15 days later >>>
Nicholas
It's been 15 days since that incident, I don't know how to explain how I am currently feeling...
I immediately left to New York in the morning ..... I didn't say goodbye rather ,I couldn't....
That night made things little complicated for me.... I don't know how to express things... I cannot think anything except about her....
I think ..it's just that ..that I am suddenly felt Little Protective towards her nothing else ... Isn't it??
Funny part is, this place seems too peaceful for me now, I miss those giggles and nonstop chattering....
How can a person talk so much!!
But that night!!
.
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Flashback 15 days ago "the night"
When I unclenched her fist, I saw her palm is red with blood...!!
I was horrified, shoked will be an understatement...
For few seconds I froze I didn't know what to do..... But when I looked at her face I got all my answers.....
The girl who is peacefully sleeping now, is hiding a lot of secrets inside her.... She isn't the open book like I thought.
She didn't show her pain to anyone , I wouldn't have known If I didn't unclenched her fist....
She had drawn blood with her own nails... Is she in so much pain?? But then why didn't she told it to anyone??
I stood up and brought the water, cotton and first aid kit...
I still don't know whether what I am doing is right or not but that time I couldn't think anything else...
I started cleaning the blood slowly with water .. I didn't want to wake her up... I don't know what will I answer if she ask me anything....
When I cleaned her palm I found crescent moon shaped cut and a big cut too.
Where did she get this? Did she got it in my office? But I.. I didn't notice any change in her face..
I looked at her again. I felt someone hammering my heart.. I shrug it of before I think too much..
I used soothing gel so that it didn't hurt her. This gel will help the cut to dry fast.
Is this woman crazy?? Who do this to themself?? The cuts from the nails are so deep......
Does she do this to supress her pain and anger??
Okay Nicholas you did your work, Now get up and sleep.....
The more you will think the more you will get attach to her.....
I went to sleep...
In the midnight or around 2,I guess.. I heard muffled sob...
When I turned my face to Naomi my eyes got widen...
She is sobbing and muttering something incoherent.. Her eyes are tightly closed...... She is taking heavy breath...
As soon as I saw that I did something I never expected myself to do.. I removed the wall of pillows and pull her to my lap hugging her tightly rubbing her back continuously....
"There there, everything will be alright
..... Calm down" I started saying in her ear to make her calm down but her cries are increasing with time..
Is she having nightmare?? I don't think so because this happened for the first time...
Then I heard what she was muttering....
"How can you?? H.. How Can you father?? D.. Don't you C... Care about your own daughter?? " She is saying this, she is literally having hiccups...
How can a girl so positive can breakdown like this??
"Was it my fault, W.. Was it my fault that he is fucking others??? I am not incapable.....I am not incapable father!!"
I froze... Is she speaking of me?? Her cries are not out of sadness it's out of disappointment and anger...
Did I made her cry like that?
"I didn't wanted to get married... I didn't.. You fucking forced me too...... How can you blame me when its you who forced me......" Hiccups "you asked me to behave like women, nicholas told me to behave like a women...... What am I then??? How to become a women!!?? Tell me you piece of shit faces... Telllll meeeee"
She again sobbed.. Untill its stop. But her body was still trembling while she tried to breath.
"Hey little monkey calm down, calm down" I am repeating this continuously.. Rubbing her back....
Nothing is helping...
"Don't I deserved to be loved?? Why men in my life are so pathetic?? Why Nicholas looks at me with disgust when I am so nice to him??"
I don't know what to say, but I don't look at her with disgust...... And to be honest this girl is so good that she do deserved to be loved..
'Than why don't want to love her', my unconscious mind mock at me
She deserve much better than me, she deserves someone who will treasure her. And that someone isn't me.
"That fucker changes girls like cloth and you ask me to take care of him??? Why will I take care of him?? Why will I force him to love me when we are not meant to be together.... And that angry Bear calls me little monkey how dare he" Last sentence made me laugh
But she is right no one deserve to be with a bastard like me... Am I hurting her so much?? Does my reckless behavior hurting her?? Damn I am so stupid..
"Naom-" I was about to say something but she said something which cause my heart to ache for the second time today...
"He cheated because I am not capable of satisfying him.... Father you say Nicholas don't stay with me because I am incapable to satisfy him.... Is this true Nicholas?? Is my body is everything that matters?? Will anyone love me for being me?? ....... Why people want me to someone I am not. Why everyone wants to leave me, Why?? " She asked it in a way for a moment I thought she is actually talking to me. But when I looked down she is still holding onto my shirt while nestling her face on my chest more. Her eyes still tightly closed.
'Why everyone wants to leave me?? ' the same question I asked myself all those years back.... By the Way who is 'HE', who cheated such a beautiful and selfless girl??..
When I looked down at her again ,
I saw her looking at me with those big brown wet eyes....
My breath got hitched, I am feeling something, something is happening inside me I don't know why... I felt sudden rush of heat inside my veins.
She is still looking at me, as if she wants so many answers....
Unknowingly I rubbed her cheeks with my thumb... So many emotion in her eyes!!!..
I don't think she is actually awake otherwise she wouldn't have stayed like this... And my guess turned right when...
She closed her eyes ,she is still holding my shirt.... I don't know how long we stayed like that....
'Because you were busy looking at her red nose and cheeks and tear stain on her cheeks.And the way she is sniffling'
My conscious mind mock again..
But when I heard her slow snoring I realised she is again in deep slumber..
We both layed down, without the wall of pillows..
I placed her on the other side,
And now I am looking at the ceiling.. Going through what happened today..
S
uddenly she scooted near me, her head on my shoulder... Slowly breathing... She looks perfect in my arms....
Fuck fuck what am I thinking!! ;
I should have removed her, I should have but I didn't... I was feeling good, she feels so good in my arms... She smells so good.... Her hair all over her face...... How can a person be so cute...
Her warm body and hand engulfed me although she is too small to do that... I don't know how to explain anything but I will regret it.... But for now
My mind was suddenly relaxed without any chaos... .
Is this normal?? Is it okay to feel good even if you don't love that person??
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