"You're alright?" We spent some time in silence, Niall's hand softly placed on my tummy while I traced the muscles on his forearm mindlessly.
Still bit exhausted I leaned back, laying my head on his shoulder. My professors lips made their way towards mine, kissing the corner of my mouth. I was very much alright. Yet I waited for the shame to kick in, to consume me and make me regret everything that has happened.
I waited seconds, maybe minutes. Nothing. It could be a good sign, that I finally grew out of this weird phase. But another thing spread through my thoughts: It was the sightly uncomfortable feeling of a man being so calm and nice to me. It felt wrong in some way, like Niall would judge me in silence for the noises I made or my smell or my taste or anything you could get unsure about.
The silence was killing me.
"Thank you." I finally mumbled, wiggling out of his grip to turn my head and kiss him deeply. On one hand, a "thank you" was definitely not what I intended to say but on the other hand it was time to appreciate all he did for me. He always looked out for me, making me feel at ease. And men where suckers for compliments too, especially when they were so power-hungry as Niall.
It was not very nice to think of him like that but what was I supposed to do? I loved playing with him and having the secret upper hand. An upper hand I needed in this game of ours.
Retracting from his grabby hands and soft lips, I crawled towards the edge of the bed, taking my jeans off the floor.
"Why do you thank me?" Confusion lingered over his voice that wasn't as deep and strained as before, my name on the tip of his tongue. When I didn't answer him directly, facing the wall in front of me. Smiling to myself I waited just a bit longer, savouring the moment before I looked back at him, standing up to close my fly and the button, combing through my hair with my fingers.
"Just take it, will you?"
Still breathing in an uneven pattern, I watched him walking towards his closet and taking off his jeans before grabbing a pair of dark blue joggers.
I got a full view on all the flannels he owned and couldn't suppress an amused sound to leave my lips before I quickly turned it into a cough. Niall turned around nonetheless, sliding the fabric over his toned legs.
"What's wrong?"
At first I shook my head but then chuckled again. I covered my mouth yet it didn't help. Maybe it was because of the rush of energy in my body. Or residues of embarrassment.
"You do have an obsession with flannels. Tell me, do you have checkered Pyjamas or...?"
Niall said nothing, only opening the buttons of his shirt one by one, revealing a white shirt underneath it.
The way it hugged his rib cage made me go quiet while he threw the flannel he wore into a basket next to his closet, closing it after he pulled something out.
I never thought he was the type to wear such a relaxing outfit and looking so fine in it. Everything he wore, even if it were a pair of plain joggers and a white shirt, he made it look expensive on him. How?
He still didn't say anything, only coming closer. It was my time to stand up and take a step towards him, as he waited, arms
crossed.
"A bit cheeky for someone who was just panting my name and begging me to let them cum minutes ago." He spoke, face stoic and one eyebrow raised. I knew he liked to keep this though composure, to be prepared for everything and knowing everything. But what would it take to make him crumble?
Deep in thoughts I stared at his lips, touching his tensed arm and the skin his shirt didn't cover, ignoring his comment.
My professor didn't show any sort of reaction so I continued, gliding my fingers over and over his arm, not looking at him.
That was when I felt it. The goosebumps.
"Are you cold darling?" I asked, innocently even though we both knew it was way to warm in this room.
Niall looked down on me, expression unreadable. As always.
He took a second before he began to speak.
"No. Just my hands." To prove his point, he grabbed my hand, probably to stop me from touching him.
I kept myself from smiling, nodding a bit and moving my fingers away from his grip.
"I understand. Maybe you should warm them up."
I took his right hand with which he held mine before, moving it to my hips, placing it there and sliding it under the hem of my sweater so that he could feel my hot skin.
He almost instantly pressed his thumb on my last rib, putting his left hand on my other waist, this time over my clothing.
My lips ghosted over his cheeks, down to his jaw where I finally kissed him, slowly.
His breath fanned over my neck.
And just when his lips searched mine for relief, I broke the contact, stepping away from him.
"I need to use your bathroom. May I?"
I asked in a normal tone, disguising my shaking hands. But Niall didn't look any better. He opened his eyes a bit more, his hands sinking back and his mouth closed.
He didn't answer, only showing towards the door.
Nodding, I turned around, leaving him be.
My professor however followed me and the moment I had opened the door and looked back at him, he held out a small item.
I took it wordlessly, confused by the form of the little bundle.
"Put it on." He watched my furrowed brows when I unfolded it.
"Or don't."
It was a pair of long boxershorts.
I was about to thank him when he was already at the end of the hall, standing on the first step.
"I don't wear pajamas. That does the job too." Niall pointed at the fabric in my palms.
It was grey. And checkered.
A bit ironic wasn't it?
I bit back a snarky comment, letting out a small hum before I walked inside the bathroom.
Closing the door quietly behind me, I dropped his boxer shorts mindlessly on the ground and leaned over the sink, making cold water run over my fingers. After a while I was scrubbing them harshly, cleaning them off for at least two minutes until I was satisfied. The skin was red and hot, there was no visible dirt on them but I still felt the need to keep scrubbing them. Not giving into that compulsion took a lot of strength.
I reached for one of the little towels next to the mirror to dry my hands, putting them on my cheeks after I sat down on the toilet lid to distract myself.
I exhaled and closed my eyes, hoping to calm down and get a clear mind.
But I couldn't collect my thoughts, it was one big chaos at first and then I thought nothing. It was all blank.
Was it to early? Was it wrong?
Why was I thinking that now, when everything has been good before?
Maybe I should've done more. More to please him.
My gaze wandered to the clothing item on the tiled floor and I bent down to pull it towards me. It was a firm fabric and it smelled fresh. Like cotton and lavender. There was no smell of musk or wood that would've indicated it belonged to Niall.
Thinking of Niall's "punishment" made me shiver, as coldness filled the room. I didn't want to know what else he has in store or if he had liked disciplining me. Was it something he thought about a lot? His choice of words didn't seem new, he must have dealt with it quite some time. How? And most importantly, with who?
Was it like a bdsm relationship?
Surely not, there was nothing suspicious in his bedroom. A plain ordinary bedroom.
Could he have a special room on this floor?
Fear struck me. I wasn't prepared to live that life, being severely disciplined by whips and cuffs. Even thinking about things Niall could have done to his past lovers raised my pulse.
It was our first interaction and I already lost my mind. That was bad.
I should just stop thinking about things that didn't exist, solely going with the flow.
"Going with the flow. No drama, only going with the flow." I spoke to myself, standing up and deciding to change so Niall wouldn't get worried.
His boxers were a bit too wide on my hips, but fit too perfectly around my thighs.
I looked at myself through the mirror, making myself taller by standing on my toes to see if I could go downstairs like that.
I figured it was alright and more comfortable than my black high waisted jeans.
Opening the door, I peaked out, only to see nothing. Niall was probably still downstairs doing whatever he was doing. Maybe he wanted to take me home because what else was there left to do, right?
But then he wouldn't have given me his boxershorts. And if I really wanted to leave, I wouldn't have taken them.
I remembered his words and his fingertips that had punished me and pang of guilt evolved. What should I've been guilty about?
It was Niall who punished for something I didn't do, letting his feelings run free. Jealousy, anger, I wasn't sure.
There was something underneath it, this annoyance he voiced whenever he was speaking of Dr. Reid, that had nothing to do with me in the first place.
With the noise of my steps dulled by my socks, I walked down, touching the banister and the lacquered wood that felt cold against my palm.
First thing I noticed was the rain spluttering against the big window in the living room.
It was heavy and big drops were rolling down the glass, fogging it up at the corners.
The I saw my professor standing in front of it, looking out, hands buried in the pockets of his sweatpants.
My eyes were trained on him while I passed the sofa and the shelves to go to the other end of the window, trying to see what the brunet was seeing. Wet grass, moist earth and a dark sky that consumed every daylight. It would be dark soon anyways.
I looked over to him and then he finally tore his gaze away, realising my presence.
"Do you really think I flirted with Dr. Reid?"
He glanced at the boxers I was wearing, not showing a sign of content nor anything opposite. I was asking rationally, getting it off my chest, not wanting to deal with his blank expression.
"No."
"But?"
"Maybe he flirted with you." His eyes shot back to the garden outside.
I chuckled, shaking my head in disbelief.
"Now that's just madness. He would never do such thing, he's just being polite."
"He wouldn't but I did?" Niall's voice was dripping with sarcasm, speaking of something I didn't think would come up. It was difficult to make out if he was upset or hurt so I decided to sound a bit nicer, meeting him halfway.
"No, that's not what I meant and you know that. But he's your colleague and you don't know him that well yet to make such assumptions."
"Do you?"
"Do I What?"
The rain got heavier now, rumbling thunder could be heard in the distance.
"Know him good enough to convince me I'm wrong." He clenched his jaw.
I didn't know how I could make him change the topic, even if his behavior got on my nerves slowly. It was somehow hot to see him this concentrated and jealous but still, Dr. Reid did nothing wrong to him, ever.
Arms crossed, I cleared my throat while I looked at my feet to think of words to say.
"No but I know for a fact he's more interested in his 654 books than me. And did not flirt with me so stop with this crap."
"There's no need to lash out like that." Niall probably sensed my anger.
"There was no need to punish me either yet you did it." I shot back not caring about my harsh tone. When the brunet kept his mouth shut, I continued to express my bottled up emotions.
"You cannot waltz into my life, practically stalking me to grab me by my wrist in public and accusing me of what exactly? Talking to another male? Surprise, you'll have to punish me a lot then."
"Come on, it wasn't a real punishment." He scoffed, shaking his head.
Gasping theatrically, I put my hand on my chest.
"Oh it wasn't? Phew, such a relief. Maybe next time you use a whip? Or spank me?"
Realising what I said, I wished I could take it back. Yet it was said. And Niall was not having it by the shocked expression on his face.
"I uh-" I started, when he cut me off.
"Spank you? What are you talking about?!"
He was visibly confused and I didn't blame him.
"Do you think I'm some sort of fetish guy?"
"Well, not exactly..." I began quietly, not looking at him.
"even though everyone has a little kink." I added even more quietly and could've slapped myself the same second.
My professor was still shocked, staring at me. "Whatever. I have to go upstairs and finish a paper." Shaking his head he walked past me while brushing my shoulders.
I let him, not saying a word and keeping my gaze on my feet, biting the inside of my cheek. He was right to leave, I shouldn't have accused him of these things.
"Please open the kitchen window a bit." That was the last thing he said, before going upstairs, leaving me with remorse and the feeling of having disappointed someone.
I kept my protests and question to myself, doing what he said. It was cold and still raining.
With nothing useful to do, I grabbed a glass out of one of the cabinets and filled it with water, gulping down the liquid.
He would calm down. Eventually.
Besides, maybe it was good to keep a bit distance now and then I thought to myself after I plopped down on the sofa and exhaled, closing my eyes.
I didn't know I was that tensed but the second my muscles relaxed I knew that this day was more draining than I expected it to be.
I sat there like this for a few minutes when I got bored. Niall wasn't coming down anytime soon, being invested in his work as he always was. I didn't take my laptop or my notes with me, so I couldn't work which wasn't that bad due to the fact that was knees deep in my holiday mood, that consisted of not caring about anything study related.
At first, I looked out of the window but got also bored since there wasn't much to see. Then I laid down, staring at the ceiling, maybe trying to find clues. That didn't help either so I closed my eyes to take a nap.
Also a ridiculous idea because how could I sleep when I always thought of Niall before drifting into my slumber.
I didn't dare to turn on the TV, that was why I began pacing around the room, looking at the shelves to find a source of distraction.
Of course he disliked novels or romance novels in particular. There were five books that were not covering geography or sociology. And judged by their appearance, either very new or never used.
Most likely presents he got. Since they didn't catch my eye either, I continued searching.
There was one book in particular, one I've only seen on the internet. It was one of the more expensive ones, in fact very expensive. Too expensive for my liking but interested in what could make it that pricey, I took it and sat down.
That was what I intended to do before I nearly had a heart attack.
In front of me sat a cat. A cat with ginger fur, staring calmly at me.
Where did it come from?
My eyes were wide and I was close to run upstairs to Niall to ask him what this cat was doing here. The little ball of fur however was completely at ease, as if it was coming here regularly.
"Don't ever scare me like that my friend." I whispered, crouching down and holding my hand out to see if it would come to me.
He or she flicked her ear, watching me for seconds.
"You're not Niall's cat right?" I pondered, taking slow steps towards the cat to bend down once again. The animal didn't budge, letting me pet it.
Their fur was wet, so it must've came from outside.
"I see, you fled from the rain. Come on, there are some paper towels in the kitchen."
I never saw that cat in my entire life and it wasn't even my professor's but talking to it was better than sitting on my own in a room that wasn't mine.
To my surprise, the cat followed me, walking close to my legs.
Weird thing.
I spent the next minutes showing it a paper towel before carefully rubbing it dry, talking endlessly. I found out the ball of fur entered through the open kitchen window since it was still open.
„Do you think I shouldn't have said it buddy?" For quite some time I've been telling the cat about what had happened between Niall and me today, mindlessly handing it little pieces of ham. My head laid on my knee and I sat on the ground, waiting for the animal to lift its head.
"But he has to at least try to understand me. I've never done the things he did."
My newfound friend was quiet, rubbing against me to catch my attention. Why did it had to be such a difficult matter when I only wanted peace. I only wanted to hug the man upstairs, shower him with kisses and listen to his voice.
Groaning under my breath I stood up, stretching my arms.
"I'm going upstairs, to tell him there's a cat in his kitchen I don't know what to do with."
On my way out of the room I flipped the light switches, warning the ginger cat with a raised finger.
"You stay here alright? It's still raining outside."
I was probably worrying too much since it laid down after I finished my sentence, showing me it wasn't going anywhere soon.
Every step I took was cautious. I didn't want Niall to be annoyed by me or worse. Kind of an irrational thought after he had enough time to cool down in his office I haven't seen yet.
Walking past the bedroom and the bathroom, I looked at the other doors on this floor, anything that could've revealed where he was. Luckily I spotted the slightly open door of the second room on my left, and peaked through the gap.
I was right because Niall was in fact sitting at a desk, a little lamp illuminating the room. He was fully concentrated so I decided against knocking. With my hands intertwined I stepped into his office, closer to his side.
It took a few seconds for him to recognize the person next to him, but when he did, my professor quickly put down his pen, turning his chair in my direction so his body was facing mine, leaning back.
"Hi."
He looked up at me with his glasses on, that framed his face nicely. He seemed so soft, I had to keep myself from driving my fingers through his brown hair.
"Hi." He said back, not sounding hurt or angry.
"I'm sorry for saying those things." It came out of my mouth too quickly. I had my arms crossed before my chest.
"I didn't mean to get so upset, please come back downstairs. I don't like you being angry at me." I admitted, pouting a bit.
Niall tilted his hand and was observing me, before finally reaching for my hand so he could pull me closer. I happily obliged, standing between his open legs now.
"You don't have to say anything." He spoke, the corners of his mouth lifting up a bit while he rose from his chair, still holding onto my hand. Shortly after I laid in his arms, pressing my body against him. I didn't know what came over me that I was desperately in need of physical contact but by way Niall slowly put his arms around me, it dawned to me that he might have needed it too.
Who hugged him?
Maybe no one.
It was slightly awkward and I had the feeling he didn't know himself if he wanted this or not.
"Will you come downstairs with me?"
"Sure, how can I say no to you?"
I scoffed at his comment, letting go of him.
"Stop being so cheesy, you know you can say no to me."
My smile was so big it actually startet to hurt in my cheeks when he kissed my temple before closing the document on his laptop and putting the pen away.
"No, not when you're wearing this."
He was now shamelessly letting his gaze glide over my legs to my waist.
As he finished, he grinned at me and for a split second I thought he was proud of what he saw.
I sighed, nudging him with my elbow playfully but turning red nonetheless.
"What? Am I not allowed to look at you?" Niall asked me.
"Are you afraid that I'm going to cuff you to my bed?"
I raised my eyebrows at his remark before I kissed him on the cheek, taking his face in my hands.
"It seems to me you're enjoying that thought." I turned around to leave the room.
"Don't deny it!"
Knowing he was staring my backside, I turned my head to glare at him but when I saw the genuine interest he tried to hide by watching me subtly while trailing behind me, I simply couldn't.
We went downstairs and back into the living room when Niall sneaked an arm around my waist, pulling me down with him onto the sofa where he began to cover my neck with kisses.
My laughing subsided and I was quickly into my headspace again, returning the kisses and tasting his lips. I fell on my back, Niall hovering over me.
If this was a movie or a book, I would be definitely annoyed by all this kissing and touching, by the honeymoon phase we were in. But living it, actually experiencing it all made me think differently. I couldn't stop giggling and touching his face, playing with his hair and making it a complete mess.
"You can never get enough do you?" Niall mumbles against my lips.
"Oh I can, but I don't want to." I answered, also out of breath. He smiled during the next kiss and I was internally swooning over his cheerful mood. It was something I would be thinking about a lot when I was going to be alone this evening.
"That's the mindset I was expecting from you."
He leaned down again when we were interrupted by a loud bang.
I immediately tried to sit up, my body colliding with Niall's who was shielding me from whatever happened in the kitchen. He was also faster to recognise the source of noise. Lifting my head up, I saw what he was seeing.
"Ah it's you." The brunet spoke with relief, eyes wide and face flushed from our make out session.
On the table sat the cat, unbothered by what he did. Down on the ground was an orange from the bowl on the kitchen table.
I sank back into the sofa, pushing strands of hair out of my face and sighing
"You know it?"
"It's a he. He's some neighbours cat or something. One day he just stood in the middle of my kitchen and since then I let the door open for him."
My professor looked down on me, scrunching his nose.
I couldn't help but to embrace the warm feelings I had that moment, biting my tongue.
At times he seemed reserved, slightly cold towards others, but then he did such things, making me cross out the impression I had of him.
"That's actually very considerate of you."
I slowly said, flashing him a smile.
Niall didn't say anything, only retracting and giving me space to sit up, winking at me. It was something he never did before however it was cute.
"Are there more secret sides of you I don't know of?" I shuffled closer to him, pushing my knees into the sofa and putting my hands on his thigh. I started at his profile when he clicked his tongue, tilting his head and kept looking forward while answering.
"I don't know if there are secret sides."
"Oh come on, tell me something. We don't know anything about each other." My tone is accusatory yet playful.
Finally Niall turned his head, grinning at me.
"That's wrong, I do know more about you than you might think darling."
Now I was interested, not having a clue about what he meant. So I slid my legs over the edge of the leather until I was fully sitting on the sofa and crossed my arms before my chest.
"You do? Care to enlighten me?"
"Just ask a question."
"Okay, how old am I?"
"Easy, You're 21." The brunet instantly answered, toying with the hem of the shorts I was wearing.
He was right and I asked another question.
"Alright and when's my-"
"7th March. It's all in your file you know?"
I was deeply impressed by his knowledge and the confidence in his answers.
"Then tell me what else do you know about me stalker."
Niall's fingers went a bit under the fabric, tracing my skin with the utmost care.
"You're very determined, sometimes too much. You can be hidebound in some matters, still you have an unconventional view on things you don't seem to appreciate enough. But once you're comfortable with your surroundings, you can get direct and forward. Very straight forward."
I wasn't sure wether I liked his analysis or not so I scoffed and slapped his shoulder, coughing a bit afterwards. "Is that your personal view?"
A pause followed where my legs where suddenly lifted up and placed on Niall's lap. Gasping I held onto his shoulder out of surprise, clawing into his shirt.
His gaze met mine and I saw that there was much more.
"Partly. At first, you were this unapproachable person, loosing interest quickly. Like nothing could ever be good enough for you. I still have that feeling now and then when you look into the distance. And at the same time, you're warm and inviting when I come closer. You know how to give that look that drives me crazy, know what to say, know how to move. You manipulate people into thinking you're innocent and sweet when you actually love to play games."
Again I was at a loss of words, scared by his accurate descriptions. How did he know so many parts of me.
"I don't always play games."
His face came closer until his lips were barely touching mine. Out of reflex, my grip on his chest gets stronger when I leaned in.
"But you love playing them with me." My Professor whispered.
"You know that I'm self-respecting. You strive for men like me."
His words encourage me and I pulled him towards me, sucking a bit on his lower lip. Not much, since I was unsure if he liked it.
He was right. I wanted him because he knew what he was capable of. He had ambitions and nothing could ever cross his path. I wanted to learn from him, to learn from his power. To test this power.
"See what I mean?" Niall pulled away a few inches. He had what I needed even though I had not figured out what it was. Maybe i would find out during our affair. That's what it was. An affair. And now the word didn't have a negative connotation, but something more intimate, private. Something exciting.
I touched the slight stubbles on his jaw looking down onto his lap where he massaged my calves.
"You're Right. Maybe we're more alike than I thought at first."
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Dude...
That took like...50 Years.
If giving birth feels as draining as this, I'm very concerned...