"Nice car," I said getting into the little yellow Fiat 500 Roman showed up in when he came to collect me from the Colloways house to go ice skating with the girls.
"Yeah, okay. Make fun. But it's my mum's, remember," Roman said probably anticipating that I was going to say something judgemental about his car.
"You never said I'd have to get into one of these when you offered me a ride," I teased.
"Yeah well, that was tactical. I wanted to make sure you would say yes." I really would have said yes even if he had been honest about the car he'd show up in, but I wasn't going to ever admit it out loud. "You're wearing makeup."
"Yeah?..." I questioned not even able to fake any confidence.
When I'd been lounging around at home waiting for Roman to show up, Emily had cornered me in my room and asked to do my makeup. Apparently, she wanted to practice her winged liner on other people, and that apparently included putting mascara on me as well. When she was done, she told me I looked pretty and that I should wear makeup more often. I think she might have just wanted to see me with eyeliner and made up some excuse about practicing how to do it.
When I looked in the mirror to see what she'd done, I kind of liked it... I looked almost pretty. And I didn't wanna take it off so I was wasting time with it on when Roman texted me that he was outside and then I just didn't have time to take it off, so I didn't.
"I don't see guys were makeup that often," Roman said studying me, his head tilted to the side slightly.
"Yeah, well, Emily did it. And loads of guys wear makeup. You're just a baby queer, and this is a somewhat conservative, turning kinda liberal, neighbourhood, so you probably just haven't gotten exposed to many guys wearing makeup yet. I mean even some straight guys do it actually. I've seen on tiktok!" I blabbered.
"Baby queer?" he questioned.
"You know, like you've just come out."
"Right..." He started the car putting the clutch into first gear and slowly moved his leg of the break so the car would move forward away from the pavement and onto the road. "Are you nervous? Is that why you're blabbering on about my inexperience?"
"I wasn't trying to call you inexperienced!" Kill me now. Kill me. Kill me. Kill me. "Ah yeah, I'm nervous."
"Why?"
"I've never really gone out wearing makeup before," I admitted turning my head to stare right out the window so that I didn't have to look at him. Maybe I shouldn't have decided to go out to a group hangout sort of thing feeling this insecure.
I didn't lie about this area I lived in being somewhat conservative. I'd been here ever since I was put into care as this was the closest children's home to where I used to live with my parents on the border of the county next to this one. It wasn't like there were Union Jacks outside everyone's home, like they did in the US with their flag, nor were there pictures of Liz's face stuck on walls or EDL members running about. It was just a quiet area with mostly your typical nuclear family structures and old couples that had moved away into a quieter neighbourhood in their old age.
I didn't exactly think that anyone would physically attack me specifically for being gay, minus Henry who would really attack me for any reason, but I did fear that the makeup I wore would give people an excuse to throw verbal assaults in my direction. And we were going to the ice rink they'd opened in the town square during Christmas where parents always brought their children. What if they thought of some excuse to get me kicked out for somehow being inappropriate?
Roman turned to me briefly while he drove along the quiet roads. I was looking out the front window now instead of the one to my side in the left passenger seat, but I was still a little lost in my thoughts. "I think it looks nice. Don't be nervous."
I shot him a smile at his encouragements and let loose some of the tension in my shoulders. At least Roman liked it. At least one person would be on my side for something as innocent as wearing makeup.
A few minutes later we were outside Dahlia's house and she hopped in the back seat. When she saw the eyeliner on my face, she shot me a quick compliment like it was completely normal that I was wearing makeup and it just so happened to look extra good that day. I probably sat there for the rest of the ride with a small smile on my face. That was two people on my side now at least and my insecurity was soon vanishing. My hair was freshly washed and styled with perfect ringlets sat longer on the top of my head than the back and sides and I felt good. It was nice to feel confident in moments where I wasn't drunk or had a guy to pay me compliments, even if those compliments usually only lasted the night until he was done with me.
——
"You ready?" Roman asked as I finished typing my laces on the skates. We'd met Ellie and Naya here and they'd already whisked Dahlia away onto the ice with them. She looked like she was having fun with the girls, and I was so appreciative that the girls felt so inclined to include my best friend.
"Yeah, it's been a while since I went skating though," I replied to Roman. There were quite a few children on the ice, some with a mum or dad holding their hand as they taught their child how to skate. Others who didn't know how to skate very well were using these plastic penguins that they could holding onto and push in front of them, so they didn't fall.
"Want me to hold your hand?" Roman asked. "So, you don't fall."
I thought he was joking at first but the look on his face suggested he was completely serious. "It's not been so long that I forgot how to skate."
"Yeah, but I just don't want you to slip and fall. What if you hurt yourself?"
"I could always use a penguin."
"You'd choose one of those...those things, over me, a guy who's already confessed that he's into you and maybe wants a legitimate excuse to hold your hand?" I couldn't hold in my smile.
"You should have just said," I said standing up and reaching out my hand for him. He put his hand in mine and let me pull him off the bench we'd been sat on and then I let him led me onto the ice.
"Finally!" Ellie called when we skated over to her hand-in-hand. "What took you guys so long?"
"Bet they were making out," Naya chipped in as an explanation when really it just hurt to bend down so low to do my laces, so I was taking things slow. I didn't want Roman to have to do my laces for me. I suspect he probably knew I was in pain, but I was thankful that he respected my right to ask for help if I actually wanted it.
"We were not," Roman grumbled.
"Aren't you two dating or something?" Naya asked gesturing to our joint hands.
"No," Roman responded. "We're just talking."
"Ah, the talking stage," Dahlia said giving the girls a look. "Let's leave them to talk then. I think I'll cringe if I overhear them trying to flirt."
Before I could even open my mouth, all three girls in their matching black beanies were skating away from us.
"I feel like we've created some kind of hybrid monster by introducing those three," I said at the same time Roman said that we haven't even been flirting. Maybe it's time we did? I always loved a bit of innocent but not-so-innocent flirting.
"Come on," I called pulling Roman away, my hand still in his. "I wanna skate around and you're meant to be my knight in shining armour who doesn't let me fall."
We went around the rink a few times and I was having fun even if we were kind of just mindlessly sliding around on ice. Roman's hand was warm against mine and my other hand felt cold, so I switched my position to face him completely so that I was skating backwards. Then I grabbed his empty hand with my own empty cold one.
"What are you doing?" he asked looking behind me to make sure I didn't crash into anything.
"This hand wanted to be warm too," I said softly as I slowed my skating down a little to get closer to him. He squeezed my hands tightly in response.
"I can make you warm," he said peering down at me as he basically pushed me forward on the ice by the momentum of his own skates.
"I bet you could," I whispered loud enough for him to hear but quiet enough that I hoped, key word being 'hoped', it came off sultry. "The day of the party, when we first met, you said you were meant to have gone on a date with some guy, but you couldn't do it. Now look at you, holding hands with a guy in public."
"Yeah," he chuckled. "Maybe I'm more toddler queer. I'm getting there."
"When do you get to adult queer?" I questioned raising my eyebrow.
"What does adult queer entail exactly?" He questioned.
"Oh, you know. Adult stuff. Special types of cuddles," I replied refusing to elaborate.
"Thought you wanted to take things slow?" he whispered beside my ear bringing his head forward, so we were closer I was still skating backwards putting all my trust in Roman not to let me crash into someone.
"I do," I whispered back. "I'm just tryna figure out how slow, slow is gonna be." I could feel his hot breath fanning my neck and I hummed at how nice it felt. "I don't want it to be too slow remember, this is already the longest I've gone without even kissing a guy I'm into."
"You're a tease," Roman said pulling his head back away from me. "Let me work on the best time to kiss you and then I will."
"And then..."
"And then we'll see what other adult stuff we can do."
I fake sighed and let go off one hand so I could face forward while we skated again. Roman asked me about what I was doing for Christmas now that it was only a couple weeks away and I told him I had no idea. I didn't really know how the Colloways celebrated the holidays, but I'd already gotten them all some presents. When I was 16 and got myself a bank account, some of the money from my inheritance was put into my account every month to help me pay for my expenses. It was more money than any teenager needed, but it meant I could get my foster family and my best friends some nice gifts and I wouldn't have to get a job purely to support myself.
Roman said that this year, the extended family were all coming to his house on Christmas day and then he was busy with other family even after that. It was also going to be the first time some of that family would meet Genie as some of his relatives lived far away. I asked him if he has a lot of family and he said both his parents had 3 siblings each, all of whom had lots of children giving him lots of cousins. Apparently, a lot of his cousins were around his age, and he loved getting blackout drunk with them on Christmas Eve.
"Isn't it annoying opening presents with a hangover?" I asked.
"Totally. And we have to pretend like we're not too hungover, so our parents don't get mad. They're scary otherwise," he explained. "So, what about New Years, what are you doing for that?"
I shrugged. "I guess if I have nothing to go to, I'll just stay at home with Carrie and Mike. Charlie will probably find something though that he might let me come to."
"You should come with me," Roman suggested. "Keaton's throwing a party at his. His parents are going away to spend New Year's with some of their old uni friends they made at Oxford."
"Keaton's parents are Oxford alumni?" I asked a little shocked.
"Don't tell Keaton I told you this, but he's actually secretly really smart. He definitely inherited it from his parents, but he thinks playing dumb makes him more attractive."
I cast Roman a quick smile at this revelation and agreed to go to New Years with him. Maybe he would be my kiss at midnight.
~~~~~~~~~~
Ngl I can't wait for them to get more intimate, I promise the wait will be worth it 😩