"Thanks for the ride, lover boy." Y/n said and pulled out the gun to point at the mans forehead.
Hanma chuckled and also flashed her panties, "You're Welcome, pretty lady." He said and quickly hid it back to his pocket when she tried to grab it.
Y/n smiled tiredly at the man, and got out of his mustang. When she reached the front door she removed the heels since it was starting to hurt.
After inserting the key she threw the purse to somewhere she won't find ever again in the morning. The same thing go for the poor heels, as she walked barefoot to grab a water inside the fridge.
Grabbing a tall glass and pouring a cold water inside to drink, gulping every drop as she walk towards the stairs.
Entering the first room to the right she putted the glass on her table, and threw her frail body to a huge white bed.
She covered her eyes with her arms and turned her body to face the huge window beside her.
It was always the same, every time she go home. Its always that stupid feeling to face the four cornered dark room again and again.
Her birthday, did have something special well atleast just this year. She won't even meet him next time, maybe; who knows?
Thoughts filled with mixed things from the previous events, but she just cant get rid of the man.
Maybe, some part of him; inside to be specific. felt sincere when he didn't killed her. But thats Absurd, well everything is when it comes to her life.
She gazed over her standard black clock at her table, thats a rough night she thought.
Everything was just an illusionary peace to keep her going, it was merely a distraction for her depressed self. Shes quite good at masking it sometimes.
Quitting therapy did not made her feel less like any guilt inside. They just continue to fill your brain up with stupid chemicals to fix it as if its a cold or a band aid.
It was not, it was just a fragment of a non-existent person she created in order to continue on feeling okay. Medicine made it worst, it was never not once an option to fix her. Only time can;
Out of the blue she pulled herself up to find the old journal she had a few years ago, scattering anything that looks like a hindrance to find one.
Until the clean room looked messy again, she then leaved the room to try and find it inside her mini office next door.
Checking every single cabinet, binders, and you know places to put something.
She glady found the nearly not-so recognizable shape. It used to have random stickers, and a plain white cover. Now dusted with stains and torns.
While blowing the dust away she grabbed a pen. It was color blue, though it appeared black since theres not enough light.
Y/n returned to her room after finding it and flipping a few pages away. Since she already thought of therapy, she remembered something that her doctor prescribed.
Well she was utterly depressed during those times, and doesn't have the energy to do it. She sat on the veranda's chair and crossed her legs.
It was the only thing that she kept holding on, before tempting herself to the depths of oblivion.
This year, maybe can let her not go or say welcome to it. Depending if the advised activity will work.
Maybe there is still something, that doesn't want her to die yet. That she still have hopes, that she's scared of dying.
In terms of depression, its a joy ride sometimes. No one really understands it, neither the people who are suffering it.
Y/n believed deeply, that if one day; when those depressed people can express or explain whats going on with them. Maybe it might be a cure.
Flipping pages can only be heard, as the woman lit a Cig to ease frustration. No matter how hard she punish herself to not eat, smoke until her lungs go dry and hydrate it with alcohol.
Nothing change, she would still unknowingly call for help. Thats why she wanna get rid of this feeling; the distraction, masking, and probably self blame.
Bad habits never die as they say, thats maybe one of the reason she can't quit smoking. Shes just making each day a worth to feel sufferable.
To the point where she can't bear it. A smell of smoke came out of her foul mouth as her eyes glint with shock.
There she found it; an entry point for herself to read.
╔═════════╗
To the past, future and me.
The doctor advised me to write down many things I wan't to do with my life.
Technically, we weren't supposed to have one but maybe when you feel like finally wanting to feel alive; you might do one.
Who knows, as per the past you; shes dumb and very unhealthy. Whiny and skinny, sleepless and sometimes feels headless.
However the Me, part of this little intro. misunderstood the doctor. I thought of it as something to fullfill what i couldn't have as a child.
Thats why future me, this is what i promised for my past.
I'm doing what my young self failed to do
im fulfilling my younger me's sincere wishes, so that maybe one day. You can say hello to the past, that you felt alive and you're still the same little girl.
Please, remember that.
╚═════════╝
"Wow that sounded like a total bullshit but, sure I'd give it a try. Because i know the young me would be very disappointed, if she see me like this. I mean i already made her because i hooked a stranger." Y/n jokingly talked to herself and putted the journal to the table.
And began writting her childish-felt dreams. Desperate enough, atleast she wanted to make her younger version happy before she decides to just choose death.
She did a few things to reach her certain point to be steady, but at some cost. Surely did left some troubled memories.
Mixed emotions as she write her thoughts away, one time her doctor tried to gave her some trick to calm down.
It was something easy to do, just close your eyes; imagine yourself busy inside your room, and a little girl enters it.
It was the mini-you, rumbling over your stuff and asking whats up. However you tend to struggle, you can't even remember the old face of the happy girl you used to be.
As if you were talking to the disappointed-pity young you, The doctor would then add up something for the mini-version to say, "You've already came for a long journey, why are you still crying and choose to give up this time? Thats unfair, selfish and self-centered of you to not try and save yourself; Someday i wanna meet you again and say i see, so this is your future dreams. Then dying won't be the choice." Y/n would just tear up trying to visualize it.
It did work magically for a few rings and turns, but sometimes medicine would make her take it.
"Well, if the silly me just knows that my future is still fucked up. I wouldn't be guilt tripping myself." Y/n whispered and threw the Cigs.
She then throwed herself back to bed with the journal on her chest. "And now, I need some pills to send me sleeping." Y/n said and putted the journal inside her table, grabbing a few sleepings pills to hit the pillows.
Turn here, flip there. grab pillow, remove pillow. Same motion and groans were heard.
She then looked again at her clock to check time, "Congrats, its officially 5 AM and you failed one job again." Y/n groaned and tried to find her phone.
Certainly she did forgot something, after she found her phone under the blankets. Mitsuya's text and call are all over her notifications.
╔═════════╗
To Mitsuya Takashi
Bummer, sorry 'bout last night forgot to text you that I got home safe. Too tired and yes I'm still one whole not chopped into pieces.
Anyway Good morning, I'll be going to work now.
x.
╚═════════╝
After informing her friend about the so-called safety home of her last night, she immediately did all to get ready for work.
Thankfully, shes been assigned for the whole month to have a morning shift but ends in different time depending on the situation.
The hospital currently have many interns and new workers thats why she have a few time for herself. Sounds impossible but, its a private hospital anyway.
She took the train for work today, since shes once again lazy to drive herself to work. Not even once feeling to doze off nor blink for a quick nap.
Leaving the train after it arrived at her stop, she climbed the stairs and crossed the street to enter the tall white-building.
Greeting a few people goodmorning before she enter the nurse's quarter to leave her neccesities.
Visiting one patient to another and another, to check up on them. Checked a few interns and facilitate in the Emergency room.
Checking her watch again it was time for a short break, but before that she has to run errands to the radiologist. To give the X-ray to the doctor, currently inside the patients room.
When she got the file from the office, she went back to the first floor; second building. One knock and greeting she excused herself after sending the result.
The quickest way to send herself to the best smoking area break is at the rooftop.
Meeting the familiar door again and pushed it using her body to open.
Sitting down to her usual bench and lit a smoke. "You should try and quit smoking." A deep voice said and stole it from her pale fingers.
And the one owner of it was Hanma, he then putted the Cigs in his mouth. "How about you should also try a normal greeting?" The woman demanded.
But the man chuckled in response and sat next to her, "Why are you even here again?" The nurse started.
"Just want to return something early, but you can take the gun if you want." Hanma said and gave her panties back.
"That sounded suspicious, whaddya really want?" Y/n asked him and stared at his detailed face.
"Nothing personally, maybe I just wanted to see you again. To try and remove this pity of mine." He admited and threw the Cigs over the Grills.
"C'mon a delinquent? Pity that sounded more doubtful." Y/n laughed and shook her head.
"Trust me I find it more annoying than you think." Hanma defended and rested his arms across the bench.
"Would this help you ease pity? Like talking to me." Y/n asked again and stared at the clouds hitting the back of her head with hanmas arms.
"Absolutely, remove this or else I'll be dammed to push you over the grills." Hanma clenched his jaw and sigh in annoyance.
"Well, how about a deal?" The Woman in white dared.
"A deal for what?" He asked in return staring at her.
"You remove the stupid pity, by helping me fulfil the younger me's wish." Y/n explained sounding unsure.
She felt, desperate. Though it doesn't mix in to the usual tandem of a delinquent and a depressed ass girl.
"What if I continue to feel pity, if i help you?" He countered the deal and face palmed himself.
He knew that once learning to pity again, it would be hard to get out. Its like a spell making him bark like a loyal dog to please his master.
"I don't think so, thats just a 'what if'. It would depend on seeing myself happy again." Y/n replied and stood up to leave.
"You better thank yourself that I'm bored and Wanting to remove this pity." Hanma claimed and walked past her.
"I guess its a deal then Shuji." Y/n said and smiled like an idiotic person.
"Shut up pity-party lady." Hanma groaned and left the rooftop.
To young me, I know I'm supposed to do it on my own. But I'm desperate to make it work, I'm sorry if i had to fuck a delinquent. Its better than seeing myself fucked up by life again.
She let out a sigh and went back to face work again. Knowing nothing, but expecting things slowly to save her by little.
--
Hello, i'm going to update again later bcs i gotta sleep its like 2 am here 🐸
Bye Froggies <33