The full moon had coincided with Christmas Eve, which was a rare occurrence. When she was forced to turn by the moon she had the choice to either wait it out while running freely through the forest or be locked in the basement for several long hours. She'd made her escape before her parents could decide for her. And somehow she'd ended up on the edge of Toni's backyard.
Christmas Day had been as unbearably awkward and suffocating as last year, if not more. At least last year her parents had still had hope that there was a chance that her situation was reversible, though her father was still in denial about its permanence. Before all this, Christmas with her family used to be fun, it used to be the time of year she looked forward to most.
The time she had spent with Toni during winter break had been godsend, especially during Christmas Eve when she'd basically run out of her house after her father had tried to give her some kind of sermon that went against her whole nature. She was glad she had been able to improve Toni's Christmas. Though, she'd be lying if she hadn't enjoyed it, too. More than she would have if she'd been able to spend it at home. She actually really enjoyed experiencing Toni's affectionate side, which she did not want to analyze. It was probably a wolf thing to like being petted and stuff.
Her parents hadn't cared too much about her excursions in the woods, aside from during Christmas Eve, which really hadn't been in her power since it had occurred simultaneously with the full moon. Well, it had mostly been her father that hadn't been happy about it, her mom had just stood by, being the perfect obedient housewife he expected her to be.
Dave had tried to get her to fight the turn, so they could spend Christmas Eve as a family, as per God's wish, even though he knew that she wasn't able to stop her body from shifting during the moon, no matter how hard she tried. He had been so mad at her for something she couldn't control. He had shouted things at her, like that she 'wouldn't even try' and 'after all he had done for her', while she was experiencing the first waves of the fever that came with trying to hold off the full moon, even if she only tried to delay it for a few minutes. She had run out soon after, so she didn't have to shift in front of her family, but most importantly, in front of her father. He made it no secret that he absolutely hated what she was. Though, Shelby was certain that wasn't the only thing he hated about her.
As for the rest of winter break, as long as she showed up for Mass on Sunday, they hadn't cared too much that she went out in the woods so often. They still bought the excuse that she had too much energy that she just needed to get rid of somehow. Though, sometimes she lied to them, said she was going out on a date with Andrew, just to make sure her father wouldn't start questioning the lack of time she spent with her 'beloved boyfriend'. Andrew, whom she had ignored during pretty much all of winter break. It hadn't really been her intention. He just hadn't come to mind, since she'd spent most of her time with Toni.
It had seemed a little too easy, the way her parents had just conceded to her being home so scarcely during break. It had made her think. Before her 'transition' her parents would have demanded her to be home more often, or at least her dad would have. He used to be so strict around her, controlling every aspect of her life. But now it was as if he preferred if she was out of the house. So she wasn't there to remind him of all that was wrong with her, of the stain she brought upon his aspired perfect family. Out of sight, out of mind. And besides, Dave himself had been away from home a lot, even more during winter break. Shelby just hoped it wasn't still for the reason she feared it was.
It had been almost a month and a half since she'd first shown up to meet Toni. Because of meeting up with the brunette so often, she'd had to shift almost everyday. Her body had quickly adjusted to the change of habit. She'd started to notice that the more she turned, the easier the shift became. It used to take a good fifteen minutes, but now she'd somehow reduced that number to just under two. It probably also had something to do with the fact that she'd become less uncomfortable with the whole thing. It was almost effortless now, to let out that heat that she usually kept locked in her chest, hidden from the outside world. It felt almost...normal. It didn't really feel like something she needed to get rid of anymore. Which scared her.
She had also realized a few other things:
- Toni was an incredibly passionate person.
- Having the brunette run her fingers through her fur was one of the most pleasant sensations she'd ever felt, (In those moments, she was really glad wolves couldn't purr, because it would have been embarrassing.)
- Being free of expectations was not necessarily a good thing.
- The basketball player seriously needed to work on her self-worth.
- People had let her down so much that she'd built this thick, jagged armor that pushed everyone away, kept most of the people around her at arm's length, so as to not get hurt again, which she was convinced was inevitable.
- From what Toni had told her about her foster parents it seemed like they actually did care about her, they just didn't know how to show it to the skeptical brunette in a way that she would accept it and not think there were some devious, underlying intentions.
What Toni had experienced in the foster system broke Shelby's heart. If wolves were able to produce tears the way humans were, she would have cried while the brunette had told her about it. She now understood where Toni's temper and reluctance to trust people came from. She understood why she was so wary and quick to assume the worst of Shelby. The blonde just didn't know how to change that, to turn it around, to win her trust. But it was a challenge she was willing to take.
Toni's tendency to swear took some getting used to, though.
It had been a week since winter break had come to an end. Some time during their meetups Shelby had decided she would try and get in Toni's good graces, as herself and not just when she was a wolf. So far, her plan had failed. Toni had given her a few half annoyed, half confused glances when she'd tried to make small talk with her, but other than that she'd just continued to ignore her when they were in the presence of their friends. In their shared classes, she still tried to provoke Shelby, albeit with less fire. Probably because of the lack of reaction she'd gotten from the blonde. Shelby hoped that if she ignored the jibes, she would eventually get bored and the fire directed towards her would die down.
***
"She acts like I'm a child or something."
Shelby rolled her eyes. Was Toni seriously still on that?
Earlier that day, during English, Toni had started a ridiculous argument about God being a brainwashing tool designed to enslave the masses. She'd really tried to keep her composure, but that was one of the very few times she'd faltered. Could you really blame her? And besides, nobody was perfect. Not even her, no matter how hard she tried. Or used to try. Not even her father thought she could be perfect anymore, not with what she was now.
"She called me fucking petulant." Toni said as she stroked Shelby's fur while staring ahead, probably reliving the argument.
Damn right. Shelby had to keep herself from nodding.
Toni looked down, into Shelby's eyes, while stroking her head. "You don't think I'm being petty, do you?"
She's not seriously asking that, is she?
"I mean, I might not entirely have acted mature, but neither did she."
Excuse me!?
"She's just so infuriating, y'know. She's like the human embodiment of sunshine. No one should be that cheerful, especially not in the morning."
Really? I mean, really?
"She's constantly wearing this fake smile on her face, I just know there's some ugly shit she hides behind it."
What!?
Now Toni was just making things up. Shelby was not going to deny that she did have some very ugly things she was hiding, but there was no way Toni could know about that. Shelby didn't understand how the brunette saw through her so easily. Just because Shelby's smile wasn't always genuine, didn't mean her intentions were bad. She'd learned to always put on a smile, even when she didn't feel like it. Toni just didn't understand the pressure she was under, the expectations people had for her. Shelby didn't get to be carefree.
"And she is so stuck up." Toni shakes her head. "Even her ponytail. Every time I see it I feel like it thinks it's better than me. All high and immaculate."
Lord, is she ever gonna stop?
"Recently, she's even stopped reacting to me, she's just making it so obvious how much she thinks she's above me. She doesn't even think I'm worth reacting to anymore."
So, apparently Shelby's plan had had the opposite effect. She'd hoped that by ignoring her jabs, Toni would get bored and the fire in her directed at Shelby would eventually die down. Shelby would have to think about a different approach. Though, that still didn't mean she deserved to have to listen to Toni vent about her.
Maybe if I pretend to be asleep...
Shelby feigned a yawn and laid her head in Toni's lap, closing her eyes.
"And ..."
Nope. Alright. That's it, I'm leaving. She opened her eyes.
"... I'm pretty sure she's homophobic."
Shelby stiffened. That hit a little too close to home.
Homophobia was a form of hate and Shelby didn't do hate. But she did think homosexuality was a sin. Everything she had ever known had taught her that. Was she not allowed to have her own opinions?
"Which... I don't care. I mean it sucks, but I learned to expect that shit a long time ago. But I know Martha is gonna get hurt when she finds out that little Miss Perfect isn't so perfect after all." She stroked Shelby's head. "Martha only sees the good in people. It's like she lives in this ideal fantasy world where everyone is kind and just. She can't help it. When she was little she went through some really fucked up traumatic shit. It's kinda her way of coping. By denying it, really." Toni sighed.
Shelby lifted her head to look at Toni.
There was anger in her eyes, intermixed with sadness. Whatever had happened to Martha must have been terrible.
Shelby couldn't imagine anyone hurting such a kind and benevolent soul. It made her angry, too, at whoever had dared lay a hand on her.
"I expected Shelby to drop her a long time ago. People like her don't stick around for people like Marty and I."
What the heck is that supposed to mean?
"When it happens, Martha will be the one who gets hurt most."
But that's where Toni was wrong, though. Shelby would never intentionally hurt Martha.
Shelby proceeded to just stare miserably into the distance while Toni kept on ranting.
***
"-While ancient Greeks memorialized in myth the complicated relationship between beauty and competition, there is no historical evidence that they actually held contests for women. A "contest of physique" called the euandria was held yearly at an Athenian festival, but the contest was for men. European festivals dating to the medieval era provide the most direct lineage for beauty pageants. For example, English May Day celebrations always involved the selection of queens." Mrs. Wolfe paced in front of the class as she did her monologue with her powerpoint displayed on the whiteboard.
"You're totally the kind of person who would do pageants." Toni said scornfully while their History teacher continued, unaware. She'd turned in her designated seat to look directly at Shelby while she spoke.
Even though Toni probably didn't even realize she'd just indirectly called her good-looking, Shelby felt her cheeks heat up.
"Actually, I did." Shelby somewhat reluctantly admitted. This knowledge would probably only create more bullets for Toni to use against her, but she was trying a different approach to the whole 'make-Toni-stop-hating-human-me' thing. She figured honesty was a good start.
"Weren't you, like, Miss Texas or something?" Dot asked from the seat next to the blonde.
"Junior Miss Texas." Shelby corrected her, her blush intensifying. It had been a while since her last pageant. She couldn't really participate anymore, even if she still wanted to. Especially not since Minnesotan pageants still did the swimsuit competition.
A classmate behind them whistled. One of the entitled jocks, no doubt. Shelby didn't bother turning in her seat to look who it was. They weren't talking loudly, but they weren't exactly whispering either. Apparently some people were listening in, which wasn't unusual.
A look of disgust crossed Toni's face as she glanced at the boy sitting behind the blonde Texan. Her eyes quickly turned back to Shelby, "Well, I was going to say that it's sexist and outdated, but now everyone is going to complain that I'm just trying to get a rise out of you."
Shelby narrowed her eyes knowingly. She spoke softly, half whispering. "You are, though."
"I'm not, but I can't say I mind if it does." Toni smirked.
Shelby rolled with her eyes, but she couldn't stop the corners of her mouth from sliding upwards, forming a small but genuine smile.
Toni clearly saw it, seeing as a look of confusion crossed her face. This was probably not the reaction she'd been going for.
"Miss Shalifoe, please turn around. You can have your ludicrous squabbles after class." Their History teacher looked at them disapprovingly before turning back to the board.
***
"Have I told you about her boyfriend?" Toni started again.
Shelby had really hoped she'd gotten everything out of her system yesterday. Apparently not. She prayed to God that Toni would be done with the subject soon.
She really didn't feel like thinking about Andrew right now. Usually her time with Toni allowed her to forget about all those things. Andrew, her parents, the expectations, the past, the present... But not today it seemed. Shelby sighed as Toni continued.
"He's a fucking asshole. His ego is so fucking big, to overcompensate for his tiny dick, no doubt. He pretends to be this perfect Christian do-gooder, but he just loves to get a rise out of people he thinks are beneath him. And Shelby doesn't give a shit."
Shelby cringed a few times at Toni's crude words.
"Like in the diner. She could have stood up to her dick of a boyfriend, but instead she just stared at her lap, while the people she sat with talked shit about me, purposefully provoking me. She could have told them to stop, but she chose not to."
Shelby felt shame settling in her stomach. Toni didn't understand the situation she was in. She had wanted to say something, but she just couldn't. It would have raised questions, and if those questions had reached her father, only God knows what he would do. He already blamed her current situation on her past brush with temptation.
"Even though she didn't actively participate in bashing me, she still continuously chooses to be with that homophobic asshole."
Shelby knew that Toni was right. This was actually something she might be able to change, though her father wouldn't be too happy about what she was considering to do. But if it would help with getting on Toni's good side, then it would be worth it. She hoped.
Suddenly, something to the side caught Toni's attention. Her eyes lit up. She politely ushered Shelby's head off her lap and stood up, brushing the snow off her jeans.
Shelby got up in a sitting position. She frowned in confusion as she watched the basketball player walk two dozen feet away to then bend down and pick up a stick that was poking out from under the snow.
Toni turned back to look at her. "Do you wanna play fetch?" Her voice was now filled with excitement instead of aversion.
Shelby's eyes widened.
OH, NO. I'm not a frickin' dog.
When Shelby had internally begged for a change of topic, this was not what she'd meant.
"Seems fun, right?" Toni smiled, balancing the stick in her hand.
N-O-T, not. Going. To. Happen.
Toni threw the stick. Shelby didn't even turn her head to watch it fly. She just glared at the basketball player.
The excited glint in the brunette's eyes almost made her consider it. Almost.
Once Toni realized that she wasn't going to 'fetch' the stick, she put her hands on her hips. "You don't like playing fetch?" She frowned. "Or maybe you just don't understand it."
Shelby huffed. Did she just call me stupid?!
"You've probably never played it before." Toni continued, oblivious to her offence. "Okay, so, uhm, it's really simple. When I throw the stick you have to run after it, catch it and return it to me, so I can–"
In the middle of Toni's explanation Shelby stood up and left without looking back, holding her head up high. She had boundaries, alright.