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"you were unsure which pain is worse: the shock of what happened or the ache for what never will"
-anon. on tumblr
song to listen to: what about angels by birdy
warnings: mentions of drugs, mentions of death, mentions of violence, swearing, ptsd, panic attacks, death, grieving, screaming, breakdowns..... in general this is a sad chapter, i am so so sorry
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cameron peters's point of view
"Hey, listen, I really hate to bother you, I know it's late and you're probably busy, but uh...I need you to come out to East Union Medical with me. It's been reported that something...something bad's happened, and I'd like you to check it out with me. It might be nothing, but just in case, could you come with me? Call me the second you get this, thanks in advance, Cameron." Nick's voice seemed like an entirely different person's over the phone, and especially when it was a voicemail.
I'd just finished doing the dishes and folding the clothes, so quite frankly, I didn't want to go and be his sidekick for checking out something that had a good chance of simply being a prank call. But he wasn't really asking me to do this, he wasn't giving me any options. The sheriff doesn't do that, whether you're his best friend or his worst enemy. He wanted me to go to East Union Med with him, I was going to go to East Union Med with him. And saying no would get me fired.
I didn't bother with putting on my uniform, I figured it wouldn't be necessary. At this moment in time, I told myself it was only a prank call, and that when I got back home, Jenny and Emily would be there-even Mia too, if I was lucky! As I drove to the hospital in my cruiser, this simple mind of mine drifted to the women in my life.
First and foremost, my wife and my forever person: Emily. She was just...she was everything you could ask for a person to be. She was everything that I needed. We met in '75, started to date in '76, and she was proudly my wife in '81. So for sure, we've put up with each other for a really long time, but I wouldn't change anything that happened to us even if it meant the world was going to end. This world ending didn't even matter to me, because Emily Dyer-Peters is my world. Everything I do, I do with my wife and my daughter and my sister in mind. Sure, we've had a couple of rough days lately, but I knew we'd work around it. We always do.
Thinking of working around things, my mind then traveled to Mia. Sweet, sweet Mia. My sister, and my best friend in the whole wide world. We weren't always too close, but after the massacre in '78, after I almost lost her, I realized how much she meant to me. I realized how much she did for me, and how much she does for me and everybody around her. We look after each other, we always make sure that even when one of us is on the ground and bleeding that we help one another. I've gotten her back up on her feet at her lowest moments, and she's worked with me to get me on my feet when I'm at my own lowest moments. I'd be dead without Mia, and I mean that with every fiber of my body.
Jennifer reminds me of how Mia used to be, but at the same time, she reminds me of her mother. Speaking of Jen, I have no fucking idea where she is right now, which was never a good thing. I'd left voicemails at the Kalivoda, Schmidt, and Johnson households, but there was yet to be a single call back. Sure, she's my daughter, but it's more than that. Jenny's my buddy, and I'd die for her without a single moments worth of hesitation. But I wouldn't want her to do the same for me. I don't let her see me at my lowest, because if I did, what if she knew I hated me? What sort of father would I be if I let my daughter knew that I hated myself? I'd be like my dad, dead from an overdose on the entire medical cabinet, dying slowly in front of my kids.
"Alrighty, Sheriff, this is Officer Peters pulling up to East Union Med right now, do you copy? Over." I turned on my officer mode the second I put the cruiser in park, speaking into the radio as I got out of the car.
"This is Sheriff Goode, I copy. I'm waiting at the entrance, get over here. It looks bad. Over." His voice seemed to hold a secret, but I didn't dare to ask about it when other people could hear us.
"Heading over now, over and out." I clicked my radio back into its holder; walked over to where Nick stood there with a grim face.
"Where's your gun?" He asked, and I pulled it out of the back of my jeans-it'd been hidden by my shirt. "Good. Keep it out. It looks like a big fucking mess in there."
With both of our guns held at the ready, we entered through the automatic sliding doors of East Union, and instantly, the gory sights on the floor almost made me throw up. Nurse Beddy and Nurse Barbara were swallowed by pools of their own blood, there were a few other doctors and nurses dead in the hallways. One redhead doctor that I recognized as Emily's friend, Bill O'Brien, came out of one of the rooms, seemingly without a scratch on him. But he looked distraught, and most killers don't look distraught after a massacre to this degree.
"Cameron," his voice was hoarse, probably from screaming. "Cameron, oh no-no you can't..."
I jogged over to the concerned man, and I found myself as concerned as he was. "Hey, hey what's going on, are you alright? Bill, what happened here?"
He shook his head and leaned against the door, and I nodded over to Nick. Nick would take care of Bill, I had more bodies to find and more grounds to cover. I walked towards the entirely empty vending machines, and looked around for about thirty seconds before I saw her. Lifeless. Eyes opened. Blood still seeping from her stomach and her neck. Bruised. Mouth slightly open with blood coming out of there too. My world came to a stand still, everything started to appear in slow motion. I put my gun back into its holster, where it should've been, and dropped to my knees, hitting the ground hard next to her dead body.
"No, no no no, baby..." A sob escaped my mouth as I rested her discolored head in my hands, moving hair out of her face. "No, no, no, no this can't...come ba-back, come back, Emily, please!" I started to shout. "Come back! Em, please, come on, don't die on me, you can't...you can't die on me, please, please!" My voice cracked, I took her limp hand in mine and held it up to my mouth, giving the back of her hand a kiss. "Please, Emmy, p-pl-please, I'm so...I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry."
"Cameron, I'm so sorry," Bill started to speak, and I stood up, shoving him back against the wall.
"NO!" I screamed in his face, tears streaming down my face. "No, no you don't get to be sorry! Don't be sorry for me, don't fucking be sorry for me!"
He stayed silent, and I shrunk into myself, beginning to sob. He tried reaching out to me for a hug, and I just shoved him weakly away, leaning against the door frame. I couldn't catch my breath anymore. She was gone. The love of my life was gone, and she wasn't coming back. She'd been murdered in cold blood, too. Another psycho snapped.
"Cameron, oh God, I-" Nick cut his own sentence off as he walked over, and that's when I realized her blood had stained my shirt.
I looked up at my boss, shaking. When I spoke, my voice was hoarse. "I never got to say sorry, Nick, I never...never got to say sorry to her." My lip quivered.
"She's our daughter, Emily. So start acting like it." I whisper shouted in her face.
"Oh, don't be like that with me!" She didn't care that Jenny was still sleeping, she was too angry now.
"Screw you, at least I'm here for her." My words were still a harsh whisper, and that whisper was what made her storm off, straight out of the house.
"I let her in." My breathing hitched. "I don't let people in."
'Screw you, at least I'm here for her.' Those were the last word she heard coming from my mouth. Not the usual 'I love you,' but 'Screw you.' I looked back at her body, noticing that her unnaturally pale face was marked with a permanent look of fright. Sobs racked my body, and as I fell back on my knees, Nick caught me. He gave me a hug that I didn't give back; I pushed away from him and leaned against the wall, slumping there with my head in my hands.
My life with her flashed before my eyes-seeing her walk down the aisle, her handing me Jenny the first time, her laugh. God, she had the sweetest and most contagious laugh in the world. Whenever her laugh sounded, it was like you had to laugh. Her eyes almost always had that beautiful glow of youth and happiness in them, even early this morning. I'd never get to see those beautiful eyes again, or hear her amazing laugh. I'd never hear her voice call out that she was home after a bad day at work, I'd never have another debate about Grease with her. She was gone. And people don't come back here. She wouldn't share the same miracle as Mia.
"Cameron, I uh...I know this is a bad time, but I need you to do something for me," Nick's voice was hushed as he kneeled down in front of me; I looked up at him with my puffy red eyes.
"I need you to call Mia. Tell her it's happening again."
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screaming, shaking, sobbing, crying, throwing up
i was literally crying my eyes out writing this chapter, i'm so sorry
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