ROBIN COULDN'T SLEEP.
She tossed and turned, trying to find a comfortable position. When she did, the pillow felt too soft and the mattresses were too cold. For the fifth time, she turned around and rearranged the pillow, but nothing seemed to work. She could count to a thousand or mutter every single meditative mantra she could think of, and it would all prove unsuccessful.
Because the problem wasn't that the bed was too comfortable or that the moonlight made its way through the curtains. The problem was that her mind wouldn't settle. It just seemed keen on working nonstop, bringing up memories to flood her thoughts, haunting her and her past mistakes.
The past.
She hadn't thought about it in a long time. She had tried not to, at least. And she had gotten away with it, most of the time. But ever since she had woken up from her visit to the Gardens of Lórien, the memories played over and over again, as if they were mocking her.
In a way, she found it incredibly ironic. After all, the Gardens were a place to find peace and rest, but she had found neither ever since. On the contrary, her soul had become more restless.
And she hated it.
Because no matter how many days had since passed, sleep was something that had become hard to come by.
Perhaps she had always been restless.
Looking back, she realized how long she had been hiding the truth from herself and pretending to be okay. It was rather obvious if she thought about how she had managed to lead her thoughts astray for so long.
During the day, she would just busy herself with everyday tasks, like training and studying. That was easy, seeing as she was constantly meeting new people and going on small adventures here and there.
Meanwhile, it was usually at night when she planned pranks. That way, her brain was busy calculating and planning, rather than focusing on things she didn't want to think about. And she liked it like that, because it was a way of pretending that there was nothing else to worry about.
It was a coping mechanism. She knew that. But how could she not find that sort of escape after everything that had happened? It was the only way her brain could block the pain.
It hurt to remember.
It was all too vivid inside her head, the memories playing over and over again, as if they were mocking her. She was forced to rewatch that part of herself that she hated the most. And the worst thing was that she was the one doing it to herself.
So she just laid there in the darkness, overwhelmed by things she wished she wouldn't think about. She could blame insomnia all she wanted, but she knew it was her troubled thoughts that kept her restless, weighing heavily on her soul.
And as the tears streamed down her face, all she could do was wonder if someday she would find peace of mind.
➵ ➵ ➵
Robin wandered mindlessly through the Elvenking's halls.
It was very late, but she had no idea of what time it really was. It didn't matter as long as she didn't come across anyone. And she was pretty sure she wouldn't, seeing as almost everyone was asleep, except for the guards that were on night duty.
Her feet worked on their own, as her mind and heart were too busy fighting to even notice where she was going.
Her past life was not something she liked to talk about, or even think of. She had tried to ignore it ever since she had appeared in Middle Earth, figuring she would just start fresh. After all, how could painful thoughts and memories help her in this life?
And it worked for a while. She was rarely questioned about her past, so she just figured that if she avoided thinking about it, her brain would not bring it up, and, if she was lucky, even forget.
Ha, as if!
In all honesty, it was a rather foolish thought. After all, even when she thought of herself as an expert avoider, the dark thoughts seemed to always find a way to come back and haunt her.
So how could she begin to mend the broken pieces? How could she find the light in the sea of darkness that she was drowning in? How could she find herself?
She had no idea. But she had to figure it out somehow.
She wanted to figure it out.
And that's when she wondered if trying something different would help. Avoiding everything was clearly not the best option. Maybe if she faced her demons they would finally go away. But for that, she had to acknowledge them. And that meant that maybe it was time she spoke about it with someone.
She just couldn't imagine how soon that would be.
➵ ➵ ➵
When Thranduil was but an elfling, there were nights when he would wake up crying because of nightmares. On those nights, he would always go to his mother's bedside to find comfort.
She would hold him in her arms, rocking him in that back and forth motion that mothers use to soothe their children as she whispered sweet words to calm him down.
It was during one of those nights, some years after they had been established in the Woodland Realm, that she took him to what would later become a place he would visit every time he needed peace of mind.
"Where are we going, nana?" The young Prince asked, holding his mother's hand tightly. The tears had stopped moments ago, and the excitement had soon taken over the young ellon, leaving the horrible nightmare behind.
The Queen smiled down at her son, her eyes sparkling at the thought of what she was about to show him. "We are going to a very special place, my love."
He frowned. "But I thought we were not allowed to leave the palace? Especially without Ada or guards."
"You're right, ionneg." She nodded, but soon raised an eyebrow in a playful manner. "But whoever said that we were leaving the palace?"
In that moment, they turned a corner and Thranduil felt immediately lost. He knew his home like the back of his hand, but he had never seen the glass doors at the end of the hidden hall.
They paused in front of the doors, and his mother bent so that she could look at her son eye to eye.
"Do you remember when we talked about secrets some time ago?" She wondered, softly stroking the boy's platinum hair and putting a strand behind his ear.
Thranduil nodded. "You said that everyone has them, and that there are moments in which we need to decide if we'll share them or not."
"That's right." She smiled, "Well, I have to confess I have many secrets myself."
"Really?" He questioned in surprise. "Even Kings and Queens?"
"Especially Kings and Queens." She pointed out, "And I have decided that there is one secret worth sharing."
He gasped. "Are you sure, nana? It can be very dangerous."
"I know, my elin." (Star) She smiled. "That's why I'm sharing it with the person I trust the most in this world. You."
His eyebrows shot up in surprise, not expecting that response.
"Now, you must promise to keep the secret. This is a very special secret."
"I promise, naneth." He exclaimed eagerly. "I will never share it."
"Good. Although you can still share it, one day. Maybe then someone will need to know about it, just like you do right now."
She softly pressed a kiss to his cheek, before turning back to the doors made of glass.
"Now, you must always remember these two important things." She started, "All the secrets of the world worth knowing are hiding in plain sight."
She opened one of the doors, and turned to look back at him.
"And above all, watch with glittering eyes the whole world around you because the greatest secrets are always hidden in the most unlikely places. Those who don't believe in magic will never find it."
That night, his mother showed him her favorite place in the world. 'Elbereth's Garden' she called it, as you could see the stars clearer than any other place in the Kingdom.
And ever since, he returned to the secret garden every time he needed some peace.
Maybe it helped because the garden reminded him of his mother, or because now that she was not there with him it was a way to feel closer to her, a way to try to find the comfort only she could offer him.
However it was, she had left him a place where he could find not only the soothing he needed, but also some of the most precious memories with her.
As he walked out of his room, tired of not being able to have a good night's sleep, he couldn't help but think how it would be one of those long, tortuous nights.
So instead of heading directly to the Garden, he walked toward the kitchen and cellars. After all, if he was not going to sleep, at least he needed some good wine.
He was not the only one, though.
➵ ➵ ➵
Robin was not surprised when she found herself in the kitchens.
She found comfort in a lot of different things, and one of them was definitely food.
And you know why? Because chocolate doesn't ask silly questions, chocolate understands.
She wasn't even sure there was chocolate in Middle Earth, or Ice Cream, or Nutella. What a pity. If there was something she missed from her world, it was definitely the food.
In the end, she decided to bake some cookies, but when she looked for the flour, she found none. So she headed to the stairs in the corner of the kitchens, hoping she would find flour there or something.
She found herself in the cellars, and she couldn't help but gasp at the sight of the hundreds of barrels of wine. The Woodland King was known for his love of wine, but not as much as his son.
There was the sound of steps coming down the stairs, but she didn't even have time to react or hide from the new presence.
Not a second later, she found none other than Thranduil standing before her.
"Oh, it's just you." She sighed in relief, placing a hand on her chest. "You scared the shit out of me."
She hadn't expected to find anyone awake this late, but at least she hadn't met with someone she didn't know or a guard.
Thranduil was surprised to find her, too. But he didn't show it.
"Yes, it's 'just me'" He rolled his eyes, before giving her a questioning look. "What are you doing here?"
She just shrugged, not feeling in the mood to throw sarcastic remarks at him.
"Same as you, I guess."
He raised an eyebrow. "You're gonna drink wine from my father's personal reserve?"
She frowned. "What? Of course not! I'm not that dumb."
"What do you mean? Are you calling me dumb?" He asked, offended.
"At least you can recognize an insult, good." She exclaimed proudly. "And why would I steal from the King's reserve when I can take from yours?"
"You have stolen from my- "
"No, but we both know your father gets the best wine and that's why you take from his and don't notice if I take or not from yours." She pointed out.
He started blankly, not knowing if he should have been angry or impressed.
"Anyways, I'm not here for the wine. I'm going to bake cookies and was just looking for the flour."
"Why would you choose cookies over wine?"
She stared at him as if the answer was obvious. "It's hard to be sad when you're eating a cookie, duh."
He shook his head in disagreement. "No, if you're sad you drink to forget. Everyone knows that."
"Well then, Mr Wine Expert, be so kind and bring the wine while I make the cookies. We'll have both."
Not an hour later, they found themselves standing at one of the kitchen countertops with a plate of newly baked cookies and two glasses of wine.
Robin reached out and grabbed the wine immediately, drinking the whole glass in one sip as if it was just water. Thranduil just stared in shock as she just casually began eating her cookie.
"What? How?" He exclaimed in confusion.
"What? You thought you were the only one who drinks wine as if it's your everyday drink?" She asked, "Because you still are. It's just candy is dandy but liquor is quicker."
And that's how he knew there was something weird going on with her. Because Robin rarely drank wine. Actually, she had told him a lot of times how she just didn't like the taste and how it was strange that people went crazy with just one glass.
She just didn't understand why people needed wine to get crazy when she was already like that when she was sober.
After a couple of more glasses of wine and no cookies left, Robin stood up without another word and started to head for the exit.
Had it been another day and other circumstances, Thranduil would have let her go without another word. But the wine had already started to have some effect, and something strange took over him.
"Where are you going?"
"To Hogwarts, I wanna change this fantasy world for another." She rolled her eyes. "I'm going to bed, obviously."
"Because you'll be able to make it without getting lost and will find sleep as soon as your head hits the pillow, right?"
She stared blankly at him. "As if you cared if I got lost."
"I don't." He shrugged, "But I wouldn't mind the company, either."
This would have been a great opportunity to make fun of him or retort in a sassy way, but Robin could only frown.
"Why are you doing that?"
"Doing what?"
"Treating me like a person."
Thranduil stared at her with his mouth hanging open for a second, not knowing how to respond. Was this really what she thought of him? That he didn't treat her like a person?
"What's so unbelievable about us having a conversation like normal people?" He questioned, a small frown on his face.
"First of all, you've never shown any kind of interest in anything that I have to say." She pointed out. "Second, you see me as if I am some kind of spy or something. How can I be sure that you're not just trying to get information out of me, and that you genuinely want to just talk? And most importantly, do we not hate each other?"
"Fair point." He admitted, shrugging. "Perhaps we started off on the wrong foot. Maybe it's time we change that."
Robin stared in silence, frowning at his words. She was more confused than a chameleon in a bag of skittles.
"If we're in some alternate universe where you're not a jerk, how soon before we can leave it?"
Thranduil rolled his eyes. She was making this harder than he thought it would be, and the wine didn't help. "I'm trying to have a serious conversation with you!"
"And I'm trying to subtly avoid it!"
"If we are gonna fight in this war, and you are here to help us, we might as well start to get along, don't you think? It would be more beneficial than just endless arguing." Thranduil reasoned.
Robin sighed, raising her hands in surrender. "Fine. So are we gonna pretend that we are strangers meeting for the first time in a bar, like Meredith Grey and Derek Shepherd, or what?"
"I don't know who you're talking about." He rolled his eyes. She always made these references that he didn't understand and it annoyed him to no end.
"Right." She muttered. "Anyways, we're supposed to just start over. Kinda. There are things that we can't forget, like my amazing pranks."
"Whatever." He rolled his eyes.
"I'm Robin, I like pranking people and I can't tell apart left from right." She introduced herself, extending her hand.
"I'm Thranduil, being a prince is not my only personality trait, like some people like to claim- " He exclaimed, giving her a pointed look and shaking her hand. "I love drinking wine and I'm a warrior."
"I may not know you, but I think whoever said that about your personality being the fact that you are a prince is right." She smirked.
He only shook his head in annoyance, but there was a small smile on his face.
"So now what, stranger?" She asked.
"Now we're gonna go somewhere else."
"Uh-uh, I don't think so. My friend Calina said I'm not supposed to talk to strangers, let alone go to unknown places with them."
He rolled his eyes. "We're not even strangers anymore, we already introduced ourselves."
"Yeah, whatever." She shrugged. "So are we supposed to be friends now or what?"
"I suppose."
"Well, then in that case I suppose I have nothing to lose if I go with you. That way if I get murdered or disappear they can blame it on you." She grinned at the thought, because even if they were 'friends' now, the thought of Thranduil in a dungeon seemed hilarious. "Where are we going, anyways?"
"Do you trust me?" He asked, heading towards the doors.
"I don't know yet." She replied, before walking after him. "But hey, this night has been full of surprises."
➵ ➵ ➵
Robin frowned as she stared at the unfamiliar glass doors.
"How in the world did we even get here?"
"By taking an unusual pathway that leads to a secret corridor." Thranduil casually answered.
She looked around the strange corridor In amazement, wondering if she was dreaming or if it was the wine starting to hit strongly.
"What is there behind the doors?" She asked, her curiosity starting to arise.
"It's a very special place I come to when I need to find some peace." He answered, watching Robin's reaction to his words. "No one else really knows about it, it's a secret."
"That's so cool!" Robin couldn't help but exclaim. Then she paused. "But wait- You don't have to show it to me. It's a secret, after all."
He shook his head. "I want you to know about this place. It has helped me, and it can help you now or in the future."
She knew better than to argue with him, so she just nodded.
"I call it 'Elbereth's Garden.'" He exclaimed, opening the doors.
A beautiful and large garden appeared before them. There were all types of colorful flowers and large trees.
The garden was large, light, and verdant. Its canopy was contested by big, long green trees, and a newly-minted moon appeared in the sky, drenching shady glades with silver light.
Thick tree limbs suspended from a couple of trees, and an array of flowers, adorned the otherwise brown and green lower level.
A tumult of animal sounds, most of which were owls, added life to the garden at night, overpowering the occasional sounds of large animals in the distance.
But the most impressive thing was the view there was of the stars. It was as if it had been placed in the perfect spot for stargazing, and Robin couldn't help but love it.
She stared, marveled at the sight before her.
"How did you find this wonderful place?" She turned to look at Thranduil, who watched her reaction from afar, giving her the space she needed to look around.
"My mother showed it to me when I was but an elfling." He answered, looking at the stars. "It was her favorite place. My father knew of her love for the stars, so he had it arranged just for her when they built the palace. It has remained a secret, just for our eyes."
"That's a beautiful gift." Robin smiled softly, secretly finding it very romantic. Thranduil nodded, but said nothing else in response, and she couldn't help but wonder what was going on inside his head.
They sat down in silence in one of the benches that had been strategically placed around. Robin couldn't help but smile as she stared at the beautiful night sky.
There was a reason she was so romantic about the stars.
They never asked her questions or begged for the answers nor did she ever have to prove herself to them. They were always just there - breathing, shining, and in ways most humans can't understand: listening.
And maybe that was exactly what she needed: someone who would listen.
They sat in silence for a while, until Thranduil's deep voice spoke.
"It's the nightmares," He muttered, and she almost missed it, had it not been for the fact they sat next to each other. He took a deep breath, trying to keep calm as his mind brought the memories back. "Sometimes they come in waves, as if they have been held back for too long and are ready to drown me any second. And then there are times when they're hidden, slowly and softly creeping their way into beautiful dreams. Those are way worse, because they catch you off guard and strike twice as hard."
Robin was caught off guard at his sudden openness, and it took her a few moments to process the depth of his words. Maybe the wine had really taken a toll on both of them to talk about this.
Silence reigned as her mind tried to find the right words to respond.
"I know what you mean," She started, turning to look at him. "There are many things I don't like to remember, or even think about. And I manage really well throughout the day. The problem is that when I'm asleep and my rational mind goes to sleep, the subconscious takes over. And I hate it so damn much, because during the day I think I'm in control, but somehow at night my mind finds hurtful ways to show me that I'm really not."
He looked at her then, and their eyes found each other as a look of understanding crossed both of their sights.
It's strange, isn't it? To think you are so different to someone, when, in reality, you are more alike than you could have ever imagined.
She was the one to break eye contact, her cheeks burning. She was lucky the moonlight wasn't enough to show the blush that had crept up her cheeks. Soon enough, he found himself staring at the sky, a comfortable silence taking over.
"It's my life." Robin whispered, not being able to bring herself to look at him, so she just settled for watching the stars sparkle. "My past life. You know, the one I had before appearing here."
Thranduil raised an eyebrow, and looked at her with interest. She had never spoken about that. At least, not to him. He was curious, obviously. But he had never asked, thinking that it was not his business. And, well, he would be the last person in the world she would talk about this with. Apparently he had been wrong.
"You don't have to- "
"No." She cut in, shaking her head furiously. "I have to talk about this. I need to."
Her eyes found his, almost on the verge of tears, vulnerable and pleading to be heard.
Please.
He nodded, understanding what she wanted. She didn't need him to talk, she just wanted someone who would listen.
She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, trying to calm down and recollect herself a little. And then, she finally found the courage to talk.
"I died." She stated, not giving it a second thought. "That's my last memory before waking up here. I think that's how I ended up in this world. And I don't like to talk about it, because it hurts to remember."
She paused, trying to organize her mind in order to tell the story.
"You see, I didn't have the best life." She laughed darkly, "Hell, it was the shittiest life you could ever imagine. It was as if I was destined to be miserable from the moment I gave my first breath."
It was okay. She could do this.
"I never knew my mother because she died at childbirth, so I was left only with my father, if you could call him that. He was a piece of shit, honestly. After my mother died, he drowned himself in alcohol and drugs. I guess that was his way to handle the pain. And, in a way, I don't blame him. He had lost the love of his life, after all. But he blamed it on me."
She could still hear him screaming at her.
"It's your fault! You killed her!"
"You're the reason she's gone! And I hate you for that, because you took her from me!"
"He would hit me while he screamed, over and over again. I was so young - I didn't understand!" She shook in anger. "I would cry and I would wonder over and over again. What had I done wrong? I was a good girl, I did as he said. How could I kill someone, especially my own mother?
But I believed him, because, how could I not? When you're told something for so long you start to believe it. He would come back home drunk, screaming and hitting me. Sometimes I would admit that I had killed her, hoping that he would leave me alone. And it worked for a while, until I was a little older and his temper got worse. He was louder and more violent.
I suppose that's what saved me in the end. One night, the scandal was so loud that the neighbors called the police. They arrested him, and social services took care of me. I was six."
She took a deep breath, and wiped the silent tears that had managed to escape. It took her a moment to recollect herself before continuing with the story.
"I was sent to an orphanage, then. But year after year, family after family rejected me. I was considered an outcast, a weirdo. I was mocked and bullied by the other children. No one wanted me. I never understood what I had done wrong for everyone to hate me. Sometimes I can still hear their words inside my head."
"No one will ever love you."
"Why don't you just die anyway? Is not as if someone would miss you."
"You know why no one wants you? Because you are a murderer. You killed your mom, and for that, you've been cursed."
"No one wants a monster in their home."
"No one loves you. No one wants you. No one needs you."
Thranduil stared speechless, almost not believing what she had just said. And, no, it wasn't that he didn't believe her. He did, without a doubt. The way she spoke, the anger, the hurt and pain, they were real. It was just hard to picture it because he was so used to seeing her happy and positive. This was like a totally different version of herself.
"I'm sorry." He said, still trying to process everything. "I know it doesn't help, but I mean it. You shouldn't have gone through any of that. No one should."
He was right. It didn't make her feel much better, because she couldn't erase all those feelings from her heart. She couldn't change the past. But she was glad that he was there to listen. She couldn't keep bottling it up.
"It's alright. Things got a little better from then on." She shrugged, trying to be more positive about the whole ordeal. "I lived in the orphanage until I was eighteen. It wasn't the best place or circumstances to grow up in, but at least I had a roof over my head and food on the table. Anything was way better than living with my dad.
"Looking back, I realize I was a stranger to that world. I didn't belong there. I never did. So I went for the only thing that could help me escape from that wrenched world."
"Books." Thranduil stated, and she nodded with a smile.
"Am I that easy to read?" She wondered, and he only gave her a small smile. She returned it, thinking about the good things that happened while she was at the orphanage. "I've always loved reading, so I basically spent most of my days doing just that. I decided that if I didn't fit into that world, then I would go to other worlds in which I did fit. Honestly, books were the only thing that kept me sane throughout my life. I relied on them a lot because they gave me hope. And I tried to hold tightly onto that."
This was the first time ever Robin spoke about her life on Earth. The reason behind that was that she had never found the courage within herself to talk about it. She knew her friends would listen, of course, and that they would provide the comfort she would want.
But she didn't need that. She needed to heal, and to face her demons by talking about them. She didn't just need someone who would just listen, but also someone who understood. Someone who battled demons everyday, just like her, quietly and on his own. And the fact that that person had ended up being Thranduil certainly said something.
Was it a casualty? Maybe. He was not the only broken person out there. But that didn't matter, because somehow they had ended up in the kitchens at the same time. It was as if it was meant to be.
They sat in silence for the rest of the night. Thranduil tried to analyze her, looking for a way to understand how it was possible for the happiest looking girl to hide that kind of deep suffering inside herself.
The only answer seemed to be that Robin Hood hid all her problems behind her smile. Behind her smile was a world of pain and hurt. It was like thinking you knew her but you really had no idea.
His heart clenched at the thought, finding it absolutely heartbreaking. Because the girl who laughed and talked a lot and seemed very happy, was also the girl who cried herself to sleep.
She wore it so beautifully, didn't she? Her pain. Always smiling, always positive, always happy to help. It was like a garment perfectly tailored to fit the way she carried it... With a touch of grace and the quietness of that sad smile.
All so you'd never know how heavy it really was.
He watched as she fell asleep on his shoulder, the exhaustion finally taking over both of them. His eyelids started to feel heavy, and just as his eyes were about to close, he managed to spy the shooting star that crossed through the sky.
Needless to say, that was the best night of sleep both of them got in a long time.
➵ ➵ ➵
Holy shit that was a lot!
It's literally 3am as I publish this because somehow I wrote this all today. So if you see any mistakes, please forgive me. I promise I'll edit this chapter tomorrow (or is it later today??) when my eyes are not trying to close every two seconds lol.
This chapter is the longest yet with more than 5100 words 😰😰
So, some of Robin's past has been revealed. What do you guys think about it?
Also, they're finally friends! It was about damn time.
Also Thrandy and his mom ♥️
Anyways, thank you very much for all the reads and votes the book has gotten lately. It means the world to me 💕
I hope you guys like this chapter, this morning I had no idea what I was gonna write so hopefully it's not that bad.
As always, thank you for coming back.
And if you like the story, please vote and comment it literally takes two secs ;)
See you soon 🤍