September, 1996
After going to work, I had five hours to let myself do as many things as I could think of. Sometimes I opted to go to the library, and read until dark, visits to the cinema were still something I had to stick to in order to prepare myself for anything, and I really liked my job even though I didn't visualize myself working there for the rest of my life.
I didn't have enough money to go grocery shopping and buy everything I wanted to eat, I didn't have enough money to buy all the books I had read in the library and would like to own so I could read them whenever I wanted without having to return them, the cinema was cheap but most of the time I had to resist the smell of popcorn. Even though I couldn't afford certain things, I was happy to enjoy what I could afford, for they were treasures.
I jumped after hearing that dreadful sound of the doorbell ringing. I thought I had ruined it enough for people to knock the door instead, I had been wrong.
Looking at the sight glass, I found two detectives, and before I could walk and run away to hide, they noticed I was watching them, so I had to take a deep breath and put on my best face.
"Good morning? Can I help you?" I frowned and adopted a confused but relaxed expression. Any individual who has committed a crime of any kind usually freaks out when they see two detectives, even if the detectives have no idea what they've done. I, least of all, could not give myself away in that way.
"Good morning, (Y/N) (Y/L/N), we would like to ask you a few questions regarding the murder of Peter Westerholt," they both showed their IDs. That name made me nauseous, no matter how much time passed.
I kept silent.
The other detective looked at his partner and straightened his posture, "we understand that your mother was his employee, unfortunately she passed away."
She didn't pass away, he killed her! Damn it, it's been months since that man died and no one has forgotten, they are still struggling to find the culprit. And what happened to my mother? In a matter of a day they forgot about it.
"Very well, I hope I can be of help in this situation," I used a hesitant tone, dying to ask why exactly they needed my help and not any other employee or person related to those employees. However, that was going to give me away immediately, the best thing to do was to allow them to ask me the questions and answer as I had practiced.
They both came in. I was going to usher them to the dining table next to the kitchen, but they took a seat on the sofa. Without warning, one of them pulled out a tape recorder, and the other took out a pen with a notebook. I had no choice but to grab a chair and sit across from them.
"All right, as you may know, Peter Westerholt was murdered on 19 December 1995," the other detective paused to clear her throat, "what were you doing that day?"
It was already September of the following year. Nobody would perfectly remember a day so many months ago unless they had done a great deal of activity. I was only supposed to have gone to work that day, stayed at home, then gone to a movie, and returned home.
"Honestly, I don't remember," I sighed, "it's a very exact date, maybe I worked my eight hours and then came home, like every day."
"Do you only do that every day?"
"No, I go out every now and then."
"Do you party or visit recreational places?"
"Yes, clearly, I frequent the cinema, the library, restaurants, the park, very rarely have I gone to a club, only when my workmate invites me," I replied, at this point I was struggling to keep my cool. I couldn't say that I only worked and stayed at home because that would be suspicious, but to say that I went out to various places would be suspicious too.
She sighed, as if she hadn't prepared herself enough to question me beyond asking the cliché and the obvious, "so, I reiterate, do you remember doing anything else that night?"
"Maybe I went to the cinema, it's the only place I frequent enough that there's a chance I might have been there."
"Do you have proof? Do you still have the ticket?" She asked.
"I keep all the tickets from every time I've been to the movies," I confirmed, I kept them in a box, knowing that this day would come sooner or later, eventually, they would stop investigating family, friends, or employees, and start digging further. I wouldn't be surprised if they had questioned or were about to question those who had filed lawsuits against them, I didn't file one, yet I was known to be less than happy that my mother had died at his hands.
"Would you mind bringing them in? And if you have receipts from other places, I could use them too."
Oh, I knew that tactic. She was going to assess whether I would just bring the movie tickets or bring something else. Anyone who didn't really remember anything from a day so long ago would bring anything they could remember. If I brought only the movie tickets, it would imply that I was lying, and that I remembered what happened. Of course I remembered, I had murdered the bastard, however, it wasn't of my convenience that they knew.
When I went to my room, I took the small box containing the tickets, and I also took all the receipts I could find. I doubted if there was anything from even three months ago, but I repeat, I didn't have to give myself away by bringing only one thing.
When I handed them the box and the receipts, they spent at least ten minutes digging around, looking for one by one to indicate a date close to the event.
"Why do you keep the movie tickets?" Questioned the detective who had asked me the most questions.
I wasn't at all interested in keeping so many of those...
"As souvenirs, I'd even like to buy a diary and put each ticket with its respective date, it would be a hobby, I guess," I justified, even trying to make the most tender and helpless eyes I could. It's just that, come on, I was young.
"'Heat', December 19, 1995, 21:45 showing," said the other one of them, having been silent since he came in, "that movie is so long, you'd be getting home around midnight, do you have any idea how dangerous it is for someone like you to be out at that hour?"
Not only did it infuriate me too much that they were going to such great lengths to solve the murder of a sexist, labour exploiting, misogynistic and classist man, it also infuriated me to see them imply that I couldn't go out and enjoy a film at whatever fucking time I felt like.
"I have an idea, but the cinema is only a block from this building," I kept my cool, I couldn't afford to explode when I was doing so well. Soon enough, they would go away and leave me alone, and I could get on with my life.
"Still, a lot can happen in a block."
"Oh, and if something were to happen to me, I guess you would be the first to get justice for me, wouldn't you?" The words came out before I could stop them. I was sick of people like him. "I'm sorry, but it's just annoying to watch how you have been moving heaven and earth for months now to find the culprit of a murder, and when it comes to my mother, who it was more than obvious who murdered her, you didn't lift a finger when it would just take an arrest and that's it." I sighed deeply, controlling the urge to cry this time. "So forgive me, for not having enough money or power to buy you off, but I just wanted to go out and see a movie because I'm entitled to indulge in a little fun."
Both of them had their mouths hanging open, not knowing what to say next, I remained in my place and willed myself to calm down, closing my eyes as I breathed. If they even took me as a potential suspect, I was sure I would be sunk, I couldn't afford the best lawyers, I didn't have any acquaintances who did that.
"All right, let's move on," the same detective proposed after a moment. "You bought the ticket for the same film again on the second of January this year, may I know the reason?"
"The first day, I ate too much food at the cinema and my stomach hurt, I missed a large part of the film because I was in the toilet," oh, if only they knew that I had a very strong stomach, it need not have affected me.
"Do you have a lawyer?" He asked, and far from looking like he was willing to give up, he looked somewhat satisfied.
"No?"
"Very well, our partner Marcia Clark will defend you in the case, she will be waiting for you tomorrow at the municipal building at eight o'clock in the morning, punctuality is expected," they both got up from the couch, the female detective looked confused, more confused than me, what did I do wrong?
I was puzzled, in that small moment I tried to quickly recap what it was that gave me away, I had gone over these questions, I had answered as calmly and cautiously as I could. Not even my body language, my gestures or my tone of voice sounded out of place. I mean, I knew that maybe at some point this would happen, but I wasn't waiting for it to escalate, they were supposed to go away and leave me aside.
"Excuse me, why would I have to go to the municipal building? What makes you think I had anything to do with this?" I got up from the sofa, my nervousness was real this time, and he let out a derisive laugh. Apparently I had no choice but to wait for my would-be lawyer to tell me something I was unaware of.
I didn't sleep all night, instead, I went over in my mind all the possible questions they could ask me, what traps they could set for me. I would wake up exhausted, and an interrogation this early in the morning was the least I would need, not to mention that I had to skip work, which meant I wouldn't get paid that day and that would complicate things even more.
As I walked towards the place the next day, I was thinking that everyone who crossed my path had a life, a trajectory, they had a lot of things to think about, priorities other than figuring out where I was going. Nevertheless, my mind was accusing me abominably, and every time my gaze met someone else's, I felt that they were looking at me with a mixture of disapproval and curiosity, I could imagine that they were putting together a thousand hypotheses in their heads, while they thought about how someone so young had ended up being suspected of a crime... who would have thought that this would end up like this?
When I arrived, I was guided to what was to be my lawyer's office, I was told that she was busy. That annoyed me so much, not only had they messed up my routine, they made me so anxious that I couldn't sleep, I didn't eat breakfast and on top of that she was late.
In my mind I went over the answers again and again, trying to detect the mistake that gave me away and brought me here. I was so stressed not knowing what it was, and I was even more stressed about making more mistakes that I would be blamed for in the future. I was trying to convince myself that she would only ask me a few questions and I would answer them so well that she would be convinced that I was innocent. I had faith that my powers of conviction would get me off the hook.
In a matter of about twenty minutes, I heard footsteps near me. I thought I would meet an egocentric know-it-all like the detective who decided to laugh at my face when there was no need, but no, the opposite.
I met a tall, straight-haired woman, she was perfectly dressed and when her gaze fell on me, I couldn't help but immerse myself in the addictive brown that was her eyes. Her presence made me feel so tiny in comparison to her, I never thought that I could feel in a good way, in the best way.
"Good morning, you must be (Y/N) (Y/L/N)," she stopped in front of me, my first impulse was to stand up and smile almost instantly, then I nodded, "delighted to meet you, I'm Marcia Clark, join me inside," she wasn't smiling like me, but she didn't need to smile to sound polite.
I took a seat in one of the chairs across from her, and she pulled out some folders, a cassette and a player from her suitcase, then placed them on the desk and sat down. She was quiet for a moment while frowning slightly, her perfectly manicured hands were clasped, she looked like she wanted to start saying something, I could deduce she was figuring out how to start all this.
"I want sincerity to be present at all times," Marcia began, "whether you have done it or not, my duty is to defend you, so I ask for your cooperation in making this easier for both of us."
Yes, clearly she had to defend me. I didn't care at all, I still stood my ground, that I wasn't going to confess, I wasn't going to plead guilty. I was innocent, and it didn't matter if I even had to trick my mind to the point where I actually believed I was innocent, I wasn't going to prison.
I nodded slowly, "I understand, I'm willing to cooperate."
The brown-haired woman pressed the play button, we listened intently to yesterday's interrogation. I was afraid that she had also detected something that I had inadvertently blurted out.
"First you say you didn't remember anything from that day, and then, when asked why you rewatched the film from that day, you suddenly remembered that you ate a lot and were in the bathroom," she observed, and that's when I knew my mistake. Shit, I wasn't supposed to remember anything! I should have replied that I didn't know exactly why I had done it. That bastard got me.
"Yeah, that's right, anyone would remember that," I agreed. "Very few movies I've repeated, and I remembered that one precisely because I missed part of it."
She said nothing, then pulled out my box, and I noticed how the tickets were neatly arranged.
"Another film you repeated was 'Sense And Sensibility', do you remember why?" She asked.
Shit, she 's good...
"The first time I saw it was on a date but, oh well, I got distracted, we got distracted," I laughed, pretending to remember a day that never existed. Obviously I wasn't going to be so foolish as to repeat one movie only, so I took the liberty of repeating others. Not all of them. I already had a lie made up for every repeat movie I could think of.
"I see, what about this one?" She showed me a more recent one, "A Time To Kill".
"I had remembered that I had to cover the night shift and had to leave the film halfway through," in this case, I hadn't lied.
"So, you don't remember what you were doing on the day of the victim's murder but you do remember why exactly you had to repeat the films?" She said it as if that didn't make sense, I knew I wasn't the smartest one to have said why I repeated the film of the day of the murder in the first place, but this made sense.
"You want honesty? All right, I understand that this man caused my mother to die, and maybe I and many people are suspicious for the simple fact that we would have reason enough to kill him," I was on quicksand, and I knew it, but come on, pretending that I loved this man and regretted his death would only make me look like a hypocrite and therefore even more suspicious. "Believe me, I didn't do it, but I'd be lying if I said I was affected by his death. I was so indifferent to it, that yes, I don't remember what I was doing that day."
"You don't remember what you were doing that day, or you don't remember what you were doing the day you found out?"
Oh, not again, this plan was failing and I always seemed to be unprepared for people like her. I was underestimating everyone, this was not how I imagined it.
"They asked me what I was doing the day he died, I didn't remember that," I clarified, "the day I found out, I was at work and a friend asked me if I had heard about that man's death."
I wasn't lying either, I had to pretend to be a little surprised, but I also showed myself exactly as I would show myself if I really hadn't done anything. If he had died for any other reason, it would be fine with me, I would even be glad.
"Have you been living alone since your mother died? I mean, without a partner? What about the date you just told me about?" Her gaze rested on mine, I had no idea what she meant. Probably to find out if someone else helped me commit this, or if I had enough time alone to plan it.
"I've lived alone, and that date didn't turn out well... do you live alone? Are you married?" I needed to find out, there was no chance such a beautiful woman would be single, but I had hope.
"No..."
I smiled a little.
This was the highlight of my day.
"You are not married or you don't live alone?"
"No to both, let's concentrate on this or you could go to jail," she ordered, I looked down and mumbled an apology, "you have a reason to kill him, why wouldn't you?"
"I guess I just don't have the courage," I confessed. She said it, I had reasons to do it, and I also knew that she deep down knew he deserved it.
"Why don't you have the courage? Don't you have the courage to commit the act as such or to face the consequences? Elaborate." She demanded, from her bag she pulled out a carton of cigarettes. "Do you mind?"
My skin crawled.
I hated those things with all my being. It brought back such bad memories.
"Uhm, go ahead," I cleared my throat, "and I don't have the courage to commit the act, I'm facing the consequences of something I didn't do anyway, so there's no point in saying now that I'm afraid to face the consequences. I simply couldn't, Miss Clark." I continued, I watched as she blew the smoke from her lips as she stared at me. "I bet you've hated a lot of people, but why wouldn't you kill them? I guess it's not even about morals or social norms, because, if that wasn't frowned upon and if it was legal, would you still do it? I guess not."
She was silent, she seemed to have really thought about my approach. "I don't support men like him, I've faced many not only at work, in my personal life too," she began, "and you're young, you're angry because he's another one of those billionaire men who can do whatever they want no matter how many people he'll ruin along the way, that's why I'm here, willing to stand up for you no matter if you did it or not."
"I'm glad we're on the same page, seriously, I think my mom would have needed someone like you," I gave her a half smile, I noticed her features relax and soften for a moment.
"And you know more people with reasons to kill him, why do you think those people would do it?" She dropped that authoritative tone and her voice sounded more like a whisper, good! I had moved her, I had her where I wanted her.
"I think most of his employees, maybe his family and his friends, because of envy or ambition for money."
"Or revenge... you're young, you have nothing to lose. You'd be out at forty, maybe fifty-something, why shouldn't you kill him?"
I rolled my eyes. Damn, she was insistent, why did she seem to repeat the question but change the order of the words? Was she even listening to me? That wasn't even a matter of answering as I had gone over it, it was a logical thing to do.
"Why would I waste the best years of my life on someone like him?" I raised my voice a little.
"You respond too quickly, even the most cunning criminals don't respond that way."
"Maybe because I'm not a criminal and I don't have to spend time working out a lie."
Maybe because I already had all these answers previously reviewed...
Shit, what if she had already thought of that?
I started to laugh, to mitigate a bit the nerves that were eating me alive, but I wasn't realizing that my jaw was trembling and my eyes were glazed over, I was crying.
"What's wrong? Please don't cry, there's no reason to cry," she told me. I couldn't decipher if she was pissed or worried.
"I'm hungry, I haven't been able to sleep well, I miss my mom," I sobbed, I didn't mind letting her see the vulnerability I possessed, this time it was genuine, "this man brought so much misfortune into my life even after he died, now it turns out I had something to do with it."
Marcia didn't move from her seat, she just closed the folder she had and sighed, "it's my job to ask you these kinds of questions, I understand you've never been through this."
"No one my age who hasn't done anything would ever have to go through this."
"That's life, it's unfair, get used to it, kiddo," she replied sternly, "you can rest now, you've helped me a lot."
"Thanks, I'm sorry I reacted like that, it's just that there's a lot on top of me at the moment," I wiped my face with the sleeve of my sweater.
"We'll continue when you feel better, we have time," she threw her cigarette into the bin and got up from her chair, "how will you get home?"
"I'll catch the bus in half an hour."
She looked at her wristwatch, "I'll take you home, let's go."