A day and night spent travelling by bus across state lines, and through city and towns, a landscape changing ahead of me as I gaze out of the window, with a deep ache visible in my eyes that are pained. Each hour had been spent squeezed beside a stranger, an uncomfortable closeness when I needed to be alone, suffocatingly so.
The bus would come to a stop in Portland, Oregons largest city, an hour or so from Aunty Mary's home in Astoria.
I waited until everyone had got up and retrieved their bags before I slowly followed the crowd off of the bus. I stepped out to the blinding sun and a warm breeze that felt comforting upon my cheeks.
I pushed my SnapBack up slightly to gaze upon the bus terminal, my eyes searching for the familiar face in the crowd, but the sudden sense of unfamiliar would hit me. I didn't even know these people. My aunty had been kept quite the secret my entire life and I had no idea about Mary at all, or who she even was as a person.
Helena had put me on the bus the morning of Allies wedding, with a hug she almost didn't want to end, and a kiss to the cheek "Mary will look after you" she had promised me with great certainty and comfort "she is wonderful... so don't worry okay, and write to me Willa, keep me abreast of your news. We will miss you darling girl" she had said, before letting me go and releasing me to my fated journey.
"Willa" came an unfamiliar voice.
I snapped out of my vacant stare, to the person hurrying along the platform, and I stepped down onto the concrete, hiking my bag onto my shoulder, to be met with ....
"Mom" I stutter, before the sunshine is shadowed by the figure who steps into my space
Of course it's not my mom, but my goodness they could have been twins.
"Mary" I ask.
She nods, and reaches for my arms "oh Willa" she says affectionately.
Her grey eyes sparkle "it is so nice to meet you" she adds "perhaps not the circumstances I should have liked to have met you in sweetheart, but nonetheless it is wonderful to finally meet you"
I smile for the first time in a long time, it is meek and slight, but it is still an attempt at anything other than sorrow.
"Hi" came another voice as another lady appeared beside Mary, her hand placed on her shoulder " is this our Willa"
Mary smiles "the very one" she muses.
The lady sticks out her hand "Willa. I am Erica... Mary's wife" she offers.
I smile wider this time, because, my my, they were adorable, and a revelation to me, two older gay women... a thing I had never even seen, which was bizarre, and strange to me. How had I not ever met another gay person my entire life?! Or known it was a possibility to live this way... quite happily?!
"Erica and Mary... thank you" I say releasing a breath and finally feeling like my breathing was settling to some sense of normal.
The weight that had sat on my chest for weeks, it finally loosened, and slipped away further, as both Mary and Erica took an arm each and walked me back through the terminal to their car. A safe and secure feeling finally found me, as they wrapped me in their safe haven, a place I would soon call home.