" My girlfriend is coming back. So I cannot continue to date him".
Jae's voice was soft and smooth. But those words pierced the heart of the boy who froze on hearing them.
He clutched his chest trying to get rid of the suffocating feeling inside his heart, he felt his whole body trembling. It was getting difficult for him to keep hold on.
" Girlfriend? What the hell is going on? Which girlfriend are you talking about now?"
Joshua was snarling. Tae didn't know what to do anymore.
He didn't know if they would end this conversation without laying their hands on each other.
" My girlfriend for the last three years. She is coming back from abroad. So I have no other option than breaking up with him".
Tae sat down on the floor, his legs giving up finally. Too much to take in. And he doesn't know when his heart will be able to give up.
But three years? What's going on? Is he really hearing things right?
What kind of a sick joke is this?
"Great! Just great! So you were two timing? Huh?"
He could hear Joshua's voice rising, his voice resonating in the room sending its waves to the locker room where the silent listener sat unable to make anything out of the situation.
Tae pulled his hair trying to get a grip of the situation. He couldn't understand anything. Is this really happening? Or is it just his hallucinations?
"Have you ever liked him? Even a bit?"
Joshua was snarling at the other boy.
"I liked him. Still I do. That's why I'm breaking up with him now. I can't continue to be with him anymore".
Tae raised his eyebrows not understanding what this was supposed to mean.
What is the factor forcing Jae to break up with him? He too wants to know. And he really wants to know the story behind a girlfriend which he didn't know even existed.
"What are you even saying?"
Just like Joshua the silver haired boy was also waiting for an answer even though he was feeling weak with each second.
He didn't know if he even wanted to hear it.
After a few minutes of complete silence, Tae heard him starting.
"Actually Ara and I have been dating for a year when her family shifted to America. We loved each other so much that we decided to stay together even if it would be tough to be in a long distance relationship. So that makes us be together for three years. But now she is coming back to Korea. She will be here in a month and half. And I don't want her to see me with someone else when she comes back"
" Someone else? Is that what Tae is for you now? How ungrateful can you be, Jae? I never expected this from you. I'm now feeling sorry for him".
And Tae couldn't do anything from the other.
There was another long silence before he heard Joshua again.
"Okay, when are you going to break up with him?"
Tae sat there without knowing what to do anymore. He has no idea what to feel.
The boy he loves so much was just playing with his feelings.
But why did Jae do this to him? He has never done anything wrong to him before. In fact , just a week before the confession, Tae has actually interacted with him for the first time. Then why?
Why is this happening to him?
He was feeling nothing at this point. He really doesn't want to hear more. But it seems he has no choice.
"As soon as possible. Most probably tomorrow".
Tae's head jerks up hearing that. Tomorrow? Jae is going to break up with him tomorrow?
What is he going to do? What should he do?
"What is the rush? You still have a lot of time to prepare him for the break up".
Tae felt a bit of relief. Maybe he would figure something out. Maybe he could even make Jae Change his decision.
But he was stilled by the next words spoken.
"No. I shouldn't wait knowing that this won't end well if I procrastinate".
Jae was saying again. And it didn't make any sense. Tae clutched his head frustrated that he couldn't understand anything.
"You are making no sense".
Joshua's words verbalised the Tae's own thoughts.
That's right. Jae is making no sense. Tae anticipated the next one. He is already tired with everything happening right now.
He doesn't know if he could make it out of the campus without bursting out in front of everyone.
"That's because you have no idea what I'm talking about. Tae, he really loves me. But a little too much. And if I try to break up with him, I'm ninety nine percent sure that he wouldn't comply. So I somehow need to make him let go. And I want to give him enough time to get over me before Ara starts attending the school. Otherwise it would only result in a disaster. And I am really worried about tomorrow. What if he wouldn't agree? And knowing how clingy he is, I'm already having a bad feeling about this".
Tae leaned against the bench, as he stared at the opposite wall helplessly.
He just wants to be out of here. He doesn't know how much is yet to be unraveled. And he knew very well that it wouldn't be easy for him.
But he is stuck here without even having the option to ignore this devastating conversation.
" Clingy? Tae?"
Tae flinched hearing Joshua lashing out on Jae.
" What do you think about yourself? Whom are you calling out like that? He is more popular than you could ever be. He has tons of admirers waiting for him to dumb your pathetic self. And now you are making it sound like he is the one who proposed to you or something. What do you think of yourself? I'm sure that it wouldn't take even a week for him to move on".
Tae sighed softly looking around the room trying to find something which could ease the pain he is feeling.
" This is the reason why I told you that you know nothing about Tae. Outside he may seem like the most outgoing, carefree and cheerful guy. But I know him very well. He is such a kind hearted softie who gets attached to people quickly. And when he does something, he would never do that half heartedly but with his all. And he loves me so much, that I know for sure and so he wouldn't be able to take it if I told him that I want to break up with him".
Tae furrowed his eyebrows, confusion invading his mind.
He swallowed hard, annoyed and tired of everything. He couldn't understand how he managed to end up in this situation.
" You know that you would hurt him so badly if you do this, right?"
"I know but it's not like I have a choice. She is coming back and I want to give him enough time to settle down. I don't want to give him more hope. I want him to prepare himself before he sees her".
Tae scoffed internally. This gotta be a joke.
He pulled his hair trying to calm himself down.
But it seems like nothing is working. His heart won't stop beating erratically. He could hear the sound of his heartbeat quickening.
But he couldn't care less now. He was more worried about having to hear a conversation that he doesn't want to listen to.
Tae rested his head on top of his knees trying to block the words that are making him feel things which he never thought about before.
" So now you are saying that you love both of them but still the love that you have for her exceeds what you have for him. Is that it?"
Joshua's voice was laced with annoyance.
"I honestly have no idea what to say".
And Tae honestly has no idea about what to do or feel now.
" Then just break up with her, Jae. That's the best thing to do. Don't hurt him please".
Tae smiled weakly hearing Joshua's words. Not to hurt him? But it's already done.
" I can't. She is my first love. I can't really let go of her"
Tae winced hearing the words that left Jae's mouth. Or maybe that soft tone he used.
Why does it hurt so much?
Is it because he is hearing the one whom he loves expressing his love for someone else in a voice filled with so much love and fondness?
" But you are his first. Think about everything that he has done for you".
Tae smiled weakly hearing the words. Of course. He could clearly hear the annoyance in Joshua's voice.
He must be feeling sorry for him. Anyone would.
But what's the use in thinking about it? It's all over. I was just a fool.
He is absolutely right. Otherwise who would get tricked by others like this.
" Why? You are going to keep your mouth shut now? Are you doubting his love for you?"
There was a pause before Jae answered. But it was something unexpected.
" No. I'm just doubting my own love for him".
Tae scrunched his nose. Something is wrong.
He could feel it. But is it going to be something more horrible?
" What is it? You are hiding something else right? If you really are not sure about your feelings, why did you approach him first? Why did you propose to him in front of the whole school?"
His face contorted into a confused expression not understanding anything. Is there more?
He let out a sigh feeling his heartbeat quickening. Will he be able to survive the storm that is already on its way and enough to break him more than he already is.
There were a few seconds passed before Jae answered quickly.
" It was a dare"
His hands dropped on his side along with his knees unable to find the strength to hold them anymore. He didn't even have the mind to care if the sound that caused it was heard by the other two or not.
He leaned back on the bunch, not sure if he heard it right.
His mind is already a mess. Maybe it is playing tricks on his pathetic self.
His mind is in a haze, his thoughts disarrayed. Maybe that's why he heard it wrong.
No. Jae has not said something like that. Right?
But he winced hearing the shouting from the other side. Joshua is snarling at Jae, unable to take in the revelation.
" What? A dare you, you say? Were you just toying with his feelings?
Nothing. Just complete silence. But Tae could hear his heart beating erratically.
He was dazed, unable to believe what he heard.
He heard Joshua's shouting. But Jae is still silent and he doesn't know what is coming his way now.
" Remember that time when I went to meet our middle school friends once? You were sick at that time. So I was forced to go alone. We met at a cafe and were just catching up when one of the others spotted Tae in the cafe. And when I told them that he is a classmate, they challenged me to propose to him and make him accept the confession. I tried to dodge it, but they wouldn't let me. So I have no other way than accepting the challenge. And you know the rest. Right? I proposed to him and he accepted it. Thus I won the challenge".
There was a pause before Jae continued with the story.
" After that I was confused about the next step. I wanted to tell him the truth and get out of it. But I was scared of his reaction so I decided to keep up with the act. I didn't want him to know the truth and hate me. So I decided to date him and then break up with him when an opportunity strikes".
The silver haired boy leaned back on the bench not knowing what he is going to do now.
He couldn't understand what he was feeling right now. His own thoughts were confusing him.
No way what Jae is telling is the truth. Tae could swear that he was sure about the genuineness of the relationship between them.
No way this is true. It can't be.
Tae's heartbeat quickened to a point it was scaring him. He couldn't understand anything.
He couldn't make sense of his own thoughts.
How is he even supposed to react now?
God, why is this happening to him?
"You were just using him as a substitute? You know he would really hate you once he knows this"
Joshua was seething now.
But Tae was not in the state to care about what was happening outside anymore.
He was already feeling too tired to even care about anything else.
Another wave of coldness filled his ears and mind.
He didn't know what was happening to him right now. He could only feel the cold.
" I know that is inevitable now. Even though I too started liking him more than I wanted, and like to spend my time with him, I tried a lot of time. I made him angry and upset hoping that he would get mad and break up with him. I tried to make him hate me by doing things that he doesn't like purposefully. I even went to the extent of creating arguments with his best friend. But still despite everything that I have done he chose to ignore them and forgive me. And I couldn't bring myself to do more each of those times. But now I am already running out of time. I can't wait for more again. So I need to do this even if I don't want to. Because I don't want her to hate once she knows everything".
Tae's eyes widened hearing the words that his boyfriend let out without even a tiny bit of concern for the boy who has done so much for him already.
It's as if Jae has never even cared about Tae. He is just worried about his girlfriend hating him.
Tae pressed his lips tightly feeling himself closer to a break down. He doesn't want that to happen because then the two boys arguing outside the room would get notified.
And that's the last thing he wanted now.
" You are so selfish".
" Trust me, everyone is selfish in one way or another. We may tell the other person that we love them more than anything but in the end it is a lie. We always place ourselves before others".
Tae sighed helplessly, already feeling worn out.
Why is this happening to him? He couldn't even get a hold on himself now.
" Don't think everyone is the same as you".
"It is true for everyone".
" Atleast Im sure that Tae is not the least like you".
"That I won't say anything to oppose it".
Tae scoffed. At least he knows that. But what is the use?
He was already done with everything. The only thing that he needs now is to get away from this place and from all the truth that is being spilled by his boyfriend thinking that no one is here to hear him.
"He will surely hate you once he hears about this. So don't do this, Jae".
"But what can I do? I can't force myself to stay with him when I clearly want to be with her. I'm the happiest when I'm with her. It's not like I have been sad with him. But still there is a difference"
Tae didn't know how to react anymore. Is this really Jae out there? Or is it someone impersonating him to fool him?
There is no way this can be Jae.
But still, he knows that he knows that he is wrong. Why would someone play such a sick joke on him?
He sighed, exasperated to the core.
" Then what about him? Even though you guys have been together for a little while, he has been the best with you. He loves you so much you idiot. He is an angel. Don't hurt him".
Tae sighed softly looking at the door. He just wants to be out of this place. He doesn't want to hear anything.
"I know that I am wrong. And I'm not the one for him. Even if I choose him this time it would only be unfair to him. Someday you would regret asking me to choose him".
His eyes widened hearing the words. He gritted his teeth trying not to cry. But the sickening cold that was spreading through his body was suffocating him more.
He felt a pang in his chest, and he could feel his eyes burning.
He should have been careful. He should have listened to those warnings. I did so much for him yet is this how he was thinking about me all the while?
The train of thoughts were rushing into his mind as if they were barging in when given an opportunity.
All the words he refused to listen to and care about are coming back to him.
"You are really cruel. Why did you even go with that challenge? You know, if he comes to know about all these, he would never be able to believe or trust another person again".
" Then help me keep him away from the truth.
Tae sighed softly, his heart not calming down anytime soon. It's still going crazy.
"Then what reason are you going to tell him for the break up?"
Joshua's voice was soft. He must be tired of all the shouting.
" I don't know. I need to figure it out. But if you really care about him like you are claiming then refrain yourself from spilling out the truth behind my confession and our relationship. He wouldn't be able to take it if he comes to know that all that he believed to be real was just fake. And he would never forgive me for playing with his feelings even though that was not something I really intended to do".
Tae leaned back on the chair. What did he do to deserve all this pain?
And after all the secrets that are unraveling one by one, he is forced to sit here and listen to all the things he never wanted to hear. Especially not from Jae.
The silence from the other room was a relief. He could only hope that they would go away soon before he does something stupid and blow up his covers.
" So you know clearly how much you would hurt him in the end, then why did you go with your plan instead of discarding it?"
Tae sat up straight abruptly hearing the question.
That's right. He too wanted to know about it.
He could have just ended everything soon. Right?
At least Jae could have told him the truth immediately after Tae accepted the confession. Then this wouldn't have reached this point.
Tae would have forgiven him if he had done that.
"Because I never knew what I was signing up for. Because I have no idea that our school heartthrob is just a boy with such a soft hearted person and too prone to influence. I was racking my brain to find the ways to impress him for weeks before approaching him. But guess what, then i realised that I need not put even a quarter of my skills to impress him. He was such a fool to actually fall for me. Too soft and innocent. Too easy to impress and influence. Then how am I just the one to be blamed. Isn't it his fault that he fell too soon. Isn't it his fault that he couldn't tell that all my sweet and caring gestures were just pretences?"
The words that left Jae's mouth plunged into his heart making it more uneasy for him. He felt a lump in his throat which was starting to suffocate him.
He clenched his fist and tightened his hold around his knees as he tried to control his breathing.
Did Jae really say that about him?
" You are really cruel. Just tell me a reason why I should keep myself from punching you".
" You don't have to be too difficult on me. If you are too worried about him then just stay by his side and take care of him. Who knows, he may fall for you.".
A lone tear slid down the silver haired boy's cheeks.
Tae pressed his lips tightly wanting to keep his sobs from escaping his mouth and let the other two know of his presence.
" You are being too disrespectful and arrogant. At least remember that you are talking like this about someone who loves you so much".
He wiped his tears away and clamped his mouth shut scared of letting out his sniffles.
"I'm not joking with you. It is true that he is really easy to fool. I have given him enough hints. Actually more than enough. Yet he ignored everything and stick to my side again".
He heard Jae's voice again.
" He is the most naive person you could find. He is gullible and so unsuspecting. Otherwise how could he still couldn't get any of the hints I gave him?"
Tae covered his ears not wanting to hear anymore.
How could Jae think like that about him? Is he voicing his real thoughts? Or is he just saying them in the heat of the moment?
" Can you not be too rude? You are talking about Tae. If anyone else finds this, you are done. You know who he is. Right?"
"I don't have time for this nonsense. I'm going. Do whatever you want but keep what I told you in mind. I need to call her".
"Wait, where are you going? I said wait"
The voices faded away indicating that the two boys had already left.
But Tae still remains on his spot. Not knowing what to do.
He could sense the feeling of his heart breaking.
It's inevitable right?
He breathed out slowly, covering his face with his palms.
He shut his eyes tightly hoping all that had just happened was nothing true. Real.*
Jae must be playing pranks with me. He does that often.
But he never plays on me though. But this is just another one of his childish antics.
He tries to coax himself.
But the more he tried to do it and thought it was a prank he felt the thought more absurd.
But yet he was not ready to stop convincing himself.
He stayed in the position lost in his own sea of thoughts. But at one point he snapped out of his thoughts and looked around warily sadness overcoming him as the realisation slowly dawned on him.
He still couldn't bring himself to believe that.
No. This is just someone playing tricks with him. That's it. There is no way all that he heard earlier could turn out to be real.
It just won't be the truth.
But still why does he feel like all those words are real?
Tae sighed softly looking down. He could feel the tears welling up in his eyes. His vision is becoming blurry.
He blinked his eyes repeatedly wanting to hold back everything. And tried hard to compose himself.
Because he couldn't just lose control and make things even messier.
He glanced down at his watch. It showed five o'clock.
Great. Two hours since he stepped out of the classroom wanting to go home and take a nap.
But he is stuck here with unexpected events and a broken heart.
He pulled himself to his feet and picked up his bag. He couldn't just stay back here like this. There are chances of someone seeing him here considering all the preparations going on for the competition.
Or else he would probably get locked up here. Because the school ended long ago and most of the students are already out.
Even though the courts and gyms would be closed only on six on a regular basis today may be an exception.
And he is not ready to get locked up here and let everyone, including the two friends, know what happened.
So he immediately walked out of the place while keeping an eye for Jae and Joshua.
Somehow he already managed to get out of the campus without coming across any familiar faces.
He sighed softly looking forward as he walked aimlessly. He tried to keep himself from doing anything stupid.
He looked up, finally glancing at the place where his feet brought him. It was the taxi station. Tae didn't give much thought about it and immediately got into one and relaxed once he closed the door.
Finally.
The driver turned to him questioningly.
" To the beach", he mumbled.
The other nodded and turned around and ignited the engine that started the vehicle.
The taxi pulled off.
The atmosphere was calm.
But his mind was a whirlwind of memories that he shared with the boy who he thought loved him in the same way he does.
There was some kind of old classic music playing in the stereo.
Tae was getting irked with the song. But he couldn't just open his mouth and ask the driver to turn it off.
Because he was already too weak and overwhelmed. If he opened his mouth he would surely end up sobbing violently and he doesn't want to do that in front of a complete stranger and cause a headache for his mom.
So he chose to remain silent and bear with it.
But as the time passed away his emotions were getting out of his control.
He tried to keep them in control.
But everything was making him weak and as the events from earlier started flashing through his mind, he lost it.
Before he could do anything, he felt tears streaming down his cheeks ceaselessly.
They kept on falling and falling.
The teardrops were falling on his hands which he had kept on his lap.
He didn't try to stop them. But let them fall. He didn't care if the driver would notice or not.
That's the last of his concerns now.
He sat in a secluded place on the beach. The air was cold, freezing him. But he didn't feel anything.
What is happening to him?
Sitting on the loose sand of the beach he sobbed into his palms which were covering his face.
Why did you do that to me? Just for a bet? You approach me just because of a challenge?
You made me confused and nervous just because of a bet you made with your friends?
The various questions rushed into his mind. Those questions which he wanted to ask his boyfriend.
Well soon to be ex-boyfriend. He didn't want it to happen even though he knows about everything now.
But he loves the boy too much. This is his first time falling for someone. But see how this is ending.
Hot tears kept falling. Drop by drop, they were falling on his palms.
He tried to control his breathing and emotional breakdown.
But it seems like nothing is working according to his wishes now.
What kind of a pathetic condition he is in.
He glanced at the watch and sighed seeing it read nine.
He rubbed his puffy eyes and combed his messed up hair trying to make them a little bit less messy.
He doesn't have to worry about his mom getting worried because he has already texted her earlier that he would be late.
But still he couldn't stay here any longer even if he wanted to. Because the temperature is dropping and his mom would get really worried if he catches a fever.
So he decided that it is time that he should go back.
And it was already half an hour past nine when he finally made it to his home.
He opened the front door keeping an eye out for his mom. But to his luck she was nowhere to be seen.
So he immediately ran up the stairs and hurriedly headed to his room, his heart still beating loudly as he kept on looking around, scared of her reaction when she saw him in this state.
Hell would break loose. He has no doubt in it.
He wasn't sure whom she would call first. The school management or his teachers or his best friend.
Whoever it would be at the receiving end would really have a great time dealing with his mom's panic mode attack.
And Tae has no interest in witnessing too much drama after everything he was made to go through today. He just needs to reach the confines of his room and cry out without anyone seeing him.
With all those thoughts running wild in his head he sprinted to his room hoping he won't bump into his mom or even the maids in the house. Because seeing his red puffy face and eyes they wouldn't even think twice before reporting this to his mom.
Anyway it seems like the heavens have answered his prayers and decided to show him some mercy. Of course even he must be feeling sorry for his stupid self.
He closed the door behind him and locked it before leaning his back on the door and sliding all the way down till he was met with the cold floor.
He let out a throaty chuckle followed by a sigh.
His throat was already dry and sore thanks to everything that happened today.
But soon he felt his cheeks being wet. And tears started rolling down his cheeks again.
But the next moment he was startled hearing a knock from outside.
It must be his mom.
" Tae, what happened? Open the door baby" His mom was saying from the other side.
" Have you already eaten? Actually I have been trying a new recipe and it actually turned out to be perfect" he could hear her chuckle.
" Well at least for me. Now come out and taste it and then give me the feedback" His mom's voice was so cheerful.
He sighed softly. If he listened to her and went out, it wouldn't take even a second for her beautiful smile to turn into a sad expression.
And he doesn't want that. Moreover he doesn't feel like eating anything right now even though he hasn't eaten anything since lunch.
He shrugged it off.
But getting no reply his mom continued to knock.
" Tae, are you listening? Open the door and come down. Why are you not saying anything? Why were you so late? It's almost ten" She was keen on getting him open the door. But that's not at all an option for him now.
He didn't want to open his mouth and say something to make her go away. But he knew that if he tried to do that, his voice would surely give him away.
And he knows for sure that if he tries to say something for the sake of his mom's comfort, he wouldn't be able to say a word without cracking up.
And she would surely realise that something is really wrong with him and then she wouldn't leave him alone until she gets to know what this is about.
And he is in no way going to tell how much of a fool he has made himself because of his naiveness.
So he sat there not knowing how to get out of the situation without being outed. But one thing that he was sure of was that there is no use in being silent. Because his mom won't leave without getting an answer.
So he tried to control his tears which were falling ceaselessly.
He breathed in and out one or two times and quickly went to his mini fridge and got out a bottle of water and chugged it down hoping this is going to work.
Then he slowly walked to the door and cleared his throat.
" Mom", he started. " I'm dead tired. I just wanted to sleep right now", he said, patting himself mentally for not messing up.
" Your voice, what happened?" His mother asked from the other end.
" I just drank some cold water. It's not a big deal. I'm going to sleep. Don't call me again. Good night ", he finishes off quickly, but feeling bad for lying to his mom.
Another wave of disappointment hits him as he realizes what he is doing.
He clamped his mouth shut to keep his sobs from going out. His mom is still outside the door.
He can't just ignore it and let himself break down again and alert her.
But he needs to let it out. He has already cried rivers on the beach but still the urge to cry his heart out won't go away.
Without being able to find another solution he immediately connected his mobile playlist with his party speaker and turned on the volume to the maximum so anything that goes on inside the room wouldn't be audible for those who are outside the room.
The music was too loud for his liking. He already had a great headache. And now being in the confines of his room with a loud music blasting inside was all suffocating him more than it ever did.
But still he felt like it was the only option left if he wanted to cry. He couldn't keep his sorrows inside without letting it out.
It would only make him more miserable. So he plopped down his bed and buried his face into his pillows and soon he could feel that warmth in his cheek again.
The next two days Tae stayed at home. He was not feeling well. And he was going crazy with all the pressure and tension.
He didn't let himself go before his mom because he knows that it won't go well. His mom would get mortified if she saw him in that condition.
With all the dark circles around his eyes, puffy eyes and red face. And moreover the tears that he could never hold in these days even after trying so hard.
He was getting emotional in each second. He was going through a melt down. And he doesn't want his mom to worry about him.
The two days he locked himself up in the confines of his room, he wasn't just crying his heart out. But he was also preparing himself for the inevitable.
Tae knew that he was not the one who should be blamed. It's not him who toyed with someone's feelings so heartlessly.
But he couldn't stop him from blaming himself for being so naive and soft hearted.
But he also knows that he is not in a position to just cry over his misery even though he has been doing that a lot ever since his break down on the beach.
From that day onwards his face has never been dry. But still he needs to prepare himself for accepting the rejection.
He has already decided that he would accept the rejection without any kind of reactions that Jae is expecting him to display.
He is never going to beg him to stay with him. He would accept the break up without causing any kind of chaos.
But to accept the reality, the fact that everything that he believed in and cherished with utmost purity was just a lie, he still needs time. He was feeling bitter and sad. But still this is the reality.
But before anything he needs to face the boy who is now waiting to end everything at the nearest opportunity.
Okay he wants the break up right?
Then he'll give it to him. But he also wanted to prove him wrong. He wants to show him that he is not going to cry and beg in front of him when the suggestion for break up will be brought up.
Tae knew how much pain he would be going through if he really let Jae break up with him. But he couldn't just keep on avoiding this right?
It would be better if he ends it as soon as possible. Maybe then it would hurt less. And moreover he didn't know if he could stay with Jae without feeling hurt and remorse after knowing everything.
So it's better if he ends everything with Jae as fast as possible.
So he comes up with a plan. A perfect plan that could help him get out of the pathetic condition he is in.
On the third day after he came across that conversation, he decided to implement the plan to avoid a possible break down in front of everyone and let everyone know how much of a loser he is.
But even if he breaks up with Jae, that's not the end of it. He still needs to grasp the reality and move on.
But that won't be easy with seeing the other boy in front of his eyes daily and acting as if he knows nothing about his true colors.
So he knows clearly that he needs to take a break and calm himself down before Jae's girlfriend joins the school.
So he decided to take a few days off from school and go to Daegu, to his Grandma's house to cool off. And prepare himself before he has to see that dreadful sight everyday.
Having already formulated a plan to deal with the unexpected events in his life, he went to his mom early in the morning to discuss it. He was actually nervous about her reaction.
But surprisingly she agreed to it and even offered to accompany him to Daegu. He tried to stop her but she was firm with her decision.
He felt it strange when she agreed with everything he requested of her without too many questions.
But he was grateful for her decision to play along with his plan.
But at the same time he felt bad for keeping her in the dark. But he couldn't bring himself to reveal everything to her just like that.
He could clearly see how much she was affected by all these.
He felt guilty for making her go through all these.
But he tried to push away all such thoughts out of his mind not wanting to get affected by them. At least not now.
She has no idea what he is planning to do.
Now he doesn't know how she would be able to get used to it if she is already like this when it has been just two days since it has been like this.
It was not easy and he was feeling more and more clueless about everything.
She dropped him in the school and drove away.
He entered his classroom forcing a cheerful smile on his face.
As soon as he stepped in, everyone's attention was on him.
It's just normal. Nothing more than usual. That's how it appeared to the rest. But not for him.
His heart was beating erratically making it more hard for him.
He smiled widely at everyone as he walked to his seat and took his place. He put his bag on the table and turned around.
" What happened? It's been two days you are gone", Joshua asked looking at him.
He smiled. " I wasn't feeling well. So mom made me stay at home", he said. " Why? Missed me so much?"
" You didn't even inform your boyfriend. So we were worried", Jeonghan said.
But before they could continue further, the teacher walked in indicating it's time to stop with the talk.
But all these time, Tae was trying his best to stay calm and not burst into tears and scare everyone.
He was trying not to think about the boy who was his first love and his whole world.
But what can he do when it's all going to end in a few hours.
He kept on glancing at the clock checking the time.
He felt like it was as if he was writing an exam while keeping on checking how much time was left till the final bell.
But today once the bell indicating the lunch break rings, then that's the ending of a beautiful journey he started eight months ago.
Tae was fidgeting in his seat. Jae is not there in the class. That's actually a relief for him. Unlike all the other times when Tae finds it annoying to not get a glimpse of the boy in the morning.
Because if he has to see Jae for all the time he was waiting for what is expected to come, it would have been even more difficult for him.
Guess he could survive without making any scene till the break.
But what if Jae didn't come to the class before he had to go?
Then his plan would flop.
He scratched his chin thinking of a plan B. He has not yet considered it.
He was not the least okay. He could feel the panic rising.
But he couldn't afford to get nervous and ruin everything. He needs to hold his ground, if he needs to end the day as he planned.
So he tried to divert his mind from wandering around the memories of his happy days with Jae.
It's not like he wasn't happy before Jae came into his life.
But something changed with his arrival. Tae was always feeling to be in another level of happiness.
Someone whom he could call his own-
Okay Tae don't go there, he reprimanded himself from going on with his thoughts about a certain boy who is just going to be just nothing more than a past mistake for him in a few hours.
Or for whom he was nothing all these time, but just a mere challenge.
His eyes sting, and tears start forming in his eyes. But Tae immediately wiped them away hoping no one had seen it.
He didn't need anyone to see his tears and pathetic condition and freak out.
After all, who wouldn't get shocked if they saw him crying like this?
Because Kim Taehyung is not an emotional fool who would just burst out into tears just because of a broken relationship.
He is supposed to be a cheerful, happy, carefree boy whom everyone adores and looks up to.
He scoffed internally.
Maybe if Jae didn't come to the class, then he would go look for him on his own.
He won't go to Daegu without getting this over with.
Because then he would become only more miserable and he didn't want that.
He tried his best to focus on the class so that his mind wouldn't wander off to the restricted areas.
And after a long period of four hours the classes ended and it's already time for the lunch break.
All of his friends stood up preparing to leave for the cafeteria.
But Tae sat there without moving. He was actually going crazy. It's almost there.
" What happened? Are you not coming? Are you waiting for him? I think he's in the court" He heard Jisung saying.
What do they know? He wanted to laugh. But he can't.
He shook his head trying to calm himself down. " No. Actually my mom is coming to pick me up. We are going to Daegu. And I would be staying there for a while", he managed to say without stuttering or cracking his voice.
God he was already feeling weak.
" What happened? Something happens to your grandma?" It was Joshua.
He doesn't know what to say. He knows that Joshua cares for him.
He has clearly heard him literally begging for him to Jae.
So hearing that worried voice of his friend reminds him again of that day making him more sad.
But he somehow managed to keep his emotions in control.
Tae forced himself to pull out a smile. " No. It's just that mom wants to visit and I also wanted to go there. It's been a while since I last made the visit", he said.
He started getting more restless knowing that Jae could be here anytime soon.
Even if he doesn't come here, he still has to face him.
" Why? Already missing me?"he laughed softly, seeing the sad expression of his friends. " Then you guys are going to be in trouble because this time I will be gone for a while, probably more than two weeks".
He knew that he would really miss them a lot while he was gone. He felt bad for lying to them.
He actually still has no idea when he could come back.
It would take at least two weeks. Right?
He needs to erase every feeling he has for Jae and show him he is not a person like he assumes him to be.
He'll show him that it would mean nothing to him also.
It's not like he loves Jae that much. Right?
The feelings would go away even before he realised that. It has to be.
He sighed internally.
But it's not like he has another option though.
Jeonghan snickered. " Says who? We won't miss you at all. Go as long as you want. We don't care", he huffed.
Tae laughed softly hearing him.
He is really going to miss all of them. How would he stay away from them for two weeks?
Is he really doing the right thing by staying away?
" You are really-" Jeonghan was starting to retort when that happened.
All of them turned to see Jae standing there.
Tae could only stare at the intruder without even blinking. But before anyone could see it he shakes his head trying to compose himself.
C'mon he needs to remain calm.
Jeonghan smirked. " Oh that was fast".
Tae along with others looked at him puzzled.
What does he mean by that?
" I just texted him that his boyfriend is taking a break from school. And here he is. Did you run all the way here? That was sweet", Jeonghan clarified it for all of them.
Tae was relieved. At least he doesn't have to go through another few suffocating minutes trying to find Jae.
He thanked Jeonghan in his mind.
" Your boyfriend is going to be away for a long time. Now what are you going to do?", Jungsoo said to Jae in a teasing voice.
Tae balled his fist trying to get a grip of himself.
He saw Jae looking at him with a small smile that didn't even reach his eyes.
Tae tried not to put more attention to it. Because it would make it more difficult for him to stay strong.
He managed to pull out a smile as he glanced back at the boy.
He saw Jae sighing before approaching him. " Tae, can you come with me for a few minutes?"
He narrowed his brows, as he looked at him. " What happened? You seem to be so nervous now", he managed to sound firm.
Jae pressed his lips into a thin line. He sighed. " Please come with me".
Tae chuckled softly even if wanted to kneel down and cry out. " You are being strange'' he said as he got up and walked to him waving at his friends.
They walked side by side silently along the almost empty hallway. There aren't any students present there. Just one or two. It's after all, the lunch break.
Tae was getting impatient. He couldn't afford anymore time with Jae. He needs to get this over as soon as possible.
" Where are you taking me? I don't have a lot of time to waste. My mom must be in the parking lot already waiting for me", he asked, trying to sound calm.
But shocking him, the next second Jae took his hand and pulled him to an empty classroom.
" Since you don't have enough time I would tell you here. I was actually planning to take you somewhere a little bit far. So there won't be anyone to disturb us", he said, facing him once they were inside.
Tae walked past him and sat down at a table and waited for the words to come.
The words he never thought he would have to hear from Jae.
Just say it already!
" Fine, tell me what it is", he said wanting to get everything done so fast so that he could just get out of the room.
The silver haired boy sighed internally seeing the other lowering his head.
He tried his best not to think about anything.
" Actually Tae, I've been wanting to say this for a while now. But I was scared and nervous", Jae said looking at him.
Tae didn't respond to that. He was already finding it difficult to even breathe properly.
He was getting scared with each passing second.
" I want to break up with you because I don't think it's working out anymore".
Finally he said it.
Tae didn't say anything. He masked everything so well that he could see confusion spreading the other's features.
Jae tilted his head. " So don't you have anything to say?"
" Is this what you wanted to say? Is this what made you nervous and fidgety?", Tae asked. He chuckled softly, shaking his head.
" Are you not mad? Or sad? Are you okay with it?", He could see Jae getting more confused.
Tae sighed. " To be honest, I'm not okay with it. But if you are so sure about it," he shrugged. " There is nothing I could do other than letting you go".
Jae widened his eyes and looked at him puzzled, not understanding what was happening.
" Tae, Do you hate me?" Jae's voice was soft.
Tae smiled at him. " Why would I hate you silly? Why would I hate you when you are just being honest with me? Actually I should have. But it's okay. It's not like this was going to last any longer".
Tae could see concern and guilt in those pair of eyes looking at him. But he knows better than to give in to his urges and ruin everything.
" You are too much. It's okay. Now you are acting like it was me who suggested the break up", he laughed softly seeing the other still looking at him puzzled.
But still he knows that he couldn't make it any longer. He needs to go. He couldn't stay another minute with him.
Because he feels like he is losing his mind and his control over his own thoughts.
Tae glanced at the watch acting so natural.
" Oh god!! See, it's already 1.30. My mom said that she would be here to pick me up on one", he said, managing to keep up with the act.
But the other boy was staring at him puzzled and shocked.
How couldn't he? After all, everything he assumed was being proven wrong.
" Whatever! I'll get going. Just tell them about the break up", he said immediately.
Jae lowered his eyes to the floor again, nodding.
Tae could only stare at him, a longing feeling lingering in his mind.
He wanted to hug him one last time. But what if he couldn't bring himself to pull away?
So he decided against his wish. He just patted Jae's tensed shoulders as he smiled weakly his heart already started bleeding.
" It's okay. Just stop making me also upset", he said as he turned around and walked to the door.
Jae was still looking at the floor.
" I'll get going. See you later", he said as he reached the door, and he flashed another wide grin at the other.
"But make sure that we are still friends. Okay?", he said, patting himself mentally for not stuttering.
But he could feel his heart aching. He pressed his lips tight to keep himself from sobbing in front of the other boy.
Jae looked up, then slowly nodded his head.
Before Jae could see the tears that were already forming in his eyes, he walked out.
His mind was going crazy at each step he was taking forward.
But he can't stay there anymore. He needs to move forward. He needs to move on.
Another knock.
He sighed heavily, not bothering to respond. He knew she would be worried.
Soon he heard her footsteps. She is going away.
He clutched his hair tightly, annoyed and mad.
Why am I being like this? Why can't I just let go?
He let out a sigh.
I need to move on and leave all those memories behind. His girlfriend would be coming back soon. I don't have a choice other than to move forward.
He gritted his teeth, irritated by everything. His mind is already a mess trying to find a way out of the mess he managed to end himself in.
And his heart would not let him go. It's still holding on to a boy who doesn't want to do anything with him anymore.
He sighed in annoyance. He plopped down on his bed and buried his head in the pillow and screamed.
He couldn't go on like this.
He groaned, clutching his head. " Why did you do it? You are worried about your girlfriend seeing you with someone else?", he scoffed.
" But have you ever thought of me? Are you not the least worried about me? You know everything so well about me. Even more than myself. You predicted how I could react to the break up. And yes, you were right. I'm still a mess even after a month has already passed".
He weakly smiled. " Then why? Why did you do it? Don't you know that I can't tolerate the sight of you with someone else?"
He feels the tears streaming down his cheeks.
Are you not worried about me? Am I really nothing to you?
Now I have to see you with someone else everyday. And you are giving me maximum time to move on and forget? Do you really believe that yourself? Do you really think that I could do it? Do you really think that I could move on from you?'
The tears kept falling ceaselessly and he could already sense the pillows getting wet.
Of course, why would you care when you never really loved me? I'm nothing to you, right? I'm just an emotional fool who falls for your charms. Right? You said everyone loves themselves the most. But you clearly knew how much I loved you. And even more than I love myself. Yet, you said everyone is selfish.
He chuckled dryly.
He buried his face in the pillows as a sob escaped his lips involuntarily.
He cannot hold it in.
What am I going to do now?' was the only question echoing in his mind now.
He sat up abruptly, harshly wiping away his tears. He didn't try to control his tears though. They won't stop even if he tries.
It's like even his body is not under his control anymore.
He shakes his head vigorously.
" No. I can't go on like this. I need to figure this out. I need to find a way. At Least a temporary one.
I can't let them win. I need to find a way to cope up with this situation. I can't let anyone drag me down".
He clutched his hair trying to think of a way.
His girlfriend is going to come back. They are going to be all lovey dovey in front of him. And he needs to braze himself for dealing with that every day without breaking down in front of everyone.
'Tae, think!! Anything. But please, you need to find a way out of this maze".
It was an evening when the two women were having their usual tea.
Sooheon let out another sigh as she curled her fingers around the mug tightly.
She was lost in her thoughts and was unaware of the worried expression spread in the face of her mother-in-law seeing her tired condition.
But the older woman slightly flinched when the younger among the two suddenly looked at her with a sharp gaze.
But seeing the worry plastered on her mother-in-law's face her eyes softened and she sighed again.
" It has been the nineteenth time you are sighing since you have joined me twenty minutes ago", the older woman said softly feeling sad but she tried not to show it.
The other chuckled dryly. " I have been doing that a lot these days. If this continues, I'm going to be an oldie too soon", she sighed as she stared down at her cup filled to the brim.
The older woman shakes her head smiling faintly.
" Sooheon", she called. " You need to stop with this. Give him some more time. He would come around. He is a good kid. He would never go astray", she said in a firm tone.
The other nodded weakly hearing the words. " I know, I trust him. It's not like I'm worried about him doing something wrong. But I can't see him like this. It's been more than a month. This is nothing like Tae. You know what I mean, right?"
She sighed again seeing the other just giving a slight nod.
" Mom", she called hurriedly. " Should I inform his dad? What if that helps?" She looked at the older woman expectedly hoping that her idea may be approved.
But the other has a hint of hesitation visible on her face. " I don't know, just wait a bit more", she said but her voice betrayed her own doubts.
After all, both of them are confused and scared about the situation. Afterall what are they supposed to do when everything that is happening around them is something completely unexpected?
But both of them instinctively snapped their heads towards the sound of approaching footsteps.
And both of them stared in disbelief as the boy came into the vicinity.
" Tae", Sooheon called softly, her eyes instantly getting teary seeing the boy.
But the silver haired boy just spared a glance at the two before taking his seat on the opposite couch facing his mom and Grandma.
While his mom was trying to hold herself back from bursting out into a sob in front of her son, his Grandma pulled out a faint smile on her face. Even though she tried to mask her own confusion, she was wondering what was going to happen next.
She worriedly glanced at her daughter- in- law who has her eyes fixed on her son's face without even blinking.
She nudged her softly wanting to snap her out of her daze. The other flinched and looked back at her mother-in-law confusion etched on her face.
" Mom"
Both of them turned to the boy hearing the weak voice.
Sooheon shakes her head blinking away her tears while the other calmly waits for what is to come.
" I want to change the school", he said. " I don't care where. But you can choose wherever you feel fit. But I didn't want to continue there anymore", he finishes off. His voice was weak.
There is no doubt about it. And it hurt his mom so much. Afterall who wants to see their own children in such a weak and vulnerable state?
But what scared her was his tone. It was firm and demanding.
She stared at him, confusion not leaving her.
But that is when his words sink into her head.
" What?", she looked at him puzzled. " You wanted to change schools?"
He hummed softly, looking away from her.
She was baffled by his sudden demand. But why would he think of something like that now? I look on itIt's already been a month since he has taken the leave from school. Now he wants to transfer the school?
But the next second her eyes widened at the sudden realisation. She looked at him in disbelief. This is not supposed to happen. Tae is not such a weak person.
" No", she deadpanned. " You can't change schools like that".
He frowned instantly hearing the answer. But his mom seems to be shocked by his reaction. She felt weak and sad seeing the way his demeanor changed.
" Tae, baby", she tried. " Don't do this. What happened for you to be like this? Please tell me. I'll help you to fix everything. I don't know what actually is the reason behind your sudden change. But I would try to fix everything. Don't do this to yourself", she said, her voice cracking at the end.
The boy's face softened hearing his mom's soft voice. But he already has decided everything and he is not going to back down now. No matter what.
" Mom, please", he started. " I'm sorry. But please don't try to stop me. There are a lot of things which money can't fix", he said in a calm tone and his mom sighed heavily hearing the words.
But she can't just ignore this and let this slip. " No, Tae. Please don't be like this", she pleaded. "You are my only child. I can't just let you go away like this anywhere. Both me and your dad are working hard for you. And we can't let you be like this. Don't run away from your problems even if it is hard. You need to face them and try to fix everything. I'll try my best to help you. But please don't go away" .
Her voice was soft and soothing. Enough to calm down his nerves on a usual day. But those words or voices have no effect on him today.
He shook his head in disagreement. He can't listen to her this time even though he actually wanted to. Because he can't afford it. He can't stay there anymore.
Both of them remained silent after that. Tae stared down at the floor, his eyes never shifting up. While his mom looked at him worried about the boy.
His Grandma sighed seeing the tension between the two. She could see both of them have their own reasoning and wouldn't just listen to the other person.
She knows that there is no use in staying silent without taking a proper decision. So she cleared her throat getting the attention of the mom- son duo.
" Tae, baby", she called the boy who immediately looked up, now glancing at his Grandma. " Just listen to your mom. She knows the best", she said.
But to their surprise he shook his head not agreeing.
" No, I can't,'' he sighed. " I know what I am doing is not the right thing to do. But I wanted to do this", he said.
He shifted his eyes to his mom looking at her. " Please mom", he said, pleading. " Just this once don't force me. If you want I'm even ready to go to the states. I'm ready to do it now. But I don't want to continue there again", he finished off.
But once he said all he wanted to say, he stood up and walked out of the room without even bothering to wait for their approval. It seems like he doesn't want to hear another argument.
His Grandma stared at the doorway sighing while his mom was staring at the place where he was sitting a few seconds ago.
She shook her head vigorously.
" No mom,'' she breathed out. She was going through a melt down at this point.
" He can't just do that. He is trying to run away from his problems instead of facing them. What will I do? I can't let this happen. I can't stay away from my only baby", she croaked out as she put her mug down on the table and covered her face with her palms.
The older woman just patted her back wordlessly trying to calm her down.
And a few minutes later, Sooheon looked up, sighing tiredly as she wiped the tear stains on her face.
" Where you planning to send him away to the States", the older woman broke the silence, a slight frown plastered on her face at the sudden information passed on to her just now.
Sooheon looked at her weakly. " Three months ago", she trailed off. " Just before school started I asked him if he wanted to go to the States and stay with his dad. But he said he doesn't want to go anywhere. Because he doesn't want to leave me or his dear friends in the school", she chuckled. " Now he doesn't care about anything that he would be leaving behind if he is going to transfer".
Her mother-in-law just let out a sigh.
" At least he is out of his room and is ready to move forward. That's progress", she smiled. " And regarding the transfer, talk about it with his dad. Anyway don't let Tae make any hasty decision".
Sooheon let out a tired sigh. " I think Tae has been thinking about it a lot for the past month", she said thoughtfully. "" But it seems that this is the conclusion that he reached".