i opened my eyes, and to my absolute fucking despair, it was another day that i had to live - back to reality. i groaned loudly and leant over to my right where all my shit was. my lighter, a pot of gum, chargers, and some random bottle of water were collectively sprung all over the floor, as usual. i grabbed my phone to unplug it from my charger through the midst of my 'essentials'.
i had two text messages from my brother, and a few snapchat's. the boy i was talking to still had me on delivered from last night, typical. and my friends had just sent me some funny shit.
i got up from my bed and stumbled over to the mirror leant against the wall, treading over the clothes scattered all over my floor. my make up from last night was still clinging onto my face and i sighed in frustration as i knew a breakout was about to ruin my confidence, again.
suddenly i heard my phone buzz, and it was a text from my best mate, M.
⚪️meet me at our spot for a blem in an hour i beg x
i scrambled to reply quickly. the last week had been rough, i had no money, and i desperately needed something to keep me going.
🔵ofc, just woke up but i'll be there soon xx
i dragged myself to my bathroom and turned on the shower. i didn't wash my hair, it was still relatively clean. i did my usual routine, with some shitty playlist blasting, and walked back to my room.
i turned my speaker on in my room and picked out an outfit. i chose my black nike crewneck with a pair of fishnets, a black skirt, some chains and my black AF1's. it was a boring outfit but fuck it. a blem outfit is a blem outfit.
once i'd got changed i sat down at my desk again and quickly got down my skincare routine so I could start my make up. i did my usual straight eyeliner, with some sharp brows and as much mascara as i could manage. i brushed my hair and separated my streaks so they were parted evenly. i sprayed some perfume - grabbed my phone, gum to hide the stench of tobacco, airpods, lighter and finally, my teddy jacket - since it was December.
i walked to meet M first and hugged her tightly when i saw her. life was rough for the both of us and we felt like we didn't see each other enough. we had our typical catch up whilst walking to the spot.
the spot we chose to smoke was comforting, in the strangest way possible. it was at the park in the biggest housing estate in our town, that none of us lived in. it had a rounded metallic bench with some cheap shelter over the top. it was probably built so kids who played could get some rest, but fuck them, it was our spot.
we sat down and M pulled out the blem.
'wanna light it? heard you got a new clipper from that spicy sixth former, your so called 'dealer'
'shut the fuck up, and yeah, pass me it. he isn't fit in the slightest, he just gets me the shit I need'
M giggled as the spark appeared, and i took my first hit.
it was magical. the pain all fizzled away. i felt my thoughts float away like the smoke leaving my lungs. i crossed my legs and tapped my leg against the floor.
'pass it you dick, i've got some news for you'
'and what could that be?' i questioned, re applying my carmex as I passed the blem over.
'this six former called Judd allegedly has a thing for you, Stass.'
'you haven't called me Stass in ages, and thanks for telling me. i've deadass never seen him in real life, i have no clue what he looks like, and apparently he doesn't have any legitimate social media.'
'he's a weirdo, yeah, but ain't that the shit you like? you've been through enough cunts who just care about liking other bitches posts on instagram. why don't you give him a chance?'
'i don't know. i've got a lot going on at the moment. things are even more fucked up in my house than usual'
'well, that's the one thing we both know best. the only reason I could even afford this stupid blem is by stealing money from my dad again. is it bad that I don't feel bad?'
'it doesn't matter. i've stolen enough money to know what you feel like. it literally doesn't matter.'
M smiled, and we both took drags until I stubbed it onto the floor.