Divya
"Maaa...study," Amar said tapping my book.
We both are preparing for our tests, Amar has a Pre-School Admissions test coming up while I am preparing to get board certified. My exam is just a week before Amar's birthday which is 2 months away, whereas his test is tomorrow.
Sometimes my brain hibernates whenever there is a work overload, I feel the same now. I have to prepare for an Oral and written test for the board certification, I have 7 surgery reports to write, and 2 papers to publish. With all these on my mind, I don't feel like doing anything. I just wanna close everything and go take a nap.
"I don't feel like studying Amar," I pouted and closed the book. I went into the kitchen to grab something to eat.
Ughh... I sighed looking at my sad fridge. Note to mental self, make a grocery run tomorrow. I dug out the good old Ben and Jerry's Totally Unbaked Ice cream, put it in two bowls one for each, and walked back to the study table.
"Ish..cream!" Amar squealed from his chair looking at my hands.
Amar has difficulty saying some words and ice cream is one of them, he looks so cute struggling with words like this.
"I love you! Mama." He yelled and kissed me snatching the bowl from my hands.
I quietly munched on my ice cream looking at my son whose head is in the bowl licking the last ounce left in it.
"Can we meet Andy mama? I miss him!" He pleaded with me using his googly eyes.
It's been a month since we saw Andrew, Amar keeps asking me about Andrew and how he wants to meet him. I tried my best to distance myself from him, I took up extra shifts in the hospital and kept Amar with me at the hospital at that time.
I avoided seeing him or meeting him ever since the night he professed his love for me. I didn't know what to tell him, and he didn't ask me for an answer either. He tried to contact me after but I dodged all his calls by staying busy.
Somewhere in the back of my heart, I felt happy that I was loved too but then sometimes you have to forget what you feel and remember what you deserve and I don't deserve a nice person like Andrew. If life has taught me anything, it was to guard myself against falling in love and trusting people again.
Andrew deserves to be loved and cherished and I don't know if I have enough love that he deserves. All my love and tears have been used up on the people who didn't care enough for me. But I will remember his words forever, that was the sweetest thing one ever said to me in the last decade.
"Why don't I drop you at Amy's tomorrow after your test and you can meet Andrew there and have a sleepover with Alex ?"I asked him and he nodded excitedly.
Jameson went to Europe with Harish Uncle for some business meeting which means Andrew is gonna stay with Amy. Alex and Amar being the same age are best friends now, they do everything together. I hope they stay like that forever and be there for each other.
After a few minutes of pushing myself to read, I gave up, put Amar to bed, and settled beside him. Amar thinks of Andrew as a father figure and he will be the most affected person by our relationship. I can't separate them because of my insecurities, so let's see how it goes tomorrow with that thought I dozed off into my slumber.
I woke up to my alarm, we both got ready and I waited out while Amar did his test, that was the first exam in my boy's life and he did really well according to the principal. I dropped him at Amaya's by 12 and drove back to the hospital.
I didn't have any surgeries scheduled today, so I did my rounds with Rowan, Mark and Chaya came back to my office, and completed 4 surgery reports.
And now I'm working on the paper about a recent case we had with Rowan, as he wanted to contribute to my study and research. His residency will be done next year and will be joining his fellowship here.
"I am going to go and grab some food Divya, Do you want any?" Rowan asked me getting out of his chair.
"No! I am good, I had a big lunch. Check up on the patient in room 327 on the way back." I told him and went back to my books to gather all the information.
Doing the research is one big step and gathering all the information for citations is another one. I wish I could hire someone and get all these done. Ughh... I will go blind with all these books.
My eyes felt droopy and I looked at the time, it was 11 PM. So I came out of the meeting room and got out for a walk. I found Becky at the reception desk looking at the screen in deep thoughts.
"Hey, Becky," I said walking to her and stuffing my hands in my pant pockets.
"A slow day huh!" She said and I agreed.
"But a productive one though, Amar passed his preschool test. He will be joining in January. I completed half of my work here. Did you get my reports? Take a quick look at them, correct my mistakes and send them in." I told her all the things I did today.
"Wow Divya, That's great news. Tell Amar congrats on my behalf. And I already submitted the reports. I have so much work paperwork to fill and then Dr. Sophie asked me to assist in her surgery tomorrow for a VIP patient. I just wanna go home and take a big nap after this shift." She sighed.
Becky is the best nurse here and every doctor wants her to assist.
"Send me some of the paperwork you have, maybe I can help," I told her looking at her tired eyes and posture.
"Thank you so..."
She got cut off by Rowan who came in running to us.
"Mr.Browne's wife is here in the ER."
And his words stopped my heart.
Amaya is in the ER, did she get hurt? Are the kids okay? Is my son okay?
"Is she okay? Is she hurt?" Becky questioned him, while he was trying to catch his breath while my thoughts raced at his pause.
"Her daughter is having seizures and the girl is not letting anyone touch her."He answered all my questions putting an end to my bad thoughts.
"Becky let's go, what room are they in?" I asked him while running towards the rooms.
I ran to the room and found Elena on the bed having seizures, with a cut on her head. She is not letting anyone touch her except for Amaya, who is crying and looking at Elena like that.
Dr. Shaan was trying to get a hold of her but Elena kept pushing them away.
I barged into the room and went towards Elena and started talking to her to calm her down.
"Lena! It's your Aunt Divya. Stop resisting Honey. I am here, your mama's here. Calm down! Ammu keep talking to Lena." I told Amaya while I asked the nurse to get a Diazepam to sedate her.
"Lena... I am here. I know you were sad that your papa left, but he will be back baby. No matter how hard you push us away, we will come back. Nothing will happen to us and we will never leave you, Alex, and Danny....." Amaya kept telling her things while Becky gave her the Diazepam which calmed her down and made her unconscious.
"How long has she been like this Mrs. Browne?" Becky asked Amaya as Elena was calming down.
"I don't know, she knocked over the night lamp and that's when I found her like this. It's been 15 minutes since I found her and got here." Amaya said pushing her tears in looking strong on the outside.
"Do you know what's happening to her?" Amaya asked me.
"We have to run some tests for that, don't worry Ammu. I will take care of her." I went to her and hugged her.
"Dr.Shaan, if you don't mind can I take her under my care," I asked him politely, he said yes and left the room.
"Becky! Get an EEG, MRI, and a CAT scan." I told her while she noted all the things on the tablet and left.
I sat along with Amaya while they took Elena for all the tests, she told me that the others are with Andrew at home sleeping. And that Elena has been quiet and distant ever since Jameson left.
I left Amaya with Elena to look at the results from Becky.
"Everything seems normal Divya. I checked all the reports." Becky said as soon as I reached her.
Those words put me at ease that there is nothing abnormal with her, and this might be a one-time thing.
"Don't worry Divya! She will be fine." She said and patted my back.
I went in to tell Amaya the same thing and I went into the room without looking, and I found Andrew there in the room with her consoling Amaya who was weeping in pain looking at Elena sleeping.
"All the reports are normal Ammu, nothing to worry about. It might just be the trauma that Jameson went out of town for the first time since you got them. My suggestion is to let her talk to Laura." I told her my suggestion, trying to focus completely on Amaya and avoiding any eye contact with Andrew. Laura is a psychiatrist who helped me and Amaya through some hard times.
"Jameson is coming back, he will be here in 30 minutes. " Andrew announced showing his phone.
"I will talk to Laura and Brian, Thank you so much Divya. I don't know what I would do without you today. Can you both go to the cafeteria downstairs and get me some coffee?" Amaya asked both of us.
I couldn't refuse, she has been through so much today. So, I agreed with her and now I am in an elevator with Andrew, who didn't say a word to me ever since we left the room.
Why is he not saying anything? Is he mad that I ignored him for a month? Is he giving me the silent treatment?
We reached the cafeteria, and I ordered a double shot expresso for myself and Amaya and looked at Andrew to ask him what he wants.
"What do you want?"
"Nothing"
Really nothing, is that the only reply I get?
"Are you mad at me?" I asked him as we settled in the chairs waiting for them to complete our order.
"I am not angry Divya, I am in pain that a person who I loved more than anything ghosted me for 35 days just because I confessed my feelings for her." He chuckled at me.
I couldn't take 5 min of his silence yet I kept quiet and avoided him for more than a month.
"I put myself out there and I was honest with you. If I knew you were gonna be all weird and this was gonna jeopardize my relationship with you and Amar, I would've never told you in a million years. You could've at least let me be there as a friend." He said in a sad painful tone.
"Do you know Amar threw his first temper tantrum at me for not meeting him for a month? I love him Divya and you pushed me away from him." He said with so much pain and tears in his eyes.
I feel guilty for separating them, I had to answer him, I can't create a rift between Amar and Andrew anymore.
"I am sorry Andrew, I don't know what to tell you. I don't what answer you want from me. I don't know how you expect me to love you after all I've been through. I can't put myself and my son through that pain, I don't have that kind of strength in me." I told him, gathering all the strength to give him an answer without hurting him.
"I'd rather die than hurt you and Amar, you should know I am better than that. I understand your fear of love but being around you drives me crazy not being around you the last month showed me that I am miserable without you Divya." He said brushing his blonde hair back with frustration and leaning back.
"I know Andrew, you are the best person I've ever met that's why you deserve much better than me, I am broken and not worth your love. I'm not the person you want Andrew" I told him with my voice creaking in between, I don't why but it hurts me to turn him down.
"I happen to think you are the only person worth my love. You're all I ever wanted and I don't want anyone else except you, I love you...I love everything about you. You are the one for me Divya. I knew it when I first saw your picture on Amy's phone, I know it now and I'll know it forever. " He said looking at me leaning forward holding my hand trying to make me understand.
"My heart has been shattered into a million pieces by people, who I thought would never hurt me and I don't want to go through that again Andrew, I am scared of getting hurt again... " I told him crying giving him reasons why I can't get into a relationship with him.
He dragged me by my chair and made me sit next to him and held my hand.
"Things don't always work out the way we want them to Divya, I'm not asking you to fall in love with me now, keep me in your thoughts, take your own time, just don't push me away. Let me mend that broken heart of yours and I promise I will never hurt you. Let me know if I cross my line, I will back out a bit but I will never leave your side."
"You can get anyone in this world. I googled you and you have fan clubs. I am nothing comp.."He stopped me by placing his finger on my lips.
"Bup.Bup..Bup... This is what I've been telling you Divya. I don't want them, this heart and body want you and only you." He whispered placing my hand on his chest near his heart, which is beating at 145bpm, sorry doctor brain.
"You have an answer for everything, don't you? " I asked him sniffling and he chuckled in response.
"Stop overthinking, Keep your mind and heart open for me, and let me do the rest. Don't ever ignore me. Okay?" He said and I nodded like a child agreeing to the parent.
He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me closer to his chest and let out a big sigh. If anyone in the world can feel better about myself, it's him. I will try to keep my heart open for you Andrew, just don't break it again.
He placed a lingering kiss on my head as he promised me that he would never break it.
"Let's go and take that coffee upstairs."He said and broke our hug.
I missed that warmth and comfort his arms provide me, I feel cold all of a sudden. He walked to the counter and grabbed the coffee while I moved the chairs back.
"If you are here, who is looking after the kids?" I asked him as soon as my mind went back to my son being mad at Andrew.
"Don't worry Divya. Vasudha Aunty and Dru are with them." He calmly replied and we went upstairs.
Jameson and Amaya are on either side of Elena holding her hands and talking to each other, smiling. I held Andrew's hand and stopped him from going in there and disturbing their family moment.
"They look happy!" Andrew said it out loud looking at them, I nodded agreeing with him.
I kept looking at them with a smile on my face while I felt Andrew stare at me, when I looked at him and he was looking at me with that same goofy smile holding my hand tighter.
His actions and words warm my heart every single time, I don't know if I am worth it but his every word made me feel like I am the best person in this world and that I deserve more. He makes me feel good about myself. I am trying hard to push myself back away from him but when he says things like this it's hard for me to stop myself from falling for him. I hope he catches me when I fall.
Pheww... That was hard.
I know it's not a yes completely but it was okay, right?
Don't forget to vote, comment, and tell me your opinion.
I also wanna thank you all for continuing to read my story, It means a lot to me. You guys are the BEST.
So, Tell me what your favorite movie is. (language doesn't matter) I will watch it.
All thanks to Ammaspet, I am watching K Drama these days, she suggested to me a really good one called THE KING on Netflix. I would definitely suggest you guys watch it.
Stay Safe
Love,
Sneha