isabelle.

I raised a tentative hand. Cora and Isabelle whirled around to look at me. "The outfit is cute, but I would ideally like to keep my boobs covered."

"Sure, okay. We're going for a reinvented woman, a complete sexpot, but not trying to go so overboard that it looks like an early quarter-life crisis," Isabelle said, nodding slowly. As if wanting to keep my tits covered was a PR move, and not a given. "That's probably a good move. I have double-sided tape, you'll be all strapped in. Promise."

As Isabelle dove for her bag to rummage through the cluttered mess of pencils and books and clothes that seem to have been stuffed haphazardly into the pack, I looked helplessly at Cora. Isabelle was a fucking whirlwind. Cora was too busy staring at the fifteen-year-old menace that was Isabelle Delaney with a fond expression, as if Izzy was completely nuts and Cora loved her for it. I forgot, sometimes, that Isabelle, Kai and Cora had grown up together.  I hadn't spent much time with the little trio, but it was immediately evident that Izzy was probably the most likeable and engaging person I'd ever met. Charm, apparently, was a Delaney special.

When Isabelle fished the roll of tape from the recesses of her bag, she tossed it to me. "Try it on, c'mon. I want to see! You're going to look so hot."

I slipped into my closet and shut the door behind me. There was a small mirror at the back, and I held up the elaborate top and frowned at it. Izzy's double-sided tape would need superpowers to hold this thing together.

After letting Cora's selected outfit pool on the floor at my feet, I shimmied into Isabelle's option. The green skirt slid up my thighs, settling in the hollow of my waist and hugging the outline of my hips, the material tapering off a few scant inches below the curve of my ass. It was flattering, and accentuated my petite frame, creating curves where I hadn't realised any existed.

Then came the top. It was tiny. I bought it on sale years ago, when Sydney had goaded me into buying something a little more risqué. It might have been a wild purchase at the time, but now it was downright sinful. The subsequent years had given me a little more flesh to cover, and the top did not make a good effort of the task. The swells of my breasts were fully bare, and the effect didn't suit me at all. I looked like a little girl trying to play dress-up. I was cute masquerading as hot. I tore the slip of fabric from my body.

"Okay, that top is totally a no," I called.

"Really?"

I looked at the fabric in my hands. "I think I'd be arrested for public nudity."

"Shame," Isabelle said. A pause, and then. "Can I try it on?"

I laughed, and tossed the garment out of the door into Izzy's waiting hands. It was the kind of thing that would suit her far better than it would suit me. Izzy wouldn't be described as cute in any universe. She was hot, plain and simple. But if the thing didn't fit me, it didn't have a chance in hell of fitting Isabelle. She would discard it immediately for something that at least pretended to cover an inch of skin.

I examined the green skirt in the mirror. Isabelle was correct in her assessment of the outfit; the skirt was all sexpot, and it needed a black crop top to complete the outfit. A slow smile spread across my face. I had a black crop top. When I slid the black fabric over my head and settled it into place, I couldn't help but smile at myself in the mirror. The top was perfect.

"I've found something," I called through the door.

"Show us!" Cora said.

I stepped from the room. Isabelle immediately nodded her approval, her eyes shining. "Oh, Valerie," she said. "How did I miss that top before? You look stunning. I'm almost jealous, and I'm not even your ex-boyfriend. Tommy is going to try and scratch Kai's out like an alley-cat." She pawed an me with a heavily-ringed hand, and seemed quite pleased by the idea of her brother in a cat-fight with my ex.

Cora, however, had her arms crossed. "Really?"

"Don't you like it?" I asked Cora.

She raised an eyebrow. "Is this the statement you want to make?"

I shrugged. "It's just a top."

It was, and it wasn't. It was a fuck you. It was a look at all of the things that you once considered yours. It was a look how easily I can take it; this top, your spotlight. Kai Delaney.

Isabelle looked between us with bafflement. "What's... the issue?"

Cora sighed. "Its Sydney's. The top. Valerie has decided to wear a lovely shade of petty tonight."

If I was trying to inspire jealousy, walking into a party with Kai Delaney on my arm wearing Sydney's pilfered top would certainly be a statement. Even if no one would know but me and her. And Cora.

Unlike Cora, who seemed mildly disgusted and deeply reluctant, Izzy clapped her hands together with a giddy grin. "And it's fucking adorable. Goes so amazing with your hair." She bounced slightly on her feet. It was nice, I realised, to be complimented by someone so... guilelessly. Izzy's compliments were as relentless as Sydney's, but they were free. "We might even get two cat fights." At my grimace, she patted my shoulder. "Don't worry, I would back you up. And I'm a tiger. Plus, you'll look ridiculously cute while you tear her hair out."

Crazy Izzy Delaney, I thought fondly, as her teasing smile lifted at the corner of her lips, betraying the faint joke in her earnestness. She might not be entirely serious in her eagerness for an all-out brawl, but somehow, I didn't doubt that she would pounce like a tiger in my defence. She'd probably do it for the mailman, if she thought it would be entertaining.

I turned to Cora with a beseeching wide-eyed stare.

She bit her lip. "You do look really good."

Isabelle grinned. "Alright, settled. Now jump in the chair and I'll do your hair."

She had coerced my hair into an elaborate style of braids and curls that framed my face, and somehow made me look a whole lot less cute, and a whole lot more hot, and was working on Cora already when her phone started ringing. The opening notes of the Little Einstein's theme song spilled from the speakers, and she tossed it to me without looking at the screen, engrossed in the half-finished braid she was weaving into Cora's hair. "It's your boyfriend, if you want to answer it."

I looked at the screen, where it announced that BROSEPH JOSEPH was calling, accompanied by a full-screen picture of a baby Kai with peanut butter smeared unceremoniously over every inch of his body. He was making a funny face that was half joy and half confusion, and a tuft of dark hair stuck up from above a face smeared with peanut spread. A laugh bubbled in my throat as I answered the phone.

"Izzy, how long can getting ready poss—"

"You look dashing in peanut butter," I interrupted.

Izzy looked momentarily up from her task to snort a laugh, giving me an exaggerated thumbs up with the hand not tangled in Cora's hair. In the mirror, I could see Cora smother a giggle behind her hands, before the expression was swallowed by a wince as Isabelle yanked her hair into an elegant up-do.

Kai hesitated for only a minute, as if embarrassed. But in true Kai fashion—self-assured, confident—he just said lightly, "It's true. It really brings out my eyes."

"I bet he's blushing," Isabelle said.

"Izzy thinks you're blushing," I relayed to Kai.

He sputtered over the phone. "I am not— I'm not blushing." His voice lowered to a mutter. "I'm going to kill her."

Totally blushing, Isabelle mouthed.

I wanted to laugh, but instead I schooled my face into firm neutrality and said, "So, how can I help you?"

"Well, Isabelle told me she would ring me when she'd finished getting ready so that I could drive us all to Rebecca's."

"Okay?"

"She said that would be sometime after five."

I looked at the clock, which was edging towards seven thirty. "Ah."

"It's still after five," Isabelle called over, loud enough that Kai could hear her. "Patience is a virtue, darling brother."

"We're almost done," I assured him. "If you wanted to come over now. Do you know the address?"

"Of course," Kai said. "What was it that you said? I'm obsessed with you forever, you rejected me, and I'm on an eternal quest to win your love that involves sitting on your front porch at all hours reciting love poetry? That being said, if you could text it to me, that would be much appreciated."

I grinned. "If I send this to you, promise not to hide in my closet to watch me get changed?"

"I would never," said Kai, affronted. "Behind the shower curtain is clearly the superior creeping location. It's like you don't even know me."

"Oh baby, keep talking creeper to me."

There was a small choked sound that I knew now meant that Kai was surprised into laughter. I could imagine the startled curve of his lips. The smile that said I think you're funny, and I never knew that about you, and it surprises me every time. It was gratifying, that a boy like Kai Delaney would laugh at the stupid jokes I made.

"Funny, Little Valerie," he said. "I'll be around in fifteen to come get you guys, okay?"

"Okay," I said. "Thanks, Kai."

And then I hung up, and clutched Izzy's phone to my chest.

He'd always been larger than life. Sydney's elusive crush. Gorgeous and popular and maybe a little bit of a player, but so likeable you couldn't help but forgive him for it. Girls called him a bad boy, because he was tall, dark and handsome, because he skipped class if he felt like it, because he drank at parties and was an unapologetic womanizer. Because he wore a lot of black, and somehow that was an indicator of his character. And maybe, just a little bit, people labelled Kai that way because we went to school for the rich and privileged, and the Delaney's lived in a small, run-down, tired house in a different suburb that wasn't lined with leafy green trees and perfectly mowed grass.

Because this boy; the one who laughed with surprise, who offered to drive his sister to a party, who would agree to a ridiculous scheme with a girl wanting revenge just because she asked him to? Kai Delaney was hardly a bad boy, really.

A small smile twitched at the edge of my mouth.

"See, you say you're not dating. I just don't believe you," Izzy announced. "You could do so much better than my brother, seriously, Val."

But she seemed pleased as she pulled at Cora's hair again, and Cora let out a startled yelp.

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