Tearlach knocked on Rowan's door lightly. When there was no response, he opened it slowly. He found the bed empty, but he immediately heard the shower. There were no lights on in the room save for the light escaping from the spaces around the frame of the bathroom door.
As he moved closer he heard faint sobbing, "Rowan, it's me. You okay in there?" When there was no response he pushed the door open slightly and there she was, sitting in a corner of the glass encased shower huddled in a ball inside a blanket crying silently to herself, shaking.
Tearlach pulled the shower door open and without even asking sat down next to her, shoulder to shoulder.
Without hesitation she laid her head down on his shoulder. Tearlach's heart leapt. She was at least glad to see him. Maybe even needing him? "You're cold. Let's make this water a little warmer, kay?"
She nodded yes, but never said a word as she wept on his shirt sleeve. Her hands began shaking uncontrollably. The power coursing through her right now frightened her. She felt like she was on the verge of being out of control, like she was going to lose any hold she had over herself.
He slid his arm around her shoulders pulling her into him. Her skin was like ice, so he pulled her into his lap under the direct water flow and wrapped his arms around her. Reaching up he turned the faucet on hotter. As he rocked her slowly he kissed her forehead softly, "Shhh, I'm here."
Rowan couldn't deny that she needed someone. She was a mess right now. After waking from a very realistic dream in which she relived killing Dermid, all she could think of doing was getting clean. Even though she knew killing him was the right thing to do, she hated that she'd done it so easily, without feeling any remorse or guilt. She should feel sorry for her actions, even if they were warranted, but she just didn't, and she wondered what that said about her.
It saddened her that this world had brought out this person, a cloaked mercenary in hiding, unable to stand on her own two feet, but still hell bent on having her personal revenge. She had never imagined herself being capable of such a brutally violent crime; however, even as she sat here thinking about what she'd done her mind was already plotting her next hit...Anlaf. She would find him, and he would pay with his life as well. No one put their hands on her.
Her mental quest for vengeance pulled her out of her emotional downward spiral, but she found that focusing in on her surroundings took a conscious effort. Within moments she realized that there was a pattern happening. Here she was again, letting a man in to take care of her.
She hated admitting to herself that she needed someone to get her through, but she was beginning to see that everyone had weaknesses, even her. Self-realization can be therapeutic, but if you're trying to survive, it takes a back seat to self-preservation.
As she laid across his lap with her head on his chest she decided to own her weaknesses and learn how to use them to her benefit. The most obvious would be her wicked temper that caused her, at times, to respond impulsively.
The next weakness she considered prominent was her needing to be connected to, not reliant upon, a powerful man. These two together are what got her caught in Declan's web. Finally, Rowan had never, ever, given people a second chance. She never let people have another run at her once they'd compromised any element of her trust. Her thoughts turned to Raine, Maeve and Karita.
But everyone made mistakes, even her. And she needed to get over that. Tearlach had let her down as a lover. He'd lied and cheated. But, she would do her best to give him a second chance to be someone to her, a friend, if he could accept that limitation? He was kickin' down the damn door anyway.
They sat together under the shower, sharing no words but connecting none the less. His arms pulling her firmly into his warm, all encompassing, massive chest, her head buried in the crook of his neck. Sometimes there were no words to describe second beginnings. She just hoped he would acquiesce to her friendship, because she wouldn't engage in anything more with him, ever.
When the hot water tank was completely empty, Tearlach helped her out of the shower before she froze. "How ya doin?"
Rowan simply nodded her head yes. Sitting with him like that had calmed her down substantially. Her heart rate was slowing down, her hands were no longer shaking and the power coursing through her had dissipated substantially. While she couldn't believe that she was able to kill someone without remorse, she was completely good with what she'd done. He'd provoked her after all. So why did she feel the need to keep verbally justifying her actions to herself?
"If I leave, can you.."
"I'm a big girl, Tearlach. I can handle the basics despite the emotional train wreck you just witnessed in the shower."
"Okay, I'll see you downstairs in about ten minutes then?" He wanted to be sure she was coming down.
"See you in ten." She needed to pull herself together before she headed downstairs.
"I'm starvin'. We can make something together okay?" He hadn't eaten earlier with the guys. He was too worried about her.
"Yeah, I could eat." She kept a towel around herself and grabbed another towel to start drying her thick long hair. It would take forever.
"Great then, I'll see ya down there." He couldn't hide his smile from her. He felt like the connection between them was there again, somehow.
"See ya..." She watched him walk out the door with that silly school boy smile spreading ear to ear, and she knew he was head over heels for her. She had smiled back, but her heart wasn't in it. She would have to stop this gray area shit, letting him hold her and comfort her when what she really needed to start doing was being extremely transparent with him, because they'd had their run. Second chances just weren't her forte, because once the trust was gone, there was no gettin' it back. That was just who she was, so the most he could ever be was her friend.
Her phone rang. The butterflies resurfaced in her stomach hoping it wasn't Declan again. She didn't have the strength to deal with him right now. When she picked up the phone it was an unfamiliar number. She was getting more popular with each passing day.
"Hello?" Rowan couldn't begin to imagine who would be calling her now.
"This Rowan?"
"You called me, remember?" She didn't recognize this woman's voice.
"This is Neilina, Tearlach's mate. I'm sure you remember me." Neilina wanted to be sure she took every opportunity to rub her romantic interlude with Tearlach in her face.
"Great. Now that we've established that we both have good memories is there a point anywhere in the near future?" Rowan didn't understand why she was so angry, but she wanted to rip this bitch's throat out with her hands. She was angry at herself for that, too. Why did women always do that to each other? Fight each other over a man who had wronged and hurt them both? Women needed to wisen up, herself included.
"He's my mate. Lycans don't take kindly to people fuckin' our mates." Neilina's angry growl ripped through the phone.
"Down girl. I don't want him, he's all yours."
"Ahhhh see, that's not the problem sweetie. He wants you, which makes killing you the solution. If you're not around, well, you understand?" Neilina laughed as though Rowan were a mere flea on her ass.
The sound of Rowan's sinister laugh coming through the phone was unexpected. Neilina had heard her powers were growing, but she'd expected Rowan to feel a little trepidation at her threat; instead, she sounded like she was ready to take her on.
"Okay then, I got it. That all?" Rowan had not one concern over this little wolf. Innately, she was completely confident, for some reason, that she would crush Neilina. She felt the power in her building again as she spoke. Only this time...it didn't scare her. It emboldened and empowered her. She embraced and willingly accepted the energy that bombarded every inch of her, filling her.
"I'm coming for you, Rowan." Neilina was a proud wolf. She would eliminate Rowan. Any female who fucked a mated lycan would die at the hands of his mate. It was a pride thing for them.
"I'll come to you. Save you a trip. Where should we meet?" Rowan could squeeze killing Neilina into her list of things to do. If she could conquer Dermid handling this bitch would be like squashing a bug. That gave Neilina pause, but she'd already thrown down the gauntlet she couldn't back peddle now.
"Cat got your tongue?" Rowan was just taunting her now. "Well...let me tell you something. The last person who tried to kill me met his fate at the business end of my sickle. I sliced the fucker's head clean off just before I burned the bastard down by the beach... and he was my twin brother. I care even less about you, so how about you think on that. I'll talk to you real soon." Rowan hung up. She was betting Neilina was seriously considering how to get out of the shit storm she'd just started.
When she stood from the bed her body was like ice again and the air around her was stagnant and thick like something was literally rolling around her. She tried to walk to the bathroom, but her feet couldn't find the ground beneath them.
She was levitating? Clearly the idea of killing Neilina was producing an overwhelming sense of euphoria because she was literally high on power. When she found her reflection in the mirror her eyes were such a deep purple in contrast to her alabaster skin that it shocked her. Her body was so still, eerily so. She stared at herself, an ethereal image she didn't recognize. Whatever was happening to her, the changes were coming exponentially faster than days before and she had no idea how to control any of it.
She couldn't let the wolves see her like this: uncontrolled, levitating, power rolling off her. What would they think? She knew exactly what they'd think, especially Sawney, 'loose fuckin' cannon'. It would just give them more ammunition to use against her, to mock her inability to control herself, but more importantly to exclude her.
She hovered several inches above the floor. Concentrating on getting to the bathroom, she consciously focused on lowering herself down into the tub. First things first, she needed to calm down and since she still hadn't figured out how to do that internally, she needed external resources that were at her immediate disposal.
Tearlach could've taken care of this for her. He just had a way with her, but she had to stop relying on the people around her. She'd been taking the easy way out, which for the first time since this all began made her miss her human identity. As a 'human', she'd taken care of herself, always. It was high time she started crackin' her own whip. There was power, a tremendous amount of energy flowing through her, and she had no idea how she'd generated it so quickly or why she couldn't alleviate the build up at will. There had to be other ways, but right now a warm bath was all she could think of.
Easing into the water she felt the tension deteriorating, but the power was there, just under the surface. She was a one hundred and fifty pound time bomb on a hair trigger.
Closing her eyes she tried to turn her thoughts off, and when she finally did... that's when his sonorous voice became audible in her mind, "Take care of yourself Rowan...in the end, you're all you've got." Out of nowhere Declan's face appeared in her memories with his perpetually stoic frame and a face that never showed his emotions. He was always in control, which made him the most dangerous of men. Her eyes flashed open not wanting to see his face any longer.
After a few moments her body eased lower into the water. She knew another dangerous man, a better man. She closed her eyes now, searching the confines of her mind to remember the finite details of him: deep blue eyes that she swore could see into her soul, a strong jaw line that hid the emotions of the man within, warm, sun kissed skin that beckoned to her and a short, cropped, blonde, high and tight that she longed to run her fingers through.
She felt a sigh escape her. Now she was relaxed. But, she had to know where Ian was. His memory alone could bring her back from the brink. Her obsession with him wasn't going to just go away. What did that mean? Had something happened to him? Was her mind trying to tell her something? Despite the fact that he was human and she knew it was too dangerous for him to know about her. She'd have to find him. She had to know he was okay even if he'd walked away from her without looking back. She preferred to take the high road, less traffic. When all of this was over, that's exactly what she was going to do. She would finally be able to say goodbye to Ian, and then she wouldn't waste another second thinking about what could have been.