Sades pov.
I laid in bed after I stopped crying Jax and Remington laid on the couch and I took Jaxs bed after arguing about it for an hour straight . I felt bad that I took his bed but I caved .
I still hadn't eaten I didn't feel hungry my area was starting to double in pain but I ignored it . I stared at the ceiling shaking . This was my anxiety I knew that after I lost my fiance I had panic attack after panic attack .
I knew the only way to get rid of it is if someone squeezed me to comfort me . I couldn't tell Remington or he would start freaking out and blaming himself I couldn't be a burden to Jax .
After about twenty minutes of battling with myself I decided whoever was awake could comfort me if no one was awake then I guess I wouldn't sleep .
I sat up letting my bare feet touch the cold hard wood floor . As I walked to the living room I was met with a carpet . It was brown and you could see marker and juice stains on it I couldn't help but smile as the thought of the kids ran through my mind .
I began shaking again "shit" I whispered . I had to sit down or I would fall . Five big steps and I could finally sit but no my body wanted to fall .
(Thump) "fucking hell" I said a little louder than I should of . I laid down letting myself shake before I saw Jax looking at me with concern . I wanted to talk but I had to wait till this panic attack was over .
Jax tried to get me to speak having my panic attacks where like seizures I would shake but my eyes wouldn't roll to the back of my head and foam wouldn't come out of my mouth I would just shake not being able to talk or even understand what people said sometimes if it was really bad I would forget about even having one .
I closed my eyes and counted 1...2...3....4....5...6....7...8 . I finally stopped shaking I opened my eyes and seen Remington holding me . Fuck was all I could think .
"Sades why didn't you come to me quicker" . I starred at my concerned brother before hugging him tightly . "I tried bubs but you know how my bodie is it works against me and not with me" .
He sighed "I know" he helped me up off the rug and led me to the couch . "Can someone tell me what the hell just happened" . I forgot Jax saw the whole thing and still lead no idea as to what just happened . I gave him a reassuring smile letting him now I was ok before telling him what happened .
"I have panic attacks my bodie reacts weird so one minute I will be fine then the next im dizzy and start shaking its weird I know but the only way to stop it is to hold me tightly I've been through medicine after medicine but none seem to do justice" .
Jax was still confused as to why it even started so I think its time I gave him my whole story noted it was three in the morning bot no one cared .
I was born in Lexington we moved when I was three to Oakland . Our parents where happy I made good grades and played soccer I didn't wear makeup but I loved dress up and I wasn't aloud to have friends over or go to friends houses .
We had strict parents so I didn't have many friends or any at all but Remington did he played football he was the golden boy but my father never shared a bond with him . Me and my brother where unsepratable my mom and me where friends but my dad and me where each there right or dies .
I loved daddy but when mom started hanging around Eli Rossevelt all his attention went away from us and to killing Eli . Remington stopped him from pulling the trigger the day my mom died . I had a really nice plan for my future I planned ok on traveling the world and living but mom got sick and are family fell apart when I chose Remington my father was heart broken it hurt me so much but not having Remington by my side hurt worse .
So we where fifteen when we got kicked out we quit school got a job and worked when I was eighteen I met ..... William he was everything he ordered from the restaurant every day and asked for my number every day he was rich and I was poor .
William didn't care though so after three months of never ending asking I finally said yes . We went on date after date until I became his girlfriend he spoiled me my brother found a girlfriend Amilla . We planned on moving to New York and starting a life .
I was engaged and in love I was ready to spend the rest of my life with William . Of course everything I touch dies . The night before our wedding he was in a car crash with Amilia they went to pick up our wedding cake . I had panic attacks of cars after that and soon I had them daily but they went away over time I still have them frequently though" . I stopped shaking I stood up kissing my brothers cheek and then Jaxs " well it seems I've stopped panicking thank you and goodnight" .
I walked back to my room laying down i closed my eyes and let myself drift to sleep not letting a worry in the world in my mind .
Flashback to the night before the wedding .
"I love you be safe" I always said that to William i laid in bed tangled in the sheets naked as he got dressed . "I always am" he always said that but it didn't stop me from worrying .
I got up trying to seduce him back into bed . "We are getting married twommoro after that you can have me always" . I smiled at teh thought id having him always .
I kissed him passionately "I love you more than life itself baby" . He smiled "not possible" . I smiled back watching him leave . Amilia and Remington went with him . I got dressed I was happier than ever .
It was a dream getting married moving to New York starting a new life as a writer I already applied for some collages and I got into every one .
I sat on the bed reading my book before I heard a knock at the door . I got up opening it happy but the cops didn't seem as excited as I was they had sorrow in there eyes . "Are you Sades Tukwila" .
I nodded scared and impatient before he spoke again . "Im sorry for your loss William Vanders and Amilia Craz are gone but Remington Tukwila seems to have oy sustained an arm break and a few cuts and bruises" .
I suddenly felt the ground before me dissappear I fell down screaming tears streamed my eyes the cops tried to comfort me as I cried uncontrollably the pain I felt that day was worse than when my mom died . I loved my mom but I was in live with William .
Flashback over
Hey my beautiful people I hope you like it I didn't read through it sorry please VOTE I love each and everyone of you xoxo kenzie 😘❤