Leila nearly bonked her head on her keyboard as her chin slipped from her hand. She quickly sat upright and glanced around, hoping no one in the vicinity had seen her nearly nod off while at work. She was thankful that it was Friday and that the office was emptier than normal. There were no meetings clogging her calendar like during earlier in the week, but when left to her own devices, drowsiness easily overtook her.
Leila forced herself up from her seat to go pour herself another cup of coffee. A coworker took notice.
"Third cup already?" he asked.
"Just a little tired today," Leila admitted. She took her mug back to her cubicle and sipped slowly on the coffee, silently begging it to wake her up.
For the past week, she'd been tormented by insomnia. It all began the night that Leila had taken Mia to her parents' house for dinner. That evening had been enjoyable, and Leila still smiled when she thought back on that dinner, but those fond memories came to a crashing halt when she thought about the dream she'd had that evening, and the dream the next, and the one the night after that.
Not only had her spiraling thoughts kept her awake, but Leila had been scared to sleep for fear of the recurring dream of her and Mia living together, not just as roommates but as...domestic partners. It pained Leila to think it, but she knew she couldn't deny it much longer. In the past two months of getting to know Mia better, she'd begun to fall for her.
Leila dug her fingernails into her skin. She knew it was stupid and wrong of her to think of Mia in such a way. She could count on her fingers the reasons why. Mia was already in a relationship. Mia was her roommate. And besides, Leila didn't even know if Mia liked women.
Leila felt the warm coffee trickle down her throat as she took another sip. She set her mug back down on her desk and buried her face into her hands.
She supposed it was inevitable these feelings would appear, or rather...resurface. Though Leila hadn't come to terms with her sexuality until college, in the time that had passed since, she had thought back to her past, specifically childhood, looking for signs of her queerness. Mia had been one of the most obvious.
Though when she was eleven Leila wouldn't have described her feelings as romantic, she always remembered feeling a closeness to Mia that she never felt with any of her other friends. She'd wanted to be by Mia's side as often as possible. She remembered lingering feelings of jealousy at recess when Mia would play with the other girls in the class. At the time, Leila beat herself up over wanting Mia to herself, even if they were already best friends. She had no idea that their relationship could evolve beyond friendship, so she figured she merely wanted to be Mia's bestest friend in the whole wide world.
It was something that Leila had never shared with anyone else. She had shared tales of old high school crushes with her circle of friends, but whenever they'd asked about elementary school, she'd divert the conversation elsewhere.
For the past week, Leila had been keeping her distance from Mia, though she knew it was pointless to do so. They were roommates, after all. She couldn't avoid Mia forever. Thankfully, Mia had been distant the last few days, ever since the night she had invited Julian over. Normally, Leila would have pondered why, but she was too preoccupied with her own feelings to care. She welcomed the distance for once.
Finally, after what felt like several minutes, Leila began to feel the effects of the coffee. She did her best to work diligently until lunch. Sitting outside under the shade of an awning, Leila texted her high school friends, a common pastime of hers during her lunch break.
It's already starting to get darker in the evening, Ashlynn complained.
I'm ready for summer to end tho. It's too hot, Elena responded.
Not looking forward to the winter though, Leila said. Either way we still have a few weeks of August left.
Speaking of which, didn't you say you'd download dating apps again in the fall? Elena asked.
Leila paused her typing. It was true that earlier in the summer she had decided to take a break after one too many failed dates, but then she'd run into Mia, and then they'd begun living together. Her friends had asked all summer long when she'd try dating again, but she had only pushed it off farther and farther, blaming her hesitation on getting adjusted to having Mia back in her life again.
I might wait a little longer, Leila responded. Still need a break.
I mean do what's best for u, Elena wrote.
Does this have anything to do with ur new roommate? Ashlyn asked.
Leila froze. Of course it had everything to do with Mia. Life was too perfect at the moment for her to want to pursue someone else romantically. While there was no reason for Leila to continue taking a break from the apps, she simply didn't have the desire to meet new people. However, she didn't want to give her friends the satisfaction of being right about her feelings for Mia.
Once again she has a boyfriend!! Leila typed angrily. Also my lunch is over. Ttyl.
Leila shoved her phone away in her pocket and ignored the notification vibrations as her friends responded to her texts. She decided she'd respond to them later after she made some actual progress on her projects for the day.
Though it was an agonizingly slow day, the clock finally hit five, and Leila packed up her things for the evening. When she arrived home at the apartment, she opened the front door and stretched her arms, expecting a night to herself with how much time Mia was spending with Julian lately. However, Mia was sitting on the couch, watching television.
"Hey," Mia said, glancing up at Leila.
"Oh. I thought you would be with Julian tonight," Leila admitted.
"He's working," Mia responded.
"Oh," Leila said. She paused for a moment. "Where's Fuji? Usually he's screaming at me for food right about now."
"Oh, I fed him earlier. He kept following me around meowing for food. He gets one can of wet food, right?"
"Yeah," Leila said, surprised Fuji had let Mia feed her. Though he had been coming around to her, he still scurried off at times when she walked by him. "Well, thanks for that."
"No worries," Mia said. She reached for the remote and turned off the TV. "I'm starving. Do you want to go get some food?"
Earlier in the week, Leila would've said no, but she was too tired tonight to try to fight her feelings for Mia, so she ended up nodding her head.
"Do they still have that good taco joint down by the beach?" Mia asked. "I've been craving it lately."
"They do," Leila said. "Should we go there?"
"Let's go," Mia said, her eyes glistening with excitement. It was rare for her eyes to shine like that, Leila thought.
A half hour later, they were chowing down on tacos at the local Mexican restaurant. Mia had nearly cleaned her plate despite her dish only arriving a few minutes before.
"You really were hungry," Leila noted, laughing some.
"I didn't eat lunch today," Mia admitted. "Just didn't get around to it," she added when Leila frowned.
"There were leftovers in the fridge," Leila noted.
"Yeah. I know. Sorry," Mia murmured.
Leila opened her mouth to ask if everything was okay when the waiter came by their table again. The topic never resurfaced, and instead, they shared normal conversations about their day and their weekend plans.
When the waiter brought the bill, Mia reached for it.
"No, I can get it," Leila offered.
"No, I suggested, so I'll take care of it tonight," Mia said. "My treat."
Leila opened her mouth to protest once more, but Mia was already sticking her credit card inside the bill envelope.
"Thanks," Leila said.
As they left the restaurant, the sun was beginning to descend beneath the waves. Leila turned her head, noticing Mia was entranced by the summer sunset as well. It was as her friends said earlier in the day; the sun would be setting even earlier, and soon enough, these summer sunsets would be gone in a matter of weeks.
"Let's go down to the beach," Leila suggested.
Mia was quick to agree. They removed their shoes and began walking along the shore. Already, Leila noticed the temperature was slightly chilly, signaling summer's closure, but she didn't mind. The sand was warm, at least, and the beach was fairly empty as families began to clear out.
Together, the two walked in silence until finally, Leila spoke.
"Mia, what you were saying earlier about not eating lunch...is everything okay? I noticed you've been acting kind of off this week," Leila said.
She saw Mia stiffen beside her. "Don't worry about me. I'm fine."
"Mia," Leila said, a little more serious.
Mia let out a sigh. "I don't know. I felt kind of sad after talking to my friends on Wednesday. I think I miss New York more than I thought I did..."
Leila's felt pained by the comment. She always knew it was a possibility that Mia would return to New York. She just didn't want to admit herself that perhaps the day that Mia moved away would be sooner than she expected.
"But at the same time, I realize I missed Maine," Mia explained. She sighed. "I don't know how to describe it. Weird homesickness stuff."
"No, I get it," Leila said. "My family has always influenced where I've lived. Without them, I'm not sure what I'd do. That must've been hard making that decision on your own."
"Yeah," Mia said. She paused. "Well, what's up with you? Why are you acting weird?"
"Me?"
"You've been staying up really late and drinking an absurd amount of coffee in the morning. Our cupboard's nearly wiped out. Are you not sleeping?" Mia asked.
Leila quickly fibbed. "I have a lot of busy projects coming up for work, so I've been having some trouble sleeping. But they'll be over soon!"
"Then that settles it. We've both been having rough weeks," Mia noted. "Hopefully next week will be better for us."
Leila nodded, though she knew it wouldn't be. In fact, her problems worsened the more time she spent together with Mia. Looking at her now, seeing the way the sunset cast its rays onto Mia's golden hair, made Leila want her more than ever. She really had become beautiful in the years that had passed. It made Leila envy Julian even more. She'd barely been able to sleep the night that Mia had invited him over earlier in the week. All she could think about was what they were up to in Mia's room. It had made Leila's stomach hurt.
"What?" Mia asked, noticing Leila's stare.
"Nothing. It's getting cold. Maybe we should head back?" Leila suggested.
Mia nodded.
When they arrived back to the apartment, Leila lingered. It felt wrong to head off to bed so soon, so instead, she suggested they watch a movie. It had been a few weeks since the last time they had watched one together. Mia agreed, and after a few minutes, they took a seat on the couch.
When they had initially begun spending time together, they often sat on opposite ends of the couch, but Leila noticed tonight that their legs were nearly touching as they sat next to each other.
Fuji let out a quiet meow and leapt up on the couch, laying down on the opposite side of Leila. Leila was shocked, as he usually liked to keep his distance from Mia, though she supposed Mia must have earned some points for feeding him earlier in the day.
Their conversation dwindled down as the movie continued, and Leila could feel her eyelids drooping. Mia had been quiet for some time, and Leila was about to suggest they merely turn the movie off and go to bed, when suddenly, she felt a weight on her shoulder.
Leila seized and tilted her head slowly, finding Mia passed out against her.
Oh, she just fell asleep, Leila thought. It hadn't been intentional after all. Though Leila had been falling asleep only moments before, she now felt wide awake, and her heart would not stop pounding against her chest. She tried her best not to move, not wanting to waken Mia or ruin the moment.
Leila debated what to do. The movie was only background noise in her ears at this point. Without trying to make any large body movements, Leila shut her eyes and gathered the courage to lean her head against Mia's. Thankfully, Mia didn't wake.
Leila wanted to curse herself, but inwardly, she was jumping for joy.
Let me just have this moment tonight, she thought. I can try to get over my feelings later.
As the credits began to roll less than a half hour later, Leila felt Mia stir. Quickly, Leila bolted her head up and watched as Mia groggily opened her eyes and sat up away from Leila.
"Oh? Did I fall asleep on you? Sorry," Mia said.
Leila hoped the darkness was hiding her blush. "Oh, uh, it's all good. No worries," she stammered.
Fuji leapt down from the couch beside them and stretched, a clear signal he was ready to head into Leila's room for bed. Leila knelt down and scooped him up.
"Um, have a good night sleep," she said.
Mia rubbed her eyes. "You too," she said through a yawn.
As Leila stepped into her room, she threw Fuji down on her bed and slapped her cheeks, finding it impossible to hide her smile. Mia had been so close to her that she'd been able to smell her shampoo. Fuji curled up at the end of Leila's bed, clearly not caring to witness her euphoria.
Leila expected to be too excited to sleep when she crawled into bed, but she drifted off quite easily with a smile on her face.