Disgusting.
Weak.
Ugly.
Worthless.
Nagisa stared into the mirror, tears silently sliding down his cheeks.
You'll never be good enough.
Some son you are.
Unworthy.
Disappointment.
Nagisa grimaced, squeezing his eyes shut in an attempt to stop the tears that only came faster.
Not good enough.
Waste.
Waste of space.
Waste of time.
He buried his hands in his hair, shaking his head in a measly effort to rid his head of the thoughts.
Just kill yourself.
No. Stop. Please.
You don't deserve anything.
I know...
*knock knock knock*
Nagisa startled at the sudden noise. He blinked a few times before realizing someone was at his door. He shook himself again, wiping the tears from his eyes, before moving to answer it. His hand shook as it hovered over the handle for a moment, but he steeled himself and swung it open.
"Oh, Karu! What are you doing here?"
"It's Friday; movie night, remember?" Karma said, cocking his head slightly. "You forgot?"
"Oh, no, of course not!" Nagisa waved. "I was just a bit distracted is all. Come in."
Karma eyed his boyfriend sceptically, but walked in and sat down on the bed. Nagisa tried not to feel uncomfortable under the piercing gaze that seemed to see everything.
"I picked last week," Nagisa mused, turning to rummage through his movie drawer, "so it's your turn to pick today. Did you have anything in mi-"
"Nagisa ," Karma interrupted.
Nagisa froze, staring down at the open drawer. It was quiet for a moment before he heard his bed creak softly, and footsteps approach behind him. Karma's hand rested gently on his back.
"Nagi," he repeated, reaching to cup a freckled cheek. "Please look at me."
Nagisa hesitated, feeling pinpricks behind his nose and eyes. No. Don't cry. Not now. He blinked, steadying his quivering lip before turning his gaze up to meet his boyfriend's. Karma stared back at him, unblinking. How long has it been? It must've been at least a few minutes, surely? But Karma hasn't blinked yet, so it couldn't have been.
At last, Karma closed his eyes with a sigh, leaning forward to gently rest his forehead against Nagisa . Tiny tears began to form in his eyes. Don't cry.
He jumped ever so slightly when he felt a warm and cool hand take his own, and lift him up as Karma stood. Nagisa stared at him, confused, as he was led to sit on the bed.
Karma did not release his gentle grip, nor his gaze right away . His eyes flicked to the side as one hand was released, only to feel hit chin being lifted a moment later.
"Please, Blueberry, look at me. Talk to me."
Nagisa looked up and was immediately shocked. Karma looked... pained. The tears he was holding back began cascading down his face like twin waterfalls. Without thinking, he launched himself into Karma's chest, sobbing, clinging to him.
"Shhhhh, shhh, it's alright," Karma whispered, running a hand through Nagisa's hair. "You're alright. I'm right here."
Nagisa shook and trembled, breathless.
Weak.
Crybaby.
Burden.
His eyes shot wide at the last one, his breath catching. Hastily, he pushed off of Karma and turned his face away, desperately trying to dry his face.
"Nagisa!" Karma's hands landed on his shoulders, holding him firmly. "Please, talk to me, tell me what's wrong! It hurts to see you like this."
"I- can't..." Nagisa choked out.
"Why not?"
"I don't want- I can't- I'm a burden on you!"
"Nagisa ... is that really what you think...?"
"I know it!" Nagisa cried, whipping his head up. "I'm a worthless burden on you and my mom, the class and I don't deserve you, I'm not worthy of you, you deserve so much better than me-"
"No. Stop that right now ." Nagisa clamped his mouth shut, surprised at the force in his boyfriend's voice. Karma's hands moved to hold his face, not letting him turn away again. "You are perfect. If anyone was ever undeserving of anything, it's me of you. You're no burden. You're hardworking, and brighten every room you enter. You bring hope to the rest of class 3-E. You make all of us better just by being there."
"B-but I'm weak-"
"You are the strongest person I know. You're strong in everything you do; your will, your spirit, your heart, and your power. You're the strongest person to me."
Nagisa just stared at him, processing everything he just said. When it finally clicked, he broke. "NO! I'M NOT! I'M NOT I'M NOT I'M NOT! I'M WORTHLESS AND UGLY AND PITIFUL. YOU'RE WRONG. I'M WEAK! I'M UGLY!" Nagisa trembled, shaking his head back and forth. He sobbed. "I... you... you deserve better..."
For a moment, the only sounds in the room were Nagisa's sniffles and quiet sobs. He refused to look up and see the disgust in Karma's face.
Cool fingers just barely brushed Nagisa's. cheek. The contact was so small, but it was enough to halt his sobs and encourage him to look up. What he saw there shocked him. Karma's eyes seemed to glow with love and sympathy.
"I'm so sorry, my love," Karma murmured. "I let you believe your mind; the things you were told growing up. But know this; anything that is beautiful, people want to break. And you are beautiful, I'm afraid." His thumb wiped a stray tear from Nagisa's cheek. "Will you let me prove to you how much I love you?"
Nagisa's eyebrows pinched together over his wide, glistening eyes. He closed them tight to clear away the tears that were distorting his vision and nodded.
He heard a soft hum from his boyfriend a moment before soft lips brushed against his own. His eyes shot open in shock for a moment but quickly fluttered shut when he saw the peaceful expression on Karma's face.
Hesitantly, he began to kiss back. Slowly, tentatively, the two began to push forward into each other. Nagisa felt a warm hand wrap around his back as he was gently guided to lay down with Karma on top of him, not breaking their kiss. Nagisa's hands instinctively made their way to Karma's face, holding him sweetly.
Karma's hands ghosted over Nagisa's body, drifting over his shoulders, chest, stomach, hips and back again. On the third or fourth pass, Karma's hands lingered at his hips, playing at the hem of Nagisa's oversized t-shirt. Nagisa opened his eyes a crack to see Karma looking down at him, a gentle question in his eyes. Nagisa nodded slowly and Karma blinked lovingly at him before slowly sliding the garment up and over his head.
Nagisa expected him to come back for more kisses, but instead Karma sat back and looked down at him, examining his body with admiration. Nagisa shivered as a cold finger traced over his stomach and various scars.
"So beautiful," Nagisa breathed, "beautiful and strong, baby." Nagisa just watched, butterflies in his heart and stomach, as Karma took his crooked right hand and kissed each and every scar on it. Slowly, meticulously, Karma made his way up, kissing every scar along his arm and following them across his body. He didn't miss a single one; not even the old and faded ones from his childhood.
"You're incredible, Nagisa . So strong. So gorgeous. Your scars are reminders of that; how strong you are, everything you've survived ," Karma whispered, running his cold hand down Nagisa's right arm to hold his hand. " I love you so much."
With tears in his eyes, Nagisa intertwined his fingers with Karma's . Not trusting his voice, Nagisa reached up to hold Karma's face before pressing their lips together sweetly.
Karma pushed forward, deepening the kiss while simultaneously getting Nagisa to lay back down. Karma squeezed his hand slightly before letting go to trail his hands back down to Nagisa's toned hips. When he pulled away, Nagisa whimpered quietly. He felt Karma trail a finger gently around the edge of his shorts.
"May I show you how much I love you?" He asked, putting slightly more pressure on the waistband. Nagisa nodded, and Karma smiled, leaning down to kiss him once again as he slowly slid the shorts and boxers down.
In that moment, Nagisa became aware that his boyfriend was still fully clothed, and reached up to pull at his shirt. Karma hummed amusedly into the kiss then pulled away to discard the offending fabric. Just as he was going to tug at Karma's pants, Nagisa felt him slowly grind down against him and let out a small groan.
Karma immediately went for his neck, peppering light kisses all over it, gently sucking here and there. Nagisa let out a heavy breath when Karma twisted his hips against him. Karma slowly began adding more force; grinding with slightly more energy and kissing his neck with just a little more suction. Nagisa gasped.
"So gorgeous for me," Karma breathed hotly, licking a stripe up Nagisa's artery. Nagisa mewled beneath him, pushing his hips up in search of more friction. "Patience, love. I want to cherish you," Karma smiled, pulling away. This only caused Nagisa to whimper more.
Karma swooped down to peck Nagisa's pouting lips with a smile before reaching down to slide out of his lower garments. Nagisa watched intently as the clothes were finally discarded, and met Karma's lips eagerly when he returned.
For what could've been a minute or hours, the two just held each other, lips interlocked, skin against bare skin. In that moment, Nagisa's mind finally shut off; it was just him and the beautiful boy he loved, embracing each other freely.
When he felt the tip of Karma's tongue sweep across his lower lip, Nagisa didn't hesitate to open up for him. Their tongues danced together slowly and certainly, like a well-rehearsed ballet; made for each other.
Nagisa moaned quietly into Karma's mouth when the latter began his slow grind again. The taller boy eagerly swallowed every noise he made.
Slowly but surely, Karma increased his speed and pressure until after what felt like a blissful eternity, both boys stood at full mast. By now Nagisa was panting, a mix of both of their salivas running down his chin, and a bright pink blush dusted across his cheeks.
"Karu..." he breathed.
"Yes love?"
"Please..."
"Soon love." Karma planted a gentle kiss on his cheek. "Still in the box under the bed?" Nagisa nodded. Karma leaned down, chest pressing against Nagisa's as he reached under the bed. Nagisa swore Karma could feel the pounding of his heart. It felt like it was beating right out of his ribs.
A moment later, Karma sat back up, bringing with him a familiar shoe box. He set it down on the edge of the bed against the wall and opened it. He reached in and pulled out a small bottle and plastic wrapper. Nagisa could hear is heartbeat pounding in his ears, but kept his eyes glued on the objects in the other boys hands.
Karma rubbed a hand lovingly up Nagisa thigh, and traced a finger ever so lightly around his inner thigh, sending shivers up his spine and making his leg twitch slightly. Karma clearly noticed, as amusement glittered in his eyes. Nagisa blushed like mad but watched intently as Karma opened the bottle and poured a considerable amount of the liquid on his fingers.
When the bottle was closed and set safely to the side, Karma reached down to lightly rub his fingers against Nagisa's entrance. Nagisa but his lip in anticipation, but had to let go when Karma leaned in to kiss him again. Distracted by the warm mouth against his own, Nagisa almost didn't notice the first digit sliding easily into him. Almost.
Nagisa gasped and sighed at the sensation. Karma had released his lips in favour of peppering kisses all over his face. "Mmmh," Nagisa hummed contentedly.
Moving down to kiss along his jawline, Karma slid in a second finger. Nagisa gasped and bit his lip in an attempt to muffle a moan. Karma , still slowly thrusting his fingers in and out, moved back to Nagisa's lips. He kissed and bit the bottom one, tugging on it gently. "Don't hold back your sounds for me, baby," he whispered, going back to kissing Nagisa's jaw.
"Ahh," Nagisa moaned, feeling Karma begin to scissor him open. "Mmmph..."
Karma hummed against his skin, not letting up on either of his tasks. Moments later, a third finger was added. "AhaH!" Nagisa gasped. Karma was so good. So good for him. Too good for- no. Have to stop thinking like that. Just enjoy this.
Once again, Karma's mouth moved lower, biting and sucking along Nagisa's neck. Nagisa groaned in both pleasure and frustration when he felt Karma deliberately avoid his sweet spot where his neck met his shoulder.
"Karuuu," he whined.
"Yes baby?" He could almost hear the smirk in his lovers voice.
"Stop teasing- mmph- please- hah."
"As you wish." With that, Karma finally latched on to his sweet spot, sucking and licking relentlessly as his fingers began working faster.
"AhhHH!" Nagisa moaned. "Ka.. Kar.. Karu.. please.. hah.. in... please in now- aH!"
Karma gave one more hard suck and a couple more quick thrusts before pulling back to admire his work. "So pretty..." Nagisa blushed and turned his head away, but it just served to give Karma a better view of the marks he left.
Karma removed his fingers and Nagisa immediately whined for them to come back. "Don't worry darling," he assured, kissing Nagisa's cheek, "you're about to get something much better."
Nagisa blushed and stopped complaining. His wide blue eyes didn't miss a thing as they tracked Karma's every movement. He watched him tear open the plastic wrapper with his teeth and pulled out the rubber inside. He stared as Karma carefully rolled it onto his member, making sure it was on correctly. He eyed Karma's hands as they retrieved the lube, poured a great deal into his palm, and stroked it all across his length.
At long last, it was time. Impatient, Nagisa grabbed Karma and pulled him close so he was hovering right above him.
"Ready?" Karma asked.
"Please," Nagisa begged.
Karma locked their lips together as he pressed in, slowly and gently. Nagisa moaned into the kiss, wrapping his arms around Karma's muscular shoulders. The taller boy groaned when he finally bottomed out.
"Tell me when you're ready," Karma said. Nagisa nodded, holding him closer.
A couple minutes passes of the two just holding each other before Nagisa whispered, "I'm ready."
Karma nodded and pulled out slowly, stopping just before he slipped all the way out, and slid back in. The process repeated slowly; pull out, push in, out, in, out, in. Nagisa moaned and gasped while Karma groaned.
The two held each other's gazes. Nagisa's face lax with pleasure, Karma's tense. Both were blushing and panting lightly.
"You're so gorgeous. Absolutely amazing. I love you so much," Karma muttered, speeding up.
Nagisa gasped. "I love you too- aHH. Karma! Faster! AH!"
Karma complied, speeding up even more.
"Ha-aaaH-rder karma! Please, please, harder! MMMNG! Faster!" Nagisa clung onto Karma's back.
Karma didn't need any more prompting than that. He began a relentless pace of pounding Nagisa into the bed. Nagisa cried out in pleasure, dragging his nails down Karma's back. Karma growled and Nagisa pulled him down into a sloppy, desperate kiss. He just about screamed into his lovers mouth when Karma his his prostate.
"THERE! AHHAH! KARU! MMNGH! RIGHT THERE!" Nagisa howled.
Karma took his lips once again, groaning into Nagisa's mouth and twisting his hips so that he hit the same spot with every rapid thrust. Nagisa tried to stay focused on Karma's red and sweaty face, but the pleasure was becoming too much and he couldn't keep his eyes from rolling back.
" HAAAH! CLOSE! CLOSE KARU! SO CLOSE!" Nagisa screeched.
"MmmME TOO!" Karma barked.
A few more rough snaps of Karma's hips and Nagisa was gone. His vision went white and he all but screamed in pleasure. He thought he heard Karma call out his name as he stopped thrusting, but he couldn't be sure.
Karma collapsed on top of him, both of them panting heavily as they came down from their highs. Eventually Karma rolled off of him, pulling out in the process, and disposed of the condom. Nagisa whined at the loss.
Karma quickly lay back down and Nagisa wasted no time in cuddling up against his chest. Karma wrapped his arms around him and nuzzled his face into soft blue hair.
"How was that, my love?" Karma asked.
"Perfect," Nagisa breathed, "it was perfect. You're perfect."
"Nagisa ." Karma pulled away just enough to be able to look into big blue eyes. He pushed the sweaty bangs from Nagisa's forehead and planted a long, sweet kiss there. "You're perfect."