"Sometimes I feel like you hate me, I don't want you to hate me, I'm sorry"
₸
An hour has already passed of the party going.
And one hour of me feeling out of breath.
But it was not even five minutes that I've escaped Tori's sharp eyes and sneaked into one side of their courtyard, a soda in hand.
The loud bass music wasn't going on anymore, because the neighbours came over and threatened to call the cops. Tori's parents immediately agreed, they preferred classical music.
That's why a low and soft music was playing in the house now.
Some students had already left, mainly those who lived far away. I must say, it was nice of them to drop by for Tori's birthday.
The birthday girl had me tight by her side right after she cut the cake and received the gifts, going over and meeting new faces that I've never seen in my two years of Uni. I just smiled and waved at them, letting Tori do all the talking.
So like that, I grabbed a drink and left for some fresh air. I couldn't stay in that tight, covered room anymore. And I didn't bother Tori, it was her time tonight. She needn't bother herself over me.
Surprisingly, Jungkook hadn't shown his face yet. It had never happened in their two year relationship. Jungkook was never late, and that's a fact. Not when it came to Tori.
I thought Tori had noticed, but she was all fine and happy enjoying the party and talking with her guests. I didn't want to ruin the mood, so I kept my mouth shut.
I leaned back on the armchair, my head bent at the edge. My legs stretched out and the relaxed position made me release a sigh. I was facing the garden of the Kim's. It was a beauty for eyes and the fresh night atmosphere did wonders on me. I pursed my lips out, shaking the soda in one hand as I stare at nothing, trying to guess why the guy wasn't here yet. Accident? Traffic jam? Passed out in the middle of the road? Somehow, I was being more ridiculous than the actual girlfriend.
Wanting someone who's already taken is hard. When Tori and Jungkook came out to be a strong couple, I distanced myself for them. I talked less with Tori, evaded her at hallways, didn't respond to her calls. I thought that this way I would never bump into Jungkook, never be in a situation where he'll figure out my feelings. I believed he was just a simple crush, I'll forget everything within a month. Afterall, we were nothing like each other that much. Either we bickered or we didn't talk at all. And talk, is what we haven't done a lot these past two years.
But within a month, I actually understood that Jeon Jungkook was not that simple. Even if I never speak to him again, the feelings would remain. That now it wasn't just like, but something more.
I loved the man who loved my best friend.
It was true that at one point, I felt jealous of Tori. How she was perfect, and how she made Jungkook feel the same. How she was better than anything I could ever think myself of.
But things changed when one night Tori forced me to go to an all-girls night out. We went to watch a movie, ate ice cream, played billiards, and finally settled down in a lonely children's park downtown.
It was the second time I cried that year. This time the tears didn't come for my feelings, but for how much I hurt my best friend in the process.
Tori bawled like a kid that she was sorry, and that she'd spent more time with me instead of Jungkook. She didn't want to feel distanced by me. She didn't want to lose her best friend.
I understood that night that I was being selfish by avoiding her. It was actually not about meeting Jungkook, though it did play some part, but it was actually about seeing the couple together, being happy.
I wanted to be a better friend, I understood that if I truly loved Jungkook, I would be happy watching them together.
And after a while, I did. And all I could try was to forget.
But the tears came back once again, just after a few months. On this very day, two years before.
When I was looking for Toro because she disappeared in between her birthday party, and I ended up in their topmost floor.
When I heard them giggle, shake their gins and graple each other to the end of the hallway. I looked away, and walked out of the house. I couldn't stand it anymore, and I didn't want to try and explain my tears to Tori's mom. I walked away, and accepted it.
I was sleep deprived and the next day I had a fever. I missed Uni for a week. Mom was worried sick to find me in such a state, Dad was constantly on and off the phone to the doctor. Even Tori came up, promising not to leave my side.
I lied to her when she asked me why I left suddenly on her birthday. As I always did.
Jungkook was Tori's boyfriend, it was expected.
And when next year, I found both Tori and Jungkook missing some time before the party ended, I didn't care. It wasn't my business.
Sometimes it's just not worth it. You don't have to parade around for something if you know that you'll hurt someone at the end. If the person is close to you or not, your enemy or not, they don't deserve it.
I closed my eyes, leaving another sigh. I am one of the top students of the University, and unknowingly Jeon Jungkook plays some part in that success.
Studying till I get eyebags became a daily routine, anything to get him off my mind.
I studied like crazy, all-nighters, part-time TA-ing, lab projects, club hearings, competitions. I did everything I could. It worked, after a while. I forgot, or whatever, tried to force my brain into submission and forget all the shit.
And I can't fix it anymore, I can just hide it.
Suddenly a creak beside me made me open my eyes and turn my head to the side from where the sound came.
And I immediately regret it.
For there was Jeon Jungkook all in his glory. A black jacket over a white tee spelling 'JUNGLE' in big red bold letters, covered his upper body. Brown timberlands and black ripped jeans, he was an utter beauty. He pulled out the chair from beside me, and turning to look at him, sat down on it, a soda in hand.
He bent his hands to rest on his knew, hanging them loosely. "Hey", he said. But I couldn't hear him.
He was too beautiful, so much that I wanted to hide my face to not face him. His black bangs covered his forehead, making him look cute and hot at the same time. He occasionally swiped his tongue over his pink lips, making them look glossy. How was he even human?
I came back to my senses when he snapped a finger right in front of my face. My cheeks heated up a little and I awkwardly faced the garden, hoping that he won't make a big deal out of everything.
"Yeah, um hey."
"What are doing out here?" he asked, but I didn't look at him, I was focusing more on the leaves.
"I felt claustrophobic," I replied, trying to keep it simple and not stammer.
"Oh", he just replied. My eyes betrayed me and averted to his face, where he was making an '0' with his mouth, lightly nodding at my response.
"What oh?" I laughed a little, trying to be nonchalant.
"No, its just that I didn't know", he said.
"Not many does, its good".
"Not even Tori?"
"Why did you arrive so late?" I changed the topic. I didn't want to talk about myself lest I say some secrets that I would regret later.
He understood that I was trying to steer the conversation away from me, but he didn't say anything,"I went to visit my parent's home at Busan, that's why."
I nodded, taking a sip of the soda, "This late?"
He shrugged, not pushing the topic and took another swig of his soda.
"By the way, did you hear about the inter-college competition?"
"What competition?"
"You don't know about it?" his eyebrows jumped up,"It's the competition held by the Golden Child University. It's us against them. And it's for the graduating batch only."
"OK?" I was still trying to figure what the news had to do with me.
"Yeah, so it has like four parts. Art, Music, Debate and Drama. The last competition will take place in our Uni, while for the first three we have to go to Daegu", he continued.
I figured out his intention, "And you need me for Debate?"
"Yep, an offer especially for you," he said, popping the 'p', "I'm going to organize the group. We need two each for the Art, Music, and Debate. Some more for Drama. The Director will announce it tomorrow, tell Tori about it."
"Why not you do it yourself?" I asked, drowning the soda in one go.
"Uh....I'm busy," he awkwardly states, his eyes moving away from mine.
I didn't want to push him, So I let it go, "Okay, I'll check my schedule. All those TA-classes, projects and all." I add at the end to not give the message that I'm rejecting the offer.
He grinned, shook his head and then patted down his bangs, "It's cool, finals are still months later, but I get you. In your little hole of despair, you crave for success."
I smile, heat creeping up my neck, always that same joke, "Can you even blame me?"
"Of course not, I admire that."
I'm sure my neck is burning now, "Go inside, she's been waiting since like forever."
"Yeah," he ducked his head, smile falling a bit.
"Grovel as much as you can," I grin, and then notice his change of expression, "Is something going on?"
"Oh, nothing," He smiled, befpre standing up and nodding, "I'll let you get back to your....fancy brooding session."
I rolled my eyes, "Leave me and my brooding session alone." He grinned again, before turning around.
"Let me know about your decision tomorrow!" he shouted, as his tall muscular disappeared inside the building.
He just came over to give that offer to me, nothing special.
A/N: bruh, I hope I don't edit this again, hope you are enjoying <3