NAMJOON
Malia is fucking fine. As hell. She's been beautiful this whole time but goddamn. She's finishing up taking the flexi rods out of her hair as she stands in the mirror.
I watch her as she unravels her hair from the rods and then pull the curls apart. After that, she lightly picks her hair and styles it. We make eye contact through the mirror and she stares at me.
"Why are you staring at me so hard?"
"You look beautiful."
She turns around and narrows her eyes.
"What?" I question as she looks at me suspiciously.
"You've never called me that before."
"That's not true." I'm positive I've called her beautiful before. Maybe not to her face but I've definitely thought it.
"I think I'd remember if I heard those words come out of your mouth." She finishes with her hair and makes sure that it looks good in the mirror.
"I'm not about to argue with you about what did or did not come out of my mouth."
"So you admit that it didn't?"
I smack my teeth. "Girl, just hurry up so we can go."
"I could always drive my damn self while you rushing me and shit." She says and I rub her butt.
"How? I got your keys." I pull her key ring from my pocket and she rolls her eyes. "Liaaaaa. We not gonna get home until damn near midnight fucking with you."
"I'm coming. Dang. Go get in the car, rushing me and shit. Acting like my damn daddy." She puts her flexi rods in their zip lock baggie and drops that into her bag.
I could have given her a smart comment back but I choose not to. She walks by me to get out of her room and I smack her ass before locking her door. She screw faces me as we walk to her car. We agreed to take hers since we took mine last time.
"Why did I agree to ride with your big headed ass again? Please remind me before I buy a damn bus ticket home."
"Good luck with that. Christmas and the New Year are coming up. You're assed out. And you're driving with me because I asked you to."
"While you were eating me out like I was going to tell you no. That shouldn't count." She crosses her arms when she gets settled into the passenger seat. I start her car and she gets comfortable.
"All I'm hearing is that I ate you up so good, you couldn't focus. I'll take that as a compliment."
"You're missing the whole point."
"So I didn't do a good job?"
Her eyes widen and she turns her head. "You did. You just distracted me knowing I was gonna agree."
"Stop getting distracted by me then."
She turns her head toward me as I start driving toward the highway. I can feel her screwfacing me out the corner of my eye.
"Imma knock you out one of these days."
"Yeah. One of them. Ain't gonna be this one, though."
For majority of the drive, we listen to music. Malia takes it over and plays old Mariah Carey and Keyshia Cole songs. She sings along and smile as I look at the road ahead of us.
When we get to our hometown, it's exactly what the time that I said it was gonna be. Midnight. It's a little past it, actually.
Malia texted her mom and told her that if she gets there super late, she'll stay at my house. My mom is working late at the hospital so she's not home. I don't have to worry about her waking up. But I did tell her that Malia is coming with me to the house.
She didn't mind but told me to clean up if I make a mess in the kitchen. Dragging a three year old joke that needs to die.
I park in the driveway and get out of the car. Malia leaves her mini suitcase in the car since she's going home tomorrow. We get in the house and she jogs upstairs to the bathroom.
When she comes out, she comes into my bedroom. She takes her coat off and hangs it on the back of the door.
"Can you turn the heater on, please?"
I oblige this one time because it is kind of cold in here. I strip off my clothes and put on sleep shorts. Malia holds her arms out for me after she gets into bed. She makes the grabby hands motion and I smile tiredly as I lay on top of her.
I still kiss her good night before we go to sleep. She rubs my back as she dozes off.
In the morning around 11, my mom comes to wake me up to make sure that Malia eats. I almost smack my teeth, offended that she thinks I'm not gonna feed this girl.
But my mother would smack me stupid for disrespecting her.
I wake Malia up and she frowns at the loss of warmth as I sit up. She clings to me, still groggy from sleeping as we brush our teeth. She holds my hand as we walk downstairs.
"Good morning, Mrs. Kim." She waves, still half sleep.
"Good morning, sweetheart. How'd you sleep?"
I side eye her as I open the fridge. She don't ever ask me how I sleep.
"Good. I was really tired. Exams were kicking my butt."
"How do you think you did?"
"I'm pretty confident that I passed." She says as I hand her the cereal. "Namu helped me study." She thanks me and goes to sit at the table. My mom raises an eyebrow and smiles as she turns to look at me.
She's giving me that look that she gave me during the Thanksgiving break. I'm still confused.
"Namu?"
"It's her nickname for me."
"And what do you call her?"
Ah~. So she's in my business....interesting.
"Lia. Li. Baby." I shrug as I eat my cereal. My mom smiles at me and I walk away avoiding every question to come after. I sit across from Malia and she puts her feet against mine.
I manage to finish eating before her somehow. After breakfast, she drives home.
"Soooo. What's going on?" My mom sits with me on the couch as I look for something to watch.
"What you mean?"
"With you and Malia. You guys seem close."
"I don't know. I really like her."
"So ask her out."
"It's not that easy."
"Why not?"
The answer is simple. I'm nervous. What if she says no? I like her way too much to just get over that. It's going to feel like a breakup and we're not even together.
"I like her too much."
"You're so much like your father that it pains me."
"What do you mean?"
"Your father waited so long to ask me to be his girlfriend that I almost stopped talking to him. Then I found out I was pregnant and that saved him but that's not the point."
"Malia wouldn't do that." I say as I scroll. Right?
Has it been too long? I have to verbally say it? Me feeding her every chance that I get doesn't count? What about the intimate moments? Do those not count either? I know what I've done, but still. Do I need to do more?
Does she still think I'm going to stop talking to her if we ever have sex? Does she still think that's my objective? I need to change that mindset.
I pull out my phone to text her and my mother laughs.
"It's not funny. You're worrying me."
Will you come out with me tomorrow?
Where we going?
Wherever you want
Mmm. The mall? I have to get my mom her gift.
Okay. Call me later
I will❤️
"See. She sent me a heart. We're fine."
"Are you going to see him tomorrow?" She asks suddenly and I nod.
"I'm going to see him then hang out with Lia after. Or hang with her then go see him. Depends on how I'm feeling when I wake up."
"I think he would've liked her."
"Me too."
"He would've tried to learn all of her dance moves to show off."
I laugh at the thought. "He would've gotten down maybe six of them. They do hard stuff."
"It's the thought that counts. He wasn't the best with dancing but he tried."
"Yes, I know. I miss him."
"You and I both." We both look at the picture of my father on the wall.
I miss him more around the holidays.
++++++
"Which way do I turn?"
"That way." I point to the left and she turns. I look at all the plots as she does it. "Slow down at the next 4 way. It's right after that."
I get chills like I always do from being here. It's been so many years, but it never gets any easier.
Malia stops the intersection and then continues on to park a ways into the next path. I grab the flowers and get out of the car.
It snowed today. It crunches under my feet as I walk to my father's headstone.
I squat down and brush the snow away. Picking up the old, shriveled flowers that my mother left last week, I replace them with the new, fresh ones. Malia picked them out. They're vibrant in color against the white backdrop.
"Hey, dad. Mom said that she comes to see you more now. To make up for my absence. I miss you." I gulp.
"I'm sorry that I can't come more often. Please forgive me. College is far from you and mom. I told you that I made D-1. The schooling is kind of hard and it's only freshman year. But what could I expect?
I made new friends. Better friends. You would really like them. Especially Hakeem and Ty. They're goofy like you are. They're good guys, they keep us together and level headed. Like older brothers that we never had."
I smile as I think about them. Turning my head to check on Malia, she looks at me from her phone. She smiles and waves. I grin and wave back.
"I met a girl. She's beautiful. Aish. You know about her already. She went to church with us. The one that mom always scolded me for distracting. I told you about her towar the end of my senior year, too.
"I made some bad decisions surrounding her. I hope that she stays long enough for me to fix them. Even if that's all she stays for, I just want her to know I'm not that person. I don't want to be.
"She deserves more, better from me. I want to give her everything that you gave mom. I feel very... safe with her. There's a feeling in my chest every time I look at her. Every time that she's in my arms, it's there. Every time her eyes light up from those ridiculously sad movies that she watches. I'm not sure what it feels like.... But I don't want it to stop.
"Things are hard for me, dad. Everything is changing and I feel like I can't keep up. All of the things that I'm used to are slowly fading out. They're losing their value for me, I don't care for them anymore. What do I do now?"
My voice cracks as I look at his picture on the tombstone. "I feel like I'm losing myself. The only time I'm solid is when I'm with Malia... or the guys. I don't know how to do this. How do I keep myself intact? How do I make everybody happy? How do I keep her happy?"
"I don't know what I'm doing but I'm trying. I will try. I'm going to make you and mom proud. I promise."
The coldness of the wind hits me and my wet cheeks. I wipe them as I stand up. "I love you, dad." I touch his tombstone with my fingertips before walking back to the car. Malia looks at me worried when I get inside.
"You okay?" She turns her body toward me and wipes my cheeks.
"Mhm. Just.. talking to my dad."
"Oh. I didn't know who we were here for. I didn't know how to ask."
"It's fine, Li." I kiss her hand as she puts the car in drive.
"I hope he likes the flowers. There's a four leaf clover in there. I don't think it's real, though." She says quietly.
I almost cry all over again.
"It's okay. He'll appreciate the gesture. They're his favorite." She looks at me with a smile on her face.
"Really?"
I nod as she drives out of the place. "Yeah. Tulips and four leaf clovers."
"Is that why you have the necklace?"
I look down at my chest and hold it up. I never take it off, sometimes I forget that it's there.
"Yeah. It's for him."
A|N
Random thought but you know what I LOVE. Men that know they're strong and capable but still let their women take over and run shit because they're also strong and capable... Idk. It just tickles the right part of my brain😭
EDIT:: I wrote that A|N while I was drafting IMMORTAL and Serenity and I was so giddy about it. LMAO