Summary: When Yelena starts mysteriously spending more time with Clint and talking to him about what appears to be serious issues, Natasha starts to get worried. After a spar with Clint, Natasha finds out a tiny bit more about the situation and is heartbroken with what she discovers. But did she really get the full story?
Natasha had finally finished her paperwork for the day. Now that she had free time, she was on the way to find Yelena. She had brought Yelena with her to the compound so that she could hang out with Peter while she was busy with paperwork. Natasha was so looking forward to wrapping Yelena in her arms and just holding her while she played video games or did whatever she was doing.
However, those plans were soon aborted as she suddenly caught the barest hints of the sound of her baby sister's voice down a hall that she was passing, and she immediately stopped curiously.
Natasha looked down the hall, spotting Yelena talking with Clint of all people. Granted, she and Clint were not on bad terms, but it was still odd to see Yelena taking the time to exclusively talk to him. The few people that Yelena was willing to spend alone time with outside of a mission consisted of largely Natasha, Peter, and occasionally Kate when Yelena was feeling generous. Or particularly irritating.
However, what really surprised Natasha was how Yelena seemed concerned when she spoke to him. Her arms were crossed, and she was frequently looking down at the floor before meeting his gaze. Their voices were hushed, and Natasha could not pick up on what they were talking about.
So, Natasha headed over toward them with a small smile, curious and somewhat concerned about what they were talking about but attempting to at least appear as if she had not picked up on the seemingly serious nature of the conversation. As she approached them, they both quickly spotted her, and the two shared a nod as Clint waved to her and walked away.
Yelena strode over to Natasha, a slight smile on her face, and Natasha tilted her head curiously at her, her grin growing at the mere sight of her baby sister.
"Hey, little one," Natasha greeted as she opened her arms for a hug. Yelena wasted no time in stepping into her embrace, resting her weight heavily onto the redhead. Yelena just murmured a very muffled "hey" against Natasha's shoulder. Natasha felt a twinge of worry within her, but she did not say anything as she reached up and gently stroked her hair, rubbing her back with her other hand.
"What were you two talking about?" Natasha asked, and Yelena stiffened almost imperceptibly in Natasha's hold. To most people, it would have been an unnoticeable cue, but Natasha was both well-trained in the art of body language and in the art of knowing her sister.
After a few beats, Yelena pulled away, a grin on her face as she shrugged nonchalantly.
"Nothing... Don't worry about it, poser," Yelena assured her with a grin, and Natasha eyed her oddly and somewhat skeptically, not believing her despite her confident tone. They gazed at each other for a long moment, and while Yelena maintained eye contact, it was somewhat strained, and she appeared as if she wanted nothing more than to look away.
"Okay," Natasha finally conceded, doubting Yelena strongly but deciding to let it go for now.
"Well, I've got to go meet up with Little Peter. I told him I'd kick his butt today at Mario Kart," Yelena smirked, nodding to Natasha, and the redhead felt her heart ache strangely. Natasha, however, forced a smile and a nod in reply.
"Take it easy on him. You've won seventeen out of the twenty times you two have played this week," Natasha replied to her, and Yelena just huffed with an eyeroll, walking backwards for a moment and facing Natasha.
"That's not how you win wars, sestra," Yelena informed her, and Natasha grinned a little, raising an eyebrow.
"Careful. Last time you said that, it didn't turn out well for you," Natasha declared, referencing their sleepover with Kate that one night, and Yelena just waved a dismissive hand at her, turning to walk forward as she headed away.
"See you later, Natashka!" Yelena happily called, and Natasha let out a slight sigh as Yelena disappeared from view and a pit started forming in her stomach. Yelena's smiles were too forced, and she had frozen when Natasha had asked about what she was talking to Clint about. And Yelena was also being way too nonchalant about the whole thing.
Something was definitely wrong.
But what Natasha could not figure out was why Yelena had told Clint instead of herself.
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Natasha approached Yelena from behind in their little house where Yelena was leaned against the counter and looking out the window above the kitchen sink.
It had been two days since Natasha had caught Clint and Yelena talking, and throughout those two days, Natasha had been increasingly finding the two of them conversing. It was starting to worry Natasha, and she was hoping to have a chance to talk to the blonde about it. The only reason that she had not brought it up before now was because she wanted to give Yelena a chance to confess to whatever was bothering her.
The redhead started to open her mouth to speak as she approached her, but she quickly realized that Yelena was on the phone to someone. Natasha furrowed her brow, confused at Yelena's actions.
Yelena never talked on the phone. She was always a text-sender. Even with Natasha, she almost always would rather text something if she had something to say and they were at two different locations and not on a mission.
Natasha crept up behind her, keeping her footsteps soundless as possible as she padded across the tile.
"Look, Clinton, I appreciate the help. It's... hard for me to ask for it, y'know?" Yelena pointed out quietly, swallowing, and Natasha furrowed her brow, feeling concern rising within her as she looked at her baby sister. What were they talking about? What was hard for Yelena to ask for?
And why was she talking to Clint about it and not Natasha? Natasha felt a twinge of uncomfortableness at the realization that Yelena had obviously been trying to hide something from Natasha that she was struggling with. She also felt something else within her. It was something that was hot and ran just beneath her skin in something akin to anger.
It was something odd that she had never really experienced about anyone or anything before. There were the prickles of something hot and unpleasant within her that bubbled just beneath the overwhelming worry within her.
"Yeah... You're not so bad, Hawkear. I mean, I don't see how Kate thinks you're the coolest Avenger or whatever, but you're not too bad," Yelena commented with a slight laugh, pulling Natasha from her thoughts, and Natasha stepped a bit closer, pausing at the counter island. Yelena nodded just a bit before hanging up the phone after a few moments, and she then turned back in Natasha's direction.
She flinched at the sight of the redhead, and Natasha raised a placating hand in an attempt to calm her baby sister down. Yelena took a deep breath, shaking her head.
"Stalker alert," Yelena teasingly declared, and Natasha just grinned halfheartedly in response.
"Sorry," Natasha expressed before her gaze grew more serious.
"Who were you talking to?" Natasha asked, deciding to give Yelena the opportunity to be honest and to admit to whatever was going on. Yelena looked at her blankly for just a split second before forcing that frustratingly familiar grin onto her face as she looked at the redhead.
"Just one of our weirdo coworkers. They needed the rundown on something, and I knew the answer, so I gave it to them," Yelena told her easily, and Natasha furrowed her brow a little, eyeing her with unashamed skepticism.
At this point, she was somewhere between feeling hurt and boiling from that uncomfortable heat coursing through her veins. However, there was an overwhelming pain from Yelena's obvious deceit.
Yelena shrugged with a grin, walking past her. But before she could escape, Natasha caught her around the waist with her arm, pulling her close and burying her nose in the side of Yelena's head in her hair. Yelena paused, closing her eyes and leaning into the affection.
Natasha pressed a loving kiss to her head before whispering to her softly.
"I'm always here for you, y'know?" Natasha offered, trying to give Yelena the security and confidence to talk to her about whatever the problem was. At that, Yelena just stiffened ever so slightly and squeezed Natasha's arm in an attempt to disguise it. She then looked over at her, turning her head and pushing it against Natasha's gently.
"I know," Yelena replied easily before moving out of Natasha's hold and heading over to the couch to turn something on the television. Natasha turned her head to watch her go before turning her gaze to where one of her hands was resting on the counter island.
It seemed that the only way to find out the truth about this was to approach the source of Natasha's pain.
And the source of this blood-boiling feeling that was running through her.
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Natasha stalked into the training room, slinking like a shadow along the wall as she eyed Clint while he instructed Kate.
"That was good. But you have to catch that move with your leg if you can. It's the best way to block and disarm the enemy," Clint informed her, and Kate's eyes were locked onto Clint's, her sole attention centered on him and him alone.
"Okay," Kate nodded, readying herself to start again but Clint just narrowed his eyes at her.
"And stop being so worried about hurting me," Clint scolded gently.
"I'm not!" she argued, and Clint just huffed with a shake of his head as he stretched an arm across him.
"I see you holding back. Let loose on me. I want to see what you can do," Clint encouraged, and Natasha just squinted a little, watching the both of them silently as she waited for the two to begin. Clint held out his fist to bump against hers to initiate the fight.
Kate let out a deep breath, touching her fist against his. She then started at him again in the dance that was their sparring. At first, he easily evaded her punches despite the fact that she was well-trained in martial arts. He simply had more experience than she possessed.
However, at this point, fatigue from age and overconfidence in his own abilities made him a little sloppier than he would have been in better circumstances, so when he threw what Natasha assumed was the move he was addressing earlier, Kate caught him quickly and threw him onto his back unexpectedly.
Clint let out a deep groan as his back hit the mat, and Kate looked down at him in some strange mix of victoriousness and worry.
"You okay?" Kate asked, and Clint offered a thumbs-up with a wince.
"Yeah... Just... Forgot how bad that hurt when executed properly," Clint commented somewhat painedly, and Kate offered her hand to him to help him up.
"Careful, old man, you might break a hip next time. And we all know that it's all downhill from there," Natasha teased, successfully getting their attention as she made herself known. Clint just grimaced a little at the sight of her, knowing he was never going to hear the end of this, and Kate brightened considerably as she grinned widely at the redhead. Natasha could see that desire for approval in Kate's gaze. After all, she oftentimes saw it in Yelena's.
Which reminded her why she was there in the first place.
"We have been working on that move for so long, Natasha. You wouldn't believe it," Kate declared as she pulled Clint to a sitting position. Clint released her hands at that point, just sitting there as he scratched the back of his neck, obviously nursing a somewhat wounded pride.
"And you pulled it off beautifully. It always does Clint some good to get knocked down a notch or two," Natasha complimented Kate and teased Clint all in the same breath, and Clint shot her a halfhearted glare as he pulled himself up to his feet. Kate just beamed with utmost pride, her smile ridiculously wide as she puffed up visibly with the praise. Natasha grinned a little as her gaze quickly shifted to watch Clint head over to the side of the ring and lean against the ropes, drinking some water he had in a bottle nearby.
Natasha headed over to him, rounding the ring as she kept her gaze locked onto him. He looked over at her strangely, tilting his head in silent question of what was going on with her. Natasha just mirrored the action, raising an eyebrow.
"What's going on with Yelena?" Natasha asked friendlily in a manner that communicated the necessity in answering her. Clint immediately looked somewhat uncomfortable despite his attempts in appearing nonchalant and unbothered.
Natasha narrowed her eyes a little, feeling concern rising within her as she realized that there must be a really deep problem. And Yelena must not have told her.
But she told Clint.
That familiar feeling started burning within her again like acid.
"It's nothing. Me and her have just been talking through some stuff," Clint assured her. Strangely enough, that did not reassure her in the least, and there was a growing heat irrationally running through her. Natasha eyed him unhappily, and Clint shrugged simply in reply, trying not to meet her eyes and engage in the unspoken challenge.
"If it was nothing, the both of you wouldn't be so determined not to tell me," Natasha replied quietly and somewhat dangerously as she looked at her best guy friend. Clint let out a sigh, shaking his head.
"It really was nothing, Nat. She's... She needed my opinion on something. I promise, it was nothing important," Clint assured her, and Natasha narrowed her eyes. She could feel Kate's nervous gaze shifting between the two of them as she hoisted herself over the guards on the ring and out of any potential lines of fire.
Clint just eyed her, and Natasha knew him well enough to know that he knew something she did not. The sudden urge to spar against him ran through her, and she found herself indulging that inner voice.
It had always been the way that the both of them had gotten out their deepest emotions. A good fight could always pull out their secrets and thoughts without fail.
Natasha headed over to the ring, pulling herself over the guarding and into the ring. She could feel Kate's simultaneous uncomfortableness and excitement all at the same time. Kate quickly removed her gloves, bringing them over to Natasha and stepping back to watch them both intently.
Clint looked at the redhead hesitantly and somewhat guardedly. He knew her game. He knew exactly why she wanted to fight with him.
However, Natasha bitterly noted, he definitely did not know that she really did feel like getting in a few good, somewhat painful hits on him this time.
"Nat, let's not, okay?" Clint told her, and Natasha narrowed her eyes as she approached him, the gloves on her as she kicked her shoes off to the side. She then proceeded to hold her fist out. He just looked at it unhappily, not wanting to agree.
"The more you hesitate, Barton, the more I suspect there's something serious that you're not telling me," Natasha informed him, feeling her emotions starting to run through her more hotly. Clint seemed to sense these feelings as well, if his dreading glances between her eyes and her fist was anything to go by.
Clint finally bumped his fist against hers, and she gave him only a moment of pulling together his fighting stance to attack. She flew in, a barrage of light punches going at him. He barely kept up with blocking them and his eyes widened a bit as she allowed her skills to truly shine through.
They danced around one another, Natasha sending hits and getting in a few through his block. He was stuck on the defensive, unable to retaliate because of her constant assault toward his guard.
"What are you hiding? What did she tell you?" Natasha questioned, an accusatory tone slipping into her voice despite her best efforts to avoid allowing that emotion to show. Clint shook his head in the midst of trying to block her.
"It was nothing, Natasha, let it go, okay?!" he shot back, and Natasha clenched her teeth in the slightest of snarls, feeling the irritation surging through her as she increased the hardness of her hits.
Kate gasped in surprise as Natasha flew around him, using his attempts at a grapple to catapult herself over him as she landed gracefully just behind him where she sent a sweep at his legs. Clint was immediately knocked to the ground, and she started to descend upon him to lock herself around him as per her usual fashion.
"What are you hiding from me?!" Natasha growled, her patience wearing thin as the emotion started to overtake her. All of the avoiding, all of the excuses, all of the lies. She was through with them.
Clint quickly rolled away, trying to escape, but she grabbed his leg, rolling on her shoulder and somersaulting so that she was almost on top of him. He sent a kick backward toward her stomach, and she barely managed to block it as she grabbed for him with her feet to lock them around his leg.
Clint let out a grunt as he tried to fight her off. Natasha locked herself around him, moving so that she had him stuck fast in her grip.
"What is going on?!" Natasha demanded, dangerously close to growing actually and truly angry. Clint seemed to understand this, and he let out a pained grunt before speaking.
"She needed my help, okay?! I can't tell you about it! It's her business and it's none of mine to share it when she doesn't want me to tell you!" Clint yelled, and Natasha froze as she stared at him. She let him go, unconstricting her limbs from around him as she took in the information numbly.
Yelena did not want her to know what was going on with her?
It was as if all of the wind had been taken out of her sails. She could not believe that she had somehow managed to successfully drive her baby sister away again. And she had done such a good job that she had made Yelena go to someone that she would ordinarily never go to.
"Nat, look, go talk to her and get this sorted out. It's not at all what you think," Clint started to try to explain, but Natasha was hardly listening as she just stared at the floor of the ring, her ears almost ringing and her stomach lurching as she realized that she had failed Yelena.
"Natashka?! What are you doing?! What's going on?" Yelena's voice broke through to her suddenly, and Natasha shifted her gaze over to the source of the sound. Yelena was starting to clamber into the ring with them, apparently having come in at some point just after the spar had finished. Natasha immediately hardened herself, closing off and putting up a defensive guard.
She had wronged her sister, and Yelena obviously wanted to go to Clint from now on. And by holding her at arm's length, Natasha was going to keep her from getting hurt by Natasha ever again.
Natasha stood up gracefully, and Yelena stopped just short of her, seeming as if she had somehow sensed the change in Natasha.
"Are you okay?" Yelena asked concernedly, and Natasha nodded just barely.
"Yeah. I'm fine. I'm... I'm going to go for a walk," Natasha told her, her voice distanced and her tone final as she headed out of the ring, avoiding Yelena's gaze. She could feel Yelena staring at her the entire time as she left, but she ignored it, steeling herself and willing herself not to cry.
She had let her down again.
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Natasha had eventually made her way home after her walk, and she headed into her room, taking a long shower in an attempt to wash the day off of her and to try to clear her mind. The water was searing hot against her skin, and in a way, it almost distracted her from the torment within her mind and the ache within her heart.
Once Natasha had stepped out of the shower, she headed into Yelena's room, grabbing their vest and pulling it on. She stopped for a moment to take a long and deep breath of the scent permeating the vest.
She knew she did not deserve the comfort of Yelena's smell, but she needed it. She needed it so much, and at this point, she did not have the strength to deny herself of it. She then headed back into her room, resolving to just lounge on her bed and take it off whenever Yelena inevitably found her at some point that day. She did not want Yelena to feel any more obligation to her than she already did.
But she was just so tired, and so, so heartbroken and downtrodden, and she soon found herself dozing off into a fitful sleep.
When she finally came back to the conscious world, she realized that Yelena's scent was so, so much stronger than before and that there were gentle touches tracing along her face. Natasha stiffened just a little, opening her eyes to see what was going on.
To her surprise and deep pain, she met the most gorgeous pair of eyes she had ever had the pleasure of viewing in her life. The eyes that held Natasha's entire world and that had Natasha positively enchanted and never wanting to wake up.
Their honey-green depths searching her own with so much adoration, so much concern, and so much care. All of these things that Natasha did not deserve to receive.
Yelena's eyes searched her face gently, and Natasha loathed herself when she realized that she did not have the strength to get up and leave Yelena's gentle attentions as the blonde traced her fingers along Natasha's eyebrows and her other features. Yelena's thumb ran along the bridge of Natasha's nose, and Natasha kept her eyes downcast, not wanting to meet the blonde's eyes. Yelena took in a gentle breath to speak, her eyes caressing the patch of skin she was touching.
"How many times have you broken your nose?" Yelena softly breathed between them, and Natasha closed her eyes for just a moment at the question, the images of each of the times flashing through her head.
"Five," Natasha replied just barely, reopening her eyes and avoiding Yelena's eyes again. Yelena nodded just barely, tracing an index finger along it before letting her fingers gently fall away from Natasha's face to touch her neck.
Natasha longed to just grab onto Yelena and never let go, but she did not deserve the love that Yelena had to offer. Yelena was likely here now only out of guilt, and Natasha did not want the younger woman to feel as if she had to stay with her or talk to her about anything that she did not feel comfortable with.
"Natashka—"
"Don't," Natasha immediately replied, her voice almost a whine, and Natasha cursed herself for allowing her pain and desperation to ease into her voice. Yelena tilted her head curiously in that adorable puppy way that always made Natasha's heart ache with pure love.
"What?" Yelena questioned almost expectantly, and Natasha noted just the barest light of fiery challenge within Yelena's adoring pools. Natasha took a breath, letting her tongue dart out to wet her lips as she conjured the strength to let Yelena go.
After all, they say if you love something... Set it free.
"Yelena... Please don't talk to me about anything that you don't feel comfortable sharing," Natasha started, her stomach twisting, and Yelena just froze, her eyes focused on Natasha's as she scarcely breathed while staring at her.
"I get that whatever's going on with you is not something you want to talk about with me. And it's okay. That's okay," Natasha emphasized, and she looked down and away from Yelena, not able to bear looking at the perfect gem that she continued to mar despite her best efforts.
"I'm not going to make you talk to me. I don't even want you to talk to me if you don't feel like it," Natasha mentally cursed how her voice broke with the statement. Natasha tried to recollect herself.
"Talk to whoever you feel most comfortable with, little one. I want what's best for you," Natasha admitted, and the last words, despite how they burned her tongue as they passed between her lips, rang truer than anything Natasha had ever said.
"And if Clint's what you need, then I understand," Natasha uttered in finality, feeling her heart shattering as she spoke.
Natasha kept her eyes downcast, feeling as if she would break in half if she met Yelena's eyes.
However, after a long moment of nothingness and pure silence, Natasha finally looked back up to meet Yelena's gaze.
To her pure surprise, Yelena was in tears, and her brow was furrowed almost painfully in an attempt to hold them back as the corners of her lips downturned dramatically. Natasha felt a deep stab within her heart, and she mentally berated herself for bringing Yelena even more pain.
As Natasha opened her mouth to speak, she was quickly interrupted by Yelena ducking in and pressing her face into the side of Natasha's neck, her nose and lips pressed hard against her as she flung her arms around her ridiculously tightly. Natasha returned the embrace very hesitantly, her need to comfort Yelena outweighing her self-loathing and desire to deprive herself of comfort.
"Natashka, I need you. You're what's best for me, and net nikogo drugogo, kogo by ya lyubil tak, kak tebya,"1 Yelena heartbrokenly choked out, and Natasha felt tears coming to her own eyes as she reached her hand up and grabbed at the back of Yelena's head.
"Detka, it's okay... You don't have to say that. Don't cry, it's okay," Natasha reassured, feeling strongly as if Yelena was just saying those things for her benefit. However, as Yelena suddenly wormed her way even closer to Natasha, trying to press herself as closely as she could possibly fit herself, Natasha was beginning to doubt herself.
"No, no, you're mine, please! Please, don't leave me. You're best for me. I need you more than anyone. I can't... You're mine, please," Yelena begged and pleaded, and while Natasha knew that she was definitely not best for Yelena and that the blonde definitely did not need someone like Natasha in her life, she knew that Yelena must believe that and feel it obviously quite strongly.
So, even knowing Natasha did not deserve it, Natasha let out a sigh of defeat, accepting the fact that Yelena was not going to let her even try to give her what was better for her. Natasha reached around her, engulfing her in her arms more firmly and fully.
"Sweet girl, I'm here. I'm not going anywhere. I'm yours. I was never going anywhere. I just don't want you to feel like you have to talk to me," Natasha admitted, and Yelena fisted her fingers in Natasha's shirt on her back.
"I'll always need to talk to you. You're the only person I can always trust. You're the person that knows me, Natashka. You know me," Yelena admitted, her voice breaking, and Natasha was feeling even worse for making Yelena cry. Natasha scratched the back of Yelena's neck gently and reassuringly.
Yelena sucked in a breath, trying to get ahold of herself as she started to speak again.
"Natashka, I was talking to Clint about a surprise for you. I asked him for help about figuring out something that you always wanted to do but never had the chance to. I wanted to go on a picnic on the roof and stargaze with you," Yelena admitted heartbrokenly, and Natasha's eyes widened a little as everything from the past few days started to pull together in her mind and make sense with Yelena's confession.
"Lapochka, I am so sorry... I didn't know," Natasha finally expressed, her voice cracking, and Yelena nodded just a little.
"I love you, Natashka. I'll always need you. You are my person," Yelena assured, her voice almost incomprehensible due to the overly thick accent affecting her every word. Natasha closed her eyes, pressing her nose into Yelena and breathing her in as she started to feel better for the first time in several days.
"And you're mine."
(1) "There's no one else I love like I love you."