ROARA
"Loki?" I knocked on his door. I got no response. I pushed it open. "I'm leaving."
He glanced up at me, a hardcover book in his hands.
"I just wanted to say bye." I said to him.
"Bye." He waved and then flicked a hand. The door began to close on me, but I stopped it with my fist.
"Don't telekensis this door in my face. Are you really going to be like that?" I asked, wheeling myself in.
"How do you want me to be?" He asked. Then he grinned. "I heard that."
"Stop reading my mind!" I snapped, cheeks turning red as a cherry. I hadn't meant to, but a word had cropped up in my head in response to his question. Naked. I'd always has a dirty mouth, and a dirtier mind, but it was frustrating when someone could know everything I thought as I thought it.
He closed his book, laying a hand over the dark blue cover. "This isn't easy for me." He said at last.
"I know." I sighed. "This isn't easy for me either, but I think that's for other reasons." I knew what he was saying. It's not easy for me to watch you go to live with another man. "Thank you, though. I appreciate you encouraging to do what's best for me."
He snorted. "You sound like a therapist."
"Have you ever been to therapy? You might need it." I rubbed my eyes. I was tired, I'd just had another dose of my medication. It was in fact helping, my leg was becoming less achy every day, and I could barely feel my broken ribs. "But I mean it." I put my hand over his, feeling the material of the book on the outsides of my fingers. It was one of those old ones, the ones without a cover and just the name on the spine.
He looked down at our hands, and I thought for a second he was going to move his hand away. The relief I felt when he realised he wouldn't was washed away by the guilt of wanting his hand there.
"I'm coming back." I promised him. "This is only temporary."
"Roara you're the only thing keeping me here." He looked me in the eye. "I don't want to work with these people."
"I know. But I am so proud of you for doing this. Not just for me, but for the people you're helping." I paused. "But also, yeah, for me."
He smiled a little. "I might also be staying for the rat too."
"I hate it when you call Alina that." I groaned.
"She likes it." He shrugged, and I felt the back of his hand shift slightly under mine with the movement. I glanced at the side of the book. Sense and Sensibility, the Jane Austen book I'd been reading that day, but this was clearly his own copy. I smiled to myself slightly. "Besides, as you said, this is temporary." His words jolted me back to reality.
I nodded. "I'll be back before you know it and ready to kick your ass."
He turned his hand over underneath mine so our palms were touching. "I'll wait for that day then." His fingers slowly but surely curled around my wrist, and after a moments hesitation I did the same. It was almost like holding hands, but our palms were in different directions.
"I would invite you over, but I don't know how much Bucky would appreciate that. It is his place after all." I saw his face fall. "He doesn't know still. About the engagement."
Loki sighed. "You should tell him."
"What?"
"You should tell him. If it was me, I'd want to know." He looked down as he said this, as though he genuinely couldn't look me in the eye as he spoke those words. It was unlike him, doing something for someone else like that, something that might benefit them at his expense. I was taken aback. And then I heard it. It was as though it was being spoken very far away, through a tube or underwater, faint but somehow I could still understand it.
And I might lose you forever.
It was Loki's voice, definitely his voice, but he wasn't moving his lips. Had I just read his mind without meaning to? I didn't understand, I didn't have my powers, I couldn't borrow from him to do this.
"Loki..." With my other hand I lifted his chin, forcing his bright green eyes to meet my own. "You'll never lose me." Our faces were so close, I could feel his breath on my lips, see each individual eyelash.
"I will always be right here." I placed my hand over his heart for a moment. I could feel his pulse beneath my fingers, steady and sure. I cupped his jaw in my hand. "All you have to do is come back to me."
One movement. That was all it would take. One. And my lips would be pressed to his, and we would be kissing. It could be such a small movement, a gentle one. But I couldn't do that. Not to Bucky, not to Loki, not to myself. But it would be so very easy. His eyes came back to meet my own. Where had they been looking? My lips? Was he thinking the same thing as I was?
"Roara." Startled I jumped slightly, taking my hand off Loki's jaw, and turning around to look at the doorway. Sam was standing there, my suitcase and backpack next to his feet. "Are you ready to go?"
He was clearly trying to keep his face void of judgement, but I could practically see the cogs turning in his head.
Loki's fingers fell away from my skin and the loss of touch felt like ice pressed against my wrist. I let go of him and wheeled myself back slightly.
"I'm ready." I told Sam, moving over to the doorway.
"Ro." I looked around my shoulder at Loki. I thought be was about to say something else, but all that came out of his mouth was, "Goodbye."
"Bye." I said, and turned back to Sam. "We good to go?"
"After you Roro." He grinned, holding a hand out to signal me to go past.
"I hate it when you call me that." I muttered, pushing my wheels forward.
"You love it really." Sam smiled. "Even if you didn't, I'm not going to stop saying it."
I rolled my eyes as I heard Sam walking behind me. "So, is the lift still broken?"
"It's an elevator, and yeah it is, Peter and Aditi got Alina to help them turn the speed up this morning and Tony's still trying to get it to run at normal speed." I could hear his smile in his voice. That's one thing I liked about Sam, he wasn't always optimistic like Steve, but he was always finding a reason to smile.
"Did it go down like a rollercoaster before?" I asked.
"Oh yeah." Sam replied. "Alina and I went on it five times before Steve made us get off."
"I hate science nerds." I chuckled, getting to the staircase. "Who's helping me get down?" I asked.
"Me." Simon was standing next to the door to the stairwell. "How do you want to do this?"
"Uh..." I considered this. "I think I can get out if I have some help walking down, Sam can you carry the chair?" I craned my neck to look around at him.
"I'm only carrying your backpack and your suitcase." He muttered, shaking his head. "Fine, but you owe me one?"
"It's not my choice to have fucked up my leg so badly I can't walk without assistance." I muttered, letting Simon haul me out of the chair.
Together we made our way down the stairs, taking it one step at a time.
"Thank you for standing up for me today." Simon said quietly. "I really appreciated that."
"It's not problem." I replied, taking another careful step down. "Alina can be like that when she gets pissy, don't mind her."
"So you don't hate my guts anymore?" He asked. "I am sorry I called you princess the first time we met."
"Ah don't worry, you can stop apologising for that now."
"It was very funny at the time!" Sam shouted from behind us.
"Yeah, yeah. No I don't hate your guts, you've been very helpful with uh, you know." I sighed. "Also you're not a terrible dancer so that's a plus."
"I'm not? My last girlfriend said I danced like a constipated giraffe." He grinned.
"Nah." We rested a second in a stairwell. "At least not when you're drunk. Why did you call me princess, apart from trying to get in my pants?"
"I wasn't trying to..." He sighed and went a little pink at the ears. "You just seemed up yourself."
"Ooh drama." Sam said, now standing next to us. "Keep this up Roro and you'll have your own reality TV show."
"Shut it Sam or I'll string you up by your scrotum." I pushed him playfully, but it wasn't nearly strong enough to actually do anything.
We began to make our way down the stairs again. "You could get in a lot of trouble for talking to a senior agent like that."
"Ma'am you're not a senior agent anymore." He blushed even harder.
"I'm on temporarily medical leave, check the file again Bridges, so I'm still your superior." We were finally at the bottom of the stairs, and Sam opened up the wheelchair again for me to sit in. "Can I walk to the car? I just..."
"Hey, no problem." Sam said. "You okay to help Bridges?" He asked.
"Sure thing." He opened the door and the three of us moved out.
Sam had been very good about my injuries, never asking me to explain myself. I knew I had too much pride, and that it wasn't actually helping, but it felt like my pride was all I had left. I knew Sam had friends from the armed forces who had lost limbs, or worse, and so he'd always been very understanding.
We reached the car and Simon helped me in. "I'll see you round Agent Woodson." He gave me a wink.
"Don't keep your hopes up Bridges!" I called after him as he left.
Sam got in beside me, and turned the key in the ignition. "You've got to stop wrapping men around your little finger Roro. You're going to drive one of them insane at some point."
"If you hadn't noticed I always go for people who are already only semi-stable." I replied, strapping myself in.
Sam laughed and began to drive. "How about Bridges?"
"Bridges and I only flirt for fun."
Sam raised an eyebrow. "Oh yeah?"
"Yes! Nothing happening there. He's just...not treated me differently since I've come back, and it's refreshing. I feel like most people have..."
"Been tiptoeing round you?" He suggested.
"Exactly. I mean it's nice he's being less of an ass, but I don't think that's because of my injuries." I sighed. "Don't even ask me about Loki and Bucky, I haven't been able to wrap my own head around it."
"Wasn't planning on it." He sighed. "Just be careful. It feels like you're playing with fire here."
"Oh Sam." I looked out of the window. "I think you're forgetting that playing with fire is exactly what I do."