I wasn't able to get up this morning.
When I went to take a shower, but instead ended up bringing a box of tissues and an extra blanket with me.
My nose is super red, my eyes are flushed, and it's so cold.
I don't know what happened. I was perfectly fine last night.
Almost. I kept coughing.
So now my throat hurts as well.
I was asleep when mom came in my bedroom.
"Emily?" she says quietly. "Are you okay?"
I groan quietly at an attempt of getting out a yes.
"You're sick?" she asks, resting a hand on my forehead. "You have a fever."
I pull away. "I'm fine," I mutter.
"What are you feeling?" she asks me.
"Nothing," I say harshly.
She removes some of the used tissues from my bed. "I'll be right back with some soup."
"No," I say, trying to sit up. "I'm fine, mom. Seriously."
She looks at me sadly. "Just let me take care of you," she says. "It's been so long." She waits a while. "What are you feeling?" she asks again.
"My throat hurts," I say after a while. "It hurts to do anything. And it's cold."
She nods. "It's probably the flu. I'll be back with your soup.
I'm too tired to argue right now. I lay my head back down and am back to sleep in an instant.
When mom came back, she was holding a tray. There was a bowl of soup, some medicine, a cup of tea, and a water bottle.
I remember when she would give that to me when I was little.
But she doesn't want that any more. She wouldn't have given me away if she did.
"Here you go," she says softly. "I brought you some tea for your throat and medicine for your cold. Although I'm pretty sure it's the flu."
I don't say anything.
She removes the hair off my face. "I have a day off today and the girls are with Jonathan. It'll just me you and me."
I look at the soup for a while, wanting to cry.
How does she know my favorite soup? This was all a long time ago. She shut me out after a while. Making me feel more alone than ever.
"I wouldn't eat it right away either," she says. "It's still hot."
I look at her.
Her face was red. Her eyes starting to water. Lips slightly quivering. "I wanted to..." she trails off, choking back a sob.
I look back down at my food and shake my head. "You don't have to talk," I tell her.
It wasn't mean. It's the truth. There is no point in talking if we don't have to.
She looks at me, her eyes pleading. "You can't hear me out?"
Slowly, I drink some of the tea. "It's not bad. It tastes weird."
She smiles kindly. "I don't think they have tea in New York, do they?"
I shake my head. "I get the one from McDonald's. With extra sugar."
She laughs quietly before it quickly does down. "What are you doing after high school?"
I lean my head back. "I'm thinking about going to modeling school. But I don't think I should."
"Why?"
"My friends and I submitted tons of photos for them to look at. And they were pretty good pictures of us, too. But I'm the only one who hasn't gotten a letter yet. And I guess, with all the fight and everything, they don't want someone who has gotten in trouble before."
She looks at me for a while before talking. "I think you'd be a great teacher or something. You're great with kids."
I don't say anything. That's the same thing Josie told me.
But I really want to be a model, though. Not like Celine Carter. But someone who can actually make a difference. And help others. Like no one ever tried to help me.
I could tell she was thinking the same thing. Her features changed and we were no longer "just talking."
"I know you no longer want anything to do with me. Especially after just dropping you off at your dad's like that. But you're here now. And Emily, I still love you. So much."
My eyes start to water. "You left me, mom. You made it absolutely clear that you wanted no part in my life."
She takes my hand in hers. "Baby, I know I just let you go. But please, can't we try? These girls, they look up to you. And I just want us to be happy again. I want you to trust me, Emily."
I take some of the medicine she brought up. "I leave next month again," I tell her.
She nods. "I know. But nothing will change, honey. You can still come over any time you'd like. I wasted all those years without you."
A tear rushes down my face. "You never cared. And neither did dad. I am absolutely fine in my own."
She walks over to my side of the bed and puts an arm around me. I cry on her shoulder for a while and she just holds me.
Then sometime during catching up and talking about ourselves, I fell asleep.
When I woke up, the tray was gone but the water bottle and medicine was beside me. But mom was also there.
She had never left my side.
And I guess, it feels better. To just know I can trust her again.
• • •
Adam was there the next day. He stayed over and helped me move around and stuff.
Now, we were sitting in the couch playing a game with mom, Jonathan, and the girls.
His arm was around my shoulder and my head was pressed against his chest.
"Mommy, let's go to the beach," Kaitlin asks. "It's hot in here."
Jonathan shakes his head. "Your sister is sick and is not aloud to go anywhere at the moment."
As if to prove this, I go into a round coughing and sneezing. Mom hands me a tissue and I cover my nose.
Adam smiles. "I guess we can't persuade you that she's fine."
Mom shakes her head. "Jonathan's right. And anyways, we can just play games, right? This isn't boring."
"But we always play this game at beach," Kaitlin whines. "It's not fair."
I stifle a laugh. "Story of my life," I mutter.
Adam squeezes my hand in a way that tells me I'm not really helping.
Kaitlin looks at me sadly. "Can't you stay alone? You're always alone."
"Kaitlin," mom scolds.
I feel my face redden a little. "It's okay," I say hoarsely.
Brooke looks at her. "Bad girl."
Kaitlin starts crying. "I want to go to the beach," she wails.
As Jonathan tries to calm her down, I go through another fit of coughing.
Adam gets a box of tissues and brings it over.
My lungs are burning.
Mom and Jonathan take Kaitlin to the other room.
Adam runs a hand up and down my back. "You'll be okay," he says.
When I pull away the tissue, there was blood all over it.
Brooke starts yelling. Adam picks her up and takes her to the other side of the room.
I can't stop coughing. Jonathan makes me lean back against the couch. "Look at me," he says. "I need you to not try to cough, okay? Just sit back."
Does he even know what he's saying? Lay back? What kind of crap is he on?
But as I lean back and concentrate on breathing, it actually kind of works. Every once in a while, I'd double up and start coughing again but Jonathan would make me lean back again.
"Mommy," Brooke yells. She hasn't stopped yelling.
Adam takes her to the other room.
Jonathan looks at me. "Are you feeling okay?"
"My throat hurts," I say hoarsely, my voice barely above a whisper.
He nods. "I know. I'll make you some tea for your throat. But you just sit here, okay?"
I nod. "Thanks."
Adam comes back about a minute later. "You scared me for a second there," he teases.
I smile. "I didn't think I did."
He takes my hand.
"How's Brooke?"
He shrugs. "I think she'll live. It's just weird seeing blood come out of someone."
I lean into him. "I would think so."
He plays with my hair for a while. "Listen," he says quietly. "My mom is having a little picnic thing this weekend. If you want to come. My grandparents and cousins are going to be there. They'd love to meet you."
"Do they know you and Claire broke up?" I ask.
"Not really. But we can tell them. I mean, they'll love you."
I shake my head. "I don't want to show up if they know about me, Adam. Have you even mentioned me once?"
He nods. "Of course, I did," he says, but won't look me in the eye.
"You're lying," I accuse.
His eyes harden. "What do you want me to say, Emily? They're my grandparents. I don't talk to them about who I date."
"I'm just saying, I don't want to show up and have them think I'm someone else."
He snorts. "For all they care, they probably think I'm still with Catherine."
I glare at him. "That's just great," I say flatly.
He smiles wryly. "Look, you're sick. Maybe that's affecting the way you think or something. But I was simply asking you if you wanted to come or not. It'll still happen whether you show up or not. So, I suggest you tell me."
I pull away from him. "That's not very nice," I say, my voice breaking.
I notice something in his eyes before he stands up, pushing me away in the process. "Maybe this is a mistake. I can't prove you wrong if you don't let me. And maybe you're just meant to be alone."
My hands tense just a little. Eyes narrowing. "Then leave," I say harshly. "I never made you do this."
He shrugs and starts leaving. He slams the door behind him just as Jonathan walks in the room.
"Here you go," he says. "It's still hot so be careful."
I nod. Although I'm not able to focus.
Adam never really liked me. He just wanted to prove a point. And because of that I let myself get too attached. But I'm not going to cry.
No way.
Definitely not over some guy.
HEY, GUYS!!!! WHAT DO YOU THINK SO FAR? IS IT TOO UPSETTING OR SOMETHING?
JUST PLEASE LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK. FEEL FREE TO GIVE ME SUGGESTIONS. I COULD USE SOME HELP WITH THE NEXT FEW CHAPTERS.
THANKS FOR READING!!!!