"Was that passion just for the sake of the moment or were you perhaps... interested in me?" He bit his lip in anticipation.
"Okay Terri, I'm just going to say this and get it over with... I've been struggling through a recent breakup, with my first boyfriend actually. And I'm slowly getting over it but I've not yet recovered. I just thought you should know that." I confessed regretfully.
He exhaled in a way that his cheeks filled up with air and released. I guess he wasn't expecting that news.
"I understand...so do you think you'll get back together with him?"
"No. That's very doubtful since he's in Hawaii, dating another girl." I frowned. "It was a long distance relationship, and although we broke up in December, I hadn't seen him for about 6 months."
"Oh! I'm sorry to hear that..."
"So the question is, now that I've told you that are you still interested in knowing my answer?" I bit my lip this time.
"Of course..."
"It wasn't just for the sake of the moment. I am oddly attracted to you; you're so different. But for the time being...friends?"
"I'll accept that... Give me a chance and get to know me. I know it's been a little weird, my relation to Janet and this whole thing with your mother...but just give it time and see?"
"Okay, but as friends."
"Say nothing more." He smiled.
.
"Hey kiddo, how's the new year treating you?"
Kiddo, since when does Devin refer to me as kiddo? Now it's crystal clear how he sees me, as permanent as a black Sharpie. I sat at the bar 20 minutes shy of clocking in for my evening shift and took out some pamphlets I had been reviewing.
"New York, Washington, San Francisco...Boston? You've really been doing your research on culinary schools haven't you?" Devin said quite interested.
"I sent my application for San Francisco and New York. I'm kind of excited about moving someplace else for a while." I said without hesitation.
"So you're going to get certified and then come back and work for me as our newest chef right?" He winked.
"Unless I get a better offer." I laughed.
"I'm proud of you Brynn. You're living out my dream and I couldn't be more thrilled for you." Devin bent over to hug me.
Although it would take 2 years to get my certification, I was planning on entering the Pastry Arts and Bakery program. I have a soft spot for desserts, I can't help it. But thanks to Devin, Janet and Aaron, I finally knew what career I wanted to pursue.
"So, you never told me...who did you kiss at midnight?" I said while poking his side.
Devin didn't seem too amused; in fact he was rather serious. Had I said something wrong?
"Actually, no one."
"Really? What happened to going with the moment and kissing a random stranger?"
"I couldn't find anyone worth kissing...or that I wanted to anyway... And where did you disappear to?"
"I went outside."
"Oh, I wish I would have known that." Devin said disappointed.
Okay wait a minute, why was he wishing he'd 'known' that? Was he looking for me? I thought he and Izzy had...
"So who did Izzy kiss? Did you happen to see?"
"Chaz."
"The other bartender?" I asked to be sure.
"Yup, that's what I saw."
"That's so weird...at first I thought Izzy and Terri would kiss for sure, but then he went outside to find me-"
"So you and this Terrence guy kissed?" Devin cut me off.
"Yeah..." I sighed as I remembered the whole scene.
"So you like this guy?"
"Please don't start acting like the protective brother. He's a great guy. Besides you haven't necessarily been 'approachable' around him."
"So what? I don't have to be friends with the guys you date."
"We're not dating. We're just friends, like you and I are just friends."
"Oh so you're not attracted to him?"
"I'm obviously attracted to him. Why don't you not like him?"
"I don't know."
"But you're so friendly with everyone. This is the first time I've ever seen you like this."
Devin just shrugged his shoulders and walked around behind the bar. Why was he being weird? Was he this protective with his sister? I didn't see Isaiah acting like this and he was more of a brother figure than Devin was. Speaking of Isaiah, I could really use his advice right about now.
.
"Calm down Brynn. Beating yourself up isn't going to solve anything. You need to be honest about your feelings...starting by being honest with yourself." Isaiah reasoned.
"Ok Gandhi...what should I do?" I had just rambled over the phone to my friend about my confused state; seemed to be the norm nowadays.
"I'm not telling you that. I'm just here to give you advice not solve your problem." His voice grew annoyed.
"It's not fair! Why can't I just know who my soul mate is and have everything be black and white. It's that simple."
"Because life isn't that simple. And where would the fun be in that?" Isaiah sounded wiser than usual. "So go on..."
"Well, Devin for starters...amazing guy. At first he kind of reminded me of Aaron, but then he helped me get through my breakup with Aaron and then I start seeing more his sweet personality as Aaron slowly became... more of a blur. But he's 10 years older and just wants to be friends. He treats me like his younger sister. And he said that the next person he gets involved with he wants it to be a serious commitment...like marriage serious."
"Which makes perfect sense; look at me and Lilah." Isaiah agreed.
"I'm not finished...except now I seem to be sensing a bit of jealousy when I talk to him about Terri." I concluded.
"Hmmm..."
"And then there is Terrence. This mysterious new guy, a Marine for goodness sake! Proper gentleman in uniform, so different than a lot of guys around here, but because he's in the military...he travels often. Meaning, would this lead to another long distance relationship? And you know how I feel about that for obvious reasons. We talked the other day...he asked me if I was interested in him..."
"What did you tell him?"
"Well I thought I was 'hooked' like you said. I mean he's so interesting and different. He's definitely younger than Devin which helps. I just don't want to be unfair, as I'm still trying to recover from my break up with Aaron... Just slap me out of my misery and tell me what I should do Isaiah!"
"Okay Brynn, first of all, I'm never going to slap you. Second of all...I think you are well over Aaron by now, especially if you're juggling feelings for two guys. And third, well here goes...I think that the idea of this new guy, in a dangerous military career and uniform thing just took you by surprise and you liked it, but I think you were pushed more in that direction because Devin said he only wanted to be friends. So let me ask you this, before Terri kissed you and before Devin's speech...who did you really want to be kissed by that night?"
"Devin... at least that's what I pictured in my head. But now that I know that Terri likes me..." I admitted.
"You've obviously had time to get to know Devin and care about him. And the fact that you sacrificed a little of your feelings to potentially set him up with Izzy says a lot...yes, I found out from Janet."
"You two have become good friends...it's dangerous to my health."
"No, your boy-crazy ideas are hazardous to your health. Just take that New Year's kiss for what it was, an amazing kiss and that's it. Stay friends, besides if this thing with your mom and Kevin actually escalates, which I have a feeling it will, that's just going to be too messed up. And as far as Devin...he is a great friend, a solid guy and I understand where he's coming from about wanting a solid relationship. And yeah, maybe he's being protective and you're confusing it for jealousy. Don't ruin your friendship with him either."
"So what you're saying is to just be friends and pick neither?" I asked for clarification.
"You wanted my opinion..."
"That's depressing. At least I had one possibility before and now I have none." I sighed.
"You need to stop jumping around and figure out what you really want B. Besides, it will give you time to focus on another friendship that needs mending. Elizabeth could really use a good friend right now; I mean she's only going to have a baby...no biggie." He said sarcastically.
Isaiah was right. I hated to admit it. Not that I was using Izzy as a distraction, but she was the perfect person to dedicate my time to. She needed someone, she needed me.
"When did you become so wise?"
"I blame Lilah." He chuckled.
.
I'm glad I was honest with Terrence that day, about the whole 'breakup' thing. He needed to know that right? And honestly it didn't seem to faze him. But alas, all was well in Brynn's world...for who knows how long. I was supposed to meet up with Janet at her house after my Saturday morning shift; we had to write an English paper together.
I pulled up to the side of her corner house and didn't see her car there. So I quickly sought for my phone and called her but there was no answer. Maybe she was inside and her car elsewhere, who knows? I walked around, noticing her garage door open. But as I drew nearer all I saw were tools scattered on the floor and a tire removed from an old motorcycle.
Unexpectedly, Terri stood up from the other side of the bike.
"Oh geeze! You scared me!" I gasped.
"Sorry about that." He grinned.
He wiped his oily hands off on a rag as he stood there...very shirtless. I tried my best to keep eye contact, but as soon as he looked back down I glanced all over that body. I had seen athletic surfer bodies before but non like his. He was purposely built and 'ripped' as they call it. How could anyone not stare at the volumes of muscle his perfect 5'11 frame body sculpted so well?
Amongst the little droplets of sweat around his forehead and nose, I also observed the many tattoos that painted his body in the nicest places; his arm, his right side of the chest, his side rib, and his back as I saw him bend over.
"Is Janet here? We were supposed to meet up to work on an assignment together."
"No, I haven't seen her since I got here."
"What are you working on?" I continued.
"Just changing the oil and installing new brake pads...This was my father's bike that was given to Kevin and now passed on to me. So I'm fixing her up to take her back to camp." He explained.
"Oh cool." I was gawking at the piece of metal as I've never met someone with one before.
"Have you ever ridden one?"
"Oh no." I chuckled nervously. "I find them kind of scary."
"They're really not all that scary. It just depends how much you trust the driver." He replied while mounting the back tire in its place.
"Well I should go and find Janet so we can get started..." I said as my phone began to ring. "Speaking of..."
"Oh is that her?"
"Hey Janet, where are you?"
"Hey I was having brunch with Gabe when Philip called me to fill in for one of the girls. I'm not going to make it till this evening. Sorry B."
"That's fine. I'll catch you later then." I slipped the phone back in my pocket and kind of gave away that I was now available.
"So...bike ride?" Terri shot me a cute grin as he raised his eye brows. Hott damn!
"Sure."
"Great. Let me just wash her up and get myself washed up as well and I'll meet you inside in 25 minutes or so?"
"Okay, I'll just wait in the kitchen and do some reading for my paper." I said inviting myself inside the house.
I had distracted myself writing notes and little comments in my book that I lost track of the minutes. The scent of Terri's cologne had made its entrance before I could clearly hear his footsteps. I watched him come in the kitchen slowly. Just like a frame by frame caption of a film. I stared at his dark brown boots, followed by his rich blue jeans and then burgundy flannel rolled at the sleeves, just how I liked it, with a white shirt underneath. Was he for real?
"Are you ready?" he said holding a brown jacket.
I nodded dumbfounded. "Are you a model too?" I mumbled, yet I wasn't joking.
He chuckled as he held the door open for me. I was wearing jeans and a mint green sweater, but I wasn't sure if I had anything warmer to put over. Outside, his motorcycle now shined looking semi-new, minus a few dull patches. I was more nervous than excited for this ride...I just didn't want to die. But it was a beautiful day for it. There were two saddle bags mounted on the sides, where I placed my purse after I took out my sunglasses.
When I looked up at Terri, he already had his silver aviators on. Of course he wore aviators; this couldn't be more similar to Top Gun no matter how I tried to deny it; it wasmy mother's favorite movie. He handed me his jacket to put on and mounted the steel horse. Oh gosh, I was now about to sit very close to this handsome stallion.
"It's okay, I'm a safe driver." He assured me and stuck out his hand.
It wasn't about the safety so much as my shaky hands seconds away from wrapping around his waist. But maybe I could prevent that. I straddled behind him after tying my hair in a ponytail and found a small hand rail in back of my seat. This would do just fine. But when he hit the gas to the second gear, I jolted and attacked his sides with my claws. I felt his body tremble in laughter as I suspected he knew I would do that.
I had no idea where we were going, nor did I care. This was a whole new experience for me. We went from Santa Monica and then Terri announced we would head through Malibu. Like I said I didn't care where we were headed but the view of the ocean was amazing. Aside from the wind, watering my eyes and blowing in my ears; I'd say this was a great first experience.
My hands were slightly chilled so I'd take turns holding him with one arm while tucking the other in my jacket pocket. This was surely a dream date and when he rubbed his warm hand over mine, I about fainted off his bike. I hoped he couldn't feel the drops of drool that puddled around my mouth. Yes this time I was the one drooling, which hadn't happened since...well you can imagine.
As the ride continued, I grew more comfortable in this position, being this close to Terri. I rested my head on his back, no longer tense. He turned his head and gave me a smile of approval. Yeah, I could get used to this. Minutes later we drove up to a restaurant that had a beautiful view of the water from way up where we were.
I took off his jacket and attempted to free and fix my hair. This wooden shack had a great vibe of bikers and surfers just hanging out. I would be too shy to eat here by myself but that wasn't the case with this Marine. We walked in and they quickly greeted him, I guess he was a regular here. They asked for his brother and Terri joked around that he might be getting married soon.
Married soon? Did he think that Mr. Rogers and my mom would indeed tie the knot? Were things more serious than I was lead to believe? We sat on the porch facing the ocean and I was just taken aback by the view.
"So what did you think about your first ride?" He said smiling.
"Oh wow, I loved it. It was amazing really." I acknowledged.
"I knew you'd like it. Not so scary is it?"
"No. I think I passed that." I smiled while playing with my napkin.
I wasn't scared anymore but I was still nervous. Why couldn't I just feel normal, like I was pretending to be on the outside? It was hard to make full on eye contact, the sun light was reflecting off his eyes that had a rare yellow color today. I recognized these anxious feelings; I just didn't expect to feel them again so soon.
Isaiah told me I should know first what I wanted before getting involved with anyone. Right at this very instance, I was almost convinced that I wanted Terri, but it seems like I can't even trust my own heart at times. So maybe taking things super slow would be my safest bet; which for me meant...no kissing!
Although I already knew what it felt like to kiss Terrence, and man did that leave a lasting impression on me. But that's exactly what I was afraid of, it would cloud my thoughts and just brainwash me to dive into this...whatever this could be. Or was I just overthinking things again?
We gave our orders and I remained surprisingly quiet, it was only my twirling stomach I swear. Stupid butterflies can never give a girl a break!
"So how does this feel...us hanging out? He questioned earnestly.
"This is fun...I'm having a good time."
"Are you sure...you seem a little nervous." He said while staring at my hands on the table.
I hadn't noticed that I now had broken the rest of my napkin and had formed miniature paper cannon balls, lining them up for battle...so it seemed. I laughed and brushed them to the side; now trying to control my hands on my lap.
"Why do you like me?" I blurted out. "I mean, I couldn't read any signals from you at all."
"Sorry, it's hard to read me sometimes. I guess I have the military life to thank for that. It's just at first I couldn't tell if you even liked me as a person...but then I saw a change in the way you looked at me that night."
"Oh you noticed." I felt exposed of my obvious feelings.
"Yeah." He grinned knowingly.
I could feel my face warm up which meant that I was most likely blushing. And judging by the way Terri's grin now grew cuter; I was definitely showing my true colors.
"Agh, I have to say..." He looked playfully frustrated. "Nothing gets me like a pretty girl with blushing rosy cheeks like that." He admitted now finding it hard to look me back in the eyes.
Ha ha! His cheeks were turning pink too. How silly did we look, both flushed and very shy about our feelings. Where would things go from here? Soon we had our meals set before us; we ate and enjoyed some more conversation. The afternoon was still as lovely as the morning just slightly cooler. I zipped Terri's jacket back up and we began to ride back down.
I saw a cute rest stop with a picture friendly view and I squeezed Terri, pointing towards it. He aligned the bike and I took out my phone. I don't know why I had never done it before but I wanted a picture with him and this amazing back ground.
I pointed the camera in front of us, while the wind was blowing, favoring our direction. Terri then took some to get a broader view, as my arms were too short to capture it all. We were standing pretty close together, looking through our recently taken pictures. But I sensed his eyes quickly losing interest on my tiny screen. There went my nerves again as I could also feel his smiling and nose breathing face very close to mine.
I was reviewing my documented script on why I didn't want to kiss him. Why was I passing this opportunity and picture perfect vista on account of my silly agreement with myself? Entering my moment of weakness, what was I to do? He clearly presented an open window and I acted clueless to his intentions.
"Okay then, we can go now."
Without looking at him, I walked over to the bike and put my phone in the saddle bag. He was biting his lips, taking my rejection like a true trooper. I felt horrible; my feelings, my skin and my lips wanted nothing more than to kiss him. My heart was even covering my mind's mouth as it shouted 'go for it!' In the distance I could hear my brain say 'don't be stupid; stick with the plan!' But at the verge of soon turning 18, I still had a couple of months to act stupid.
He climbed on the motorcycle and just when he was about to put on his sunglasses, I cut in and kissed him. He slid back on the bike and allowed for me to lean in front of him. It was hard for him to wrap his hands around me, given that I was wearing his bulky jacket, but it helped the kiss to remain short and sweet. His large hand held on to my small face and we tried to make the most out of it, although slightly distracted by the consistent honking of the horns from the passing cars. He began to laugh as it was now quite annoying.
So I got behind him and wrapped my arms around him again. And we drove off back to Janet's house with the setting sun behind us.