Cassiopeia looked at him stunned, frantically searching his expression for any indication that he was joking. Rafe chewed on the back of his thumb, patiently waiting for her response.
"I can't," She breathed out shakily, "You can't – Rafe, do you even hear yourself? This is JJ we are talking about, not just some stranger."
He leaned against her bedroom door, the flicker of her lamp casting his shadow amongst the wall.
"He's going to "try" and kill me, at least let's make this more of a fair fight, yeah?"'
Cassiopeia's eyes widened, a terrified expression surfaced on her face.
"Is that what you do now Rafe, is that who you are now?"
He looked at her, the sound of the rain filling the intensified silence between them. His voice remained flat but steady, "Everything is trying to kill everything else all the time and every single thing has to kill to live. Killing is nature – you either kill or be killed."
Cassiopeia sat up straight on her bed, his words not processing through her head.
"This is wrong, you're- you're so fucking sick!" She shouted and swung her legs over the bed, eyeing the door.
The boy sauntered over to her, his walk full of purpose, "Is it now Cassiopeia? How come you haven't turned me in?" He leaned over her, his mouth gently brushing her ear, "Or called the cops and have me locked away? Perhaps all of this thrills you, gets you excited, or maybe," His voice grew husky and low, "It turns you on, the thought of having power, the idea of...executing your enemies."
Her body instantly tensed and she remained frozen in place, his words seeping into every crevice of her brain. Her mouth remained closed, unable to give the boy an explanation because truthfully, she didn't have one. The thought just never occurred to her, to get away from him. Because unfortunately, she couldn't imagine not being by his side.
Her nose brushed up against his cheek as she struggled to swallow. He raised his hand and glided it up her throat, slowly wrapping around it. He tilted her chin upwards so that she was looking at him.
"Tell me I'm wrong." He muttered, locking eyes with her, "Tell me I don't know you. That I perceived you entirely wrong. I have spent so much of my fucking time memorizing you, even when you don't know it. The thing is, I do know you, I know you better than you could ever possibly know yourself."
The words roll off her tongue instantly, "You're wrong."
He tsked softly before trailing up her jawline, cupping her face with his hand, "This is a poor attempt of convincing yourself otherwise Cassiopeia."
She bit down on her lip harshly, the familiar taste of blood surfaced on her tongue. Her eyes flicked towards the mirror, and as she caught sight of herself, she wondered;
Do I even know myself?
--
After much convincing and protest from the girl, Rafe was able to take care of her leg. He elevated her leg by placing it on top of some pillows. She watched as he dunked his hands into a bowl of water, washing them clean of her blood. The clearness slowly turning to a murky red. She sucked her lip in thought, noticing how at ease he was, as if this was natural for him. They remained silent until it was impossible for her not to say something, his words unable to escape her brain.
"Can you promise me something?"
He didn't look up at her, his attention fixated on the blood rolling down her leg.
"Sure."
"Why did you do all of that for me?"
"Do what?"
"Kill people," Her voice grew hush, "Why did you have to kill them."
He ripped a piece of gauze with his teeth, "I told you."
"I need to hear it again."
"It doesn't matter – they are dead."
"Please," She begged, "I won't be able to let it go."
He let out a long sigh, wrapping the gauze around her leg slowly.
"Barry was furious," His voice was monotonous, "Started throwing shit around the place, called you a bitch and a thousand other names. He said he would gut your insides out."
He stopped wrapping for a second to think for a moment before he continued, "Something inside of me just snapped."
"I told him to calm down, that I would make the money back double, triple, whatever he wanted – he didn't care Cassiopeia, he wanted you to pay. So, I did what I had to do."
"How?" she asked softly, but eager to know, "How did you do it?"
Rafe paused for a moment, "I noticed he had a blade in his hand – so I grabbed him by the throat, pushed him back against the fridge, and just started to choke him."
She sat there, picturing the struggle Barry must have had against the much taller and presumably stronger boy.
"I watched the life leave his eyes, from full of color to just nothing."
"But you didn't stop there," she mumbled, "He was bloody."
"You're right," Rafe took a deep breath, "I had to make sure he was dead."
"How many times did you hit him?"
"Too many."
"And the boy?"
She watched him look up from her leg, his expression blank, remorseless. He didn't respond.
"Did you have to end his life too?"
"It wasn't like that, he hurt you."
"He was a child Rafe."
He shook his head, "You don't understand. He could've killed you, when Topper found you, you weren't breathing."
She studied him, a wave of emotion drifted onto his face, "He could've killed you," He repeated firmly, "It was him or you, so I chose you."
"You don't even know me," Cassiopeia said bluntly.
"I know enough to know I can't be in this world without you."
Those few words made her entire body feel strangely at ease. She let her shoulders slump down. She could hear her heartbeat pounding in her ears, refusing to let up. But her heart wasn't pounding because she was nervous, she felt wanted, needed, and somehow managed to fit into someone's entire universe.
"I found him on his bike, I recognized the backpack first. I came up behind him and just threw him on the ground. I still had some extra chloroform and I just grabbed his hair, swung his head back, and covered his nose. I took him to Barry's, asked what I should do with him, Barry just laughed, blamed it all on you. Called you useless, worthless. I couldn't take it anymore, it was infuriating."
"When Barry was dead, I had the boy in another room, blindfolded, he sensed I came in, and just started to laugh, thought this was all some sick joke. Until I snapped his neck."
"And the house, it was just, so quiet, but it felt so good Cassiopeia, to shut them up, I felt for the first time in a while, satisfied."
He leaned his back against the wall, looking up at the ceiling, "And I don't regret doing it," He said quietly, "And if I had to, I would do it again."
She looked at him, reflecting on everything he just told her. It was horrific, but she was oddly fascinated by it all. More so, it was the fact that all of this was coming from Rafe, the boy who had slithered into her life and infiltrated every inch of it. He had never left her, never lied to her, he was all in this for her, and she felt like a fucking trophy. A smile crept onto her face and a new perspective appeared in her eyes.
"I would do it too," She breathed out but spoke firmly, "For you that is, in a heartbeat."
--
They had been in process of preparing her bags to leave the island. Cassiopeia began to feel a sort of numbness. In just a few short hours, her life would be radically different once more. She didn't like change, ever since her brother had died she wished for normalcy. Now that she somewhat had it, she would lose it once more. She would be leaving the remainder of her summer behind as well as the group of Pogues who had long awaited for her return, with one of their literal futures in her hands.
Rafe had chosen to stay out in the rain, making sure that his bike was prepared for whatever headed their way. Topper and Kelce were to follow them to the airport as a sort of protection against any unwarranted circumstances.
Rafe had filled the tank up with a broken gas can that he had found on the side of her house. He kneeled on the ground, feeling the bike's tires.
She sat on the porch steps, watching him and trying to stay out of the rain. However, she couldn't shake this overwhelming thought that was eating away at her.
"Hey," She called out into the rain. The boy popped his head up over the bike, raising his hand to his ear. She motioned for him to come to her. The boy got up and ran to her side, his body visibly soaked.
"Why didn't you tell me sooner about JJ?"
Rafe looked taken aback, obviously not expecting that question.
"I truthfully didn't know how to tell you."
"You could've just said it."
He shook his head, "How was I supposed to drop that casually into a conversation? You would've lost it."
"It would've been nice to have known sooner, so that I didn't put all my trust into him."
"You shouldn't have to begin with," His voice went rigid, "He's not a good person."
"And you are?"
"He and I are not the same," Rafe hovered over her, "Never put me in the same category as that shithead."
"How did you know though?"
He sucked in a deep breath, "His father was on one of his drunken stints, came pounding on our door asking for my father's help."
"Help?" Cassiopeia looked at him bewildered "For what?"
"We thought he was just talking nonsense, I was only twelve at the time and I thought it was hilarious. Maybank's father looked like he had been hit by a bus. But I eventually caught on after I saw my father speaking to him. Maybank had confided in his dad, that he possibly killed your brother."
Cassiopeia's face fell into her hands, trying to process what he was saying to her.
Rafe continued, "My father broke a deal with Maybank's dad, said he would keep his secret if his drunk ass was off this island. So, Maybank's dad left the next morning and hasn't been back since."
She took a shaky breath, trying hard not to lose it.
"So, your family, just let him get away with it?"
Rafe sat next to her, brushing her hair from her face, "Of course not, my father went to Shoupe and said Maybank's dad confessed and had fled. They couldn't find him so they halted the investigation."
"And JJ was never questioned?"
"He was, but he would never admit to it. Probably didn't want to go down the same way his drunken father did."
Cassiopeia looked over at Rafe, her eyes visibly puffy and red, "Why didn't you turn him in sooner, before you even met me?"
"I was just waiting for the perfect opportunity."
She looked taken aback, "Do you think my family was waiting around for the "perfect opportunity" to hear what actually happened to my brother?"
Rafe looked at her, a sourness covering his face, "That's not the point, he was a kid when it all happened, now he's almost eighteen, he can go down for it now."
"Rafe," Cassiopeia's voice was surprisingly steady, "My family has been waiting years for an answer, and you sat around getting high, knowing damn well you had the power to resolve the case."
His expression hardened, "That's far from the truth and I was a kid too, what the fuck was I supposed to do? My father said he had it handled."
"Oh really?" Cassiopeia snapped, "By letting JJ's father just run away?"
"It was to better the island, they were getting too many complaints about him."
She scoffed and stood up abruptly, "Fuck this," She breathed out, heading into the rain.
"Hey!" The boy shouted, running after her, "It wasn't just me, I didn't know you, you can't blame that on me."
"I can."
"Sarah knew too."
Cassiopeia stopped and turned to face Rafe, "Don't fuck with me."
"She did, she had to have known, she was in the other room that day when I heard."
"So, what are you saying."
Rafe sighed, "It's likely that all the Pogues knew."
Cassiopeia felt her blood run cold as body crumbled to the ground. Her tongue ran over her split bottom lip, tasting salt. She didn't realize she was crying. The anger had been actively growing inside of her ever since her brother died. She had suppressed her feelings for so long, trying to let the need for forgiveness weed out the untimely pain she felt. But this was too much, all of this being piled onto her at once.
And suddenly something clicked within her. Her little heart that had bottled up every raw, painful feeling over the years was now overflowing. Rafe's monologue from earlier was ringing in her ears. And now as she laid on the cold, Earth floor, she finally understood what he meant. Just as nature took her brother, she too would take part in the cycle. Perhaps killing was nature, but killing in vengeance sounded much more satisfying to her.
She decided JJ Maybank was going to die and she was okay with it.