CHAPTER TWENTY FIVE
- I felt so much pain and hurt that eventually I started to feel nothing -
~~~~~
Trigger warning: Abuse, self harm, abortion
~~~~~
Jessica
I was instructed to find Samantha immediately now that the meal was over, so of course I went up to her room. However she wasn't there, and I didn't know where she would have gone after storming out.
I think everyone was uneasy after the hickey drama with Eliza, but it seemed to have really upset a few girls, especially Samantha. When she abruptly left the meal the confusion in the room was chaotic. The king and queen looked to Nicolas for an answer, but he appeared just as lost as them.
Poor Nicolas. I think he hadn't know about the conversation with Eliza and the rest of us selected girls that triggered it all.
Somehow I think Queen Isabelle knew there was tension between the girls, or at least suspected it, and called an emergency meeting with all the selected girls in the day room. Hence why I was sent up to go and locate Samantha.
She wasn't in her room though, which meant she could be anywhere. I was just about to ask her maid when I heard her voice.
"Jess? What are you doing here?"
I turned and there Samantha was, walking back to her room from down the corridor.
"Samantha. We need you downstairs. Us selected girls are having a meeting." I tell her and she sighs.
"I don't feel up to seeing everyone else right now." She says, understandably.
"It's the Queen's orders I'm afraid."
Her head whips to look at me, her eyes worried now, "The Queen?"
I nod, grabbing her hand, "And everyone else is waiting, so let's go."
"Why is the queen having a meeting with us?"
I shrug, "I think she senses something is up. Or maybe she's just annoyed you stormed out without permission."
"Do you think it's going to get me in trouble?" Samantha asks nervously.
"I'm sure they will excuse you."
"Is Nicolas in this meeting too?"
I shake my head, "No. Just us girls." I say then I grin at the memory, "But oh my, you should have seen his face when you left dinner. He was shocked beyond shocked. No one ever leaves a formal meal before being dismissed by the king, probably not even him."
Samantha seems ashamed, covering her face with her hands. She stops walking and runs her hands through her hair, obviously even more stressed now. I should just stop talking.
"C'mon Samantha. The Queen will have even more reason to not like you if we don't show up."
She sighs and allows me to pull her the rest of the way along to the day room.
~~~~~
Samantha
I felt like I was walking in to a lions den, knowing I'm going to be eaten alive. What if they just kick me out straight away? What if the Queen wants to make a lesson of me and humiliate me in front of all the other girls, or worse, kick me out. I didn't know Queen Isabelle well, so this meeting could go one of many different ways.
Entering the day room all the other selected girls were seated around the tea tables, waiting. Queen Isabelle stood at the head of the room, and nodded to us as we entered.
"Please sit down ladies."
I met the Queen's eyes to see if she was angry and about to yell at us, but she was surprisingly pokerfaced. She didn't seem furious though.
Jess and I take a seat at a table with Mary and Kaya, where they'd saved us some chairs.
Then we all sat and waited for the Queen to being. She definitely appeared royal and commanding at the front of the room, not a hair out of place in her neat updo.
She clasps her hands in front of her as she begins, "I didn't think you ladies needed this lecture this soon on, and I was hoping to do it with a smaller group, but here we are."
"I, like you all, have been through a selection. I know it's tough, and stressful being away from home, and ultimately can get competitive. But as potential future royalty I expect better behaviour. The incident of the attack proves you need to take this seriously. You are not on holiday and this is not the same as living at home. There are rules you must follow."
Her eyes trial across the crowd until she pauses on me, "Especially knowing when it's appropriate to act. And it's certainly not appropriate to storm out of a formal meal."
I couldn't look at her. She seemed so disappointed.
"If you are not taking this seriously you will be asked to leave. This is a privilege to be here, not a right."
I glance to my right as I see Molly putting up her hand. The queen nods so she can speak.
"I haven't done anything wrong." Molly says.
"I'm not saying you all have. I just suggest you all think about whether you are all truely willing to put in effort to continue being here. It's not just for the next few weeks, this impacts your entire life."
The queen takes a deep breath and then motions to the door.
"You ladies can all go now."
Everyone starts walking out when she speaks once more.
"Not you Samantha."
I freeze, turning to the queen as the girls around me continue to file out of the room, eager to get away before they too are called on.
I wait until everyone's gone, the door swinging shut after the last selected is out of the room.
"Come over here dear."
"Are you sending me home?" I ask as I walk over to the queen, the sinking feeling in my stomach increasing as each second I imagine leaving and never coming back.
The queen shakes her head, "No. I would never take that choice away from my son."
I breath out a sigh of relief, fiddling with the bracelet on my wrist and feeling oddly like I was going to cry.
"However Samantha, I hope you take this more seriously. You need to be strong to be a royal. Resilient. Fearless. Sometimes when things may make you want to cry, you have to suck it up and smile."
This whole encounter was shocking. A pep talk from the queen? I didn't expect that today.
"I have faith in a select few of you girls, and no doubt you're one of them. But this isn't only about who my son likes, it's about who makes a good future queen. Does that make sense?"
I nod sharply, "Yes."
She smiles softly, "Good. That is all. Enjoy the rest of your day dear."
"You too, your majesty." I say with a curtsey, realising I'd forgotten I was getting advice from the queen and should probably remember my manners.
"Oh I'm sure I will. Nicolas will demand to know what I've said to you all. I'm also certain he's keen to know what's going on with you, since he was clearly as out of the loop as the rest of us."
"I-uh-."
"I hope to see you present for the full length of meal tonight. I will, won't I?"
I nod vigorously and suddenly she's gone out of the door. I let out a breath, feeling anxious that whole conversation. I honestly did think for a second I might go home.
~~~~~
I tried to take the Queen's advice. I really did.
However it all went wrong in the follow up etiquette lesson the queen made us all attend. It was focused around acting politely and following the rules of the palace. Starting a polite conversation, when to curtsey and most importantly, knowing what time is respectful to exit a meal. We all know why they included that one.
I told myself to stay away from any drama, taking in all the important points from the lesson. However the queen also said to be fearless, brave, so when my friend was being verbally attacked I had to step in.
Elena said to Mary that she was a stupid little bitch for accidentally bumping into her. I heard it. I wasn't going to stand for that. Especially since Mary seemed too worried to say anything.
"Hey, don't talk to her like that." I say, despite seeing Mary at my side trying to stop me.
Elena stands her ground, "You want me to mention the fact that you're a nasty one too?"
Someone was bitter this afternoon.
"Stop talking." I say bluntly.
"After the shit at lunch. Good job, now the queen hates us all. Nice work with that one. I'm surprised she didn't kick you out on the spot."
"Why does it matter to you what I do? Seriously."
"Talk at me like that one more time blondie. I dare you." Elena fired back, stepping up to me with a fiery glare.
"You can call me whatever the hell you want. But don't you dare insult my friends." I say, rather boldly if I do say so myself.
"What? Can't take a joke? You're all a bunch of sluts throwing yourself at the prince anyway. You don't need anyone to tell you that."
I was loosing my patience with this girl, "Stop being nasty, right now!"
I get so close to Elena, glaring her down. I wasn't going to sit back and let Mary and the others be talked to like that. So much for staying out of the drama. Thank god the queen isn't here to see this.
I stare Elena down, not giving up for the sake of Mary.
However, I think Elena cracks because she fumbles backwards. She blinks a few times, and I see her thoughts racing before her eyes start going glassy.
Shit, I didn't mean to make her cry.
Elena turns and storms from the room in upset. I hesitate, but then decide to go after her. I move to follow, going into the next room where she had gone in. I shut the door softly behind me since she'd already slammed it.
"Elena?" I ask, concerned about her outburst as I hesitantly step towards her.
"Go away Samantha." She bites back, her back to me.
I keep pushing because I know she's upset and I worry it was my yelling, "I didn't mean to make you cry. Is everything ok?"
"No!" She screamed, turning to face me finally and I see her resolve burst. Tears start flowing down her cheeks, "My whole life is shit and I'm treating everyone else like shit because of it."
Elena changed in a second, her defensive shoulders dropped and the confident look in her eyes replaced by one of hurt.
"Elena."
"No! Don't talk to me." She throws up a hand and walks away from me a few steps.
"I'm trying to help! You're clearly upset."
"No fucking shit Sherlock." Elena is clearly not in the mood for joking. She buries her face in her hands a few sobs coming out. I think the walls she was holding up to everyone here were breaking.
She leans on the wall, sliding down until she's on the floor, pulling her knees up to her chest. I walk over hesitantly, making my way across the large room, the only noise her cries echoing around the walls.
I didn't like the feeling it left inside me, hearing her cry. Such a strong willed girl was hiding something for a while and now it was coming to the surface.
"Tell me what's really wrong then." I say and then sigh, squatting down to be level with her, "Tell someone, anyone, at least."
Elena hesitates, taking a few long breaths to get her shit together before she finally spills what she's been holding in.
"Well, to start, I don't want to fucking be here. It didn't have any other choice and I hate it." She says, running a hand through her auburn hair, "Oh, and also, both of my parents are dead! I have no one Samantha. No one! No aunties or uncles or siblings. The only one I had was a boyfriend who I moved in with and started to abuse me."
My eyes went wide at her confessions, not realising there was so much personal information she had been holding in. I didn't want her oversharing and regretting it.
"Elena..."
"Do you know what it's like to have someone threaten to kill you if you want to leave?"
I can't believe it, hearing her truth coming out as her voice wobbles, eyes watering all over again.
My mouth was hanging open, "No I don't. And you really don't need to tell me all this."
Elena's voice was shaky as she blinked rapidly to get rid of her tears, "He killed our child."
I couldn't help the gasp that came from my mouth, "Oh no..."
"That's why I signed up for this stupid thing. I couldn't give less of a shit about the prince or the crown or anything. I signed up to get away from him."
I didn't know what to say, and I think Elena took that as disapproval.
"I get it. You think I'm a horrible person." She says, burying her head in her knees.
"You are not a horrible person Elena."
"I KILLED MY UNBORN CHILD!" She yells, her voice cracking with her sobs,
"I'm a fucking monster."
"Elena! Breath! You aren't a monster. He's a monster." I say moving to sit beside her.
Silently I pull her into a hug. She lets me, a shaking, sobbing mess.
"Is he still abusing you?" I ask quietly.
Elena sniffles and nods, "He's been threatening me over text messages. Saying he's going to hurt me when I get back because I left him. I'm scared to go home."
"Don't go back to him. Ever."
Elena looks terrified as I say that, "I can't say no to him. You don't understand. He'll find me and hurt me, it's happened before."
It can't get much worse at this point and I'm feeling sick at the thought of all that's happened to her.
"You need to find somewhere safe far away from him." I say, despite knowing she's probably already tried.
"I don't have anywhere else to go." She admits defeatedly.
"Have you told Nicolas about your situation?" I ask.
She shakes her head, "I don't trust him."
"You need to tell someone. Nicolas could help you. This is serious Elena." I say, knowing the prince could do more for her safety than I could.
"I..I feel uncomfortable talking to...men. Especially about this."
"That's alright. I can talk to him if you want me to. But only if that's what you want. You need to get help. This is clearly hurting you."
Elena falls quiet for a few moments. In the silence I can almost hear her brain thinking rapidly about what decision to make.
"I guess so."
I hold her hands tightly in mine, the way I would want if I was upset, "The prince can help you stop this situation. Do you want me to talk to Nicolas for you?"
The poor girl nods sadly, "Yes."
"And is that alright if I share what's happening? I won't say anything if it's not." I tell her.
"I...I want you to. I just, I can't do it by myself."
"I'm sorry Elena. You didn't deserve any of this and it is not your fault. Thank you for sharing with me."
Elena nods, holding her arms around herself in a way that makes my heart break for her.
"Let's go find the prince. This needs to stop. You look terrified." I say, leading her with me to the door.
She nods, "I am."
"Come on."
Then she lets out a sigh, a long one, like a weight of pressure is lifted off her.
~~~~~
Nicolas
"Why didn't you tell me any of this before?"
I'm sitting across from Elena, with Samantha at her side and holding her hand as she's been telling me about her situation.
"I didn't want you to send me home. Back to him." Elena tells me, her lip quivering as she mentions this horrible man.
"Don't worry Elena. You are not going back to him."
"O-ok."
I think for a moment, "Do you have any evidence against him? Anything to prove what he's been doing?"
"I have a lot of text messages. He controls all my money and spends whatever he wants from my inheritance."
Samantha gasps, clearly not knowing that, and I'm just as shocked. What I'm hearing about Elena's toxic relationship is appalling.
"May I ask how he's physically abused you? You don't have to tell me if you're not comfortable or if you're not ready."
"He-uh-he pushed me around a lot. Into furniture. Onto the floor. Breaks things over me, punches me, knocks me out sometimes. I have several scars. There's a lot of medical records, where he's lied to them saying I had a fall or walked into something."
Samantha puts a hand over her mouth, like she might be sick, and I'm feeling a bit queasy myself. This is horrible to hear.
I wish I'd known this sooner. I wish I'd payed more attention. I wish I'd been there for her. The guilt was going to kill me. And in the end it was Samantha who found out, via some sort of argument I heard.
"The scarring..uh..might prove something."
"Ok." I say, "I think we'll have enough to do something. I'll get an investigator on him right away, find what else I can dig up."
"Thank you Nicolas. And you Samantha, thanks."
I was seeing a different side to Elena today. She's softer, more vulnerable, open to conversation. No wonder she has been so standoffish and kept lashing out, having been hiding a terrible secret.
Samantha holds Elena's hands tightly and gives her a hopeful smile.
Elena whispers something to Samantha and she nods in return, standing up.
"I'm going to go. Bye Elena. Your highness." Samantha gives a curtsey before quickly leaving the room and shutting the door behind her.
Now Elena and I were alone and it seemed like she had more to say.
"I'm sorry for asking more from you, but, I think I need more help." She says to start.
"It's no trouble. What is it you need?"
Elena starts crying again, clearly upset. She goes to speak several times but can't find the words.
She's clearly struggling to keep composed, but I'm willing to wait until shes ready because her situation is extremely serious.
Elena sobs and pulls up her long sleeves to show her exposed arms, crying as she reveals something I didn't expect.
"I-I need help Nicolas. I can't live with myself."
My eyes can't seem to move away from her arms. All up and down her forearms are self harm scars, old and new layered on her skin. It looked painful, but not just in the physical sense, it was a sign she was struggling. Hundreds of lines, clearly over years of pain.
"Elena, whatever help you need I can get you it. I just want you to be safe."
She nods, quickly covering herself back up with her sleeves.
"Thank you for coming to me. Don't worry about anything. You won't ever have to go back to that man. I will figure something out."
"Thank you. Thank you so much."
I stand up as Elena approaches and she hugs me. A full, tight hug, which is probably the first bit of affection she's shown since being here.