Summary: Natasha might could actually keep to this role of playing a daughter and a real child if it were not for the fourth member of their nice, fake, little family that completely left her uncertain of what to do.
If it were not for Yelena.
Natasha could not figure it out. It was a complete and utter puzzle to her.
For a little less than two days, she, the Iron Maiden, and the Red Guardian had been in Ohio for the newest mission assigned by the Red Room and Dreykov. Natasha was honestly struggling a little, but she refused to let anyone know that. After all, she knew that the Iron Maiden... Or Melina... Or Mom as she was forced to call her per mission requirements, was making reports directly to the Red Room and she knew that anything she did in opposition to the mission objectives would be met with severe punishments.
However, she might could actually keep to this role of playing a daughter and a real child if it were not for the fourth member of their nice, fake, little family that completely left her uncertain of what to do.
If it were not for Yelena.
That little, tiny three-year-old that the Red Room had somehow magically come up with when they were being debriefed for their mission requirements. She was a scrawny, mewling thing and she could hardly make a good sentence, but it still shocked Natasha how much that she talked.
When she had been dragged into the room, she had been crying and sobbing. As she had been handed from Alexei to Melina to Natasha, it was only when Natasha was holding her that she stopped crying and she got the strangest look on her face as her eyes got really big and filled with wonder. Natasha had the oddest feeling at that moment, and she immediately pushed the feelings away, the sensations uncomfortable in their unfamiliarity.
However, she had not been able to stop her mind from totally going blank when Yelena had reached her little hand up to touch Natasha's face, her words small as she spoke something that sounded suspiciously like the word "pretty." Of course, it was then that Natasha immediately handed her back to Melina and while the girl grew a little fussier, she was almost completely focused on Natasha, would not take her eyes off of her, and had not stopped staring ever since they were first introduced.
Which led her back to what she could not understand whatsoever and what she could not figure out for the life of her.
The child could hardly walk without stumbling a little in that horribly uncoordinated, ridiculous fashion, and she was always talking about something and repeating something that their "parents" had said. But the most insane part that really confused Natasha was that the only thing that Yelena chose to do when she managed to stay on her feet without tripping over something was follow Natasha around and grab at her legs whenever she could.
It was weird and it made Natasha uncomfortable. She had never been the center of anyone's attention and when she had been, it generally never bade well for her. She found that remaining in the shadows and out of sight was the best course of action except for when it came to fight for dominance.
Natasha was currently seated on her bed that evening, examining a knife while keeping a very close eye on the door as she allowed herself to get a little lost in her thoughts about this new way of life and these people surrounding her.
After all, she did not want Melina or Alexei to find out that she was breaking character right now. It would result in severe punishment, and she did not aim to go home to the Red Room as a failure and a disgrace.
Everyone knew what happened to girls that were disappointments.
But if Natasha was completely honest with herself, she knew that it might also have something to do with the fact that she was intrigued by the smallest member of this strange mission's team. She was enamored and enchanted and although she had been raised to hate vulnerability and a complete lack of tolerance for weakness had been ingrained in her very being, she found herself strangely captivated by this small, strangely soft creature that had touched her face and called her pretty when she first saw her.
Almost as if Natasha had somehow magically summoned the girl, Yelena came stumbling through the door, her eyes big and wide as she peered inside. Natasha swiftly hid the knife underneath her pillow, not wanting any questions. Not that she really thought that the pudgy little thing was even able to ask any, but she was not about to take chances. Besides, since she was here, one of the older agents were likely not too far behind.
"You're supposed to be in bed," Natasha pointed out, her voice not as gruff as it would have been with anyone else. Yelena jumped a little at the sound of her voice, but she quickly looked at her.
As soon as those sparkling eyes locked onto Natasha's, Yelena's entire face lit up in a smile, and she hurried over as fast as her far too tiny, far too clumsy legs could carry her. Natasha felt a strange fear and trepidation creeping upon her even though she knew logically that she was capable of killing this creature.
However, somehow even the thought of remotely injuring the girl hurt her far too much.
"Pretty!" Yelena called, reaching up toward Natasha as her pudgy little fingers made grabby hands toward her from where she was perched on top of the bed. Natasha just stared at her blankly for a moment, taking in the fact that Yelena obviously thought her name was Pretty. And Natasha truly had no idea how Yelena had come up with that when Natasha knew that she was not pretty at all. Not truly.
"No, it's Natasha," Natasha corrected, her voice not able to conjure quite as much as steeliness as she would have liked. She wanted to be harsh to Yelena, but something in her kept her from addressing her as she normally would other girls with which she had come into contact in the Red Room. Of course, something about Yelena just was not like the other girls in the Red Room.
"Natty!" Yelena excitedly changed her name as she continued to wordlessly ask to be picked up. Natasha sighed but something in her was pulling her toward the little curly-haired blonde.
"It's Natasha," Natasha reminded softly and with a small hint of exasperation.
However, she did finally reach out to Yelena very hesitantly, and Yelena moved her arms a little in excitement. Natasha uncertainly took hold of her, pulling her up onto the bed as she let her sit there before her. Natasha eyed her oddly, and Yelena grinned widely with a laugh.
To Natasha's shock, Yelena suddenly started to crawl toward her. Natasha's eyes widened with uncertainty as she gazed at the girl.
"What are you doing?" Natasha questioned, backing away a little as she scooted toward her headboard and tried to escape her. Natasha felt a nervousness building within her. She did not know how to handle something so gentle and soft. She was the utter and complete opposite of that.
However, Yelena continued to smile that mischievous grin as she grew nearer. Natasha continued to back up until her back hit the headboard.
"Woah, woah, what are you—"
Natasha immediately stopped as Yelena crawled in the space between her legs and moved up her torso a little to rest her head on Natasha's chest. Natasha completely froze, her legs framing either side of Yelena's body.
She scarcely breathed for a long time, her eyes wide and wild as she just stared down at the blonde head of hair resting against her so trustingly.
Something weirdly warm was blossoming in Natasha's chest, and it was a feeling she had never really experienced in her entire lifetime. It was something that was strangely real. Strangely emotional.
But widows were made of marble. They felt nothing but perhaps hatred for other girls, loyalty to the Red Room, and a desire to win.
So how was she supposed to explain what she was feeling so oddly intensely right now? What even was this emotion? She had never felt it, and it scared as well as thrilled her. She wanted it to leave but at the same time, she never wanted it to disappear.
"Umm... What are you doing?" Natasha finally managed to ask again, hoping that the kid could formulate some manner of a logical answer.
"Shh," Yelena shushed her, moving her head away momentarily as it bobbed goofily and she put her finger to Natasha's lips. Natasha just remained stock still, and Yelena giggled as she laid her head on Natasha's chest again, reaching her hands up as she fisted the fabric of Natasha's shirt.
Natasha remained dead still, trying to scan her mind and look through all of the cartoons and programs she had been forced to watch and attempting desperately to think of how she should react. Nothing she had shown her told her how to handle a fake sister that one was supposed to pretend was one's real sister.
After a moment, Natasha felt the strangest urge to bring her arms up around the girl to at least hold her in place as she started to sink a little down her chest. Natasha tightened her arms around her softly, being extremely careful as if she were handling the most fragile of fine china.
As soon as she started to hold her in this way, Natasha realized how Yelena sunk down into her arms in relaxation. Natasha swallowed, just staring at the blonde as she held her against her.
Natasha had never held anyone. She had never received anything like this, and she did not quite know how to handle it. All she knew was that while she was exceedingly uncomfortable, she wanted to remain in this... thing... for as long as she could with Yelena.
Yelena nuzzled against her shirt and Natasha froze momentarily before loosening a little. An odd sense of protectiveness rose up within her, and Natasha was shocked at herself.
In the past, she had never felt anything like this except for maybe in regard to food rations or something mundane. But to actually feel the need to protect another human so strongly. This was an odd feeling that she had experienced only one other time before many years ago.
Long ago, a younger girl than her had been being bullied for her rations by girls that were Natasha's age, and Natasha had felt a strange urge to keep her safe. However, when she had acted on it, she had been sorely punished, and she had never allowed herself to feel that way for anyone ever again.
Well, that is, until this little bundle of craziness fell into her life somehow by some stroke of luck.
Natasha let out a gentle breath, and finally decided that it was likely best to wake the girl up before Melina or Alexei came in and found them in such a vulnerable state. After all, even though they were playing the part of sisters, Natasha was not sure how far she was allowed to take the sister role. Despite the fact that a big part of her wanted this closeness and knew that it felt right to her and obviously Yelena, a more logical piece of her told her that she needed to put an end to it.
"Yelena? You need to get up... You've got to go to your bed," Natasha told her, and Yelena just snuggled further into her. Natasha paused, realizing how nice that the small girl's heat and how nice that the affection felt to Natasha.
She looked down at her, trying to catch sight of her face, and to her surprise, Yelena had fallen asleep. It truly shocked Natasha that Yelena trusted her enough for such things. Falling asleep on someone was a gamble and one of the biggest expressions of trust. One was allowing oneself to be completely vulnerable.
But Natasha guessed that she was probably far too trusting because she had not lived the life that Natasha had. She was a stupid, innocent little girl, and while Natasha had never known innocence personally, she found herself oddly desiring to protect this glowing being that was so full of it.
Natasha paused for a moment, debating her options. She could get up and carry Yelena back to her bed in secret so that the older agents did not catch her, but that would risk waking Yelena up, and something deep within Natasha did not want to do anything that would wake this strangely sweet human. Or she could just let Yelena stay and take the punishment she was dealt.
The last option was beginning to look favorable as she felt how Yelena's head was resting with its full weight against her and as she just placed all of her trust in Natasha. Natasha had never really felt someone trust her like this, and it took her completely off-guard.
But she could not deny that it was a really nice feeling.
Natasha finally just decided that regardless of the punishment that she would doubtlessly receive for her actions, she was just going to let Yelena stay. Natasha held her a bit closer, positioning her nearer as she shifted over onto her side and allowed Yelena to lay there close to her.
She took in the little one's features as she slept sweetly. Natasha very slowly and carefully reached out her bony, thin fingers and brushed them tentatively across Yelena's full, chubby cheeks. Natasha looked at her carefully, feeling that odd warmth radiating through her.
However, she suddenly realized that someone had stepped in through the doorway. Natasha in a split second tried to determine how to react appropriately. She was caught between an intense desire to go begging for forgiveness, to pretend to be asleep, and to shield the little girl in her arms from harm.
But before she could make a decision, the door just slowly was pulled shut. Natasha scarcely breathed for a long moment, trying to detect and figure out if the person entered the room with them. She knew what happened when people entered rooms with her and shut the door behind them. Especially if it was a man. It could lead down only two different roads, and while beatings were not favorable, it was better than the other option that Natasha was truly terrified of.
At the mere thought of the possibility that Alexei could have shut himself in the room with them, she started to reach her hand underneath her pillow toward the knife despite her better judgement. All she really could think of now was making sure that Yelena was not about to meet that sort of fate and suffer that kind of experience.
Eventually, she finally worked up the courage to look toward the door, and to her surprise, whoever had seen them just left them alone. Natasha swallowed hard, looking between the door and Yelena as it fully dawned upon her just how ready she had been to kill someone for the girl.
Natasha released the knife, letting it sit underneath her pillow as she slowly withdrew her hand to touch Yelena's face again. She leaned forward tentatively, casting a precautionary glance at the door before softly pressing her forehead against Yelena's tinier one.
This was something that she had never truly allowed herself to do with anyone, and it felt almost sacred. She suddenly realized that she was touching Yelena with the hand that she had used to grab the knife with, and although it felt almost wrong, she allowed herself to keep doing it. It was almost as if she were trying to prove to herself that her knife-wielding hand could perhaps be used for more than just violence.
Natasha let out a long, shaking breath before speaking softly and surprising herself as she uttered an unexpected vow.
"I promise I will protect you... And when the time comes... I will do my best to never hurt you... Little one."
Yelena remained peacefully sleeping, and Natasha felt a small shudder run through her as she realized the permanence in the statement and how she had never meant any words more than she had in that very moment. She had never been so strongly attached to anything within a matter of a couple of days, and it scared her a little bit.
But it was a good scared and one that she did not really want to ever go away.