Tumingin ako kay Patrick habang sarap na sarap siyang kumakain ng kwek-kwek. Napansin niya na nakatingin ako sa kaniya kaya ngumiti siya sa'kin. Puno pa ang bibig niya kaya hindi siya makapagsalita.
Hinarap niya sakin yung kwek-kwek na nakatuhog sa sticks at sinenyasan ako na kumain do'n. Umiling ako dahil hindi ako mahilig sa kwek-kwek. Pero pinilit niya pa rin ako at parang nagtatampo pa siya. Kaya kinagatan ko na para matahimik siya. Ayon at ngumiti naman ang loko.
Nginuya ko 'yon habanh nararamdaman pa ang init sa bibig ko. Hindi niya naman sinabi na mainit pa 'yon!
"Can we go there?" Tinuro ko ang stall sa may bandang unahan. "I want to eat isaw." I said to him.
Tumango lang naman siya sa'kin at sinundan ako maglakad.
I buy four pieces of Isaw and eat them with vinegar. This is better when partnered with rice. Sarap na sarap akong kumakain nang pagharap ko kay Patrick ay may dala na siyang cup. Hindi ko alam kung anong tawag sa pagkain na 'yon pero mukhang masarap.
"What is that?" I asked him.
Initinuro niya ang hawak niyang baso, inaalam kung iyon ba ang tinutukoy ko. Tumango lang ako sa kaniya habang kumakain ng isaw.
"Ah, I don't know what they call this. But it was corn with powdered cheese and butter." He said and eat.
"Masarap?" I ask like a dumb.
Hindi ko alam kung bakit ko pa tinatanong eh mukha namang sarap na sarap siya.
"Do you want to try it? Here oh." He fed me with his spoon.
It was simple corn, but it was yummy because of the cheese powder.
I just gave him the thumbs up to indicate that it was delicious. He just laughed at my reaction.
"Oo nga pala. Wala ka bang sundo? Gusto mo bang ihatid kita?" Bigla niyang tanong habang naglalakad na kami pabalik sa harapan ng School.
"I already call my service. Sabi ko male-late ako sa paglabas. So I think maya-maya pa rin si Manong makakarating." When I saw a trashcan I put there the sticks of the food that I eat.
"Ikaw ba? Commute ka?" I ask him and he just answer me a nod.
We just walked slowly when we already saw our school. The sky is already dark and the street lights are on. There were also students walking near us. Everyone was busy talking and laughing at each other like the night was worthwhile.
"Do you feel better now?"
Patrick asked me while his hands were in his pockets and we were walking together.
Dahan dahan akong tumango. "Thank you for being with me. In just a little time, I forgot my problems."I said to him.
Humarap ako sa kaniya at ngumiti. Tinignan niya ako pabalik at ngumiti rin sa akin.
"I'm always here if you are tired. Rest with me." He said, while staring at my eyes.
Ngumiti ako saglit at mabilis na iniwas ang mukha sa kaniya. Hindi ko alam pero bigla na lang ako nakaramdam ng kaba because of his stare and what he said. Hindi ko alam kung may kahulugan ang bawat pagtingin at pagbigkas ng salita.
"Bawi na lang ako sa'yo sa susunod. I will treat you in the restaurant." I said to him while we were sitting at the bench in the waiting shed near the school.
"You don't need to pay for everything that I do for you." He said, sitting beside me.
Inalis ko ang pagkakasukbit ng bag ko sa balikat ko at ipinatong 'yon sa kandungan ko.
"Just don't ignore me or push me away the next day."
Nang marinig iyon ay natigilan ako at napatingin sa kaniya. Nakatingin lang siya sa unahan habang magkasalikop ang kaniyang mga kamay.
"I am not Athena, If I don't ignore every one." I said to him while staring at him.
"If you intend to ignore everyone. Then why you are enjoying with me now?" He said and stare back.
Nakatingin kami sa isat isa at hindi ko alam kung ano ang isasagot sa kaniya. Gusto kong isantabi ang mga sinabi niya kahit alam ko sa sarili ko na 'yon din ang naramdaman ko ngayon.
"You know, hiding is tiring. Don't force yourself to stop feeling happiness. Give everyone a chance to get to know you." He stopped talking and put his hand on the top of my head.
"Give me a chance to get to know you. Show me the real Athena Fritz Gazella."
He tapped my head and slightly pinched my cheeks. I don't know what he means by the words that he said to me. I don't want to attach malice to it.
•••••
Tatlong araw ang lumipas simula ng kaganapan sa amin ni Patrick. Hanggang ngayon ay iniisip ko pa rin kung may kahulugan ba ang lahat ng iyon.
What the hell is going on?
All I know is that I feel comfortable with him and I enjoy how he cares me. But I don't think his putting malice on it and I don't want to assume.
I promise to myself na lalayo ako sa mga tao for my own sake. Pero ano ang ginagawa ko? Bakit ganito Athena?!
Isinarado ko ang librong binabasa ko nang lamunin na ako ng distraksyon. A while ago, I was peacefully reading a book when suddenly that thought popped back into my mind.
Dumagdag lang si Patrick sa mga inaalala ko eh.
I sighed and returned the book to my shelves. It was Sunday, and I was staying all day at the house. I am not alone because my sister is here.
Naisipan kong bumaba muna para magluto sa kusina. Bago ko marating ang kusina nakita ko si Ate Diana in the living room. She's wearing eyeglasses and is solemnly writing. I even saw many books on the center table in front of her.
It looks like the smart and favorite daughter are having a competition. Well, it was expected that she would win at all.
Kasi magaling siya.
Iniwas ko ang tingin sa kaniya at dumiretso sa kusina. Kahit nakatalikod na'ko sa kaniya ramdam ko na napatingin siya sa akin.
Nagluto ako ng fries and nuggets for my snack. Nang maluto na ay inilagay ko 'yon sa plato and season it with cheese powder. My ultimate favorite!
Naupo ako sa lamesa at balak na sanang kumain ng makita ko ang cellphone ko. Inayos ko ang pagkakalagay ng pagkain ko sa plate and also put sauce in the side. After that I get my phone and take a picture of it.
Kumain akong muli habang nag scroll sa gallery. Puno ng ibat ibang litrato at memories ang laman niyon.
I smile bitterly when I realize how many memorable moments I have kept. Everything was only seen in my eyes. Because the moment that it was seen by everyone, it was gone from being memorable.
Lahat kailangan itago. Kahit pa gusto kong ipagmalaki ang isang bagay na nagawa ko. Kasi bakit pa ipagmamalaki kung makakahanap pa rin sila ng dahilan para sa ikaba-baba ko?
Tulala akong kumakain dahil sa biglang pagdaan ng kalungkutan sa damdamin ko.
Naisipan ko kumain ng kamatis at pipino para mawaglit ang kung ang mga pumapasok sa isipan ko. Minsan kailangan mong libangin ang sarili mo para hindi mo maramdaman lahat ng problema na nakapaligid sayo.
I put tomatoes and cucumbers on the chopping board and sliced them using the knife. I was satisfied slicing it when suddenly the knife slipped at the tip of my finger.
"Ah shit!" Napadaing na lang ako sa hapdi ng pagkakadaplis sa daliri ko.
Nang makita ang pagdurugo niyon dumiretso ako sa lababo at hinugasan ang daliri ko.
Maliit lang ang nadaplisan pero hindi maalis ang hapdi. Ano ba naman 'yan Athena balak mo bang mawalan ng daliri?
"Okay ka lang ba? Anong nangyari?"
Napaharap ako sa lamesa nang marinig ang boses ni Ate Diana. Ang mukha niya ay nag-aalala habang nakatingin na ngayon ang mata sa daliri ko. Pagkunot ng noo lang ang tinugon ko sa kaniya at tumalikod para maghanap ng tissue.
"Hugasan mo muna ng maigi 'yan bago mo punasan." She said while walking beside me.
"Kaya ko ang sarili ko. Huwag mo na'kong pakialaman." I said while washing my fingers.
"Akin na, ako na magpupunas. Here's the band aid." She continued and grabbed my arm in front of her so that she would see my woun.
"Be careful when you are using a knife. Our knife was sharp. " She said, putting a band aid on my finger.
I grab my arm and sharply stare at her. "Ano bang pakialam mo? I said I'm okay." I seriously said at her.
Natigilan siya at napa-angat ang tingin sa akin. "Nag-aalala lang ako sa'yo, Athena." Sabi niya.
"Then don't! Don't act like a good sister to me! Don't act like you care! " I said to her and saw my finger dropping blood from the graze.
"Why are you talking to me like that? I'm not acting to be a good sister to you, Athena. I'm helping you!" Her forehead creased.
"Where is your help? Where is your care? Don't you know that you're the one who dragged me down? " I asked, feeling in pain, not from the graze but from everything that had weakened me.
"Ano bang ginawa ko sa'yo?!"
"Stop acting like you don't know!"
"Bakit ba ako ng ako ang sinisisi mo?!" Tumaas ang boses niya sa'kin.
"Kasi binabaliwala nila ako dahil hindi kita magawang pantayan! Palaging ikaw yung mataas, ikaw yung magaling at ikaw yung tinitingala ng lahat. Kaya paano naman ako?!" Namasa ang mata ko kaya umatras ako palayo sa kaniya.
Nakasunod lang ang mata niya sa'kin. Hindi ko matukoy kung ano ang nararamdaman niya ngayon.
Sana kahit kaunti, kahit katiting. Maramdaman niya kung gaano ako pagod na pagod na habulin ang kaya niyang gawin.
"If everyone believes in you, how can I reach you?" I said to her and turned my back.
Nagmadali akong pumunta sa kwarto habang dinadaing ang lahat ng sakit emotionally and physically.
Again, I feel the pain that I've been trying to hide for years.