Heartbreak For a Lover I Never Had

Girls? Idk they r hot

I can't have someone else leave me. My heart skips a beat when you look at me. You are all I can see, I shut out the world and everything around me. It's just you and me. Loss hurts, it feels like your insides are being torn. That's what I feel all the time. You are here with me but sometimes I feel like your presence is elsewhere. Looking at you, a million thoughts in my head, I don't know what to do. Your nose gets red in the cold, have I ever mentioned how perfect your nose is. Light brown hair, perfect in a messy way. I can see through you, I see your insecurities even when you try to cover them. Your hands are small but rough, calloused palms and red knuckles. I notice your anxious ticks, your hyperfixation on being perfect. You are a friend. How do I even know what I'm feeling? Maybe I just want to be your best friend? But I know I want more because when I see you my gaze softens. Last time I saw you I wanted to run into your arms and cry. Cry that you exist, that we know each other. I don't understand this feeling because I'm straight right? But your calming presence and sarcastic personality make me rethink my entire life. How I want to hold you, be with you. Do you see me in a similar way? In the story you wrote we were together. You said we were "partners," now I re-read it every day. How could you be with them, you see the toxicity, I know you do. They may be your friends, but I'm me. Isn't that enough? You are YOU to me. You stand out in a crowd to me. Your snarky comments remain in my head for days. When you jokingly called me babe, I threw my phone as far away as I could, butterflies consuming my stomach. In the nights I feel a certain way, in the mornings I try to suppress it, but I know that when I see you I want to explode. I smile to myself like a giddy child drunk on love. But, you would never love me in that way, I don't know who I am, we are better off being friends.