Meredith had been looking forward to being back in Seattle, and that was an entirely new experience for her. She'd even managed to get an earlier flight, and fully intended on surprising Derek in work. She'd checked the OR board, finding he should be almost finished with a craniotomy.
She made her way up to the gallery, stopping short in the hallway as she heard familiar sniffles coming from the room. She couldn't quite place why they were familiar sounds, and she approached the room slowly, not wanting to intrude.
Her breath caught as she saw Maddie sat in the front row of chairs, hugging her knees against her body. She walked slowly toward her, sitting in the chair beside her. "Maddie, what are you doing in here?"
"Mer!" She gasped in surprise, looking caught out with wide eyes, but also with tears streaking down her red cheeks. Her arms reached out to her as her face scrunched, ready for new sobs.
"I'm here." Meredith frowned as she lifted Maddie into her lap, brushing her hair back from her face. "What are you doing in here, Princess? You should be in day care."
"Need daddy." Her voice came out in a gasp between sobs, and she buried her face against Meredith's chest, her hands gripping on to her jacket. Meredith held her tighter, pressing a kiss against the top of her head.
"Daddy's working, Princess." Meredith began to rock her side to side gently, running her fingers through Maddie's brown curls. "You can't be in here, baby girl."
"Need daddy!" Maddie seemed to sob harder, her small frame shaking in Meredith's hold.
Meredith hushed her softly, rubbing her back as she tried to calm her, hugging her close against her. She couldn't even begin to imagine what had upset Maddie so much that she had felt the need to come and track Derek down in the middle of the afternoon. As far as she was aware, Maddie hadn't done anything like this before, it was completely out of character for her.
"What happened, Maddie? What's made you so upset?" Meredith tried, speaking softly as Maddie's sobs became quieter, small hiccups jolting her body.
Maddie shook her head, clutching Meredith's jacket tighter as her face moved to bury against her neck. Meredith held her closer, her arms wrapped tight, but gentle, around her body. She needed to at least get her out of the gallery. She was surprised no one from daycare was looking for her.
"Let's go to daddy's office and wait for him there." She spoke in a soft murmur, standing and carrying Maddie.
She walked up to the glass overlooking the surgery below, Maddie still hiding against her. She looked to where Derek was still fully concentrating on the surgery in front of him. From what she could see, he would be done in no more than an hour, there was no need to interrupt him or panic him now. She could look after Maddie. She left the gallery, making her way through the hospital to his office. She was glad he'd given her this key now.
She successfully managed to get both her and Maddie into the office, not needing to let go of the young girl once. She locked the door behind them and lay on the couch with her back propped up against the arm, Maddie still against her chest.
"This is better." Meredith pressed a kiss against the side of Maddie's head as she kicked her shoes off, and then reached to remove Maddie's. "How can I make you feel better, princess?"
"Cuddles, bear cuddles." Maddie murmured, looking up at Meredith. Her face was still red, sticky with tears and snot.
Meredith glanced over to the coffee table where a pack of wipes lay and reached over for them. "Let's clean you up a little and then you can show me what bear cuddles are, because those sound amazing."
Meredith pulled out a wipe and started to carefully clean Maddie's face, who patiently waited without making a fuss about it, which Meredith was grateful for. She threw the wipes back, wincing slightly when she missed and they fell on the floor, but was relieved when she heard Maddie giggling.
She laughed softly, gently tickling her tummy and making her giggle more. "Was that funny?"
Maddie nodded, snuggling against Meredith's side as her laughter died down.
"How do we do bear cuddles then?" Meredith asked, running her hand over Maddie's curls.
"Hug super tight, I hide." Maddi giggled again, cuddling up to Meredith's side on the couch, her body curled up in a tight ball.
Meredith lay down on the couch properly, holding Maddie beside her. Her arms wrapped around her tight, her chin against the top of Maddie's head. "Is this right?"
"Better than daddy." Maddie giggled still, and Meredith was more than happy to hear her more joyful than she had been. She had yet to figure out what had made her so upset, though.
"I'll have to show him how it's done then." Meredith pressed a kiss against the top of Maddie's head.
Maddie looked up at her, a frown scrunching up her forehead. "Mommy gone forever."
"Who told you that?" Meredith frowned, having not heard this herself yet, her fingers running through Maddie's tangle of curls.
"Daddy said to Nana yesterday, thought mommy was coming to see me." Maddie shook her head, hiding against Meredith again. "Want my mommy."
"Oh, princess." Meredith sighed as she squeezed Maddie a little closer, hearing her start to cry again and grip on to Meredith's top. "I know it's really sad, and I'm sure you miss your mommy a lot, but you have lots of people around you who love you."
"Have no mommy." Maddie sobbed against her chest, her body starting to shake a little.
"I know, I know, sweetie." She didn't know what other words of comfort she could use, her own eyes starting to tear up as she lowered her head over Maddie's, keeping her held close.
They stayed like that, Meredith's hand gently rubbing Maddie's back as she started to calm down, her breathing slowing as she sniffled a few times, nuzzling her face against Meredith's chest. Meredith's heart broke for the small girl. The amazing, smart, funny, brilliant little girl. She knew what this felt like. It had been her dad who had walked out, left her behind, but she had to imagine it was the same type of pain. She realised Maddie had started to drift off to sleep, most likely exhausted from crying, and her adventure from day-care to the viewing gallery. She pulled her phone out of her pocket, doing her best not to jostle Maddie as she sent a text to Derek to tell him to meet her in his office there as soon as he could.
She got comfortable on the bed with Maddie curled beside her, letting her eyes close as she felt herself starting to drift off. She tried to ignore the voice in the back of her head, the slight pain in her chest at the thoughts that this is what it would be like to cuddle her own son, soothe him when he was upset, things she never got the chance to do. She knew she couldn't replace her son with Maddie, that was... she couldn't do that. But just for a moment, she just let herself imagine, and it helped her drift off into a rare, peaceful sleep.
****
She felt a gentle squeeze on her shoulder as she was pulled out of her sleep, something tickling her cheek. She groaned slightly, quickly realising Maddie was still curled up in her arms as she blinked a few times.
"Meredith."
She heard Derek speaking and turned her head to find him grinning softly. He was crouched on the floor besides the couch.
"Hey," She yawned slightly, bringing up a hand to cover her mouth. She turned carefully on the couch, keeping Maddie against her as she slept, but so that she was facing Derek and Maddie was between them.
"What did I miss?" His hand found hers with a gentle squeeze, before glancing down at Maddie and pressing a kiss to his daughter's forehead.
"I came to find you while you were in surgery, but I found her in the viewing gallery." She looked to Maddie who was still fast asleep with a small pout on her lips, a frown still marring her forehead. "She was really upset, heard you talking to your mom about Laura not coming back."
"Oh crap." He exhaled. He ran his hand over his face, a look of guilt apparent. "I thought she was asleep when we were talking. Laura was supposed to be coming to see her and then never turned up."
"Is Laura not coming back then? Or was it that she just didn't turn up?" She frowned, reaching for his hand. "You didn't mention she was supposed to visit."
"She sent an email the day before saying she wanted to visit, and I wasn't so sure about giving her our home address so arranged to meet at my mom's, but she never showed. I received another email while we were there, from my lawyer." Derek squeezed her hand gently. "She signed the papaers, it went through the court. She's given up all of her parental responsibility."
Derek's frown deepened, and Meredith brought his hand up to hers with a gentle kiss. "I'm sorry, Derek."
"Maybe it's better this way." He shrugged; his eyes fixed on Maddie again. "I knew Maddie was going to take it hard, and I wanted to talk to her about it properly. I just hadn't found the time. I'd do it now, but I have another surgery in half an hour. I don't want to talk to her about it and then disappear."
"I can take her home with me, if you want?" She offered quietly. "Not to tell her about it, unless she wants to talk. I just, maybe she'll just get upset going back to daycare and start wandering around the hospital again. We can have some girl time and hopefully keep her mind off it, I don't know, if she wants to, if it's okay with you."
"That sounds like a really good idea, I'm all for it if she wants to go." He nodded, smiling wide as he leaned over to kiss her quickly. "Are you sure you don't mind? You've got to be tired from travelling. It's good to have you back, by the way, I missed you."
"I missed you too. And I'm sure; it'll be fine. We'll relax and I'll introduce her to face masks, paint her nails, show her some easy hairstyles." She smiled back at him, reaching to run her fingers though his hair. "She'll be okay, I promise."
"Well, now I'm just jealous that I'm missing out. I'll bring some dinner over when I'm finished here." His smile became a grin as he kissed her again. "Are you upset that I didn't tell you Laura was coming?"
"No." She shook her head, already knowing she wasn't upset, only angry that Laura had bailed. Even angrier that she'd been blessed with this amazing child and had willingly given up being her mother. It didn't make sense to her. She'd have given anything to have Noah for even one more second. "She was supposed to come for Maddie, and she didn't show. I'm upset, angry even about that. I just don't understand why anyone would not want her, would give up their child."
Her voice broke a little as she felt tears welling up in her eyes, and Derek frowned slightly, caressing her cheek. His fingers threaded into her hair as he touched his forehead to hers. His voice was a whisper. "I know, I don't get it either."
"Maybe it is better, like you said. Better that she decided whether she is in Maddie's life or not, rather than confusing her and letting her down." She blinked a few times, forcing a small smile to reassure Derek. "I'm okay. Let's just focus on making sure Maddie is okay."
As if on cue, Maddie starting to grumble slightly, her small fists that still held Meredith's shirt gripping tighter. Her legs kicked a little, and Derek's hand moved to gently rub Maddie's side as she woke.
"Hey, baby girl." He murmured as he ducked his head to kiss the side of her forehead. "Good sleep?"
"Daddy." She protested, turning to look at him through bleary eyes. "Sleeping."
"You can't sleep all day." He chuckled as he kissed her slightly sweaty forehead. "We have a little time before I have to get back to work, Meredith wants to ask you something."
"Mer?" Maddie looked up, her eyes going a little wider as she giggled. "Forgot you here."
"Silly girl." Meredith laughed with her, running her fingers through her hair. "I was wondering if you wanted to come to my house while Daddy works, and then he'll bring us some dinner afterwards when he comes to pick you up."
"Yes!" She cheered, suddenly more awake as she sat up, turning to Derek again. 'Daddy, can I? Please?"
"Of course, you can." He chuckled, opening his arms our for her. "I want a cuddle first though, before you go."
Maddie giggled as she scrambled herself to sit up and launched into his arms, his arms wrapping tight around her as they hugged, He kissed the side of her head. "I love you."
"Love you daddy." She continued to giggle as he nuzzled his nose against her.
Meredith warmed at the sight, grinning wide. It was obvious how much he loved his daughter, and she knew that even with Laura gone now, Maddie wouldn't be short of love from anyone in her life.
"Daddy, Mer do better bear cuddles!" Maddie exclaimed, holding her hand out toward Meredith.
"I invented bear cuddles, how can she do them better?" He gasped in fake shock, tickling Maddie.
"She can, she can!" Maddie squealed. "Mer show daddy!"
Meredith laughed as she sat up, lifting Maddie into her arms. Derek moved to sit beside them on the couch. She wrapped her arms tight around Maddie as Maddie snuggled against her, giggling still. "I'm not sure how I do it better, I just do."
"Can I join in?" Derek asked, grinning wide. His arm moved behind Meredith, his fingers playing with her hair.
"Yep!" Maddie nodded.
Derek moved both of his arms around them now, hugging the pair of them. He pressed a kiss against Meredith's forehead with a soft chuckle. "These are some pretty good bear cuddles."
"Daddy! Give me kisses!" Maddie complained, looking up at him.
"Of course, Princess." He lowered his head to press kisses to her forehead and cheeks, finishing with a kiss on her nose as she giggled.
Meredith glanced to the clock on the wall, frowning when she realised Derek would have to leave them shortly. "Time for daddy to go soon, and we need to pick what movies we want to watch at my house."
Maddie nodded with excitement, looking to Derek. "Time to go daddy, do good work!"
"I'll do good work, behave for Meredith, okay? And have a lovely time." He kissed her forehead again as she reached to hug around his neck.
"Always, daddy. Loves lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots." She was breathless by the time she finished but was still grinning.
"I love you more than the universe, baby girl." He grinned back with a chuckle, looking up at Meredith. "I'll see both of you really soon."
"Let's get our shoes on and go get your things from day care, Princess." Meredith passed Maddie her shoes as Derek set her on her feet, and she found Derek's hand with a gentle squeeze. "Go on, I've got her."
"Let me hug you first." He sighed as he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close, his lips kissing just under her ear as he squeezed her tight. "Thank you so much, I can't wait to see you again later."
She hummed softly as he held her close, kissing his cheek back just as Maddie spoke.
"Help with shoes?" Maddie sat on the floor with a frown of frustration on her face, trying to figure out which shoe goes on which foot.
"Go on." Derek chuckled, standing up as Meredith crouched on the floor, helping Maddie with her shoes.
"Bye daddy!" Maddie waved as he left the room, waving back at them.
"Come on, we need to go to the shop for treats and then it's girls' night. Sound good!"
Maddie cheered at her words; her arms shooting up in the air. "Yeah!"