thank you for choosing my book!
your support means the absolute world to me.
lots of love, TJ :)
before you read:
this book is for mature audiences only.
contains drug and alcohol use.
contains mentions of abuse.
lowercase writing is intentional (just like writing that way).
ALSO: YES, this fic starts off a certain way and YOU WILL DISLIKE LOUIS (AND HARRY AT TIMES) but the whole point is their personal growth and i promise they do become better people! :)
enjoy!
"wake the fuck up."
urgh. sunlight.
it's funny how the smell of alcohol last night was intoxicating, yet this morning it adds to the nausea. every time... and he never fucking learns.
"no." louis simply says, bringing the duvet further over his body, hiding his head away. louis just wants to sleep forever. maybe if he sleeps long enough, his dreams will merge into reality and he can do whatever the fuck he wants.
"bro, you're making me late."
the draining of zayn's voice makes louis' brain feel like it's swelling, and now his dehydration is too obvious to ignore. idiot.
"late for what?" he groans, finally opening his eyes, which he regrets instantly. louis squints at the boy. zayn walks over to his bedside table, picking up the multiple empty bottles and throwing them in the bin. he sighs, looking over to his ash tray, which are filled with cigarettes, and he tips that in too. he is fully dressed with his backpack on, hair swept perfectly as he sarcastically grins at louis, teeth wide.
"late for fucking college mate. what else?" shit, school exists. he forgot.
"fuck." louis jumps out of bed, running over to his chest of drawers.
"aw, mate, put it away!" zayn hides his eyes, turning around and groaning.
louis is sort of... naked. what? when he sleeps he wants to be comfortable... and the alcohol makes his clothes feel itchy.
"you're so dramatic." louis huffs, pulling out the first clothes he can find and throwing them on. he walks over to the window, looking out and across the street to the houses opposite. he huffs, because the fit girl he likes to shag sometimes, (lacey, he thinks she's called) has her blinds closed. the sun is out, and he shuts the curtains again because his eyes are still stinging.
"here." zayn takes his bag off and unzips it, taking out his water bottle and handing it to louis. he takes it, taking the largest gulps he can, because god... his throat feels so dry.
"thanks."
"c'mon." zayn grabs him and pulls him out the room, dragging him by the arm.
"zayn, what the fuck? i need a piss."
"should've thought about that before you drank three bottles of whatever that strong shit is." he takes louis downstairs, who shouts goodbye to his mum, not knowing where she is or what she's doing. he doesn't get a call back. zayn pulls him outside, pushing him into the car roughly, pulling the seat belt over and shutting the door.
"i'm not a fucking child."
zayn gets in the drivers seat, shutting the door behind him.
"you're right, children don't find the need to swear in every sentence they say."
"fucking idiot." louis mumbles.
"love you too." zayn smiles sarcastically, pulling out of the drive, on route to a place louis likes to call 'hell-hole.' he opens the glove compartment, everything he needs in there ready. this sort of happens regularly, and as much as louis doesn't give a fuck, zayn says walking around with someone who smells like a wet dog is embarrassing.
louis takes out his toothbrush, cleaning his teeth as quick as he can and then washing it out by gargling some water from a bottle. he spits out of the window, making zayn groan. louis puts the mirror down, staring at the dark circles under his eyes. he plays with his hair until it looks some-what presentable, but it isn't much use. he makes sure to spray on some of zayn's expensive cologne, because he knows how much that annoys him, and it does the best job of hiding the alcohol smell.
as if defying the use of it anyway, louis pulls out a cigarette, fiddling with it in his lips before clicking the lighter. it's mainly empty, and louis has to have it on a certain angle, and attempts to light it multiple times before it actually works. he inhales the grey stench, the odour that reminds him of tar-infested lungs and his future death bed.
fun.
zayn huffs, turning on the radio loudly to the r&b station, putting the volume on max as if he wants to make louis' headache even worse. zayn holds out a hand for louis to give him one.
"they're mine."
"and i drive you to college everyday. hand it over."
louis rolls his eyes, placing a cigarette in zayn's hand as he begins to pull into the college car park. zayn leans over with it between his lips, and louis clicks the lighter a couple times before he lights it. zayn slumps back into his seat, unwinding the window as he takes drags, smoke blowing out of their lips in unison.
louis turns around, keeping the cigarette stuck between his lips as he picks his backpack up from the backseat, climbing back over and opening the car door. he gets out, zayn following him whilst louis takes the cigarette out his mouth, eyes fixated on one of the college girls that always seems to be wherever he is. he discards the fag onto the floor, stepping on to it, the blonde girl still watching as if he's the most interesting thing in the world.
she's alright? i mean, she's nothing special. blonde and skinny, blue eyes and quite tall. louis likes tall, he guesses. but her presence is never exciting. it's always about her, her, her. louis never has time to breathe around her, and she always pushes herself on to him at parties and what-not. she was an alright shag here and there, but louis can't even remember her name. millie? mollie? mia? something like that anyway.
"she's looking at you again."
"i fucking know. her eyes are glued to me, mate." louis says, zayn finishing up his cigarette and throwing it to the ground too.
"why don't you just tell her to fuck off? not being rude or anything, but she's a complete waste of space." zayn and louis start to walk towards the building, however find themselves both looking at her as they do so, which is really fucking obvious. oh well, she probably likes the attention. it doesn't take much for someone with an ego like hers to realise how much she loves a simple gaze.
"last resort, you know?"
"what do you mean?" zayn asks, trudging up the stone steps receiving some looks from people around. his sunglasses are perched on his nose, giving him all the power he'll ever need. if they weren't friends, louis knows he would totally hate him. like think he's a narcissistic dick with rich parents and not a problem in the world.
"she... what's her name? she'll never turn me down... that's just the facts. so... if i'm feeling a little lonely one night i can always call her up, like a last resort if i can't get anyone better." louis shrugs.
"that's kinda sick."
"yes, and i also feel kinda sick, so it would mean the world to me if you stopped digging at me for my life style." louis scrunches his nose, not caring because millie-mollie-mia wouldn't mind being a last resort.
"hey," zayn looks over, "you can live your life however you want to. you know, staying up all night and getting high and whatever the fuck you do. if that's what you want to do then—"
"again zayn, you don't have to mention it." louis opens the door to the corridor, walking down and stopping outside his lecture because he doesn't have the energy to go in yet. "and don't act like you're perfect. mr suck up to his parents and hiding the fact he's a complete idiot in real life."
"what? i don't act perfect!" zayn defends, "i just... it's my mum bro."
louis grabs his cheek, squishing it in a playful manor, "aww, you little mumma's boy. whatever would she do if she found out about that time you got completely wasted and ended up—"
"uh— i thought we wouldn't talk about that." zayn interrupts.
"yeah but it was so funny when—"
"we made an agreement, didn't we?" zayn lifts his eyebrows.
"yes," louis groans, "you don't talk about me nearly dying in a swimming pool, and i don't talk about why you spent a night in jail." louis laughs anyway. they've been over it a million times before.
"great..." zayn checks his watch. "we're very late, so i'll meet you here in two hours. presumably with paint all over this top because this school doesn't provide proper fucking aprons."
louis whines like a toddler, "can't we just skip today?"
"you ask this everyday louis. my answer is no, you should have learned that by now." zayn laughs, louis holding onto his hand like they were in a dramatic film, and weren't going to see each other for years.
"i'll succeed one day." louis could promise on it. zayn isn't a tough shell to crack, and louis thinks his puppy dog eyes are too irresistible to resist.
"probably not. now let go of me and let me get to class."
louis lets go dramatically, faking a sad face.
"you're breaking my heart." he holds on to his chest, bending his knees and closing his eyes.
"lou, you take drama for fucks sake. you could've done better than that."
louis opens his eyes, standing up and giving him a death stare. zayn doesn't say anything, just smirks like he's going to burst into laughter. he slowly edges away from louis, like he's trying to sneak away by tip toeing backwards.
"fucking wanker." louis laughs, and zayn flips him off, running down the corridor and up the steps, supposedly on his way to his art lecture.
their relationship kind of deceives them. the whole 'we can't say one nice thing to each other' is just how their friendship works, flipping each other off and just being rude for the laughs. louis doesn't really like the presence of people, but having zayn around is different. i mean, the boy sort of saved his life, so he can't get rid of him now.
louis groans, exhaling and leaning off the wall. he dreads lectures. he turns, holding the door handle and leaning backwards to open it, his eyes drooping already from boredom. as soon as it opens, all eyes are on him. he realises his professor was in the middle of talking and suddenly stopped at louis' presence. he appreciates the attention, but it really wasn't necessary. everybody has to be so dramatic. he's only thirty minutes late.
"lovely of you to finally join us, louis." louis doesn't even know his name, all he knows is that the man really doesn't like him.
"yeah, yeah, don't fucking tell me." louis rolls his eyes, not looking at him as he turns and trudges up the stairs to get one of the back seats.
"uh—" the professor points at the jar on his desk.
louis huffs, tipping his head back in agitation. he turns around again, some people laughing in the audience as he walks up the desk and throws a pound coin into the swear jar. this man really needs to get off his back: all this swearing is putting a toll on louis' bank account.
"you're welcome," louis picks the lanyard up on his chest, squinting at his name, "mr turner." louis grins sarcastically, dropping the lanyard in his hand, making it fall back onto his chest with a jingle.
"thanks, louis." the professor matches his attitude, before suddenly going serious. "now please find yourself a seat."
louis nods, taking his feet back over to the stairs. he wants to bury his face in the crowd, hoping to survive the rest of this shit show.
"there's a perfectly good seat in the front row, so i don't know why you find the need to sit at the back."
louis twists on his toes, rolling his eyes because this teacher is really annoying. "no, sir. you see, there's just a window near the top row, and i was really hoping i could just fucking jump out of it."
"excuse—"
"don't." louis interrupts, flicking another pound in his direction, who catches it and puts in the jar. sir doesn't say anything else, frankly because louis is too difficult to deal with.
louis walks back to the front row, slumping into a seat. he could really go for a smoke right now.
"carrying on with the lesson." mr turner says loudly again, raising his eyes at louis in ways to threaten. he looks fucking stupid.
"hey louis... late again mate?" louis doesn't even have to turn to realise who's sat in the seat next to him.
"hey niall... looks like it." louis shakes his head, looking over to him. he's sat slumped in his seat too, looking just as bored at louis is. niall is the most outgoing person louis has ever met, and louis finds himself in situations with him, like at a party or in lectures. they find each other somehow.
the professor decides to go on with his boring lecture, pointing his hand up at the meaningless screen. niall didn't seem to care either.
"hangover again?" the irish lad asks.
"you know it." louis sighs, shrugging his shoulders, "how you been, though?" he asks.
but before niall can answer, the lecture door swings open, making everyone's heads turn once again. who in the hell is later than louis?
"sorry, sir."
louis is trying to be indifferent, not being bothered by the boy's voice, because frankly he couldn't care. his voice is slow and deep, sounding like he has something wrong with him or... something. louis couldn't care less. he sounds like a suck up.
"i'm... uh, new here." he speaks. louis hears people around him muttering with one other.
louis decides the see what the fuss is about, looking up. the awkward boy stood at the door must be around 6 foot, his brown hair messy and a little outgrown. it's like he purposely wore a tight t-shirt just to show off his muscles and multiple tattoos. he's never seen someone looking so nervous and confident at the same time... if that's even possible.
"oh, how lovely." mr turner speaks. louis knows he doesn't actually give a fuck. he'll be nice in the first week and then go totally crazy and kick him out for chewing gum or something stupid.
"please... introduce yourself!" he fakes enthusiasm, and louis thinks the new boy knows that anyway, but smiles nonetheless.
yup. suck up.
he nods shortly, walking in and rubbing his hands together. some girls in the audience giggle, and louis feels like giggling too, but not for the same reasons.
once he gets into the middle of the room, he stops shortly, biting his bottom lip, and then continuing to run his thumb over it. louis doesn't know if he is just genuinely nervous, or trying to seduce everyone in the room, but the damned boy wouldn't release his bottom lip from his teeth.
he looks up to the crowd, probably examining everyone to see what he's dealing with. louis can answer him. a whole bunch of idiots that got moved down from higher drama because they are too dumb to actually be good at the subject. or maybe he is just still trying to seduce everyone. he looks pretty capable of it, i mean, even mr turner looks like he is going to swoon.
and then suddenly their eyes meet. louis examines him, eyebrows furrowed because of his eyes... his green eyes. forest green eyes, kind of like the ocean.
louis' throat suddenly feels dry and he doesn't want to look away. maybe it was alcohol. nope, louis is going crazy. he has this problem a lot. doesn't tend to get along with green-eyed species. and by the looks of it, he wasn't going to get along with the seducing suck up, either.
"hello." the boy trails his eyes off louis' and waves to the audience. suck up.
"my name is harry styles and—"
harry.
harry, harry, harry.
get away from the water, harry. wouldn't want to fall in and drown, would you, harry?
"i was supposed to be in the higher group but there wasn't enough room, so..."
"that's alright, harry. you're here with us now aren't you?"
harry. harry with the fucking forest green eyes. louis has never ran out of a class so fast. it's a record, actually.