Chapter 39
Published: 3/23/2022
TRIGGER WARNING – intentional unwanted physical contact
Harry was impressed when, three days later, Draco slid into his chair from his bed without too much shaking. Draco was getting more confident in his abilities, and it wouldn't be long before they could try assisted walking. Maybe two weeks, if not only one. Draco was doing his exercises without too much complaint. His depression had fizzled away as he was determined to get out of that chair. Harry was certainly proud of him.
Their talks during lunch weren't very pleasant and, to him, it almost seemed like he was their primary focus. It made him feel awkward. He didn't want to be the center of attention, and he was trying to avoid their talks. This morning was no different. When Joel came in, Harry stopped whatever exercise they were on and muttered about getting to his appointment.
"Harry, your first appointment isn't until for another hour."
He should have realized that Joel still kept tabs on his appointments. He probably still did all of his prep and scheduling, too. Nat hadn't been bugging him about it or asking his preferences.
"Right," he said, shuffling his feet. "I need to get caught up on my paperwork."
"Harry..." Joel called, and he reluctantly turned. "...if this is getting too much...."
"No, I just... I need..." he trailed off and wouldn't look at Draco. He really didn't want to bring him down, as he felt decidedly low himself.
"Harry, we can take a break. If you just want to talk about Draco's treatments or Ginny's recent win."
He hadn't even known that she had won. He was a terrible friend sometimes. "I don't know," he mumbled as he shifted, anxiously.
Joel sat down in his usual spot against the wall and said, "Harry, part of recovery is communicating that you are hurting and need a break. Sometimes, you just need to talk about something else or need a breather. Just tell us what do you want to do?"
Harry lowered his head. That was always the question. He had no idea anymore. "I... don't know."
"Well, you said that you had some paperwork? Wanna grab it and work on it with us? We can just talk about school."
Harry let out a breath of relief and agreed. He went to his office, grabbed his paperwork, and returned, sitting next to Joel across from Draco. He made notes in Draco's record of his improvements and his appointments over the last week, while Joel talked to Draco about his time at school. They left him alone, and he appreciated that. He didn't want to be afraid to see them.
"Nah, Flitwick never let me get away with anything... he pushed me hard. He was the only reason I passed Charms. Believed in me."
"Wasn't Longbottom your head of house?" Draco asked.
Joel nodded, "Toward the end, but I already had a good grasp of Herbology... so it was kinda a wash. Plus, he was... young...."
"Same age as us," Draco said.
"Yeah, he told us a few tales of the Chosen One when he first started. Crazy stories about dragon smuggling, three-headed dogs and cloaked vampires after unicorns. He wasn't a very good storyteller, though. Didn't fake anyone out."
Both Harry and Draco broke out laughing, and Joel looked back and forth between them.
His eyes widened. "He wasn't lying, was he?"
"Nope," Harry said, and Draco met his eyes.
"Really? A three-headed dog? Dare I ask, Potter?" he asked, as he had missed that part.
"Hagrid."
"That is all the explanation I need," Draco huffed.
Harry perked up. Suddenly, everything seemed funny, again. "Neville didn't even know our trip into an Acromantula nest. Thousands of giant spiders that were bigger than a Corsa all wanting to eat us."
"Acromantulas?" Joel whispered, looking a bit pale.
Draco sighed. "Hagrid, again, presume?"
"Yeah... he certainly made things interesting."
"And he actually smuggled a dragon into Hogwarts?" Joel asked, amazed at Hagrid's boldness.
"Yep. Got it from... umm... Voldemort, actually," Harry muttered, unsure if the Dark Lord was a safe topic for Draco.
"Oh... umm..." Joel trailed off, torn between wanting to know and where the line was, too.
"How?" Draco prompted, unphased.
"Well... Hagrid knew how to get past the three-headed dog, and Voldemort brought him a dragon egg, and mead... and then got him to talk about Fluffy."
"Fluffy?" Joel repeated, and even Draco stared at him like he was crazy.
Harry smirked. "I'm not lying. Ask Ron or Hermione."
"Oh... I believe you. Crazy-ass shit always happens around you, Pottah," Draco chuckled.
"Shut up. Alright... it's time for my appointments. Now, you behave. No wheelies or racing down the hallway."
"What's a wheelie?" Draco asked, and Harry sighed, but left without answering. Joel would surely answer it for him.
He went down the hall to his first "official" appointment. Nothing too difficult, just a torn shoulder. His next one was a hip displacement, then some crushed ribs, but his last was a new patient referred from a healer he hadn't heard of. He walked into the room, and a younger guy, in his twenties, was holding his knee.
"What seems to be the problem, Mr. Wortchuck?"
"My knee keeps popping in and out," he said, and then demonstrated it, without a hint of pain or concern.
However, the guy was also staring intently at Harry. He was probably interested in him because of the recent Prophet stories. Harry tried not to let it get to him, and focus on the knee issue, if it could be called that. Most of his clients were older or at least referred up from emergency. A trick knee wasn't common in a twenty-something-year-old as healers could fix that with a wand wave. Harry checked the scan that was submitted with the referral. It didn't match what his wandless checks were telling him. Something was off, as Mr. Wortchuck's knee wasn't working right, but it wasn't physically damaged, which is all he cared about.
"Mr. Wortchuck... I don't think it's a muscular issue. I think it's just a hex," Harry surmised, not even needing to touch it to verify.
"Oh, are you sure?" the guy gushed, putting an accent on the last word. The guy was still looking at him abashed.
Harry felt tingles go down his spine. He had never felt this uncomfortable during a patient exam before, but the guy was staring at him – really staring at him. Almost like he was undressing him with his eyes. Harry just wanted to get out of there as quickly as possible.
"I-I'm going to refer you to Spell Damage. They should sort the hex out in no time," Harry said, backing toward the door as the shaking started in.
But the guy had jumped down off the examination bed with ease, and taken a step toward him before he could escape. He didn't want to turn his back on him to open the door to run.
"But surely you could fix me?" the guy purred, his hips flexing suggestively as he stepped closer. "You're the best healer in the hospital. I'd be forever in your debt."
Harry's heart beat faster, and he looked away. It wasn't like patients hadn't hit on him before, but it was friendly banter. This wasn't it. He had that tone... that hint of sultriness that put him on edge and was sending him back into his memories. Harry needed to escape, now.
"No, sorry. Have a good day," he said and turned to open the door.
However, the guy quickly reached out and grabbed his arm. Harry whirled on him, pulling out of his grip, and then backed into the corner behind the door. It had taken everything he had not to launch the fucker across the room.
"Do not touch me!" Harry hissed, through his teeth, forcing himself to stay calm and in the moment.
The guy straightened up, smirking, and held up his hands in mock surrender. "Hey, now, I just want you to heal me."
"Back away from me, now, please," Harry ordered, tense and barely breathing. This guy was still very much a threat as he stayed where he was, not backing off.
Mr. Wortchuck ignored him and growled, with some force, "Hey, I have a right to be treated, oh, Chosen One! You can't just shaft me from department to department!"
The guy's unnecessary anger was setting him off more, so was another deliberate step into his space. Harry was noticeably shaking, and this guy didn't care at all.
"I said, get away from me!" Harry said, desperately. His back was rigid, and his fists were clenched so hard he could feel his fingernails breaking through the skin of his palms.
"You're not going anywhere until you fix me, wanker!" his patient roared, and took another step, putting him within reach of him, again.
"Don't come any closer... please..." Harry pleaded, barely able to keep the tears out of his eyes.
But the guy's hand still reached for him, and Harry blinked and then Crack! His magic threw the jerk backward into the wall. Harry wrenched open the door and escaped out of the room. He ran straight into Natalie in the hallway and had to quickly back off her.
"Harry? Are you okay? I heard yelling," she said, concerned, but thankfully avoiding grabbing him, too.
"H-He just k-kept coming t-toward me... c-call security," he stammered and fled to his office to hide under his desk. Like it's really going to protect me, he thought, chastising himself, but he felt so... scared. Raw, again, like after the trial. He took a few deep breaths to calm down some, but then he heard yelling.
"That asshole just attacked me for no reason! I want him arrested and fired! Where is the head healer?" that prick roared for the whole hospital to hear.
"Sir, if you don't calm down, you will be arrested!" another voice growled. Harry guessed it was a security wizard. They have been on standby for his floor since the trial.
Nat suddenly then added. "This is a hospital, and people are trying to recover."
"Exactly! I came here to be healed, and my healer attacked me? He's off his rocker! I need to file a complaint!"
"He said you were attacked him!" Nat growled, on his behalf.
"No! I wasn't attacking him! I just wanted to get my knee fixed, and I gently touched his arm! Then, he flung me across the room! I'm bleeding! I want him arrested for assault!"
"Sir, I'll ask you one more time to stop yelling," the security wizard growled.
"What's going on here?" Head Healer Convaba's voice filled the hallway outside his office.
Oh, fuck, Harry thought, shaking more as the panic was really setting in when he fully realized what he had done. I attacked a patient. Fuck, I attacked a patient! I fucking attacked a bloody fucking patient! What's going to happen? Harry was freaking the fuck out as he heard his boss ask the guy to come to her office over Nat's objection. Oh, fuck... oh fuck, he chanted, while bobbing back and forth. He nearly jumped out of his skin when someone knocked on his door.
"Harry? It's Joel."
He needed him... someone. Maybe he could help, he tried to hope. "C-C-Come in."
Joel slowly opened the door, and Harry just started silently crying. "Harry?" he called, softly, and slowly crept around his desk and knelt a few feet away. "Calm down... I'm right here, okay?"
Harry shook his head as tears fell. "He... he wouldn't stop. He was reaching for me. I told him to stop!" he cried.
"Okay... it's okay, Harry. He's gone, now, and I won't let him come back," Joel said, quietly, keeping his hands in plain sight. "Nat's going to bring you some tea, okay? Breathe... take some deep breaths, like Draco does, alright? The tea should be here soon."
Harry nodded, trying hard to do it, and Joel sat down on the floor. However, Harry didn't wait for the tea and said, "He-He... it was all w-wrong... his scan... h-him. He watched me.... t-touched my arm... and he t-tried to reach for me, again."
Joel grimaced and straightened up. "Harry? Can I leave Nat with you? I need to tell her."
Harry took a staggering breath and nodded, then Joel got up and went to the door. He met Nat there and told her to stay with him. Nat bent down to look at him, holding the teacup. He was still crying and shaking, though it was only Nat. He didn't know what was going to happen.
"Oh, Harry. Please calm down... it's going to be okay, alright? You're safe, okay?" she said, softly and pushed the tea toward him on the floor.
I'm never safe, Harry echoed in his mind as he grabbed it. He slowly drank it, and the iron grip on his heart loosened. He swallowed more of it, and his breathing and heart stabilized, but he couldn't stop shaking. He wiped the tears away and tried to listen to Nat's soft words.
"Harry, it's going to be okay, alright?"
No, it wasn't, he said in his head. They're going to fire me... maybe arrest me... maybe worse....
She tried to reassure him by saying, "Breathe... just breathe. Focus on my voice... everything is going to work out. You're here in your office... you're safe."
He would never be safe, again. Tears trailed down his face, and Nat encouraged him to drink more. He finished it, but the fear and panic wouldn't completely leave him. What is going to happen? he wondered.
"Harry? Harry, I'm sorry... but the head healer might come down. Can I get you to come out and sit in your chair, please?" Nat pleaded, glancing at the door.
He was hiding under his desk like he was a kid. Appearances... right. He let out a sigh and nodded. She stood up and gave him some space by walking back to the front of his desk. He Vanished the cup and came out. He pulled his chair back into place and sat down, like it was a normal day. He rubbed his face, wiping the tears away. Nat let him get his bearings and settle for a few moments.
"Harry? How are you doing?" Nat asked from the other side of his desk. She wasn't too close.
"I don't know... I don't know what's going to happen, Nat," he whispered.
She nodded and then turned when there was a knock on the door. "Who is it?" Nat called.
"It's me," Joel said, quietly. "Head Healer Convaba is here, too."
"Shit," he breathed. "Come in."
Joel opened the door and was relieved to see him up. He came inside to let their boss in. She didn't look upset, but she certainly wasn't happy.
"Harry? Are you okay?" the head asked.
"Yeah, just shaken," he whispered, putting his elbows on the desk, bringing his hands together under his chin and trying to keep calm.
"Joel said he... well... would you tell me what happened? I find it hard to believe what that patient said, and I really only have his side."
Harry nodded and stuttered, "He... was a transfer. Out-of-hospital transfer. Trick knee, but it was just a hex. I-I could tell without even touching him. He... he was staring at-at me... flirting... and asked me to heal him. He told him that I was going to send him to Spell D-Damage, but he-he reached for me. He grabbed my arm and I-I pulled away. He kept c-coming closer, even a-after I asked him to stop. I begged him not to! He-He was reaching for me... and I just pushed him backward! I didn't intentionally try to-to hurt him! You've g-got to believe me, please!"
"It's okay, Harry. I believe you," she said, putting her hands up to emphasize it.
"You-you do?" he gasped.
"I know you, Harry, please," she insisted. "You have never been aggressive or physical with anyone."
"I... I can't... but... what's going to happen?" he said, the shaking returning.
"I... may I sit?" she asked, politely, indicating to the chair across from his desk.
It seemed funny cause it was her hospital, but he nodded.
"Thank you. I think...we should talk about... things. Do you want your friends... or bodyguards to stay?" she asked.
Harry glanced to Joel and Nat. He trusted them and nodded.
"Alright... well... Harry... I meant to come and speak with you... after the trial. I want you to know that your safety and wellbeing are important to me, and... I read what happened. I'm sorry that happened to you, Harry," she said, gently, but he still looked away.
Joel stirred, but Harry shook his head.
"I can't say that I knew exactly what happened, but... I knew you were hurting. Do you think I can persuade you to take some leave?"
His answer was the same one as he gave her just after the trial. "No."
"Harry... I believe you, and I won't be firing you... or suspending you."
Harry breathed easier, but didn't say anything. He just stared at the floor. Joel was the one who prompted her, "But?"
"I don't control everything."
"He asked for the Aurors," Harry whispered.
"I didn't call them, and even if I did, I'm sure the Head Auror will show up. And since you're friends with him, the head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement and Minister of Magic, I don't think you have to worry about that."
Harry let out a bark of a laugh that the bias of justice was in his favor for once.
"The board, then?" Joel asked.
"There was an altercation, and it warrants an investigation, Harry. I can't stop it. The only thing that I can do is ask if you want to press charges?"
Harry closed his eyes. The smirk on that guy's face, the staring, the flirting... it wasn't criminal. Even the contact, though unwanted and unwelcome, wasn't harmful. He had no bruises, no marks on him. No evidence of a crime, and what could he really say? The guy touched my shoulder, and I freaked out? No court would rule it was assault. They would probably laugh him out of the courtroom and call him a coward. Harry rubbed his eyes.
"No."
The Head Healer nodded. "Very well. I will try to dissuade them from calling you to a hearing."
"Thank you."
"Take care of yourself, Harry," she said, standing up. "And you two, take care of him. Let me know if you need anything, alright?"
"His appointments canceled for this afternoon and tomorrow," Joel said, and Harry grumbled, internally. He hated time off. She might tell him he couldn't see Draco, too.
"I approve. Owl them and apologize."
"Yes, madam."
The head nodded. "Thank you. Now, I want you to go home."
"Soon," Harry said.
"Harry...."
"I don't know what you think I'm going home to that is so much better than here," Harry muttered. His cold, empty house had no appeal to him. Draco could always calm him down.
"Perhaps go to your friends, then?" she suggested, and stood up. "Please leave within the hour, Harry. You need space. Go for a walk, see your friends and family." Then she walked out the door.
"I don't have a family," he whispered tonelessly, after the door closed. He had no one.
"Sure you do, Harry. Ron, Hermione, Hugo, Rose? They're your family," Joel said, quietly.
"I can call them," Nat offered.
Harry shook his head, and the tears fell. No one could help him. No one but Draco, but he couldn't really voice that aloud.
"They don't need to worry. I'll be fine."
Joel put his hands on the desk, not close enough to him, but Harry tensed up regardless. "You feel that, Harry? You're not... you can't pretend everything is normal. You're not fine. Please let me call them."
Harry shook his head, obstinately. He stood up and walked by them. Even walking near them was off-putting. He slipped down the hall and into Draco's room. He was "pacing", anxiously rolling his wheels back and forth, but stopped when he came in.
"Harry?"
"Draco... I... umm..." Harry rambled. He didn't know how to explain what had happened.
Draco rolled backward without looking and maneuvered into his spot at the table. Harry felt easier now that he knew where to sit. He took his usual seat and couldn't meet his eyes. He felt unclean, unable to handle even the slightest touch, even if he was initiating it. He put his hands on the table and wanted to reach out for Draco, but at the same time didn't. His shaking only increased.
"My hands have been cramping more, lately," Draco suddenly said, and Harry met his eyes. "It's probably cause I'm gripping the wheel so much."
Harry latched on to Draco's need for relief and slowly reached out to take his hand. It was so much easier when he knew he was helping Draco. He knew exactly the spots that made Draco purr, and he nearly did as Harry pushed his fingers into his palm. Draco sunk further into his wheelchair as Harry kneaded out the tension and soreness.
"Bloody hell, thank you," Draco said, smiling at him.
Harry nodded and continued to work on his hand, in relative silence. Draco didn't force the conversation, and seemed to be letting him process. Harry seamlessly switched to his other hand, massaging out the knots and aches. His breathing became easier and the stress of the world seemed less and less.
"It was one of my patients," he whispered.
Draco nodded. "I'm sorry. Are you... okay?"
"No. He was... staring at me... you know-how," Harry said, just staring at Draco's fingers as he concentrated on healing the tiniest tear in his tendons.
"I do."
Harry froze, nearly slipping back, but Draco's fingers gave his a little squeeze. His eyes looked up at him.
"Thanks. I mean... he was intentionally doing it. Merlin, I could feel it. He knew I was... that I didn't like it, and he still did it."
Draco took a deep breath, but didn't say anything.
"He grabbed my arm. I nearly snapped, but I just... I told him to back off. He just kept coming... he said the words, but... he wanted... to hurt me, Draco. I could feel it."
"Bastard..." Draco fumed, but kept a tight lock on his emotions. "I take it you hurt him, somehow?"
"Just pushed him back into the wall. I don't think it was even that hard, but... I guess he was hurt."
Draco's eyes narrowed, but he again stopped his anger from showing. He was trying to stay as calm as possible for his sake. Harry appreciated it.
"The head said I could only stay an hour. I'm sorry, I won't be able to give you a full workout and massage."
"I'm sure I'll survive, but will you?" he pressed, giving Harry's hand another squeeze.
"I don't know, Draco. I'll have my firewhiskey... I guess. It'll take the edge off. I want to be alone... but at the same time, I don't. I just want to stay here."
Draco smiled and stared at him. "I want you to stay here, too."
Harry's heart skipped a beat, and he blushed a little. He didn't care if that jerk had just assaulted him. He felt so much better with Draco's small, yet big, admission. Someone wanted him, as broken as he was.
Harry took a deep breath. "Are you alright? Is it alright if Nat or Joel gets you back into bed? Or do you want to get into bed, now?"
"I'll stay. If you want them to supervise, fine, but I think I got it, now."
Harry took a deep breath. Draco had independence, now, which was a good... great thing. Draco's need for him was slowly disappearing, and it left him feeling uncertain about the future, again.
"Harry?"
Draco had picked up on his sudden drop. He was very intuitive into his emotions and thoughts.
"Harry..." Draco whispered, again, and Harry couldn't help but start crying.
"I'm sorry," he whispered.
"It's okay to be scared, to feel overwhelmed," Draco said, and Harry wiped his tears away.
"Yeah. It's... I don't know what's going to happen. The hospital board could... and... I don't want to leave you... with anyone else."
"Well, my solicitors will take care of getting me released. I'm only staying here... because you're here."
Harry's head lifted and their eyes met, again. Powerful surges went through him, and he felt that sense of belonging, again. It was so strong and, moreover, he trusted it completely. Fuck... he dropped his head as he blushed, again. They couldn't be talking like this. He took deep breaths and shook his head, trying to clear it... trying to clear his feelings. Harry just couldn't let this thing go past this.
No matter how he feels, he couldn't start anything in the hospital. Hell, Draco hadn't been treated with kindness in... forever. He was bound to latch on to him. Maybe that's all it was? There was a reason that healers and patients aren't supposed to get involved, and this is why. Draco was vulnerable, weak and dependent on him. He couldn't take advantage of that. Draco literally has no other option but him, and no space to separate his feelings. He, Harry, was always there, and it would be very easy for his patient to get lost in his emotions.
"I better go," Harry said, suddenly, and pulled out of Draco's grasp.
"I'm sorry, Harry," Draco said, somehow making it worse.
"It's me, Draco. I need to go home." To drown my anxiety and guilt in firewhiskey, he said, mentally.
He did after a quick farewell to Joel and Nat. He went home, and immediately started drinking long and fast, until he passed out. When he woke up, he had two letters from Ron and Hermione. Someone talked, and he was surprised that no one had come to talk. Hungover-him didn't open either one. He took a long swig of his Hangover Potion, showered and Apparated to the hospital. He didn't feel any less on edge, but needed to see Draco. He needed to know Draco was okay.
Draco was out of his bed when Harry came in. "Harry."
"Hey, you doing okay?"
"I'm fine."
He didn't meet his eyes. "We need to do your exercises and massage, or do you want to eat breakfast, first?"
"Breakfast, I guess."
"I'll go get it," Harry said, shaking.
"Harry... look at me."
He didn't. He couldn't. He felt trapped by his feelings.
"Harry... please. I'm sorry for what I said."
He finally looked up. "It's not... you can't... we can't."
"I know. I'm sorry. You were upset, and I didn't want you to feel alone, that you had no one. I knew you were already... nervous. I won't do it, again. I just wanted to reassure you that everything is going to be okay. We'll work through it, okay?"
Harry nodded. "I'm... everything is so much, now."
"I know. We can skip our exercises, today, and relax," Draco said, grinning wickedly.
Harry finally met his eyes and snorted, "Yeah, right. You got out of exercises last night. You're not going to miss another session, Malfoy."
Draco sighed as Harry put him through the ringer, again. Since Joel had canceled all of his appointments, he did two full exercise sessions and a thorough two-hour massage. Draco was practically asleep and drooling by the end.
"You okay?" Harry said, as Draco's blissed-out eyes looked up at him from his pillow.
"Yeah... you're amazing, Harry. Thank you," he said, and after a few minutes, got out of bed and back into his chair. "You need to do that every day, Potter."
"You'll probably get sick of it, eventually," Harry laughed.
"I doubt that."
Harry turned as Joel knocked and came in. "Hey, Joel."
Joel nodded and was watching him closely. "How are you doing, Harry?"
Harry immediately tensed up and looked away. "Fine," he said to the floor.
"Yeah, that was convincing," Draco said, and Harry gave him a little glare.
"Harry, you don't have to be embarrassed by it all. None of it was your fault."
Harry wanted to believe that, but he had always blamed himself, no matter how illogical it was to do so. "Yeah, sure."
Joel took a small step forward, which made him tense. He stepped back, and Harry appreciated it. Joel's voice was calm when he said, "I'm here... if you want to talk."
Harry nodded, but he didn't want to talk about it. He was holding on. He was surviving, and that was all he could do. "Not yet. I was scared, and my nerves are still a little fried."
"Well, just take it easy. I'm sure that the Board won't do anything. Remember that the head is on your side, and they all... well... they all know what happened, now."
Harry looked down. Since the trial, there had only been a few board members that he had talked to. He remembered Susan's pitying eyes, as she quietly apologized for her behavior. He accepted her apology, and told her that it wasn't her fault. A few others had seemed remorseful for how they treated him, too. But then there was Higgs, who knew so much more, now. His smirk and watchful eyes definitely were anything but friendly.
"Yeah... it will probably be okay," Harry acknowledged. Higgs would never get the majority. It probably wasn't going to be anything worse than a slap on the wrist.
But suddenly, there was a knock on the door. It was too loud to be Nat's, and Harry could hear her objecting from the hallway. There were wards on the door, after all.
Joel stepped forward, putting himself in front of Harry. "Come in."
The door opened, and there were three people in the hallway. They were in light blue robes, and a witch stepped forward.
"Healer Potter? I'm going to need you to come with us."
Fuck, it was worse.
Sorry about the wait. Had a big work project and OT.
Also, you either understand the pic at the top or you don't. One of us. Winky face.