She stared at herself in the mirror and saw sunken cheeks and blood-shot eyes. Nothing was the same anymore, including her appearance. She faked her wellness and ignored what was building up within.
"Hey Benson, we gotta go." Elliot spoke, as he stood outside of the bathroom door. Olivia blinked a few times, before turning her head towards the closed door.
"Huh?" Olivia asked weakly.
"We gotta get going. We have a rape victim sitting at the hospital and we gotta talk to her." Elliot replied, and Olivia swallowed hard before turning back to look at herself.
"Can you take Fin or John?"
"What? No! I'm not working a case with one of them, Liv! So finish whatever you are doing and meet me by the elevator!" Elliot snapped.
Olivia shook when she heard the anger in Elliot's voice, and she felt sick to her stomach because of it. However, Olivia made sure to not let it get to her. Elliot was angry, but he wouldn't hurt her.
"Please stop." Olivia whispered to herself, before turning and stumbling to the door.
///
Elliot kept an eye on Olivia as they drove towards the hospital. She was quiet, and Elliot was beating himself up for snapping at her.
"Liv, I didn't mean to snap earlier... I just don't want to work with anyone but you. You are the only one that I can trust completely." Elliot breathed, as he glanced over at Olivia.
"It's fine." Olivia replied softly.
"No, it isn't. I never should have spoken to you like that. I'm sorry." Elliot frowned.
Olivia nodded slowly before turning to look out the window again.
"Are you okay?" Elliot mused, and Olivia nodded as she fought off tears.
"I'm perfect."
When they finally arrived at the hospital, Olivia let Elliot do the talking. It was unlike her to let Elliot take the lead, but working a rape case wasn't what Olivia wanted to do. She stood by the door and zoned out onto the window as she waited for Elliot to tell her they were ready to go.
When it was finally time to go, Elliot grabbed Olivia's arm and slowly escorted her from the room. Once in the hall, he stood in front of her to make sure she couldn't run away. He wanted answers about why Olivia was acting differently and why she looked sick. He was worried about her, and hated that she wasn't telling him anything anymore.
"You rarely let me be the point of contact in a rape case. Especially when it comes to kids. You always are the one that makes them comfortable and safe, and I'm the protector. So what is happening that changed that? You didn't even want to come today to start." Elliot sighed.
Olivia kept her eyes focused on Elliot's chest, as tears welled in her eyes. She had been hiding something for a while, and she didn't like that Elliot was finally realizing. That he was noticing the changes in her.
"You are good with kids, El. I was just making sure that she was in good hands." Olivia said with a shaky smile.
"You are the one that is good with kids! Liv, if something is wrong, please tell me! I'm your best friend and I gotta know what is bothering you!" Elliot exclaimed, and Olivia was trying to come up with an excuse quickly.
"I saw an ex-boyfriend a few weeks ago, and it's still bothering me... now, can we go? We gotta drop the kit off with Melinda."
///
Olivia got even more reserved as the weeks went on. She always went home at the end of the day instead of going out to drinks, and she never wanted Elliot to pick her up from her apartment anymore. She was private, and it wasn't until nearly Christmas that Elliot found out why.
"Benson?" Elliot whispered, after he knocked lightly on the hospital door.
"Come in, El." Olivia replied softly. Once the door opened, Elliot walked into the room and fought off tears as she saw Olivia laying in the bed.
"What happened, Liv? This in the maternity floor, and I sure as hell know that you weren't pregnant." Elliot frowned as he slowly walked to her bed.
"I was though, El... I just had my baby, and I know that I couldn't hide her from the world, so I decided to call you and tell you." Olivia sniffled.
Elliot shook his head as those tears finally streamed down his cheeks.
"You had a baby? Olivia, who is the-"
Olivia held her hand out to Elliot as tears poured down her cheeks. This was one of the hardest conversations that Olivia would ever have with her best friend, and it scared her to know that his response might not be a good one. He may react rashly, and they may never end up talking again.
"El, I was heading home one day after going to the gym with Alex. I had my earbuds in and was jogging home in hopes of making it there before it snowed... I was only a few blocks from my apartment when a man grabbed me by my waist and pulled me into an alley. He forced himself inside of me and raped me... he clearly didn't use a condom or any protection, and that is how I ended up pregnant with Noelle." Olivia spoke, her words shaking and breaking randomly.
"N-no." Elliot whimpered.
"I was so ashamed that as a cop I couldn't protect myself or fight the bastard off... I didn't tell anyone because I didn't want people to not trust me anymore... so when I found out that I was pregnant, I thought about getting an abortion or giving her up for adoption, but I couldn't. I wanted to prove to myself that I could love her and care about her more than my mother did for me."
"You should have told me, Liv. I would have been there with you through everything... especially today since childbirth is scary." Elliot breathed, and Olivia smiled softly and nodded.
"Thanks, El. But I did it on my own for a reason... and even if I'm angry and upset right now, I know that everything will be okay. I can figure out stuff as I go, and raise Noelle to be an amazing person... one with an incredibly uncle to help out along the way."