"What's your favourite colour?"
There was a certain excitement festering inside her corpse for the next couple of days as she danced around her house, silent footsteps echoing through the thin walls as she began to plot and scheme with a mind filled with dangerous intentions and madness. Because Gwen had finally found a weakness in Brekker's armour, finally found something that she could chip away at, something she could use to bring him down to his knees like she had done to many a man before him, and there was something so powerful about the thought of it.
And it had only taken almost three months of pure, mindless flirting with the sharpshooter, his supposed second in command, to get it. Kruge, how could she of not made that simple connection before? Was she losing her touch or was she just stupid? If there was one thing Brekker seemed to care about most in the devastating and cruel world around them, it was his money, his building empire that was threatening to take the whole of Ketterdam and make it anew. And it had only been when she'd went home after making sure Jesper didn't die of alcohol poisoning did it all finally click into place like a broken puzzle.
It had been something he'd said in his drunken ramblings, something that hadn't struck a cord because she'd been far too...distracted by a pretty face which had made frustration stew in her gut like the violent tides of the sea.
"I almost lost Kaz his precious kruge." He'd said, slurring his words and leaning heavily across her burdened shoulders, too intoxicated to even truly notice the weight of what he'd been saying, and perhaps never actually knowing the truth of her mocking betrayal if she played her cards right. Maybe...maybe there was a chance she could kill the so-called dirthyhands and still see Jesper. But as soon as that thought had tempted her, she'd shoved it away in the same breath, locking it up tight, stored away in her haunted mind and refusing to even give herself a moment to think about it even more than she should.
She couldn't allow such weakness to control her, she couldn't allow him to make her feel unless she wanted to be completely and utterly ruined by her own humanity. Gwen didn't regret any of the sins she'd committed, done through stained hands that begged for salvation...and that was because to be wicked, was to be alive, to force the world to give her something when it had taken everything from her, making sure they were even through stolen breaths and bloodshed. But she knew, she knew that if she continued with the sharpshooter, allowing him to strip her naked of all defenses...that cold scrutiny would come crumbling down.
Gwen Rietveld should be dead, she'd made sure of it, she'd been buried alongside her brothers, giving a chance for the Stranger to begin anew...and yet there was just something about Jesper Fahey that made her rise to the surface...and she had to put a stop to it, quickly.
However, she didn't exactly have a plan on how that was going to happen, and unfortunately, she didn't have time to that evening considering Scruffy had decided to help himself to all of the fish once more, meaning that after she'd managed to clean it all up and only throwing up four times instead of the usual twelve, she found herself hunting through the market, her head bent low, focusing down on the dirty ground beneath her feet with her upper lip curled and ever thankful for the inventor of shoes that prevented such things from touching her bare feet and making her scrub her soles raw.
And then, when she finally looked up, she saw the very person she didn't want to see, time seeming to freeze in place as their eyes caught over the masses, the air thick with tension as the winds began to howl and the sky began to rumble...and then that moment was broken as he grinned and moved towards her, a thin sheen of sweat gathered across his forehead as he weaved his way through the crowds, shoulders bumping into people who didn't move out of his way and barely sparing them a glance when they cursed at him. "Gwen! Just the girl I was looking for!"
"Well, you found me." Which, ironically, was the last thing she wanted to happen as she smiled at him fakely, wondering if it would look suspicious if she started running as fast as her legs could carry her, past the uneven cobblestones, past the slanted building that made the Barell what it was, past the fog and smoke heavy in the air, always threatening to choke its inhabitants upon its thick pollution that stink of rot and death...but then Jesper was standing in front of her, grinning brilliantly, and it was like her mind went blank without a single thought to help her.
"Oh, that I did, gorgeous. So, are you doing anything right now? Anything more important than me?"
"No. Why?" Gwen questioned without truly thinking, and only just managing to hide her grimace in time as the lack of filter between her mind and mouth. She couldn't do this, she wouldn't allow herself to do this, she had already gotten everything she needed and more from the sharpshooter, so why was she even attempting to entertain him? Why had her stupid and naive heart skipped a beat when she saw that awful hat of his, his perfect skin that seemed to glow in ethereal perfection...and why did he make her feel so human when she wanted to be anything but?
"Good, and that was a trick question by the way...nothing is more important than me obviously, now come along, love. I've got a suprise for you."
There was an excitement surrounding him, his body constantly fidgeting as if he had too much energy and no where to put it, and when he finally began to lead her away from the market place she was somewhat suprised that he wasn't skipping as they fell into their usual dynamic of him talking her ear off about some strange job or funny story he heard from a friend of a friend of a friend and her listening to him with a barely there smile curving her lips upward...at least, that's what they usually did, but for some odd reason, just as Jesper begun to tell her about said story, he suddenly froze, a contemplative look on his features as he considered her.
"You know, I've just realised I hardly know anything about you...other than your name of course. Don't get me wrong, I love a mystery just as much as the next person, but after three months I should at least know something more about you." He said, brows furrowed as he tried to remember something, anything that he'd learned from their time together...he'd already deciphered she had a sweet tooth, that she liked the colour blue, that she apparantly really liked fish considering that's what she was always buying...but apart from things he'd simply noticed about her, there was nothing of actual substance.
"Well it's hard to get a word in edge ways, sharpshooter. You could talk for the whole of Ketterdam, you know?" Gwen laughed, a certain nervousness brimming to the surface as she looked away from him, looking towards the slanted building around them that seemed to dwindle, less and less crowds of people, tourists and Barell rats walking past them by the moment as he lead her to wherever he had in mind...and what a strange thing, trusting him not to lead her astray, to hurt her, kill her as familar sights disappeared from view, and yet still, she continued to walk beside him.
"Rude. And for that insult, I think you should tell me something about you." Jesper grinned down at her like he didn't have a care in the cruel world, perfect teeth shining in the gloomy atmosphere around them, looking like the sun made human, devastating and beautiful but most of all warm. And upon seeing the hesitation plastered across the panes of her face, that smile only grew brighter as he wrapped an arm around her shoulder joyfully, squeezing her into his side as she softened. "Come on, at least give me something...like what's your favourite colour?"
"Grey, now you where are we-"
"Grey? Your favourite colour is grey? Why? It's the most boring colour of all!"
"I-" Her explanation quickly died upon her tongue as she frowned to herself, the quick answer slipping from her lips with permission, and the answer of why came to her far quicker than she expected, filled with longing, with adoration like she was still some lovesick child who had yet to realise the terror of real life, of the world around her where no fairytales walked the earth, only horror stories disguised as human nature, but she'd learn, oh saints, how she'd learn...because her favourite colour never used to be grey until she looked into his eyes of precious metals and thought that not even the most incredible painter could replicate such a shade. "I don't know. I just like it I suppose."
"Mhm, well...no offence but that was kind of dull. I was hoping for something more in all honesty, love."
"You brought up colours!" The dark-haired girl exclaimed, giggling under her breath as she stared up at him in mock indignation as he stared down at her the very same, the two sharing a soft look that only the heavens above were blessed to see as they strolled further and further down from the hustle and bustle of the docks and the market place, now almost completely devoid of life apart from the stranger that haunted the Barell and its vile inhabitants and the sharpshooter that pretty much helped run it, a strange pair that only had one thing in common...and that was the blood on their hands.
"Yes! As an example! I didn't actually think you'd answer it!" Jesper scoffed, unwinding his arm from around her shoulders to throw them in the air, gesturing wildly as he usually did in his own dramatic way and almost managing to hit a low-hanging sign that swung limply from an almost abandoned looking bar...at least she would assume it was abandoned if it wasn't for the drunken cheering coming from inside of it that made her lips twist in displeasure.
"You're an idiot."
"So I've been told." He smiled...but there was something about it that didn't quite reach his eyes, his disappoint apparent only to her callous observations, carefully hidden over his charm, his wit as he continued to lead her through the streets...and she felt a strange guilt building inside her gut, boiling beneath the surface, and it was like something inside her, something buried deep, ruined by her salvation came clawing out, tearing at her throat, begging to be heard, to be seen...and it was like she had no control over herself as a single word began to spill through her lips like blood on a dark night.
"Dirt." Gwen said simply, breath shaky as she tried not to let the words control her, let them haunt her as she seen Jesper staring at her from the corner of his eye, obviously confused by her abrupt sentence that really, on its own, absolutely made no sense...and so she forced herself to continue, asking herself why, why, why she was doing this, why she cared so much, why the sharpshooter made her feel so vulnerable...but there was no answer to her questions, just more and more grief.
"I-I don't like being dirty, don't like anything to do with it, dust, mud, sick and everything that comes with it, I just- I can't stand it touching my skin. It's why I carry this bag everywhere, so if I do get dirty I can clean myself straight after instead of...well, instead of having a panic attack and passing out." She whispered in shame, her weakness laid out bared and uncouth, heavy in the air as her eyes stung with unurshed tears. Her trauma didn't kill her, no, but nor did it make her stronger, it just simply was...and always would be there, threatening to drown her and overwhelm her completely.
"Saints love...so that's why you freaked out when I was sick the other night." Jesper said, his step faltering beside her as they came to a stop...and she could see those glorious hands of his clenching by his side, as if he wanted to reach out to her, hold her, comfort her...but she only moved away, unable to accept such a thing because sometimes, being offered tenderness was like the very proof that you had been ruined, and she was sure if she fell into his arms now...there was a chance she would never want to leave."I'm sorry that you had to see that, if I'd known-"
"It's alright, we're in the Barell, sharpshooter. I've seen alot worse." And done far worse too...her power bought from whispers of her name, a calling for her destructive talents for death that left men clawing at their throats, dying as the oxygen was stripped from their lungs with her talented hands as the air had no choice but to be forced by her devastating will, just for a taste for survival. It was ironic that she was so obsessed with being clean, because the truth of the matter was no matter how much she scrubbed her hands, her palms would always be slick with the morality of others.
However, Gwen was torn away from such thoughts by the feeling of the sharpshooter's hand curling around hers, their fingers linking together, intertwined as she blinked down at their embrace with a shocked awe that he didn't see as he shouted out loudly, his voice echoing through the empty street and filled with promise as he grinned. "Nope! It's inexcusable, from now on, I, Jesper Llewellyn Fahey, promise to never be sick in front of you again."
And then she started to laugh, not the fake sounding giggles that she'd use to manipulate him, to make him feel better about himself, to pull his guard down around her, but a real, belly-shaking laugh as she shook her head in amusement, looking up at him with a stunning smirk that made her eyes shine and look not half as haunted, as old as she usually did, like she was the teenager only just bordering on adulthood like she was meant to be. "Your middle name is Llewellyn? Seriously?"
"It's a family name, hush. Ah, now here we are! So, what do you think?" They finally came to a stop as the Zemeni boy strolled away to stand in front of her, arms spread out wide with a bright smile...to show case an alleyway, a literal alleyway that yes, looked somewhat cleaner and less clustered then the ones you'd usually find in the Barell with clear and empty bottle stacked neatly atop a wall of crates...but it was an alleyway all the same as she looked around slowly before she trailed her gaze over towards him to tilt her head in hesitant confusion.
"Well...it's an alleyway."
"Great observation, love." She instantly glared at him but he only chuckled, non repulsed by her cute little face as he gestured over towards the bottles he'd spent hours on stacking up...well, not hours per say, but it had definitely been time consuming. His brows raised almost comically high, as if the answer was right in front of her face, which, it technically was...however, Gwen still had absolutely no clue what was going on and only shrugged in reply which caused him to groan mockingly. "Oh it's a good thing your pretty- hey! No hitting! I was joking! I was joking!"
"I didn't come to this date just to get bullied."
"No, of course not. You came for my fabulous company, obviously." Jesper scoffed, rolling his eyes fondly and barely resisting the urge to pinch her cute little cheeks as she crossed her arms over her chest with a huff, her hip cocking out to the side in a pose that was nothing short of sassy that left his heart beating erratically inside his thin chest, pounding so fast that he was afraid it was about to burst out of his skin and show her his devotion, his enamored state with the girl he'd met by mere chance who'd made him happier than ever.
"Mhm, sure I did. Seriously, what's the plan here?"
"Well gorgeous, it's your lucky day, a once in a lifetime experience if you will!" The sharpshooter winked prettily, wiggling his brows up and down as his fingers splayed over his belt where his pistols lay, a small and almost content smile forming against his lips as he got ready to share the very same vulnerability she had mere moments ago, excitement and nervousness battling inside him as he squirmed and fidgeted anxiously...but Gwen seemed to have something different in mind as she crossed her arms over her chest and scowled at him darkly in disgust.
"We're not having sex in an alleyway."
Jesper gave a sudden sputtering sound as he choked on his own spit, gasping at her dramatically as he took a few moments to gain his composure at her abrupt words, struggling to catch his breath as he desperately cleared his throat that was feeling all sorts of dry, before finally straightening with his hands shooting towards his hips with an expression of indignation upon his face at her downright insulting insinuation...did she really think that that was what he had in mind for all of this? That he was going to take her against the wall like some animal? "I'm offended you think that low of me! I do have some class y'know?"
"I'd love to see it one day."
"Oh, you definitely will. I'd be very surprised if you could keep your hands to yourself after this because I'm going to teach you how to use my one true love! And it's not my cock before you even start." The sharpshooter said dryly, pointing towards her warningly before reaching down towards his belt...and then surprising her by pulling out his pearl-handled revolvers as she watched him uneasily...but the moment she opened her mouth, it seemed like he read her mind as he held up his hand, the rings of his fingers somehow managing to catch a ray of sunshine through the clouds and almost blinding her as she squinted at him.
"Ah, ah, ah, none of that...I've even set this all up for us! Plus, you can never be too prepared in the Barell, gorgeous."
"I really don't think this is a good idea." Gwen said, taking a step back with a vicious shake of her head, trying to place some distance between the two as her feet danced across the crooked cobblestones behind her, however, Jesper wasn't exactly one to give up as he only followed her, grinning that stupid and broad grin of his as he watched her panic and flounder like it was the most amusing thing he'd ever seen until he was standing just a mere inch away from her, a certain challenge in his gaze as she scowled at him.
"Oh, come on, don't tell me you're scared, love. I mean really, how bad can it be?"
"I want you to remember those words when I shoot off your toe." She grumbled, narrowing her eyes as she took the revolver from his hands gently, the upper corner of her mouth curling just slightly for half a second as the sound of his laughter echoed through the alleyway, something about it making her chest feel strangely tight as she took a moment to admire him, his head thrown back, the dull sun dancing across his skin, his smile...before she forced her gaze down to the pistol in hand, allowing her fingers to brush over the handles as she desperately tried not to look half as flushed as she felt.
Gwen lifted her arm, taking nonchalant aim towards one of the many bottles littering the short wall just a few paces in front her, a cold calculation swelling in her oceanic gaze...and then she pulled the trigger and purposely missed, throwing Jesper a dark look over her shoulder and then gesturing towards the hole in someone's window as he chuckled, moving towards her with a playful grin. "Well you can't expect to hit anything like that, love. Here, spead your legs like that, move this arm here and just...there. Good girl, I've got you...take aim again."
His lips brushed down against the shell of her ear, still whispering instructions to her softly with her back pressed up against his chest...but she didn't hear a single word, her senses overwhelmed by his larger than life presence that crowded her, a chill creeping up her spine and planting dead flowers in its wake, blossoming until she felt fit to burst with her whole body erupting in goosebumps at the feeling of his warm breath brushing against her cheek...and she was so distracted by her musings, by him, that she didn't notice her finger pulling the trigger until it was too late and a loud bang almost made her shit herself in shock.
"What a shot, gorgeous! Saints, you almost did that as good as me!"
Jesper laughed breathlessly, staring at the smashed glass that she'd shot with deadly accuracy with absolute awe on his gorgeous features, continuing to sing her praises...but all she could focus on was his hands still resting upon her hips and the phantom brush of his lips on the skin of her cheekbone, her face almost vacant as she pushed herself just a step further into his chest and then looking up at him, the smell of gunpowder and some heavy cologne threatening to drown her in something that was completely and utterly him.
Gwen wondered how he could just simply touch her like it was mere second nature, how he could caress her like she was something delicate, like that night he scrubbed her hands clean of sin, of dirt and blood, even though she could still see the red sunk deep into her pores like a constant reminder of her wickedness...her venemous tongue catching in her throat, refusing to say the truth of her ruin, her broken soul as he looked at her like she was the most glorious painting to grace the earth below them...And she continued to wonder why he let her, the butcher, the monster, the stranger, touch him, the sun.
But then she staggered away with a forced chuckle, bottom lip trembling with the breath stolen from her lungs as she turned herself away from him, unable to look him in the eyes anymore, feel the heat, the warmth of his gaze as it danced over her face, greedy for the sight of her, picking her apart by every detail, making her feel whole again.
However, she didn't get very far, barely even got a few paces away from him before he was following after her, playful and grinning and something so stupidly naive in that gaze of precious steel, looking at her like she was the sun but he was wrong because that was him...and she was something as vile as the reapers barge, she was cold and filled with rot, she was what tore families apart and drowned men in her dreadful indifference, how could he not see her for what she truly was? How could he look at her and not see a corpse, a monster that's hands were so stained with blood they were constantly dripping.
The rough stone of the wall pressed against her back, the uneven bricks digging into her skin as Jesper stood in front of her, still looking at her with that soft look upon his face. This is fake, she desperately tried to remind herself, this is all fake, your feelings for him, his feelings for you, fake, fake, fake...so why was her heart pounding so loudly, so painfully until her cheeks were flushed and her breath uneven...especially as he took that final step towards her, nimble ring-clad fingers dancing over her face as he pushed as idle strand of hair out of her eyes and tucking it behind her ear.
His gun was still in her trembling hand, pressed against the hard panes of his stomach where his internal organs lay...only protected by a few layers of his scandalous clothing.
And something inside her screamed for her to shoot, begged for her to shoot, to put an end to these feelings that were pushing her further and further into the turmoils of her own mind...but no matter how hard she tried to force herself, no matter how many times her finger flexed over the trigger...she couldn't do it, couldn't fire that killing shot, like there was something invisible pushing her away.
She'd never tasted passion like this, pain like this, something akin to love like this, like there was electricity in the air around them, sharp and deadly...starting as a gentle breeze, a brush of his fingertips against her devastating flesh that was ruined with her sins, a slight shiver in his dreadful absence, and then it had strengthened, the wind howling, roaring as their gazes caught, their heartbeats intertwined and beating quickly, no longer in control of themselves as the wind forced them closer, but never close enough because desire was ugly, indecent, shaped like two hands wrapped around her throat.
Yet she wanted it...she wanted him.
And it was in her hesitation, his hand, always so gentle against her ruined skin, always so soft with her as he touched her, pulled at her arm so it now rested over his shoulder instead as his pistol hung limply from her grip, no longer allowing that barrier that had rested between them as his body brushed against hers, surrounding her, bewitching her completely...and then his head bent down, his warm breath dancing over her mouth once more...and then there was nothing but bliss as their lips finally touched...and Icarus finally flew too close to the sun.