Lexa POV
It was the next morning. She felt poorly rested and was holding something tightly. She grumbled and pulled whatever in her arms closer, that's when she realized it was a pillow. She opened her eyes and sat up quickly. She looked around the bed as she felt around for Clarke but the bed was empty. She kicked the covers off, hoping Clarke would magically appear.
"No no no no." Lexa said to herself. She got out of bed and looked in the bathroom but it was just as empty as the bed. She quickly grabbed pants and put them on. She caught a glance out the window and it was dawn. It gave her a little hope that maybe Clarke just went out to help Abby in the morning, she would do that sometimes but very rarely. She was about to walk out the door when she saw a piece of paper on the desk. She walked over and picked it up.
Dear Alexandria,
I am sorry but I had to do this. I don't think I would be able to live with myself if people died when there was an easier way. Please, do not go to war over me, I made this choice and by the time you are reading this, it's probably too late. If the people of Bellmare want to take the deal we offered, let them, we need peace if the human race is going to survive. It'll be the right thing to do in the long run. I can only hope you do. Our years of war and bloodbaths are over. Jasper wrote a letter before primfaya, basically saying that we are the problem and I don't want that to become true.
Tears started to roll down Lexa's face as she got to the end of the paper. She flipped it over and there was more writing.
I love you more than I thought anyone could love someone. I can't put it into words how much you mean to me. You are the bravest and strongest person I have ever met. You are a beautiful person in a fucked up world. I always think about what would happen if we lived a normal life, a life where our first date wasn't a pauna cage or our first kiss wasn't just before we went to war. I love those moments almost as much as I loved our wedding day but I sometimes wonder where we would be if our first date was at some shitty rundown diner or whatever kids did for dates on old earth. What if we were just in love without worrying about AI's trying to overthrow the plant or nuclear waves. Maybe we will get to do that stuff in another lifetime. Please don't shut down your emotions, I don't want you to live like that. I want you to find happiness again and maybe even find love one day. Look out for Aden and Madi and keep them both safe. I love you, Lexa. Always remember that. May we meet again.
Forever yours, Clarke
There were tear dry droplets on the paper, most likey from Clarke crying while writing this. Lexa was overwhelmed with emotion. Her head was telling her to shut down and become emotionless again but her heart was telling her the opposite. She was angry, upset, frusterated, and was almost sobbing at this point. She carefully put the note in her pocket and walked out of the room. She put her shoes on and walked out of the house.
She started towards the training grounds. Almost no one was up other than guards. She was walking up the path when she saw Fiona. Lexa tried to avoid her but it was too late, she had already seen her and she was walking over to her.
"You're up early." Fiona said, a few feet away. Lexa didn't think she could talk without starting to tear up so she ignored her. "Good morning to you too." Fiona got in front of her and put her hand on her, stopping her. "You good?"
"If you don't get your hands off me, you won't have hands." Lexa said. Fiona retracted her hands and Lexa kept walking. She felt her eyes on her back, following her as she walked though. She got to the training grounds and guards and warriors were training. She walked over to the person running the training and told them that she wanted to join in.
Lexa got into the training arena and the guards and warriors lined up. The first man stepped in and they fought for not even ten seconds before the man dropped onto the ground. Same thing happened with the next and it just kept going on and on.
She would let the guards and warriors get a hit in sometimes because she felt like she desvered it. It was her fault that Clarke was dead. She didn't think hard enough about what the Commanders showed her.
After about two rounds of the guards lineing up and getting back in line, a female voice interupted them. "Everyone needs to leave." Octavia walked out behind the guards and warriors. Her eyes were red and looked like she had been crying. Everyone quickly left. Octavia took her knife out and tossed it on the ground.
"What the hell are you doing?" Lexa asked, her voice unsteady.
"They aren't punching bags." Octavia said, her voice was rapsy, probably from crying.
"Leave Octavia. Go be with Raven or something." Lexa walked out of the arena as Octavia stepped in.
"If you need to get your anger out, I'm right here." Octavia started to slowly walk towards her.
"How are you fine!" Lexa asked, her voice cracking.
"I'm not fine!" Octavia said, loudly. "What do you think I did when I read the note? Went about my day like nothing happened? No, Raven and I sat in bed and cried! Raven and I were going to visit Abby to comfort her when Fiona came and told us that you were starting to shut down, which is what Clarke wouldn't have wanted!" Lexa ignored her. "Now, Raven is at Abby's house, which is where you should be instead of beating up people!" Octavia grabbed her, turning her around. Lexa pushed Octavia off of her but Octavia didn't give up. She threw a punch at Lexa and she blocked it, punching Octavia in the stomach.
"Are you through yet?" Lexa asked.
"No."
The fight started and they started to exchange punches. Octavia was letting her beat her up for the first couple of hits before she started to fight back. All of her punches were messy and only had power behind it. Octavia would land a few hits but they were never that hard which only pissed her off more.
Lexa connected a right hook to Octavia's face and since it had all power behind it, it completely unbalanced her. She took the chance to kick her legs out and knocked Octavia to the ground.
She stepped out of the arena and left Octavia on the ground.
Abby POV
It was Abby and Octavia at her house. Raven had left to see if Madi was awake yet. Abby and Raven had cried for a good half an hour before she left. Abby just felt drained and that was it. It felt like it was all a dream.
She was sitting at her kitchen table with a cup of tea, staring into it when the door opened. She looked up and saw a bloodly Octavia. She quickly got up as Octavia sat down on the couch and groaned. Abby quickly pulled out a first aid kit and went over to Octavia.
Octavia's eye was starting to swell and was bleeding from her nose, mouth and probably some other places. She was holding her side and her hands looked beat up. "What happened to you?" Abby asked, starting to clean up Octavia.
"She's just a void." Octavia mumbled. "She just doesn't care. It was scary, she was just emotionless. Her eyes were hard, almost dead."
"Who?" Abby asked, in a quiet voice.
"Lexa."
"What happened?"
"Fiona saw Lexa in the morning and she threatened Fiona and it seemed like Lexa would make that threat happen if Fiona didn't back off." Octavia's eyes started to water. "Fiona came and found me and Rae, asking what was wrong with her and we told her that-'' Octavia didn't say it but Abby nodded. "I went to see her because I don't know why and she's fighting, most likey taking her anger out or something and I intervened. I worked her nerves until she attacked me. I don't know, when Linc died, I beat up my brother and I don't know if she just needed to do that but I guess not."
"Where is she now?" She asked.
"I don't know. She knocked me down and then just walked off."
Abby took care of Octavia and Octavia pulled her into a hug. She hugged her back and Octavia rubbed her back. She pulled away and got off the couch. "Is Lexa beat up too?"
"Not like me." Octavia said. "Why?"
"I'll be back." Abby put shoes on and walked out of the house. She started to the training grounds, looking for Lexa. Everything seemed fine, people were going about their day normally so they probably didn't know about what happened.
She saw Lexa in a training arena with Indra. They were doing hand to hand combat. Indra was getting hits on Lexa that she knew Lexa could easily block.
She walked over just as Indra knocked Lexa down. She quickly got up and was ready to go again but Abby stopped it. "I'll take it from here, Indra." She told Indra. Indra nodded and walked away.
"Why are you here, Abby?" Lexa asked, wipping blood from her face. Lexa ripped some of her shirt and tied it around a cut on her arm.
Abby pulled Lexa into a hug and Lexa frooze, not moving. "Just hug me Lexa." After a second, Lexa put her arms around her. Abby put her hand on the back of Lexa's head as she put her head in her neck. They both started to cry, Abby more than Lexa. "Don't blame yourself, it's not your fault."
"I let her leave so it is my fault."
"We both know if Clarke wanted to do something, there was no stopping it." Lexa said something but Abby didn't catch it. "You can't beat yourself up over it, mentally or pshycially."
They stood there for a while before Abby pulled away and wiped her own tears off her face. Lexa's eyes were pink and her eyelashes were wet. Her cheeks were damp and her nose was pink. She was also bloody from Indra beating up her. "Let's go back to my place so I can get you cleaned up." Abby put her hand on Lexa's back and they walked to her house.
Abby realized that Lexa was lost and just alone. Almost ten years of her life she had Clarke with her and about half of them were just Clarke, her, Madi and Aden. They walked back to Abby's house and walked in. Octavia must have left because she wasn't in the house. Lexa sat down on the couch and Abby started to clean her up.
Lexa had her head down and wouldn't look at her. When Abby made Lexa tilt her head up she saw Lexa's eyes starting to water. She took care of Lexa's wounds and then they sat down the couch together. Abby looked at Lexa and saw her just staring into nothing. Octavia was right, she was a void. Abby was worried that she would become a void after the realization that Clarke was actually gone and it wasn't a dream.
She knew Lexa blamed herself for it. There was no doubt. Lexa had her hand in her pocket and was figdeting with her wedding ring. Lexa was clearly falling very quickly into depression.
Lexa POV
It was around noon now. Lexa was wandering the woods, she didn't know where she was going but she was just walking. She just felt empty. It felt like she died and is now just a ghost, floating around. She knew she had to go back home eventally but she didn't think she could face Madi, not yet anyways. She knew it was a fucked up and selfless move but she can't be around anyone as of now.
She looked around and thought about the amount of times her and Clarke have walked this path. The amount of times that they ran down it, racing to get to the water before the other. Or the amount of times they went for late night walks when neither of them couldn't sleep. Those moments seemed like a lifetime ago when the memories weren't even a year old.
She looked up at the sky. It was a light blue color without a single cloud in sight. The color was much like Clarke's eyes. She would never see her eyes again or any part of her for that matter. She would never hear her voice again or be able to feel her.
She wished she could go back and do more. She wouldn't change anything but she wished in their spare time they did more. She wanted to get horses, go for a ride into the middle of nowhere and camp. She almost felt guilty for not treasuring the time.
Lexa walked over to a tree and started to climb it. She grabbed onto the branches one after the other until she got to the top. She found a thick branch and laid down on it. She looked back up at the sky.
It was strange to think about how just a few years ago, the dropship came from the sky and her whole life changed. She would have never imagined that she would have ended up marrying the blonde haired, bossy, girl.
"May we meet again, Clarke." Lexa said, with tears falling down her face.
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Happy Holidays! I got a new computer so I don't have to write on my five year old Chromebook that is on life support. I have no clue how that thing is still working. Also you guys get a double upload, a present from me to you. Thank you for the support!