8 years back
I was dancing. It was Suhani's elder sister's wedding. And I was having fun. I wore a sari to the wedding. And a sleeveless blouse. My hair was a bit longer now, so I tied it in a knot with a flower. I knew I looked hot. And I knew Yash's eyes were on me.
Some of Suhani's male cousins came closer to me, and I danced with them. I saw Yash's hand tighten over the glass he was holding.
I was coming back from the washroom when Yash came and took me by my hand and pulled me into an empty room in the venue.
He pinned me against the wall. It was some sort of a storage house. And there was only a dim light from a yellow bulb. I tried to walk away. But Yash forced me back to the wall. I struggled with him, a game, just a game that we have.
"Stop trying to make me jealous." He hissed.
"Who is trying to make you jealous? I was just having fun... And I am a free single woman... I can dance with anyone."
"Oh... Yeah..."
"Yeah," I looked into his eyes.
And then he kissed me. I melted...
This is what we do. This was our routine... "You look so hot today," he growled against my neck. His hand pressed to my naked stomach. "Shit, Ishu, you drive me so mad."
I gave a small giggle. He backed off... "You enjoy this. Don't you?" he asked. Yes. Yes, I do. I enjoy driving him mad.
After our breakup, we hooked up seven times. Seven times like this. I drive him mad. He pulled me somewhere... we have sex. Wild, awesome sex. And then... for some days maybe things may be normal. But then... either he or I snap... We fight. We break up. Then again... the same cycle.
He moved the outer side of his fingers through my belly. I shivered. He bent down and licked my collar bone, I grabbed him closer... "Condom," I whispered.
"I have it in my wallet." He said, pulling at my saree. "Have to carry it around because of someone." I chuckled.
And we broke up the next day.
And this game went on.
7 years back.
"I am going to get married." I declared to the friends. Everybody looked up. Yash had his eyebrow raised. "Amma and Achan want me to get married to this guy. I mean, they are not forcing me or anything. They just want me to consider it. And he seems like a nice guy."
"You are 23," Rihan said to me.
"So?"
"You are practically a guy," Vishwa said.
"I am not." I scowled.
"You are mental," Suhani said.
"Come on guys... Show some support."
"Is she really serious?" Suhani asked Rihan.
"The question is not that are you actually going to get married," Vishwa said. "The question is if that guy is willing to get married to you. And if yes, what is wrong with him."
I threw a pillow at him. And it started raining outside. "Oh, Fuck... How are we supposed to go?" He looks at others. We were at Yash's house.
"Taxi?" Suhani asked.
"Yeah. We can drop you and go. What about Ishi?" My house was in the opposite direction.
"I can drop her after the rain," Yash said. They nodded.
After they left, I walked into the kitchen. Yash was taking some chips from the cupboard. His parents were outside. That is why we gathered at his house tonight. I walked to Yash and showed him the photo of the guy. "What?" he asked.
"My future husband," I said.
"He looks 35."
"He is 27."
He shrugged and walked past me. I got annoyed. "I am really going to get married; you know..."
"Congrats." He waved his hand as he walked away.
"I will invite you to the wedding next month," I said.
He turned around. "Next month?"
"Yeah," I said. It was a lie. My parents had just asked me to consider the guy. But I saw Yash's jaw twitch. His eyes narrow, reflecting possessiveness. But he did not want to lose if this was just a game. "Okay..." he said.
I felt hurt. And angry and irritated. I bit my lips. "I can go home on my own. No need to drop me." I said and went to the front door. "Don't be crazy. It's raining." Yash said.
"I can handle some rain." I opened the front door to his little house and stepped outside. It was pouring. And I had no umbrella.
"Do you have an umbrella?" I turned to Yash.
"Come back inside."
"No..."
"Ishu..."
"Don't call me Ishu..."
"What is your problem now?"
I turned around and walked into the rain. I stepped outside the gate and walked. He came following me and grabbed my hand. "Come back inside."
"No." I broke free from his hands.
"Look, I know that all this marriage thing is just your game to make me jealous... And I am... Fine now?"
"No. It's not fine." I shouted at him. "I am tired of this. These games... I am tired of these sneaking around, the random hook-ups and break-ups... I am just tired. If you don't make a decision, I am actually going to get married."
"No. You are not."
"I will."
"You can't."
"Why can't I?" I yelled.
"Because you are fucking mine. That's why you can't..."
Normally, I would melt. But I was actually done. Tired. So I just turned around and walked. "Ishu wait." He called after me. I did not wait, "Ishu..." And all I can think of was that he never once called me 'Ishu' in front of others. "Ishu..." he grabbed my hand, I snapped it out of his grasp.
"What's your problem?" He asked.
"What's my problem? What's my problem is that you are fucking selfish. And I am tired. Of our games. I am tired... of... pretending. Of... everything. I want someone who can be with me. And if it is not you, I will find someone else. Really." I finish, sounding very down. And I saw his eyes change. "I am serious about this marriage," I said. "I lied when I said it is in a month. But if you... if we are the same... I will tell my parents to proceed with that."
And I again turned to go. But he pulled my hand back and cupped my face and kissed me. "Enough Yash..." I pushed him away.
"I won't let you go..." Yash said. "I... I can't lose you, damn it..." He moved a hand through his wet hair. "Ishi... why can't you see???" He stepped closer... "I... Damn it... You listen to me. I am not losing you to some bloody fucker. You are mine." I turned my eyes away.
"No, look at me..."
"I am leaving you..."
"Ishu...please..." his tone changed. I looked up... "I... We will do it your way."
"Huh?"
He cupped my face again... "I can't see you with someone else." His thumb moved over my cheek. "Let's go public. I will tell them that we are dating. Rihan, Suhani, Vishwa everyone, I will talk to your parents and ask for permission to be your boyfriend. Fuck! I will do all that shit Rihan does for Suhani. So... Ishi, please..."
"Are you serious?" I asked unable to believe it. "Do you promise?"
"Yes. Yes, I promise..." Yash said. "We will tell people. Change status in Facebook. Post photos together."
"Hold hand in public?"
"Yeah. Hold hand in public," he nodded.
"Get married someday?" I felt that is pushing it.
His eyes lit up in surprise. "Yeah. Get married someday..." he concluded softly. And took me into his embrace. The rain fell around us. I pressed my head to his chest with my hand around his waist. I wanted to tell him that I love him. But I did not...
I should have said. I should have...
Instead, I looked up. He looked down. We kissed.
After that, he dropped me home. I waved him bye.
And on the drive back home, his bike was hit by a truck... He died instantly.
Chapter 13.5
Ishi was the most affected by Yash's death.
Back then we all had assumed that she felt guilty
And shocked.
Because he died on the way back from her home
She did not really speak to us for a couple of months.
Now, I feel so terrible that we did not understand
the depth of her pain