Tw mentions of eds suicide bullying slut shaming and other things
Nikkis POV 5 days later
Ok so look... I haven't left my house really in a couple of days. Ok and that's fine I have nothing to do anyways like I don't have to be in the studio for a while. I haven't written any songs I've been really demotivated and depressed
Like I feel just down and sad. Like nothing is ever going to get better. Nothing will ever go right. I will be like this forever. It's not even like I want help I deserve to feel like this honestly I do. I don't want help I deserve to feel this way. I'm also lacking social interaction which isn't good
To be honest I'm not even mad at Jaden anymore. It did piss me off what he said before because I'm just not ready but whatever ok. He's living his best life. I've texted him a couple of times and face timed him once or twice he's busy with filming with the boys and going to the studio. Ok it seems like I'm mad because I'm being dry but I'm not
I've only gotten out of bed to help buggy. I've played with buggy too and the only way we went outside is the little In closed space on mine and Dixies balcony we have for the dogs where you can do whatever. Buggy really likes it there
Haven't talked to anyone and I don't feel well. I feel sick. In a different way though. I've actually eaten a little bit this week which is good I guess. B it I haven't slept in 3 days so...
Today I have to go out though which I dread but I do. I have to pick up energy drinks my favourite from the convince store. Except that's where the paparazzi are and it's not good. It's ona. Busy street
I get ready dressed in this
I look like trashhhh
And I wear some random slides
I'm not bringing buggy because I don't wanna carry her and I'm gonna be quick anyways
I get ready and everything. I look on my camera in my phone and I look really tired. I'm not that tired but I look tired
I haven't slept because my dreams are fucking with my head and it isn't fun.
I kiss buggy goodbye and put her in her little play pen before leaving and bringing my water bottle
Here's my water bottle by the way. It has like a few stickers. A charli damelio sticker a thrasher sticker a sticker with the middle finger on it too
I get in my car and park a few spots away from the shop. I was going to buy monster energy drinks red bulls and other drinks too
I was walking to the shop with my water bottle in hand and I see paparazzi following behind me loosely like taking pictures of me from a distance. I look like shit but I don't care. I go into the shop and I buy the things I need spending like $25 worth of the things. I put them in a bag then into my back pack. It wasn't that heavy anyways. I start walking outside back to my car and I didn't notice how far I parked
I feel someone walking behind me I look back to see mads Sara and Rosie there. Oh shit no thanks I don't need that today. I start walking faster but they walk faster too and I'm cut off by more of them. Posie Alexis and Josie. You gotta be shitting me
"Well isn't it nice to see you here nikki isn't it" Sara laughs and I don't answer. Their like circling me. Oh no this reminds me on middle school. Shit
"Aww little miss bitch is all alone with no friends" mads says
"Ha what else is new" Alexis laughs
"Seems like nothing has changed" Josie laughs
"What did you buy. More vapes to help with your nicotine addiction" posie says
"I'm not addicted to nicotine" I mumble
"What was that? Your going to have to speak louder pip squeak" mads says MAKIGN them all laugh and pissing me off
I open my water bottle and throw a little bit of it on mads trying something out
"What the fuck was that for" she spat
"Oh my bad. I just thought the witch would melt" I say innocently and I just noticed the paparazzi filming this. I see some of the girls holding in their laughter but mads gives them a death stare and they don't
"What the fuck is up your ass you bitch" mads says
"The question is what's up your ass. Your so fucking rude for no reason I don't get it. I met you 3 different times before this and you've been rude every single fucking time. And now your here following me around like what the fuck is your problem. You think I actually do interesting things. I'm literally buying things from the store" I say and my anger issues are starting to come out. Oh shit don't do this now nicole
"You know why I'm rude. Don't play dumb you know what you did" mads says
"No I really don't. What did I do. Tell me know what did I do because I didn't even know who you were until you prank called me saying that stuff" I say
"Don't play stupid Nicole" Sara says
"Oh no you Sara shut the fuck up. I don't wanna talk to you ever. I honestly hate all of you. All of you standing around me are pathetic like what the fuck are you doing with your lives just trying to make mine worse. It's like your obsessed or some shit making different accounts on social media just to say rude things to me" I exclaims
"What do you mean. You made my life hell." Sara says
"How. Explain to me how. Because I don't know how I made your life hell when everyone basically worshiped you and did whatever you said" I say
"You took every single guy I liked. Every guy I liked had a crush on you instead" Sara says
"Yeah and... every single boyfriend I've had as fucked you before during the time I was dating them so shut the fuck up. You were literally the cause of half of my break ups " I say
"It's not my fault I'm gorgeous and your a ugly mother fucking heartless anger issue troubled talentless rude whore slut" Sara says
"I may be ugly but at least I'm nice to people unlike you mother fucker who's known for being a bully" I roll my eyes
"At least you know your ugly" mads says patting me ontop of my head
"Dont fucking touch me with your disgusting ass hands" I say moving away
"Your just mad i fucked your boyfriend" mads says
"Yeah. I am mad about that. You are right. But I don't care. Your just mean too. Like your not just mean to me your mean to my sisters too and my friends. Like I'd rather you be extra rude to me instead of being rude to them because they did nothing wrong" I say
"Nessa did. Nessas a bitch" mads says
"Don't you dare bring nessa into this or call her that or even say her name. Nessa is a queen and you keep her name out of your mouth" I say
"Mmhm ok yeah for sure" mads says sarcastically
"Oh my gosh Nikki we have a surprise for you" Rosie says
"No" is all I say
I look back behind me to see my ex....
Not Marcus
(Back story on Marcus)
We dated in 9th grade first guy I actually loved loved. He was my second boyfriend. Marcus was so nice to me. We were in love. Maybe it was just stupid love. But it felt like it. I loved him so much. He was nice to me. He was in my friend group too which was good. The boys liked him. He played soccer. Me and Marcus broke up before summer started we dated for 6 months. We broke up because apparently he didn't want to be in a relationship anymore which made me really sad. But then a few weeks after he started dating Sara. I was sad about it and he completely turned. Like our relationship was perfect I don't know why he wanted to break up because he completely lied. Plus he was hot
I freeze in my spot and I feel flustered and panicky. It's like I'm having a mini panic attack. I feel my heart racing and I just stare at him as he walks closer. I hear the girls laughing at me and the paparazzi are taking pictures
I feel like I'm going red and I'm light headed. This isn't good shit
"Hey Nikki" he says standing a little bit to close for my liking
I freeze I can't move I'm just stuck there and spaced out. I feel the girls throwing things at me
"Haha take some condoms you slut" they yell throwing condoms at me
"Here's some vapes for your addiction" they yell throwing vapes at me too. I saw the condoms had holes in them anyways
"I feel bad for your future children. They have to have you as a mother how tragic" one says
"Your just a waste of space in the earth so do everyone a favour and die please" another says
I'm like frozen I can't move. I'm having major flash backs to high school and that isn't good. I hated high school so much and I don't even have my friends here to help me
"Your a homie hopper" another says throwing more condoms at me. Like honestly what is their problem
"You nic addict" another says and i feel them spray something on me in my face
"Whore whore whore. Your a fucking slut Nikki" I hear Sara say
"Your worthless unloved. No one likes you. No one loves you. If people tell you they love you their lying because you are unloveable" Rosie says
"Your such a fucking slut Nikki you'll never make it in music sounding like how you sound and looking how you look. We are those blonde girls and we will steal your man. Why would any guy want you anyways I mean look at you. Your small. I bet your ribs show. You ah e dark eye circles. Your a fucking freak. Like a freak. You have purple eyes which means your evil. You wonder why your always alone. It's because no one fucking likes you. They all ignore you because your a bitch with no friends. You don't deserve to be happy at all. You could go rot in hell. Like god you bitch I hate you. We hate you. Everyone hates you. Your parents don't even call you anymore your sisters don't talk to you. You have no family. Alone ahhahaha. Go fuck a rando bitch" mads says
Which is a lie because I actually talked to my parents this morning and my sisters too
I'm still frozen here looking at Marcus oh my god why's he here
"Hey Nikki" Marcus says touching my should
"I-I-I- umm g-gotta go" I say pushing past them all. I'm like shaking and I'm scared. I run to my car and i run pretty fast. Their still throwing things at me. Like condoms vapes garbage and other things
I finally got to my car. I get in and start driving. I drive away right away. I'm scared to be honest and shaking. All those words they said are in my head and fucking with me
Once I get to my apartment I run to the kitchen and pour buggy food because it's time for her to eat and I put my drinks in the fridge. Then I run to my couch and lay down with my head on the couch and I just cry
I cry and cry.
Why the fuck was Marcus there. It just hurts all over again. It's not like I still have feelings for Marcus I like Jaden and Jaden only. But just seeing him reminds me of everything that happened which makes me sad
I feel sick to my stomach like I feel sick. I think I'm getting sick like I have a cold or something because not only am I feeling down I feel like sick
I just remembered that all of that stuff was filmed by paparazzi-
Oh god nooo please nooo
Why do people always have to record that stuff when it happens to me. It's actually bad like really bad
I feel sick really sick. Maybe it's just me feeling anxious or something but like I feel actually sick. Maybe it's what they sprayed in my face. Did they fucking poison me or some shit because I feel sick
I start coughing and coughing i feel sick
I call my mom because I think she'll know what to do
Mom | me
"Mommmmm" I whine
"Yes honey what's up" she asks
"I feel sick" I answer
"Do you need me to go over there" she asks
"Actually can you please come over. I feel sick. Like sick sick" I say coughing bad like I'm dying
"Ok I'll be there In 15 minutes I have to bring charli though" mom says
"Ok bye bye" I answer
"Bye honey" she says
I swear I feel really sick. My phones blowing up but I don't care. I feel like actually sick. What the fuck did they spray on me. Holy
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Thank you guys all for the support❤️❤️
Holy fuck this book has 400k reads- AHHHHH TYSM EVERYONE WTF. Don't know how that happened but it did. Tyyyy never thought this book would have that many ahhhhhhhh. We literally hit 300k 2 weeks ago now it's 400k- huh
You guys are so nice honestly
I still hate school though it's so boring
It's my birthday in 19 days now and I'm so fkn excitedddd
Last year I had a COVID birthday which sucked. Well it was on March break but I didn't do anything that day. On my birthday I'll probably do whatever with my family
My moms pasta is fire
Also I'm getting my eyes checked today like I think I said that last chapter but I'm getting my eyes checked because like I can't see
My eyes are bad and yeah it's not good.
It's a proven fact that I just cant write chapters on the weekends because see now I'm writing a lot but on the weekends I just can't
Anyways guys have a good good dayyyy
Ty for 400k againnn
Ok so I had an idea there might be just a continuation of this book but I'll bring that idea back a little later when the is book is almost done
Aahhahhdhdisja
Ily alllll
🥸🥸🥸
There people on tiktok- 😭😭
LMAOOOO JOSH AND OLIVIAAA AHAHAH