The next morning, drumming on the front door woke me from a fabulous dream where Elian and I were doing lots of things we'd yet to try. I hated the person, whoever they were. Disturbing my perfect fantasies.
The knocking continued, but I didn't bother getting out of bed. Mom was home, so she would get it. She yelled out, "Stevie, you've got company."
The only person I could imagine it being was Elian. I threw my covers aside and sat up on the edge of the bed, yawning.
My door burst open. I only saw the dark-skinned figure for a moment before they crashed into me, throwing me back against the mattress. In a blur of motion and confusion, I ended up in a headlock. "Submit or die, motherfucker."
My eyes widened at the sound of the voice. "Derek?" I was very confused, possibly by the lack of oxygen.
The arms released me.
I rubbed my neck, turning to face my oldest friend. He'd filled out since the last time I saw him. And he had a beard now. His mother was going to hate it, which made me love it.
"Dude!" He held his hands in front of his face, looking skyward. "Conceal your deal."
"What?"
"Your snake's out of the basket."
I looked down and immediately felt my face flush. "Shit!" I adjusted my boxers and jumped up to put on a pair of shorts to avoid any further wardrobe malfunctions.
"What are you doing here?" I asked.
Derek peeked to make sure I was decent. Seeing that I was, he nodded. "I came to see you, dickhead." He scrunched his face. "Bad choice of words."
I laughed. "Not here in my room, dumbass." I pointed at the floor. "Here, in town."
Derek leaned back against the wall, stretching his legs out. He wiggled his feet, hanging over the edge of the bed. "My mom kept bitching about me coming home for the summer. She called me like five times a day. I figured if I gave her a couple weeks, she'd leave me alone for a while."
"Smart."
He shrugged. "I don't know about that. Now she gets to nag me in person."
I sat down on the foot of the bed, cross-legged. "She told me about all your amazing accomplishments."
"I'm sure she did." He sounded on the edge of bitterness.
"So, what else have you been up to? Besides being a star student and huge kiss-ass."
Derek got extremely excited. He jumped up on his knees and grabbed my shoulders. "I'm going on tour."
"What?"
"Yeah." Derek nodded. "See, I've been in this band, for like a six months, down in New Orleans, with my roommate and a couple friends. We were doing this gig at this little nightclub. There was this A&R rep there scouting new talent. He signed us and we're going on tour as an opening act."
"That's awesome!"
Derek bobbed his head. "Well, technically, we're opening for the opening act. I doubt there'll be much of a crowd. But hey, I'm going on tour!" He leapt to his feet with ease and bounced around the bed.
"Derek Hill!" Mom shouted from the living room. "If you don't stop jumping on that bed I'm going to call your mother and tell her about that night you came to my door wasted off your ass and threw up all over my good rug."
"Sorry, Momma B." Derek sat down. "Guess she still hears like a bat."
"When is the tour?" I asked. "Maybe I'll splurge a little and get a ticket." I could dip into my savings for one little ticket to support my friend.
Derek radiated pure joy. "It starts in September! I think we hit Arizona sometime around Thanksgiving."
"September? What about school?"
Derek's face shifted into a more earnest expression. "I dropped out."
"What! When?"
"Last semester."
"But the dean's list." I mumbled. I saw his post about it a month ago.
"Was bullshit. I post all that stuff on my personal accounts because my mom found them all and started following me on everything. Now, I just use the band's accounts for what's really going on."
"You'll have to send me the links so I can follow the real you."
"Definitely."
"And here I was, thinking you'd become some scholarly, tightwad asshole."
"Never." He sounded offended that I could even think that. I was glad to know my best friend hadn't completely changed in his absence.
"So, what's the band called?" I asked.
"Roadkill State of Mind."
"Uh-huh." I nodded. I decided not to let him know how stupid I thought their name was. But what did I know? I'd heard weirder ones from actual famous bands.
"So, what's up with you, Steve-O?"
"Not much." I couldn't help but smile at the thought of what I'd been doing these last two weeks.
Derek cracked a smile, seeing right through me. "You're still shit at lying, dude."
"I met someone." I confessed. "I'm kinda in a relationship. I guess."
"Dude, you got a dude?" Derek slapped my leg so hard it burned. "That's so fucking cool, man."
I grabbed my phone off the nightstand to show him a picture of us.
Derek nodded. "He looks like one of those hunky soccer players from the posters you used to have hanging all over your walls."
"Huh!" I hadn't thought about that. Derek had a point.
Elian told me I was his type. Maybe he was mine.
He leaned back to glance through the door for a moment before he reached over and shoved it closed. He leaned in close, still worried about being overheard. "Have you hit that yet?"
"I'm not telling you." I could feel the heat rising in my face.
Derek laughed. "You sly little ho-bag. You totally nailed that dude." He raised his hand for a high-five.
"Shh!" I held a finger to my lips.
"Sorry." He stared at the door, looking almost as afraid that Mom was about to bust in as that time he brought a bag of weed over in ninth grade. Though neither of us knew what to do with it. We had to go over to our friend Shelly's house to let her roll it into joints for us.
I shook my head. "I haven't nailed anybody. But we've done other stuff."
"Why are you being so chickenshit? Just spit it out."
I lowered my voice to barely above a whisper to say, "He gave me a blowjob. Okay?"
"They're great, right?" He slapped my leg in the same place as earlier; it hurt like hell.
I twisted the hem of my shorts in my fingers. "I also gave him one. More than once."
"You dirty bird. I'm so proud of you." He tried to slap me a third time, but I grabbed his wrist.
"Slap me again, dickwad, and I'm gonna slap you across your stupid, ugly face."
Derek laughed and tapped my cheek with his other hand. "There's the asshole I know and love."
Derek jumped up off the bed. "I'm hungry. Want to grab some grub from The Daisy Chain? I've had wet dreams about those fluffy buttery pancakes."
"Why not?"
After I traded my t-shirt for one without a hole under the armpit, we headed out. We took Derek's mom's Lexus, which Derek drove like it was the Batmobile.
At the cafe, Derek and I got the same meal. My usual of pancakes with bacon and hash browns. Derek added a side of scrambled eggs to his order.
Outside, I spotted Elian coming out of the pharmacy, empty-handed. He must've been looking for me.
"There he is." I pointed to him.
Elian looked back and nodded. Mrs. Hill stepped out behind him, chattering away.
Derek slumped down in his seat. He held his hand to his face to block the view from the street.
"What are you doing?" I asked.
"I don't want her to see me."
"You don't think she might notice her own car parked out front?"
"Shit! You're right. Think we can make a break for it out the back door?"
"You're such a wimp."
The waitress returned with our food, laying out several plates for us. "Anything else?"
"No. We're good," I said.
Derek was still preoccupied by Elian and Mrs. Hill, drawing closer by the second. "What the hell is your boyfriend doing with my mom, anyway?"
"She's been trying to convince him to let her sell his grandpa's house."
"She's such a fucking vulture."
I couldn't disagree, so I stayed silent.
Elian pointed down the street and said something. He looked like he desperately wanted to escape her. I understood the feeling.
I wanted to go rescue him from her clutches, but I didn't want to abandon Derek. Or worse, lead his mother right to him.
I picked up my phone and sent Elian a text: Ditch the witch and meet me in the cafe. Witch was not the word I wrote, but my phone had other ideas, and I sent it before noticing the auto-correct. It still fit.
Elian held up a finger at Mrs. Hill, digging his phone out of his pocket. He smiled wide at the screen, showing off his perfect teeth. He spoke again. She nodded, waving as he fled the scene.
Elian entered the cafe, scanning the small crowd. His face lit up when we locked eyes across the room. He rushed over, freezing in his tracks when he saw Derek. He slowed to a glacial pace as he approached the table.
I scooted over to let him sit beside me. He gave me a cheek kiss. "Thank you for that. She followed me off the street, into the pharmacy, all around the store, and back out. I swear to God that bitch is relentless."
"Tell me about it." Derek mumbled, straightening up to dig into his food now that Mrs. Hill had safely headed in the other direction.
Elian eyed Derek, then looked at me. I introduced them.
"Mrs. Hill is Derek's mom."
"Sorry about badmouthing her." Elian said.
Derek chuckled. "I've said much worse. Trust me."
Elian nodded, laying a hand on my thigh. "I hear you dragged my man into some crazy shit back in the day."
Did he just call me his man? I stared at him, wondering if I heard that correctly.
Derek raised his arms out in T-pose. "He was my number one partner in crime. It just ain't been the same without him."
"Did you really get him to go to a rave in the desert?" Elian asked, still in disbelief two weeks later.
"Sure as hell did," Derek said proudly. "Even got him to drop some E."
Elian's head snapped to the side to stare at me. "You didn't?" He smiled.
I shrugged. "I don't even remember it. I just remember waking up curled up in the back of my Jeep out in the desert, in nothing but my boxers and my socks, covered in paint."
"He was hilarious," Derek said. "He just kept telling everyone how beautiful they were and getting people to dance with him."
"What?" I exclaimed.
Elian laughed.
"Yeah, the chicks didn't mind 'cause they all loved Steve, but a couple of the dudes got pissy when he got too close. I had to deck this one dude who almost shoved Steven into the bonfire."
"I have no memory of that," I said.
"That's probably for the best."
I looked at Elian. "I haven't tried anything stronger than beer since that night."
"See," Elian said, waving a hand at Derek. "I told you, you never tell me the juicy stuff."
"I didn't tell you because I don't remember it."
Elian kissed my cheek. "Don't worry, babe. I have some nights like that, too."
I couldn't help but smile. He definitely just called me babe.
Derek hung his arms over the back of the booth. "You two are so fucking adorable. It's kinda sickening." Derek laughed. "You're like the new Michael and Terrence."
Elian looked at us, confused. "Is that a celebrity couple?"
"Around here it is," I mumbled.
"I feel like I'm missing something." Elian looked back and forth from me to Derek.
"We went to high school with them. Kinda," I said. "They were seniors when we were in eighth grade."
"Your high school started at eighth grade?" Elian asked.
"It starts at seventh," I clarified. "The town has never had enough kids to justify having separate middle and high schools. It's all just one big building."
Derek's lips twisted into an evil grin. "Steve hates them."
A concerned line formed between Elian's dark brows. "Why? Are they awful?"
"They're fucking perfect," I murmured under my breath.
Derek laughed. "Steve wanted them to breakup so he could take a shot."
"At which one?"
I shrugged. "It didn't really matter to me. I just wanted someone. I was lonely."
Elian raised his arm over my head and hooked it around my shoulder, pulling me close. He kissed my temple. "Well, now you have me."
That sentence gave me butterflies. I leaned my head on his shoulder, grateful.
"So what are they like—Michael and Terrence?" Elian asked, stealing a strip of my bacon without a hint of remorse.
"You'll find out next week," I said, sitting up to carve my pancakes into triangles.
"I will?"
I nodded. "They have this huge Fourth of July barbecue in the park. The entire town shuts down and goes. It's literally the only thing to do all day until the fireworks start at night."
"Shit, yeah!" Derek slapped his hand on the table. "I forgot about that. I'm so glad I came home in time for it."
I rolled my eyes and stabbed my fork into my pancakes. At least this year I would have Elian at my side to distract me from the dynamic duo's cloying perfection.