I just don't get it.
I don't get it at all.
Why do i feel like this?
I'm not acting, I know I'm not
But I have this.. overwhelming feeling that doesn't leave me alone
I'm not lying...
I'm not lying.
I'm not lying.
I'm not lying.
I'm not lying.
I'm not lying.
But why?
Am I the villain?
Am I the bad guy?
I'm pretty sure I am.
But..
It doesn't feel right
I know that I'm not acting, I know that.. I'm being real
I'm being myself
But why does it feel like this..?
It doesn't make any sense!
I hear someone behind me, I just say hi
They replied asking if I was okay
Am I really okay?
I answer yes
He's coming near me
I can't let him see me like this
I'm supposed to be strong and a heartless. Cold. Person.
I'm supposed to not have feelings..
But why?
...
Why is he hugging me?
I have to push him away
I push him away
I tell him that we have things to do, we can't waste our time on this
He just nods and walks away
Why?
Why am I like this?
I just push everyone away
Literally-
I don't regret this
This is the way I am
But if I'm not acting.. what am I doing?
Why everything that my heart tells me to do feels wrong?
I am this way, I was made this way, that won't change
I'm made to be cruel, to be selfish
I do that at my own will
I do it because I want to
But why do I want to?
...
I hear someone call my name
I stand up and go in the direction that I heard the yell
I go near the person
She said that i have to be careful with what I do
Why does she tell me that?
She knows that everything is wrong?
Because if that's the case then.. I'll be alone
She snaps me out of my thoughts
I can still hear a lot of things in my head
I try to ignore them
She takes my arm and we walk out of the room
She tells me that she has to go
I tell her that she can leave, I'll handle this myself
She looks around the hallway before running away after seeing that nobody was near
I miss her
She's the only person that's not fake
That's what I like to think
Everybody around me is fake
No..
I'm the fake one
I'm the one that's fake
I'm the one that makes everyone suffer
I have to be gone
But I don't want to
If I'm not here.. everyone will be happy
I also know that I can't leave
I'm too scared of death
I'm a coward
I'm a crybaby
I want to go home
wait.. what did I just-
I don't want to go home.
Do I have a home?
House.. home.. it's the same right?
It's the same..
I remember that I have to leave
I walk inside the room and take a few things from a bag on the corner then walk to the entrance of the big room that everyone's in
This is the calm before the storm