"Here we are," Remus declared, setting his bags down on the floor. "Home sweet home---for real this time."
Roman surveyed the blank white walls, huge windows, cream floor-to-floor carpeting, and artsy, modern-ish light fixtures. "Might take a bit to turn this into an actual home."
Remus shrugged. "Hey, the modern feel's way better than fake art deco."
"Still, though. No furniture yet."
"Well, that's a you thing," Remus said, patting him on the back. "I'm gonna go look around."
"Don't get lost!"
"Will do!"
Roman set down his bags and let out a content sigh. For the first time in... maybe his life, he was really, truly free. He could actually do something by himself. He could---
"DUDE!" Remus stuck his head out of the kitchen. "There's a fucking kitchen island here! I shit you not! We've got an apartment with a kitchen island!"
Oh, yeah, that's right, I'm rooming with my idiot twin, Roman thought, slowly closing his eyes.
"Ohmigod, is that an electric fireplace?" Remus exclaimed, running into the living room. "How did I not notice that before? Ro-Ro! We're living in luxury!"
"You do remember that we just moved out of a place that had staff, right?"
"Even better!" Remus did a spin and flopped onto the floor. "We're living in luxury without having to deal with other people all the time!"
"I have to deal with you all the time now, Bugbrain," Roman said, tapping him with his foot.
"Yep, that's the deal." Remus paused. "Also, I hurt and I need help up."
Roman rolled his eyes and pulled him up off of the ground. "I'm supplying the furniture and the money needed to pay for this place, so I get first pick of the bedrooms. You call your boyfriend and give him the tea."
"Yeah, sure thing, crackhead."
"I'm not---you're the crackhead!"
"Go pick your fucking room," Remus said slowly, pushing him towards the hallway where the bedrooms were.
Roman walked down the hall, poking his head into each of the three bedrooms. They were all around the same size, but one of them had a window seat and a massive built-in closet with mirrored doors, so that was probably the way to go.
He pulled out his sketchbook and started to draw out his name in elegant, 3-D letters, adding in little sparkles here and there. When it came to coloring, he just scribbled his red colored pencil over it---he didn't need to go incredibly detailed with it, but if he didn't add color, it'd come out in black and white, and he wasn't into that film noir aesthetic.
Roman pressed his finger to the drawing and imagined the letters peeling off of the page. The page glowed golden as they did just that, falling to the ground as real-life objects.
"Room's picked," he called, picking up the letters and applying them to the front of the door. "Your turn, doof."
"I'm calling Jan-Jan. Get your room set up."
"All right." Roman squinted at the room, letting his inner decorator instincts take over. Sheer golden curtains would probably be good, and he'd keep the white walls---gold and white went nicely together. A full bed would probably be best, maybe with a big, red-and-gold bedspread. Fairy lights strung everywhere would look amazing, and he had to have a nice artist's desk and a few comfy chairs.
All-in-all? This was going to be the perfect room.
He sat down cross-legged on the floor and got to work.
.................
Virgil rang the doorbell, holding his breath a little.
"You don't need to be worried," Patton told him, resting a hand on his shoulder. "They sounded really happy when they called, remember? Roman said that designing the apartment was the most fun he'd ever had."
"Yeah, but they could've just been putting on a happy face," Virgil mumbled. "That coming-out thing didn't exactly sound like a picnic."
"Virgil, trust me, I know what Remus's lying voice sounds like," Janus said. "They're fine." He grinned. "Honestly, I'm incredibly proud of the way he came out. Made me love him all the more."
Virgil elbowed him. "Thought you were already at maximum adoration."
"There is no limit to how much my adoration can go."
"Okay, both of you, shush," Logan ordered. "We need to be on our best behavior tonight. We cannot break anything new, we cannot ruin any furniture, and we cannot make a big mess. This is a housewarming celebration, and we have to be polite."
Remus flung the door open, beaming. "What's up, motherfuckers!"
"Darling!" Janus threw his arms around him and kissed him. "I am so proud of you, you have no idea!"
"Awww, Jan-Jan, you're gonna make me blush," Remus said.
"Oh, it doesn't take too much to make you blush, love."
"Hey, Remus!" Patton chirped, giving him a hug. "You look awesome! New jacket?"
Remus brightened. "Oh, yeah, I got a new leather jacket to celebrate the occasion. Check out the back!" He turned around and pointed to the words Certified Cryptid splashed across the back of the jacket in lime green lettering.
Virgil nodded in approval. "Nice."
"Let's go in," Logan said, pushing them inside. "I have a himbo I need to congratulate."
Virgil looked around the airy, white apartment, internally marveling at it. It wasn't especially fancy or big, but Roman had done a really good job at decorating it---adding modern-ish black-and-gold couches and chairs with fluffy pillows, a huge TV over the fireplace that featured a paused game of Hades, weird-shaped vases on small end tables, and even some picture frames featuring the crew.
Roman got up from one of the couches, setting the gaming console on the coffee table. "Hey, you guys are early! We haven't even ordered the pizza yet!"
"Eh, never hurts to be a little bit early for things," Virgil said, shrugging. "I, uh, got you these." He held up a bouquet of flowers.
"Oh, my..." Roman gingerly took them. "These are amazing! How---"
"There's flower shops everywhere. Thought they'd brighten up the place a little."
Roman kissed him on the cheek. "I love them."
"Patton helped me out with finding the right combination," Virgil told him. "That flower means hospitality, that flower means freedom, lots of the flowers in here mean family, the red roses obviously mean love---"
"And the geraniums mean stupidity," Janus added, smirking. "I added those in at the last minute."
"Thanks," Roman said sarcastically. "I really appreciate it."
"I can take all the geraniums out and put them in my room," Remus offered. "I'm proud of my general dumbassness."
Janus laughed. "I know you are, darling."
Logan put Roman in a headlock and gave him a noogie. "So, how's my favorite idiot doing now that he's a free man?"
"Wonderful, get off of me," Roman said, shoving him off. "Noticed that you didn't bring any flowers."
"Am I dating you? No. Therefore, I have no reason to bring any kind of romantic flora into your home." Logan wandered into the kitchen. "Ah, I see you've already made cooking appliances that neither of you will use."
Roman let out an offended gasp. "Excuse me? We will end up using them!"
Logan stuck his head back into the living room and gave him a look. "Please. You're both rich kids. Besides, I shudder to imagine what would happen if you let Remus handle an oven."
"Actually, Princey's learned some skills from me and my parents," Virgil said. "He knows how to make grilled cheese sandwiches, and croque sandwiches, and BLTs---well, he knows how to make bacon---"
"Anything that isn't a sandwich?" Logan asked.
Virgil paused. "Uh... scrambled eggs and omelettes?"
"So we have breakfast taken care of, and we have lunch. What about dinner?"
Remus snorted. "There's such a thing as restaurants and takeout, Brainiac, and we've got unlimited cash. We can deal."
"There we go, that's the answer I was expecting." Logan walked out of the kitchen, smoothing down his shirt. "I would suggest cooking classes for at least one of you---actually, just Roman."
"Hey, why can't I learn how to cook?" Remus demanded.
"I mean, he... he does have a point, love," Janus said, wincing slightly. "You are quite... well... utterly useless when it comes to cooking. I mean, Mum's insurance covered the damage when you last tried, but... yeah."
Remus sighed. "Yeah, that's fair."
"Truth to be told, I can just draw up food," Roman admitted. "The oven's mostly so non-Anomalies who come over don't get suspicious."
"Well, make sure you actually use that oven from time to time, because they'll definitely get suspicious of an oven that still looks brand-new," Janus said.
Patton raised his hand. "Do you guys want me to call in the pizza for you?"
"Uh, yeah, sure," Roman said. "We're ordering from Patsy's---here's the number." He handed Patton a slip of paper.
"All righty then, just dialing..." Patton typed in the number into his phone, then held it up to his ear. "Here we go." He motioned for everyone to be quiet.
"Wait, we didn't decide on the pizza!" Virgil exclaimed.
"Half-cheese, half-pepperoni should work, right?" Patton said.
"I mean... yeah."
"Great! We're all set---oop, they just picked up." He beamed. "Hi! I'd like to order a couple of pizzas for delivery... half-cheese, half pepperoni, please. We've got a lot of people here, so we're gonna need the largest pie size you have."
"Maybe a little larger," Remus called.
Patton made the cut it gesture as he gave the person on the phone the address. "Apartment 503. Name? Uh..." He looked up and grinned. "Logan."
Logan made a grab for the phone, but Patton hung up.
"Oh my god, Patton!" Logan exclaimed as everyone else busted out laughing. "That's like identity theft! This isn't even my apartment! You should've used Roman or Remus's name!"
"Eh, it's more fun messing with you a little," Patton said, booping Logan on the nose. "Plus, me and Janus do that all the time when we have to order food or drinks."
"We even attempt to do impressions of each other," Janus added. "I'm much better at imitating Patton than he is at imitating me, though."
Virgil gasped. "I demand to see this Patton impression."
"Of course, of course, just let me get into character." Janus cleared his throat and shifted into an exact copy of Patton.
"Okay, that's a little spooky," Logan said.
"Heya, everyone!" Janus sang, his voice sounding almost exactly like Patton's (but with a singsong energy that was never really there). "I love you all so so much, and I've already adopted half of you, and I call everyone 'kiddo,' even people who are older than me, and I'm obsessed with cartoons, and I wanna marry Logan someday!"
Patton blushed. "All right, maybe no more impressions---"
"Oooooh, Lo-Lo, you're amazing," Janus sighed, draping himself over Logan. "You're the smartest, cutest, handsomest, bestest person in the world. I wanna kiss you until I can't breathe anymo---"
Logan rolled his eyes and shoved Janus off of him, the smaller boy reverting back to his true self as he did. "Very good impression, but I prefer to initiate physical contact, thank you."
"And don't listen to Patton saying 'no more impressions,'" Virgil said, sitting down. "You're awesome. Do me."
Janus grinned. "Oh, you don't need to ask me twice." He shifted into Virgil and adopted a grumpy expression.
"This'll be good," Roman muttered.
"I am so edgy," Janus growled, hunching his shoulders. "I wear black eyeshadow to match my soul. I listen to angsty music and write angsty fanfiction and am an absolute grump. I'm a total buzzkill and am always worrying about stuff."
Virgil started applauding. "Yeah, yeah, awesome, now do Roman."
"Let's not---" Roman started.
"Oh, how can I live without everyone knowing how perfect I am all the time?" Janus said dramatically, shifting into Roman. "I'm just too beautiful for this cruel world. I belong in a Disney movie. No---I belong on the stage. Someone fetch me my fainting couch, immediately."
Remus and Virgil started howling with laughter. Roman folded his arms and pouted.
"Oooh! Oooh!" Patton squealed, hopping up and down. "Do Logan!"
"Can we---nope, he's already turned into me," Logan sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose.
"Science," Janus said in a monotone voice. "Technology. Patton. Serious business. I make robots. I don't have time to deal with this nonsense. I'm always serious, because I wear a necktie."
Logan blinked. "That's... insulting, but it's accurate."
Janus shifted back into himself, spreading his hands. "What can I say? I'm very good at pretending to be my friends."
"Could you do me?" Remus said coyly, leaning over one of the couches.
"Don't give him any ideas," Roman cut in. "Knowing Remus, and, frankly, knowing you, that's gonna turn into something that's NFP."
"I'm a little tuckered out from the shapeshifting today, if I'm being honest," Janus said, flopping into one of the chairs. "Why don't we just watch Roman fail at Hades until the pizza arrives, and then we can do a She-Ra bingeing session?"
"I could tell you guys about the time that my grandma invited me to go out to lunch with her and we ended up getting into a minor traffic accident," Virgil offered.
"Let's do both," Janus decided. "I'd like to hear about that."
"All righty then, sounds like a plan." Virgil handed Roman the controller. "FYI, if you don't romance Thanatos, I'm dumping you."
"Oh, I always do that," Roman assured him.
"Good."
A/N: Got to hang out with Tas and our friend Sofie in person yesterday, which was absolutely amazing. We ended up getting bubble tea, and we ordered our drinks using each other's names... which is what inspired Patton being a little rascal. (And yes, I did get into a minor traffic accident with my grandma a few weeks ago. Don't ask.)
Also I've started watching She-Ra again and HOLY SHIT
DOUBLE TROUBLE
MARRY ME