[ 1x07 the self-destruct button ]
.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.
Alex's POV
Two things kept Alex up that night, making him exhausted for his next day of work:
The first reason was Annie Connors. He had talked behind her back, not knowing she could actually hear what he was saying. She hated him as she died on the O.R table. He had the O-Neg blood in his hands to save her, but he was too late. Her face could possibly haunt him for the rest of his life.
Secondly, Mackenzie. The move he pulled was dumb, but also worth it. Just being able to feel her skin against his drove him crazy. He missed her so damn much, too much at times, but he was scared. What if he hurt her again? Sometimes he couldn't trust himself.
Everyone else seemed to be tired in the intern's room as people were yawning from left to right. Supposedly, Meredith kept her roommates up all night from her sex life. Alex did admit Meredith was hot, she could probably pull anyone from the hospital, except him. Not that he thought of himself above the others (well, sometimes he did), but that he only had eyes for the tall blonde downing espresso shots next to her.
He saw Mackenzie glance over at him, but it was for the briefest second. She seemed nervous around him now. He hoped he hadn't made her feel uncomfortable.
I did ask her if she wanted me to stop and she said no, he reminded himself.
Bailey had called them out before Alex could make any move to talk to her. He grabbed his pager and rushed out. He was about to walk next to Mackenzie, but Cristina shoved him out of the way and gave him a smirk. He scowled at her.
"O'Malley, Sloan, Yang, Karev - go on to the pit," Bailey instructed them.
Alex's heart skipped a beat - like it always did - when he was assigned with Mackenzie. He'd been with her and Shepherd for a bit, allowing them to get closer and work together. He loved watching her analyze patient's cases and seeing her realize what was wrong with him or her. The way she worked in the O.R was flawless; rarely any interns in their program had stepped foot in there, yet here she was scrubbing in on most of Shepherd's surgeries. It wasn't a game of favorites - Alex remembering her talk about Derek, his family, and Mark back in New York - Mackenzie had raw talent. He strived to be as good as her.
Almost immediately, George tugs on Mackenzie's coat and they go off somewhere else. Alex rolls his eyes and clenches his fists at his side as he continues to walk to the clinic. He saw the way George looked at Mackenzie; it was the way he did, only he was allowed to do it. Not anyone else. Hell, he doesn't blame guys for staring in her direction. She's the girl you see on vacation and never see again; someone who sticks in your memory no matter how much time goes by. Even with that, he still wanted to punch George in the face.
"Brooding much?" Cristina snickered, her voice a bit stuffy.
"Sick much?" Alex shot back at her.
Cristina giggled. "You know, for a tough guy, I'd assume you'd have a better comeback."
Alex didn't answer her.
"Oh for the love of god just tell Kenzie how you feel!" groaned Cristina.
Alex stopped walking. "What?"
"I know what happened between the two of you." Great. "What you did was pretty messed up, a jackass move, she shouldn't even give you another chance-"
"Get to the point," said Alex.
Cristina bit back her tongue so she wouldn't make another sarcastic comment. "You two have this connection thing. It's suffocating to watch as you two stare at each other across the hallway or lunch table, but I know she's not going to make the first move. You need to ask her out on a date."
Alex surprisingly agreed with Cristina, but he didn't want to show her that. "Get out of my business."
He shoved past Cristina and walked away.
.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.
Now, Alex was in doctor mode.
It was pretty easy for him to push back his personal problems as a case arose, especially if it meant he could scrub in. Luckily, he ran into a guy who was here for Burke - a service Alex was dying to stay on.
"Doc!" the man exclaimed as Alex walked up with Burke.
Burke shook his hand "I prefer we stop meeting like this, Mr.Owens."
Alex listened in on their conversation, waiting to answer anything Burke threw his way.
"He's running a fever," Burke pointed out.
"Due to the extra stress on his body from the gunshot," answered Alex.
Burke nodded. "Digby, the impact of the bullet on your chest fractured a rib and caused a hemopneumothorax."
Digby looked at them confused. "That sucks, I guess."
"There's blood in your collapsed lung," Alex explained.
"The price of body art went up since your last gunshot," said Burke.
"Ah, no pain no gain, right?" smirked Digby.
Burke nodded. "That's one way to look at it."
"We have that in common, you docs and me. The way you guys push, push, push. When I was wrestling, if you wanted to pin me, you was gonna have to kill me."
Alex chuckled. "Iowa style."
"Iowa State style," Digby corrected him. "Back home, we were sworn enemies. But in Seattle man, we're brothers."
Alex smiled. He missed Iowa, even with not a lot to do there, he had her...
Digby turns back to Burke. "So, what are we gonna do about this, um...hemopneumo-durasis?"
Alex spoke up, "We're gonna insert a chest tube to drain the blood, then reinflate your lung."
"Oh please, tell me I get to watch," Digby mused.
My god, this guy was an adrenaline junkie, thought Alex. I like it.
Burke ignored Digby's comment and stuffed his x-ray's back in his hand. Alex took them without complaining and followed the orders like the interns were supposed to.
.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.
Alex's lack of sleep was slowly catching up to him, but he made sure to keep walking around to stay awake. The smell of fresh donuts wafted on the second flood of the main entrance and Alex made his way over, his stomach rumbling.
He didn't know whether to be happy or nervous when he saw Mackenzie at the food cart with Izzie, Cristina, and George. They were talking about Meredith and how her sex life kept them up all night.
He heard Cristina talking as he walked up. "I mean, you like to bake all night. Some people like to drink. Others like an occasional screaming orgasm."
"Yeah, we do," blurted out Alex as he reached for a donut.
Mackenzie choked on her coffee, her face turned red. Alex knew she was remembering them together; it was funny how he still had that effect on her.
Oh, shut up she has that effect on you still.
Alex wished he didn't come over here as Cristina glanced between him and Mackenzie. "Forget I said that. Pretend like I'm not here. Continue."
Alex glanced over at George, who looked as if he was on another world. "You look like you need to be spoon-fed."
"You look like Alex," said Cristina.
Alex shot her a look.
"You know, about drinking, Dr.Taylor - the anesthesiologist - do you think he drinks?" asked George.
"I mean, I guess whatever gets you through the day," says Cristina.
"George and I smelt alcohol on him earlier," says Mackenzie. "I think we should say something, but George is being a little bitch."
"Hey!" exclaims George.
"It's a can of worms, George," says Alex. "Weren't we talking about sex, anyway?"
"Ew."
"Doofus."
Mackenzie didn't say anything as she walked by him. Alex grazed his hand with her's, sending an invisible shock through him. He wanted to reach out to her, confess what he was feeling, but she slipped away just as quickly as the thought crossed his mind.
.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.
After getting an emergency page to Digby's room, Alex rushed there, ignoring the people he bumped along the way. Right when he walked in Alex asked, "What's wrong?"
"I-I-I can't stop shaking," said Digby.
Alex grabbed his chart and checked it.
"His temp's way up and B.P's dropping, doctor," a nurse told him.
Alex's brain started to rack through on what could be wrong with him. "All right, Digby, have you had any recent illnesses, new piercings, tattoos, wounds?"
"New tat on my calf," answers Digby.
Alex reaches down and pulls up the cover. He jerks back a bit, the calf being red and swollen. "Ew."
Digby shakily sits up and looks down at it. "Oh my god. It was nowhere near that nasty this morning."
"But it was infected. Why didn't you say anything?" asked Alex.
"Ah, it was nothing," Digby waived it off. "I'm not here to complain about a little pain."
Alex wanted to slap this guy in the head for his mindset now. "Well, the infection's been exacerbated by the stress on your body from the gunshot. Get him to ICU. We'll get you started on some antibiotics
Alex started to freak out as he left the patient's room. He couldn't lose another one, especially with getting to know the guy. He needed to stop getting comfortable with patients, it's not what he did. He was supposed to do his job and move on. He prayed Digby would be alright, but once he got Code Blue he sprinted to the ICU.
His hands worked faster than his brain as he started injecting Digby with drugs to keep him alive.
Don't die. Don't die. Don't die.
"What happened?" Burke called out as he ran over to them.
"He went into multisystem organ failure, secondary to overwhelming sepsis. Now he's all..."
"I'll fix his B.P, that should help his mental status," says Burke.
"He's maxed out." The machine starts to beep rapidly. "We got V-tach."
"This is going bad," sighs Burke. "Put the defib pads on him and give him one fifty."
Alex's hand shakes as a beat isn't felt on his fingertips. The monitor flatlines. "I got no pulse."
One fifty. Three hundred twice. Still nothing. Alex calls out anything he can think of that may help Digby, but he already knows he used those methods. Alex presses his hands on Digby's chest and starts pushing down.
"Come on. Come on."
The famous flatline beep from the monitor rings through Alex's ears as everyone steps back from Digby.
Burke checks his watch. "Time of death, twenty forty nine."
Alex sighs, "The first guy I ever met out here from back home."
Burke nods. "At least you still have Dr.Sloan."
Alex wants to question how he knew they went to college together, but he knew word traveled around this hospital fast. He wasn't sure if Burke's statement was true, so he just shrugged. "Yeah, sure."
.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.
Working out was something that always distracted Alex. The fast heart beat in his chest and the strain of his muscles were enough to block out the shitty life he had.
He was on the rowing machine now, pulling back and forth with much force.
He knew he was going to lose more patients, he was a doctor, but just how many more were there going to be? Was he going to get close with all of them? Would each one hurt more? Would any of them directly be his fault?
The flatline of the monitor, paddles being charged, time of death being called.
He threw the bar of the rowing machine back to its position, a loud clash of metal echoing through the empty room.
The door opened and Alex didn't both to turn around. "Someone's in here."
"Sorry." It was O'Malley. "Had a post-op I needed to do."
Alex didn't care. He needed to be alone. He stared at the blank wall, waiting for George to get his belongings and leave.
"Alex."
He clenched his fists. "Just want to work out, dude."
"I was about to ask out Mackenzie today."
At that, Alex stood up and turned around. George looked...guilty? He crossed his arms. "Why are you telling me this?"
"Because I know you two have a pretty heavy past," he said. "She caught my eye the first day and as you all know, I've been pining for her. Obviously failing at flirting. I mustered up the courage today to ask her out and just as I was about to...you walked in the hallway. The way her body language changed and how a sparkle seemed to gleam in her eyes when she saw you made me realize I couldn't do it. I almost did it anyways, but she's still in love with you and I can't change that."
Alex's heart skipped a beat and he felt hope trying to flood into his body, but he kept the barrier up. "Every girl gets like that when I walk into a room."
"Cut the act already!" yelled George, taking Alex by surprise. "God, this is why I wish I just would've asked her. At least I'm taking a chance. You have the best girl ever right in arm's reach and you're doing nothing about it! You messed up the first time and now that she's finally ready to be with you again, you act like that isn't the best thing to happen in your life! Hell, I'd be acting like a kid who got tickets to Disney World."
Deep down, Alex knew George was right. He wanted to hate him for being in his business, but what he was saying was true and if he didn't go after Mackenzie soon...she'd be gone.
"Um...okay," was all Alex could say.
George rolled his eyes. "If you don't do it within the next week I'll just go right down the hall of our house and ask her out for a drink."
The fact that they were roommates struck a nerve in Alex. George could so easily get closer with her right now, but he was being selfless. Alex needed to jump on that.
George gathered his belongings and headed towards the door. "I heard you and her are on Shepherd's service later this week. Don't mess it up."
Once George walked out, Alex was left with the day's hardships and his stubborn feelings.
"Why are the weird ones always right?" grumbled Alex.
.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.
how did you guys like alex's pov?? i was thinking of doing one every season or so!!