This chapter was unedited so bare with me pls? Thaaaanks
August 21, 2015; 1:45 pm
It was the second to the last period of the day- period six. The one that I longed to be non-existent. The classic PE elective that all the girls hate and all the boys love. That "easy A class" I always had pure hatred for. I despised everything and everyone in every of my PE classes.
This school requires one and a half years worth of PE to get credits in order to graduate, but I didn't get that one little half credit in my old school back in hawaii, so guess what?
I'm stuck in a classroom filled with underclass men.
mostly freshmen and sophomores, hardly and juniors since I heard there was summer school PE. Why couldn't I have taken that in the first place? It was just plain terrible to do PE in the hot summer sun.
I may be use to hot weather, but summer in Virginia is a hell of a lot worse. The degrees in Hawaii barely reached the nineties in the summer, whereas Virginia reaches the hundreds and possibly slightly above. It feels like an oven right now.
But I was taught to grab a straw and suck it up- which is what my mom literally said when I came home with a small injury from Ballet one day.
"Ashlyn Rivera?"
"Here." I say then everyone's eyes make their way to my body.
"Huh, new student huh?"
"Yessir." I reply cooly and I lean back in the plastic chair.
"Alright, but you are a senior right? Remember to set an example."
"Try my best to." I say truthfully and add a small shrug.
"Not try. Do." He says and a very intent serious look appears on his face faster than I can ever imagine.
I carefully unwind my arms so my gesture doesn't seem rude and place my hands on the desk in front of me. He started to go through the rest of role call and I huff and my back falls and hits the chair.
It was an exhausting day and I just wanted to go home. Not to mention, my entire backside was moist from the heat. Even though I can cope with the heat, it doesn't mean that I don't absolutely hate it.
It was then a girl- possibly the same grade as me- walked through the open doors holding a neon purple slip in her right hand and a blue binder in the other. She walked up to Mr. Ricardo and handed the neon slip to him.
Mr. Ricardo eyed her suspiciously and nodded his head towards the teachers desk, where two chairs stand. One facing the class, and one on the other side facing the opposite direction.
"This is Sarah my very late teachers assistant. She's been my student for 3 years so she knows what's going on."
"Hi." Sarah smiles and waves at us.
At least she's a senior. I'm not stuck with underclassmen. I'm not exactly the best person to make friends with people who are younger then me. It was just really bad I guess. I probably just hated when people in the younger grades acted like they're better than everyone and older than me.
Well I can't complain that I act like a 10 year old but look like a 18 year old.
I glanced over to the clock and I noticed that the time just flew by amazingly fast, especially since there is only 10 minutes left. I just unlocked the phone with the cracked screen and I went to the notes app. I scrolled all the way down to the bottom of the notes and I began to read them in order.
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Dear journal,
I visited her at the hospital. I felt like puking.
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Dear Journal,
It's like the universe hates me doesn't it?
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Dear journal,
Is God just creating a test for me? I feel like I'm failing it.
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Dear journal,
I learnt something from the test you've given me.
Everyone always leaves
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Dear Journal,
My heart aches everyday I wake up.
My muscles are worn out and sore from everything.
I thought that football and piano could be a distraction from everything.
But it's just not working out for me.
I quit football and piano.
And I'm thinking about quitting dance.
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Dear journal,
I walked into the studio and I immediately felt a large weight being put onto my shoulders.
I walked up to Mrs. Alicia and I couldn't say anything. I just broke into tears and she just embraced me into a hug.
Marlene tried to comfort me but I just pushed her away. I hate that bitch.
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Dear journal,
I visited the hospital to see her again. I held her hand and sung her favorite song. I know she would like it.
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Dear journal,
I hate talking.
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Dear journal,
I don't like to talk anymore. It just feels like there is a huge weight on my chest and shoulders. I just feel suffocated by everything around me. People ask if I'm alright. I just nod distantly and walk away.
I wonder how long it will take for me not to communicate to anyone anymore.
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Dear journal,
Hayes and Nash called. They asked if they could sleep over. I said they could, because why not?
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Dear journal,
Hayes and Nash told me that they're going to buy an appartment to be closer to her. Hayes says he misses Jess.
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Dear Journal,
I stopped talking to isaac
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Dear Journal,
I stopped talking to my parents.
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Dear journal,
I stopped talking to Hayes and Nash.
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Dear journal,
I went to a party and I tried alcohol for the first time.
I loved it and I kept drinking more.
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Dear journal,
I pulled my beer out of the fridge but hayes got angry and said it was bad for me.
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Dear journal,
I started to go to parties every single weekend. They were fun.
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Dear journal,
I got drunk last night and I think I got a girl pregnant.
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Dear journal,
Black is cool
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Dear journal,
I stopped wearing my uniform. I think the principal is scared of me to even scold me. I dont even know why.
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Darv juuuutrrnal,
hahji ihadbeetand ie waf amazzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzinbbg =ggggg
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Dear journal,
My head hurts
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Dear journal,
I had an anxiety attack today. I felt dizzy and I couldn't stop throwing up.
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Dear journal,
My parents to me to a pshycologist. the pshycologist tried to get me to speak, but I just stared at him.
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Dear journal,
I feel like I fucked up.
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Dear journal,
I moved in with nash and hayes.
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Dear journal,
the funeral had terrible food.
I was supposed to speak but i refuesd to.
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Dear journal,
Hayes took me to the studio. By the look of everyones faces, they didn't seem to recognize me.
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Dear journal,
I got my first tattoo today. The moon reminded me of her eyes. I always loved her eyes and how they were so soft and bright and full of life. I miss the sight of her eyes.
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Dear journal, i drove to the meadow and I fell asleep there.
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Dear journal, I found a stream near the meadow, It was really refreshing.
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Dear journal,
I got in a fight at the bar. He made fun of my family.
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There was so much more notes too. Poor matt went into a rough time. No wonder he doesn't talk. He just hates everyone and everything thats what it seems like.
I pressed into the home button and I closed the notes app. I locked the phone and I slid it into my pocket while checking the clock in the front of the room.
It was almost time for the bell to ring and for me to carry on home. I'm just so curious of what happened to Matthew. The way he wrote everything and even the smallest note seemed so sad and depressing. He must've lost someone. A person he loved. He drinks alcohol now to try to get rid of the pain doesn't he?
God I have so much pity for him right now. That's truly so sad. I wish that I can help him out or something. I don't want him to suffer any longer.
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"Ashley someone's at the door for you." My father speaks.
"I'm coming down." I shout from my room. I close my journal and place my pen near the edge of the desk. I exit my room and walk down the hallway and down the stairs. Holding gently into the railing.
I see the door slightly open with my dad standing near it. My dad then looks at me and I walk nearer. "Who is it?" I ask.
"It's Cody." The other voice adds.
"Oh, hi Cody." I say and I open the door more. He stands on the porch with a plate of cookies in his hands and I grimace.
"Oh, I'm so sorry did you not like cookies? I can take them back-"
"No it's totally fine. I'm pretty neutral with cookies." I say then I think about my poor eating. "It's just that my mom doesn't allow any junk food in the house since I'm a dancer." I say apologetically.
"Oh I'm really sorry I didn't know-"
"No like I said, it's totally fine. If you want you can bring it to school tomorrow and we can eat it during lunch?" I suggest.
"Yeah that's a good idea. But anyways, I'll see you around." Cody says and waves goodbye to me.
"You too."
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August 22, 2015 ; 7:36 am
"Yeah and then afterwards we just like hung out at the beach." I finish off.
"Wow that sounds fucking awesome. I wanna go there some time." Cody says and jumps on top of the circular table. "And I'll be like riding the waves." He says and pretends to be riding on surfboard.
I laugh and begin to scold him that the the table legs would buckle under and he'll fall on his face. "But yeah I just really miss everything. The people were amazing. I just feel so homesick." I shrug and I take a sip of water and pop a Nilla Wafer in my mouth- the only kind of food I really feel confit table eating.
"Aww don't feel sad my, walking-to-school buddy. We're best friends. Don't worry." He says and pets my hair.
I push him away with my fast reflexes and I laugh. "Don't touch me."
"What do you think I'm just like a pedophile or something?" Cody jokes.
"It's weird for someone to just pet you're hair." I laugh.
"Well too bad you're hair is soft." He says and just grabs a small section of my hair and smells it. "It smells like fruit punch what the actual fuck."
"Why are you sniffing my hair in the first place?!" I say and scoot over five times away from him.
"I don't even know. Hey Sarah." Cody says as she sits next to him.
"Hey, who's this?" She asks.
"I'm Ashlyn. I'm in your PE class." I smile and wave at her.
"Oh yeah no wonder you look so familiar! You can just call me sare. I don't really like it when people call me Sarah." She says and gives a dirty look to Cody. "So where ya from?" She asks.
"Hawaii." Cody says before my mouth opens in response.
"Woah I you are so lucky! What's it like over there?!"
"It's really hot-"
"And there's a lot of hot chicks in bikini's." Cody interrupts.
"Hey." Isaac says and sits down right next to me.
"Hey Isaac." I reply back.
"Oh Nilla wafers." Isaac says excitedly and grabs three.
My face drops and I frown at the empty Nilla wafer bag. I look back up and I look at Isaac with a sad face on. "That was the last three." I whisper sadly. "My breakfast." I crumple up the bag and throw it at Isaac. "When did I ever deserve this?!" I wail.
Everyone just starts to roar with laughter and giggle from their mouth. I just looked at the empty crumpled up bag and cross my arms in a way that a spoiled brat does.
"It was just Nilla Wafers." Sarah says and rubs her eyes.
"The only food that I ever eat." I mumble for only myself to hear.
"It was my breakfast." I whine.
"That's unhealthy, here let me buy you some breakfast." She says.
I felt my body go pale and my mouth go dry. How am I supposed to tell them that whenever I eat, I feel like I'm going to throw up? I mean, I eat Nilla wafers because those are comfort food and I'm use to eating them so they have an exception. But all the other foods, I just feel sick to my stomach.
I honestly never eat but I don't exactly get hungry either since I always lose my appetite. I can't tell anyone this either because my mom would blow up on me. She would probably kill me herself if I told her this.
"I-I'm not hungry. Really it's fine." I say and take a sip of my water to get rid of my dry throat.
"But you just wailed over your wafers?" Cody asks confused.
"Because Nilla wafers are the bomb dot com. I would've done the same to be honest." Isaac says and throws one of my wafers in the air and catches it in his mouth.
Praise the heavens that Isaac is here.
"Yeah." I nod in agreement.
The bell rang right afterwards and I got up and retrieved my hydroflask. "Nice seeing you guys again. see ya later." I wave at them.
"Bye." they all choursed and smiled.
I walked down to my english class and I sat down in the same spot. The back corner of the room. I just felt like I wasn't going to make any friends in this class so might as well.
other students began pouring in before the tardy bell rang and Mrs. Andrew stood up and walked to the white board.
"So I was thinking that today, we would do a little activity." She smiles excitedly. "To help 'breaking the ice' we are going to break the ice with the person sitting down right next to you!"
I look over at the empty chair and I raise my hand, but that was the time that Matthew- is what I'm guessing since everyone else is here- walked through the open door.
"Oh great matthew you're here!" She says. "Take a seat next to Ashlyn."
I saw his body sink once the first part of my name was announced. 'Ash'. He then slowly turned he head towards me and I give him a small wave and smile.
He grunted and dragged his feet all the way to his seat, making a slight sqeuaking noise with the rubber from his midnight black boots. He was wearing the same hoodie from yesterday. It was covering his messy and touseled dirty blonde hair up. His eyes were slightly red and there were dark circles forming underneath his eyes.
He just looked absolutely exhausted and I felt even more pity. But one thing that I cannot understand is how he can look incredibly hot while looking tired?
"So you have to interview the person next to you and you have to present it to the class on friday!" Mrs. andrews squeals.
Matthew had his eyes fixated on me, intensly staring at me. I noticed from the corner of my eye and I tried to brush it off but I ended up looking up into his eyes.
His eyes were a hazel color. A soft color that just would brighten in the sun and turn into a beautiful color. He had a small shade of blue surrounding the outer edges of his light brown iris's and a few specks of green.
I gave a small smile trying to open up to him, but only receiving a scoff in response. He rolled his eyes and crossed his arms while sinking into his seat.
I cleared my throat and ran a hand through my blonde hair as I picked up my blue mechanical pencil.
I know Matthew isn't going to talk to me so i just wrote down my email so he could be able to send some facts about and I gave him the slip of paper.
He stared at it and pushed it towards me, going back to the original position he was in his chair.
I sighed and I began to speak, "I'm Ashlyn and I just moved here 3 months ago from Hawaii. I'm eighteen years old and I like to dance."
Matthew shot his head up when I said dance and he looked at me with his tired eyes. "Dance?" I ask.
Matthew formed a very slight frown on his face, barely visible. He nodded his head distantly and looked down at the desk in front of him. I felt my heart sink for this boy. It looked so heartbreaking to see him sad.
"You don't have to present about my life if you don't want to." I say. "I don't mind." I say as a put my pencil down. "But can you at least say one thing about yourself?"
Matthew turned his head towards me and took the pencil lying down in front of me. He spelt a word with only 5 letters.
'Black'.
"You like the color black?" I ask. I see a small nod and I shrug. "Seems good enough."
☪
I throw my heavy duffel bag filled with all of my dance things on the gym floor. I look around the gym to see at least fourty girls wearing a loose shirt and shorts with a ponytail. They all wore the same style and I just furrowed my eyebrows.
I unzipped my bag to put on my jazz shoes- something that I have never worn in my life- and I tie my hair up into a ponytail then twist it up into a tight bun to keep my hair from falling out.
I sat down in the middle of the floor stretching and everyone just seemed to look at me. Just watching me like some sort of rat in an experiment. I just hated the attention.
"Okay everyone line up! Conditioning! Fifty squats, thirty burpees, one hundred crunches, fifty push ups and four minutes of planks. Let's go!" A woman with a slick ponytail says and blows a whistle.
My eyes widden at the intense conditioning and my mouth hangs open. I look at everyone groaning and slowly lining up. Some people even left right after she said conditioning.
There was only at least around twenty to thirty people left now, and there's only ten spots open.
I need to give it my all and hope for the best to happen.
When conditioning was over I could barely even feel my body. Everything hurt and I knew it was going to hurt even more tomorrow. Now we were doing actual dance moves.
"Okay Al a seconde turns lets go! First five people on the floor please!" (A/n: If you want to know what they are, it's in the YouTube video on the side)
I didn't even have a second thought. I just walked out in the middle of the gym and the music started playing. "Five, six, seven, eight!"
I prepped for my turns and I just went for it. I'm giving it my all this time.
* * * * * * * * * *
A/N : I UPDATED crownnn IS YOU HAPPY GIRL.
You're welcome.
I'm sorry for not updating )-: I got caught up with school and everything. G-sus I need to get my biology grade up and my history grade up. My mom wants my to get a 4.0 this quarter for school and I'm legit stressing out.
And I have to prepare for dance since I have a competition in May and we really need to start practicing.
I'm sorry if I don't update until June. But if I do, I will make like so many updates because it's the summer so hang on guys I promise to make lots of updates. Cause this book is going to go all the way up to thrity chapters. There will be some surprises around each corner so look out ;-)
Okay so until next time. I love you guys!