Chapter Thirty-Three: "Doug and Julie Standard."
I ENTERED THE kitchen where Yasmeen was studying on Friday afternoon. She liked to move around a lot, never staying in one solid location. But she seemed a lot more tense than usual. It could be due to exam fever but this felt different.
"You okay?" I asked her, taking the Britta filtered water out of the fridge and pouring it into a cup.
Yasmeen blinked. She hadn't even noticed that I had entered the kitchen. "Um, yeah. Just tired."
I took that response as a sign to slowly lower myself into the seat across from her. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing," She assured me as her phone buzzed on the table. Taut shoulders. Closed fists. Dark circles as she glanced at the screen. Yet she expected me to think everything was fine.
Before I got the chance to push for her real response, I heard the front door of our home open. The sound of footsteps got louder until Mariam walked into the room, pulling off her sweater when Yasmeen's phone went off again.
A grin graced Mariam's face and she looked like she was about to greet us when the sight of Yas's phone screen caught her interest.
"Areeb?" She asked, staring down at Yasmeen's phone with a raised eyebrow.
"Who's Areeb?" I asked them as Mariam took the seat on the other side of the round table.
Yasmeen's cheeks flushed. Usually, she was the one making us flustered by her questions stemmed from her need to protect each of us like a mom. How have the tables have turned. Suddenly, I was extremely giddy. "No one."
"Isn't he that guy in the Muslim Association with you? Isn't he on the exec team?" Mariam said. "He's cute."
"He's VP of Finance," Yasmeen mumbled but his position didn't matter to me.
"So, he's Muslim?" I had to confirm. All clubs were inclusive on campus, and I'd attended various meetings as people attended other meetings of other clubs on campus regardless of race or religion. When she nodded, still not making eye contact with either of us as she texted him back, Mariam and I exchanged looks, biting back our smiles.
"Is he nice?" I blurted out when she put her phone down. "I'm going to assume he's nice. We only want your attention on nice men, of course."
"He's very nice."
"Hmm." Mariam and I said with interest, our sounds getting louder in teasing as Yasmeen hid her face and lightly pushed us away.
"Leave me alone. I hate you both."
"Oh, please." I laughed. "If you have a crush on someone and he's perfect for you in every way, shape, and form, please speak to him. What do you have to lose?"
"Speak for yourself," Yasmeen said, laughing at the dirty look at I shot her.
Mariam grinned. "Look at us. All happy over someone."
I fought to keep my expression the same and look at Yasmeen. There was no point in me wondering what Mariam meant by that statement. That was between her and Kyle. It wasn't going to be my business until it had to be.
Instead, I focused on my other friend with a small crush over a supposed nice guy, poking her on the side. She was quick to swat my hand down. "So do you like him like him?" I bat my eyes, laughing when she scowled at my childlike voice.
"Does he make you feel like you have butterflies in your stomach?" Mariam asked in the same teasing voice.
Yasmeen's cheeks went from a light pink to a red flush that made me grin even wider. This was adorable. "Does he help you with your presentations you have to make as President sometimes?"
She didn't respond but I took her cheeks turning even redder as a yes.
"Do you have long conversations?" Mariam asked.
"Oh! Does he understand your love of cantaloupes?"
"Or grapes," Mariam chimed in. "You really love grapes."
"You really do." I agreed but Yasmeen failed to respond, pretending to focus on whatever was on her laptop screen.
Mariam and I exchanged another look, and I took the opportunity to keep asking her questions in hopes of an answer. "Does he make you smile even when you don't realize it? And do you end up telling him more things than you ever expect because you feel like you can and he listens because he wants to listen to you? And do you wonder how the hell it seems like he cares for you a lot? To the point where you question how someone like him exists and—"
I was met with a loud silence.
The rising feeling coming from deep within my chest that had been overwhelming me started to fizzle out as I looked up from the table to my friends. Mariam's perfect eyebrows were high on her forehead. Yasmeen's lips were parted. The intentions for my words had changed the second I had spoken and I blinked, realizing what I had said all of that out loud and what that implied. Oh, shit.
Mariam's eyebrows failed to return to their normal state when she asked, "Are you in love with Aven?"
His name or question provoked my heart to upstart. The rising feeling in my chest made me take a deep breath and hold my hands out to stop her before she started interrogating me. "I—Let's hold on a minute."
We haven't even been together, doing whatever the hell we were going together for that long.
"Wow," Yasmeen's smile grew tenfold. Either because the attention was off of her or because of what she and Mariam seem to think they've discovered. Whatever they've discovered, whether real or not or developing, my mind wasn't wrapping around it. "Jaime."
"What?"
"I've never ever heard you say that about someone," Mariam said, reaching forward to grab Yasmeen's arm. "Start making wedding invitations."
"You start booking the venue for the reception," Yasmeen added and I rolled my eyes, feeling my stomach turn with my next thought. One that I've been pushing away over the past weeks.
"What?" Yasmeen asked. "What's wrong?"
"I'm not even sure we're together."
"Why?"
I sighed, rubbing the side of my head. "I've been putting off talking to him about labels and stuff because I don't want to ruin this. I don't want to expect so much and get hurt. Again."
Mariam and Yasmeen both have similar looks on their faces that I welcome. I was okay with sympathy. With empathy. Even pity. But Mariam knew everything. Yasmeen didn't. It didn't matter, I received each of the emotions they put on their faces with open arms.
"We talk, of course. We go out." I said. "And we get carried away. That's all fine. That's all good."
"What about family?" Yasmeen asked, shutting her laptop. "Do they know you?"
"His mom does. He talks to his sister about me."
"See, that's a good thing."
But Mariam could see where my worry stemmed from. "Malcolm mentioned you to his dad. I remember you met his parents."
My top teeth dug into my bottom lip as I grew irritated by the mention of Malcolm's name. "Mmhmm."
"Does Aven kiss you in public?"
"Um," I racked my brain, trying to remember. "Not really." Neither did Malcolm.
The thoughts were quick to start scrambling in my brain. We didn't kiss in front of Laurence the day we first had sex. We made out in the movie theatre when we had gone a while ago but barely anyone was there, and we had been secluded in a dark corner of the large room.
I wasn't a big fan of PDA. Did he know that? Maybe he did. Or maybe he didn't.
Doubts started creeping into my mind. Yes, we went out together, but it could easily be considered the same as we did over the reading week. When we talked about anything and everything. But with the added kissing. The added touching. He may not even take the idea of us seriously. He probably doesn't—
Yasmeen put a hand up, grabbing my attention with the motion, "Stop."
I blinked. "What?"
"Stop this. Stop comparing them right now," She took a deep breath and stood from her chair, coming around the table and turning me to face her. She clamped her hands down on my shoulders. "Okay, I'm going to be honest with you." Yasmeen said. "You didn't like Malcolm."
"What?"
"Okay, maybe you did," She shrugged. "I wouldn't know. I wasn't there."
"I was," Mariam interjected, standing and leaning against the table. "She did but she didn't like Malcolm the way she likes Aven."
I didn't think what I felt for Aven was anything close to how I had ever felt for anyone.
"And you don't tell us about men that you like," Yasmeen said. "But you like telling us about Aven. Maybe you even get excited when we ask you about him."
I did.
"She's right," Mariam said. "You tell us who you're possibly getting involved with or we find out randomly. That's it. I didn't even know you hooked up with that guy on your floor that one night back in first year. What was his name? Gary?"
"Gary?" Yasmeen and I asked at the same time. I think I would remember if I hooked up with a guy named Gary. His name was Grayson.
Mariam waved a hand. "Never mind. Aven is a completely different territory."
"We're pretty sure you borderline love him," Yasmeen said.
"Love?" My exclamation was met by Yasmeen's hands patting my shoulders to not freak out.
"I said borderline."
"Again, love?"
"Again, I said borderline," She shook my shoulders once again and I batted her off with my hands. "Borderline love. It's a good thing. Don't even try to deny it."
"Listen, Jaime," Mariam sighed, coming in between me and Yas to crouch and hold my hands. "Malcolm's a fucking dickhead."
Yasmeen nodded behind her. "Exactly."
"He strung you along for a long time and treated you like a girlfriend. He treated you like there was a possibility, and he sucks because he missed out on you. You're amazing and Aven knows that. He's so into you, I mean do you see the way he looks at you?"
Yasmeen nodded once again, pointing at Mariam, "It's true. The way he looks at you is equivalent to real-life Doug and Julie standard."
"Who are Doug and Julie?" Mariam asked.
"Characters from Days of Our Lives.," I didn't miss the way Yas's eyes lit up at the chance to talk about one of our favourite past-times. "They're married in real life. Almost 50 years strong."
"Damn," Mariam shook her head, getting back on track with our conversation as she squeezed my hands. "Okay, if you don't believe me when I say that Aven is very into you then believe this: Jaime, he watches Glee with you."
Yasmeen clapped once then pointed at me with both index fingers. "That's enough evidence for me." A laugh left my lips and her serious expression softened as she sighed. "Talk to him. He's a good guy."
"He's a great guy," I admitted. "Okay, I'll do it when I see him next. Confront and conquer or whatever." Besides, defining this would do us good. Regardless of the outcome. Regardless of how scared I felt to do it.
"Confront and conquer." She repeated. "That's it, baby."
Mariam chuckled and I rolled my eyes, fighting my smile, "Don't call me baby ever again."
"Then shut up and go do my advice or I'll call you it again." She threatened with a smile, looking more like the Yasmeen I knew than she had when I had entered the kitchen.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
On Saturday night, Mariam barged into my room as I finished rewriting another organic chemistry reaction I struggled to understand. "I can't study anymore. What are you doing tonight?"
I waved a hand over the textbook laid out on my desk. "Studying."
"Where's Larine? Yasmeen?"
"Library with Iman. They're studying for some comp sci course together. And Yas is at that group study session at the other library."
"Clayton?"
"Studying for his business final."
"I officially hate the word studying." She would be fine. She was big-brain Mariam after all. The sign of her being in my room this late meant that she knew everything she had to know even though her own exams didn't start until next Thursday.
When I turned around to face her, I was met with her back. She roamed the numerous sticky notes I had managed to pump out over the past weeks regarding content for all of my finals. She didn't say anything about them, only asking. "And Aven?"
"Said Dev was taking him out to Outlaw to celebrate the end of his presentation thing." I crossed the room to get my phone out of the drawer where I had placed it due to temptation. When I turned it on, I received a bunch of text messages from Aven.
Aven: I am two shots in.
Aven: Three shots in.
Aven: Dev keeps changing the shots.
Aven: I might be at five right now.
Aven: Dev's trying to get me crossed.
Me: Are you crossed?
I texted Dev.
Me: Is Aven crossfaded?
The three bubbles appeared half a second after the message was delivered. However, Dev was likely typing immensely slow, already answering my own question if he was crossfaded himself.
Dev: maybe idk.
Aven's response came in a second later.
Aven: Nooo. Still thinking on it though.
Aven: I wish you were here.
Aven: I want you here.
Mariam looked over my shoulder to read the message then start shaking my upper limbs in excitement. "Let's go. Let's go."
"Mari, I'm not up to go to the club."
"Why?"
"I still have stuff to get through and I'm on my period."
She made a face. "What day?"
"Fourth."
She shrugged. "So, it's done."
"To you."
"Fourth day? It's basically done."
"Again, to you." Although she was right considering my cycle was practically done, I was still on a higher emotional level than I was usually.
We both looked down at Aven's next text.
Aven: I'll buy you shots.
Mariam pointed down at my screen. "See, that's a good man."
"You're only saying that 'cause he's likely to pay for yours."
"Duh, it's called being best friends with his girl. It comes in our package deal."
Me: Really?
My phone started buzzing in my hand, Aven's caller ID appearing. I put him on speaker. "Hello?" He all but yelled into the phone.
Immediately, I snorted and Mariam closed her eyes, her shoulders shaking from laughter. "Can hear you fine, Aves."
"Oh, fuck," The laugh that left him made me grin. He was definitely drunk. "Jay?" His question came out in his normal amplitude.
"Hi. Why did you call?"
A door slammed on his side of the line and the noise reduced to a minimum. Suddenly Aven groaned. "To persuade you to come. And because I wanted to hear your voice."
I opened my mouth to respond, embracing the smile that came to my face and ignoring the pout that formed on Mariam's. Then it fully hit me that Mariam was listening. "Um, don't say anything weird."
"What's weird? Oh, shit."
"What?"
"Dev and I saw a few people while we were walking to the club and things got rowdy. I have a branch in my hair."
"Did you walk into a tree?"
"No." Mariam and I exchanged a look.
"You totally walked into a tree."
"I didn't," He assured me, dragging out the word. "Wait but how weird? Do you mean weird like sexual?"
"Yes. Don't say anything—"
"What am I banned from talking about?" He slurred. "The pictures from the other day? The choking thi—"
"Please, stop, stop, stop." Mariam burst out laughing. I didn't feel embarrassed but I didn't want to be subject to her teasing. "Mariam is with me."
"Oh, shit, sorry. Hi Mariam. You didn't hear anything. I didn't say a single word." His defensiveness brought out a laugh for both of us.
"I didn't hear anything." Mariam lied, rocking back and forth on her heels.
"So, are you coming? Both of you?"
"Jay says she has to study," Mariam said.
"Yeah, I figured. I like that about her. How she's focused." My breathing suddenly stuttered. "But she has to take breaks sometimes. Jay, come take a break."
No, don't say my name like that. "But—"
"Please?"
I exhaled. How was it that drunk Aven managed to use his persuading tone and change it to someone that sounded desperate enough for my presence? It surprised me and made me stare at the minutes that went up the longer he stayed on the line. To be able to will me with one word that I could easily fight back against but truly didn't want to.
"Fine."
Mariam cheered as Aven and I said our goodbyes. I was heading over to my closet when Mariam asked, "What kind of pictures?"
I held a crop top and a bodysuit in my hand as I swivelled to face her. "What kind of pictures do you think?"
Mariam's gaze turned curious as she pointed for me to go with the crop top. I turned around once again, sorting through potential outfits. "Who sent first?"
I shook my head at her curiosity, finding black jeans that would work for tonight. "He did."
"Wow." There was a pause before she asked the question, I knew she wanted to ask, "You have a thing for choking?"
"And now we're done discussing my sex life," I demanded, raising a hand as she protested. "Go get dressed."
About an hour later with only a shot and a cooler in my system, Kyle, Mariam, and I were in the line of Outlaw. I wasn't expecting him to show up at our house, but I was expecting the way Mariam lit up at the sight of him.
When we entered the club, we were surrounded by the familiar lights that seem to be flashing with more colour and to the beat of the music vibrating under our feet as bodies moved around us. Kyle held a hand to Mariam's back, stabilizing her as we made our way into the crowd. The sight eased me a little. Even if it was the bare minimum, at least he looked out for her.
I held my phone out in front of me, texting Aven where he was. But I heard his laugh before I saw his face.
Aven kneeled on the soft padding of a booth chair. His arms were perched on the barrier between his booth and the dance floor. Next to him I could see Dev holding his phone up while speaking to a bunch of people that occupied their booth but my focus didn't linger on him. It was still on Aven and the girl I faintly recalled, leaning up against the wood. When I realized I recognize her, I stopped in my tracks.
The lights and shadows crossed their face, dipping and diving over their features as they keep their eyes trained on each other, both of them sharing big smiles. The girl's curly hair was in a high bun that accentuated the features of her pretty face. It's the same girl Mariam and I had seen squeeze his arm parting the other day. The same one he had rejected in the library. Nothing about their dynamic screamed like that had even happened.
A hand came to my arm. "Jaime?" Mariam's voice didn't fully register in my head.
"Oh, shit."
That didn't come from Mariam. It came from Kyle.
Despite his reaction, I attempted to stay calm. Nothing was happening. There was no reason to jump to a conclusion. And yet I can't help but ask: "Who is that?"
My question kickstarted my heart which pumped as fast as the lights around us moved. Bodies pushed past me, Kyle and Mariam but I didn't register any of them, my attention trained on the sight in front of me. The feeling within me, the sudden wave of sickness that washed over me worsened each second I was unable to take my eyes off of them.
"I think her name's Eden. She's been at the apartment a few times."
That's when I turn to Kyle as the song changed to a popular radio song. "A few times?"
Kyle's eyes shifted from me to Mariam. Mariam was glaring at him, arms crossed as she waited for his next words.
He didn't speak. I took that as a declaration of bro code. The annoying bro code made me have no choice but to look back at Aven and Eden.
Through the shadows, Aven's lips moved as he said something to her but there was no way I was able to focus on the words with the loud music, the bodies around us and everyone yelling in my ears besides the distance were standing.
Her hand lingered on his arms, her smile getting wider. And I watched her as well as I could from the people moving around, jumping and grinding and dancing. The lights danced across their bodies, around their faces, swerving in darkness and red and green light.
One second, they were talking, smiling, the lights flashing rapidly to the upcoming beat drop. The next his hand was in her hair and my breath was knocked out of me. I felt my blood rush through my ears as darkness overcame their area of the club. Then red light shone, caused by another long beat from the pop song. With this light, her head was tilted up and his lips were on hers. And then darkness overshadowed them once again.
Next to me, Mariam stilled. Then she gripped my arm hard enough for me to tear my eyes away, to look at her. When I looked at her, her face was blurry. It was then I realized tears were filling my eyes.
Mariam didn't hesitate. She yanked me by the arm, dragging me through the vibrant and elated crowd and out of the doors, out of the building, away from that energy and away from him.
When we were outside, her fingers were already on the Uber app. Without thinking, I took the phone from her hands, counting down the minutes until the car showed up when Kyle slipped out of the door. The glare Mariam shot him was filled with ice and fire, hard enough for him to take a step back in caution. "She's been at the apartment a few times and what?"
Kyle's eyes were on me, but I didn't look at him, I kept my focus on the Uber app. The car was a minute away. A minute away. A minute away from him. I needed the car to get here faster.
I struggled to take in a deep breath, feeling the tears slip down my face as I braced myself because I wanted to hear it. I wanted to hear what Kyle had to say.
When I met Kyle's eyes, the look he gave me wasn't what I was expecting at all. Kyle gave me sympathy. Pity. From him of all people. I didn't like it. I didn't want it. "She's been over a few times because of Aven. I've seen her around a lot. It's kind of obvious."
"What do you mean it's kind of obvious?" Mariam asked harshly.
"They're screwing," Kyle said with a helpless shrug. Without thinking, I took a step back, recoiling from the words and struggling not to put my hands to my chest, where my lungs felt like they were being squeezed. "They're always in his room when she's over. Kind of like you are."
Instantly, I turned away, redirecting my gaze back to the phone. And Kyle didn't stop, choosing his words carefully but saying them nonetheless. "When Jaime's over, there's um, there's usually a sock on his door. When she came over one time, it was there."
I could hear Mariam say something to Kyle, but I didn't listen. I couldn't understand them anymore with the hurt panging my chest and the buzzing in my ears as everything around me suddenly got too overwhelming. And not in the way I liked yesterday or a few days ago. Now, the feeling was overwhelming in a nauseous way that made me regret a million things I was so happy about minutes before.
A car pulled up in front of us and my eyes shut as relief partially replaced the overbearing pain. Soon, I was put into the car. An arm slid around my shoulders and Mariam tucked me to her side as we made our way home with Kyle nowhere in sight.
And the tiny relief I felt seconds ago was diminished until it was gone and heartbreak took over.