The sheer intimacy of eye contact isn't talked about enough. The jolt, the awareness, the yearning, hearts and minds racing. All without a word. Without a touch.
The eyes truly have their own language.
This is what these two learned that day in the concert when for a brief jarring moment Siddharth's eyes met Chetna's in the crowd.
The loud cheering of the crowd dulled to a low thrum, his hands went on autopilot and his breathing hitched.
He had been distracted the whole day as he waited for the moment they would see each other. He'd had a million imaginary conversations in his head. He had imagined every conceivable scenario and every answer he could give her.
Yug and Meera were dying to ask Siddharth what had transpired after their conversation the other day but between catching a few hours of sleep and a final soundcheck they really didn't have time to dwell on it.
Siddharth wasn't a big sharer and they knew they would have to really dig. They steered clear so as not to push any wrong buttons before their performance.
He was disappointed to see that Chetna hadn't shown up before the actual performance began. He wanted to clear everything up before he got on stage. He tried to reason with himself. Maybe she was occupied with responsibilities. She would get here in time. She would.
He started losing hope when they got on stage and he couldn't spot her in the designated area. He looked several times but no sign of her.
Yug gave him an understanding glance while Angad interacted with the audience.
All too soon they were nearing the end of the first half of the concert.
Siddharth could feel little splinters in his heart. Her absence was a clear sign of her feelings.
As they walked backstage for a short break everyone gave him an encouraging pat or squeeze. Siddharth did not have the heart to talk about it. He would get the concert over with and then process it all. He would inevitably cross paths with her tomorrow at the reception in Delhi. He dreaded the conversation they would have then.
A dark cloud hung around Siddharth's head. He did not feel as high and elated as concerts usually made him feel. So many girls stood outside, screaming, fangirling and singing along with them. None of them mattered to him anymore.
He could only think about that one girl, her soft lips, her twinkling eyes, her soothing voice. The girl who hadn't shown up today.
So when they walked back out to thundering applause and cheers he was frozen as his eyes met with those honey-coloured ones. His guitar almost slipped out of his hands. He took his spot on stage almost in a trance, never breaking eye contact with her.
Chetna seemed to be lost in a world of her own. She gave him a slight, unsure smile. He returned it with one of his rare ones.
Almost breathlessly he realized that she had made it in time for his song. The one he had prepared especially for her, just for this moment. Quickly he motioned for his friends and Yug understood immediately. His eyes scanned the crowd and he spotted Chetna.
Angad announced to the crowd,
"And now can we hear some cheers for Siddharth Kashyap, ladies and gentlemen! He is here with a very special song dedicated to all the new lovers out there. Sway to the rhythm of You and I by John Legend."
He stepped back and let Siddharth take his place. Siddharth adjusted the microphone and began.
"You fix your make-up, just so
Guess you don't know, that you're beautiful
Try on every dress that you own
You were fine in my eyes a half hour ago
And if your mirror won't make it any clearer
I'll be the one to let you know
Out of all the girls
You're my one and only girl
Ain't nobody in the world tonight
All of the stars
You make them shine like they were ours
Ain't nobody in the world but you and I
You and I
Ain't nobody in the world but you
You stop the room when we walk in
The spotlight's on, everybody's staring
Tell all of these boys they're wasting their time
Stop standing in line, 'cause you're all mine
And this evening I won't let the feeling die
I never wanna leave your side
Out of all the girls
You're my one and only girl
Ain't nobody in the world tonight
All of the stars
You make them shine like they were ours
Ain't nobody in the world but you and I
You and I
Ain't nobody in the world
You keep wondering if you're what I'm wanting
You don't even have to try
Oh, you don't have to try
Don't try, don't try
You don't have to try
Oh, out of all the girls
You're my one and only girl
Ain't nobody in the world tonight
All of the stars
They don't shine brighter than you are
Ain't nobody in the world but you and I
You and I
You and I
Nobody in the world tonight
Ain't nobody in the world but you and I"
Not for a second did he break that eye contact with her. The girl he sang every lyric for. He could see the tears swimming in her eyes.
Amid the applause, he felt impulsive enough to speak to her. He would do it. He couldn't believe this was how cliché he was being but he didn't care. The Jaipur audience would witness his declaration of love.
He drew a breath and readied himself to bare it all, but before he could utter a word Chetna ducked down and disappeared among the crowd.
He was taken aback. With some difficulty, he managed to spot her weaving her way between the crowd and walking towards the exit. He stood rooted to his spot for a minute before Angad realized and intervened with another cheerful note.
Siddharth's feet were leaden as he walked to the right side. This was Chetna's answer. This was it.
***
Siddharth slammed his glass on the table after two consecutive drinks.
His mouth tasted roughly how he felt at the moment. Bitter and slightly stinging.
They were all gathered in Yug's room at the moment. Everyone held glasses in their hands and wore similar expressions of concern and curiosity.
Siddharth hadn't uttered a word since they had sat down in here. Everyone had managed to piece together what had happened at the concert after his song but nobody was willing to broach the subject.
Not even Yug could bring himself to say anything.
After Siddharth guzzled down a third drink and lit a cigarette did he finally speak.
"I know you're all dying to know."
They looked at him intently.
"I did it. I did what you all told me to. I was honest with her. I told her exactly how I felt, my reservations and my hopes. I asked if she wanted to see me after the wedding. We have something meaningful and it is worth risking it all."
He paused and took a long drag.
"A bunch of shit happened in the middle. I was forced to relive the memories I have managed to repress. I had to endure my family and come to terms with my trauma. That was the common thread that bound us in the first place. Remember how I told you she is a lot like me in so many ways? I might have been wrong about that. After basically baring my soul to her she accused me of using her."
There was an audible gasp from Meera.
"Yes, that is exactly what she said. Maybe she meant it, maybe she didn't. She called me fickle too. You know why?" he went on.
"Because I said I didn't have marriage on my list of things to accomplish. I cannot believe Chetna of all people would think of marriage as her ticket out of her problems. I respected her individuality and spirit. Never thought this would be our undoing."
I asked her to evaluate her goals. Is marrying a man really the only way she sees herself getting out of that house and exploring herself?"
Meera and Deepani got up from their place and engulfed him in a side hug on either side.
"She left," he said softly after a long pause as if it had just sunk in.
There was nothing anybody could offer him except for comfort, company and drinks.
That was how he spent his last night in Jaipur.
***
Siddharth boarded the plane to Delhi early the next morning with his friends and mother.
Sleep-deprived, tired and hurt, he realized how different everything seemed. The first time he landed here he had no idea what this city had in store for him.
He couldn't believe he had only spent a week here. It seemed way longer than just seven days.
He smiled at the memory of Chetna sneaking around and accompanying him to pick up his friends.
So much had changed.