August 31st, 1995
Thursday - Southwest Miami High
"But that's what I'm trying to figure out, it's a very curious matter and deserves to properly be discussed. Nobody I've spoken to about it can give me valid reasons and opinions that make sense, the other half just gets all emotional—I just wanna know why infidelity is so popular in literature and movies—particularly movies. That new movie that's coming out in two months, 'To Die For', everybody says it's gonna be good and they're super excited to see it but why?"
Miles tossed his head back and sighed for the last time. Danny buried his face into his hands, Lauren carried on watching the cheerleaders practice their routines for fun (out of uniform) from high up in the bleachers. Julian was the only person interested in having this conversation with Marilyn.
"Right. The actress is hot, isn't she?" he asked, leaning forward.
"I guess so—"
"Us lads, that's all we give a shit about, or at least that's how it is for me. And the girls are hot for Joaquin Phoenix, they're gonna see the film just for him. Look at it this way, darling, people are interested in the plot of the film, yes, but not so much if the leads aren't attractive favourites of theirs. Unless you're a movie buff, people are very fucking shallow with plots and no one actually cares just as long as they're turned on."
"Well I disagree. I don't think that's true at all. I think people do care very much about the plot, and having an attractive cast is a bonus. I also think that when cheating is involved and the cheaters happen to be married, that draws in a very large crowd because it's quote-on-quote sexy and interesting to watch. And there are many unhappy married people who wish they can do the same and choose to fantasise about it with these films - like a guilty pleasure. Being unfaithful is an obsession and people like watching the act being done because it is pleasurable although they can't say the same when they're the ones getting cheated on. It's fucking weird. I'm only saying what everyone else is afraid to," Marilyn so passionately stated.
"Okay that may be true," said Danny. "Shane brought over this tape he stole from his dad's study and put it on during band practice. It was this hot redheaded broad fucking her husband's best friend in the same bed while he was sleeping. I thought that was hot. Almost even stole it for myself."
Lauren tuned in to that part and crinkled her nose in disgust. Danny was an actual pig she was so sick of hearing talk sometimes. But she didn't comment on it, she pretended to still be zoned out and went back to Karla getting tossed in the air to strike a Liberty pose.
"Dude, please tell me he still has that tape. I'd love to see that," Miles pleaded. "Playboy only gets me so far."
"But if either of you were the husband sleeping in that bed, you'd be crying your eyes out. You see?" Marilyn thrust out her hand and shook her head. "Why contradict yourselves like that?"
"Oh, I don't even wanna think about that," Danny glanced at Lauren, starting to feel sick.
"Marilyn, you're gonna sit here and tell us you don't enjoy plots revolving around infidelity?" Julian inquired, munching on the stack of pringles he shoved into his mouth. "You liked watching 'Age of Innocence' and 'Dangerous Liaisons', those have to do with cheating. You root it on for the thrill. And you know you love to be the other woman some prick is getting off to while his lady is somewhere wondering why he hasn't called her back yet because it boosts your self esteem."
Marilyn swept back her teased hair and leaned against the row behind her, arms propped on the seat as she soaked up the sun beating down on all of them. She closed her eyes and said, "I just wanna know the science behind it and how those saints who aren't the slightest bit amused by cheating altogether come to be so lucky. But despite how I feel about it, I'd never do that to anyone, let me clarify."
"Enough said. I don't wanna talk about this any longer," Danny striked the air.
"Can I ask what we're still doing at school? I thought we collectively agreed to ditch at lunch time," said Julian.
"Guyyyys, what are we gonna do today?" Miles groaned. "I wanna go to the store, pick up some ice cream and chill at the park."
"We can always go to the Nasty Cherry Pit and catch some live music," Marilyn suggested.
"Yeah but that's later, I'm talking about now," said Miles.
"The arcade is open. How about it?" said Julian.
"Nah, man, let's just chill in my basement and play Mario Kart on the Super Nintendo," said Danny. Miles and Marilyn sucked their teeths.
"That's too boring. I wanna be outside," Marilyn complained.
"It's just until school is over, relax!" Danny scolded. "Lauren, what do you wanna do?"
Said girl's lips twisted to the side in distaste as she watched Karla run away from Eli with a football in her hands, squealing and glancing over her shoulder until he caught her, lifted her up and spun her around. August caught the football Eli tossed back to him so the jocks could continue their game and walked back to his position in line while staring in the direction Lauren was sitting; she figured everything he had been doing was just to get Marilyn's attention, and that had been the case for days now. But nevermind August, Lauren concerned herself with Eli and Karla again only to wish she hadn't because the quarterback had his lips locked onto hers and his wandering hands all over her back. Karla stood on her toes, manicured hands sliding up the sides of his neck until her arms snaked around it, urging him closer.
Witnessing what they all of a sudden started doing after Monday had her by the throat and constricted her lungs of doing its job. She could feel her stomach flopping around like a fish out of water, her chest contracting and something burning in her limbs that induced both nausea and anger. Lauren grinded her teeth and grimaced at both the new couple and herself for feeling everything but neutral or happy about it.
"Either you're stoned and in another world or you're just deliberately ignoring us, 'cos we've been trying to get your attention for the last two minutes and it ain't working," Marilyn giggled, gently shaking her sister's shoulder as she craned her head around to look at her.
Lauren blinked until she could function correctly again, and she tuned back into what the group was talking about. "Sorry. Yeah, I'm just stoned," she shrugged. She wasn't even high.
"Babe, tell us what you feel like doing until school is over. We're breaking out of here but no one can decide on what to do—it's either the Super Nintendo at my place, the arcade or eating some ice cream at the park," Danny moved down a row to sit next to Lauren and put his arm around her.
"I'm not going with you guys," she said dryly.
"What do you mean you're not coming?" he asked like that was the most ridiculous thing to ever come out her mouth.
"I mean I'm not coming. I'm staying."
"Why? No, dude, don't do that. Come on," Miles protested.
"Are you sure?" asked Marilyn, actually considering doing that herself for reasons having nothing to do with Lauren and everything to do with the blonde haired Wide Receiver she's been quietly dreaming about since sophomore year. Only now has he taken an actual interest in her, but they still had yet to converse again and it tortured her.
"I'm sure. Seriously, you guys go ahead."
"Laur," Julian scoffed in disbelief, "what are you gonna do for the rest of the school day?"
She held out her palm and shot him a funny look. "I don't know, work? I wish I can afford to not care about my grades but my parents are up my ass about not flunking any of my classes, so I'm not always gonna ditch school with y'all."
"Fair enough," Miles shrugged and got up with his backpack, wrapping up his sandwich and shoving it into the pouch for later.
"Aw man, that sucks!" Danny whined.
"I think I'm gonna stay back, too. She's right, you guys should go. We'll meet up later?" Marilyn remained seated next to Lauren as the boys got up.
Julian sucked his teeth. "Oh not you, too."
"It's not a big deal. If they wanna stay, let 'em stay. Been a while since we hung out without a girl around," Miles skipped down the bleachers. "I call shotgun!"
"Fine, we'll catch you girls later, yeah?" Julian pointed at them both before following Miles.
"See ya," the twins replied and he smiled at the synchronicity.
"I wish this wasn't the case. I'll miss you," Danny bent over to bump noses with Lauren and peck her lips.
"You'll be fine, babe. I will be, too," Lauren assured him. "Now go."
Danny kissed her once more then reluctantly took off down the bleachers. Lauren could sense Marilyn's eyes drilling into the side of her face, so she turned to meet a mirroring pool of green and they ended up laughing together after a short moment of silence.
"Gosh, could you be any more annoyed with him? It's so obvious," she commented.
"It is??"
"Yeah! But not to Danny, almost nothing is obvious to him and he's not the best at taking a hint, the poor guy."
"I just need my space. Feel like I can't even breathe," she grumbled while playing with the zipper of her leather jacket, her focus returning to Karla chatting animatedly with Carlie and Normani.
"So you're not actually gonna work, are you? You only said that to ward him off?"
"No, I meant what I said. Mom and dad will kill us if our report cards are less than exceptional."
"So then I'm gonna follow you and copy off of you for History and make you do my math homework. I want the same grade as you and there's no way that's happening 'cause I'm academically challenged and can't do it alone. Wish you could rub some of that genius onto me."
"You're smart, Marilyn. Your only problem is your drive, it lies elsewhere," Lauren ripped open a pack of gushers and shoved the blue one into her mouth first. Marilyn snatched the packet and dug two fingers inside to fish out three pieces of the gummy candy, smirking at Lauren. "Nice. Real nice."
"You don't think I can juggle my social life with my school work? I can."
"So why haven't you?"
"Because I don't feel like it. I'll put in more effort next marking period, just not this one. But still, no matter how much effort I put in I'm still not as smart as you are and my grades will show for it. To tell you the truth, Laur, I'd gladly trade my coolness for your genius. You have it easy."
Amused by such statement that couldn't be any more false, "I do not have it easy, quit making me laugh."
"No, I'm serious! You're amazing at softball, you don't struggle in any of your classes except for boredom and having a smart mouth—you have so many options all laid out for you, you can do anything you want with your life, even get a scholarship to play for a team. Make a living and make Mom and Dad proud. But me?" Marilyn's lips pushed into a frown as she deeply sighed through her nose, her faraway gaze seeing her future. "I'm gonna be that one family member who gets by with her looks and marries rich. Not so feminist of me after all, huh?"
"You're in control. If that's what you say is gonna happen, it'll happen. I believe in something way better than that for you, Mare. Honest," Lauren ate the last gusher then handed her the pouch, tricking her into thinking there was any left. She laughed hysterically when Marilyn threw it back at her and punched her arm.
"Thanks a lot, dirtbag—"
"Excuse me?" a manly voice alerted them. The twins turned their heads, shocked to see August Love standing before them; they hadn't heard him coming up the bleachers. He glanced over his shoulder then back at Marilyn. "Hi."
"Can we help you?" Marilyn squinted.
"As a matter of fact, you can. I was wondering if you wanted to—"
"No."
He scoffed and darted his eyes around the vast blue sky, scrunching his eyebrows together. "I didn't even get to finish my sentence."
"Don't care. Whatever it is that you were wondering, I don't wanna do it and I'm not interested."
"Okay. And why not?"
"I guess I'm a little confused as to what somebody like you could want from somebody like me. Can't be anything good, right?"
August sat down next to Marilyn who scooted closer to Lauren. He took no offense to it and continued talking to the girl with politeness and a gentle voice. "I'm afraid you're wrong. I think me wanting a little of your time to talk and get to know you isn't so bad at all. I know you noticed me watching you, so me finally having the courage to come up and talk to you shouldn't be surprising."
"You having the balls to do so in front of your friends is what surprises me. Don't you care about what they're gonna say when you get back down there, hot shot?" Marilyn grinned.
She liked seeing his dimples and cheeks turn as pink as his lips, she thought he was even cuter up close. And he liked listening to the sound of her voice—soothing, naturally sensual, airy and high. In fact, it swayed him. She could say the meanest thing and he wouldn't hear a thing except for the way it sounded. August chuckled like an idiot and looked at his beat up sneakers. Lauren watched the two with a strong sense that she shouldn't be there but wanted to see this through, so she stuck around.
"No. I don't. They'll tease but it doesn't make any difference; ultimately I do what I want, always have. And what I want is to know if you'd go out with me sometime."
"Like...on a date?"
"Yeah, on a date."
"Can I be excused?" Lauren decided that was enough eavesdropping.
"Uh-huh, I'll catch up with you," Marilyn dismissed, not even looking at her.
*
Things were very weird. Of course life was weird itself as were everything else in this peculiar world no one asked to be born in, it wasn't anything out of the ordinary or something to dwell on, but no, things were weird. Simply breathing, walking, eating and socialising was weird on a whole 'nother level for Lauren. Like she woke up and didn't know how to be a person anymore or base her day around pretty much anything that wasn't a single person. She became sick with wanting and thoughts that made her simultaneously blush at the dinner table and want to throw up her food. She even started dressing prettier and didn't leave the house without lipstick - like Marilyn had started doing sophomore year; she gave a shit about her looks now.
Albeit the grunge/"I hate my life and everything and everyone" vibe stayed, duh. That wasn't gonna change. But she still wanted to tweak her looks a little to suit someone else.
From dusk to dawn it was jittery limbs, eyes that wandered and only focused when Karla passed her by in the halls without acknowledgment; a heart reminding Lauren of an anxious drummer whenever Karla finally noticed her and went out of her way to stare back; silently praying she could stop replaying that moment they shared in the media centre three days ago. Karla definitely gave Lauren a bit of a vibe - she made her believe she was at least curious and open to experimenting with the opposite sex. She's heard women of different age groups revealing they, too, had a "phase" where they kissed or dated a girl for a few days. When putting it that way, Lauren didn't feel so bad for having desire for the cheerleader albeit she did feel worse when the possibility that this was a mere experiment entered her mind.
She didn't want it to be. She didn't feel that it was all right to want more than a phase, therefore deciding she'd reject it if they ever arrived to that bridge together. And Lauren couldn't stand the way Karla hasn't spoken a word to her since Monday. She could've passed a note, found Lauren behind the staircase known as a blind spot in school, or even called her up like she said she would... But she didn't and the softball player began to assume she must've done something predatory to drive a wedge between them without even realising it.
Then Karla erased all of the overthinking entirely when she showed up to Lauren's front door, arrestingly self-assured and elated to have gotten the address right. Lauren was rooted in place with failed words sitting at the tip of her tongue and had the string that tethered her to reality severed. There this girl was, anxiously swaying at Lauren's doorstep; waterfalls of loose wavy brown hair sweeping through the passing breeze, the hem of her light grey Argyle sweater tucked loosely into the golden yellow skirt matching her headband, looking as adorable as she sounded rambling. Lauren didn't know what to do with herself but remembering how to breathe should be an interesting start.
It hadn't dawned on her that her face didn't match what she thought of the cheerleader keeping her word and showing up, because Karla's outward appearance deteriorated. Lauren saw the shallow swallow and quickly fixed the scowl stuck on her face. Still unable to locate her words yet, Lauren simply stepped aside and welcomed the girl into her home she would soon inform her of being ridden of family members that hadn't come home yet. Mike was working, Clara was out grocery shopping, Chris went to his friend's house just down the street, Marilyn vaguely explained that she was gonna hang around after school and that Lauren should take the bus alone.
Finally, when Lauren came back to herself she asked Karla if she wanted an iced tea or soda to which the cheerleader requested any kind of soda if it wasn't a hassle to grab. She wasn't shy to ask for a snack either or keep her looking for one—anything to keep the green eyed girl away from her long enough for her to regain her composure and calm the nerves of being alone together. Karla studied the family picture frames hung up on the walls of the hallway by the stairs and smiled fondly when settling on some photo of a toothless Lauren in a shitty haircut. She swore she had the same picture but of herself at home.
Lauren caught the cheerleader off guard by chucking the can of soda at her, forcing her to scramble to catch it. Then an oatmeal pie came flying at her face, then a pack of gushers.
"Maybe if you weren't so distracted by stuff that you have no business being distracted by, you'd have been better prepared," she teased, brushing past her to get to the narrow stairs. "Come on, Cabello."
In order to achieve total privacy—a concept thankfully believed in in this household—Lauren locked the door shut and motioned for Karla to sit on her bed decked out in red covers and pillows Lauren neglected to make. She dropped her bag of cool ranch Doritos onto the ground and plopped down beside it, sifting through her hundreds of vinyls stored in milk crates sandwiched between a stand for her record player and her shelves stacked with folded clothes. Karla glanced around at all the band posters taped to red walls, Rolling Stone magazines, books and junk scattered across the floor, random sketches sitting atop her empty backpack and decided Lauren's room was a lot cooler than hers. It had character, that's for sure.
"Is it really okay that I came here?" she blurted out. "Did you have something else you were gonna do or..." she trailed off, assuming Lauren would quickly rid of her worst fears rather than confirming them. No response. Karla picked at the lint on her skirt. "I know I haven't said a word to you these last few days and that's my bad. I probably made you think I didn't wanna be around you. If I did, you know, I'm sorry. Or maybe I'm overthinking it and I'm talking too much when all you're trying to do is concentrate. If it's any—"
"Don't fret, Cabello, it's all good. You're good. You can stop worrying," said Lauren, accompanied by a hearty chuckle. She chanced a glance over her shoulder then quickly looked away as Karla started to smile.
"Okay good. One less thing to worry about. It's been a tough week for me, I was hoping coming here would help me relax despite listening to music that's...not so relaxing."
"I can help you relax."
"You can? How?" Karla leaned back, hands behind her and legs now crossed, her head tilted into her shoulder.
Lauren pulled out three different records, set them down gently, then rose to her feet to rummage through her computer desk drawer by the window. Half a minute later, Lauren joined the petite brunette on her bed and held out a rolled joint and a lighter in the palm of her hand. Karla jerked upright with widened eyes—a stark difference compared to the aloof expression on Lauren's face.
She softly spoke her request, "Smoke with me? Just a little."
"Are you crazy? I've never done that before. And it smells. Then I'll smell and my parents will notice and...and...and what if I overdose? Become addicted and lose my sense of morality—"
"Okay, this is exactly why I'm suggesting you take a hit, you are wayyy too uptight. Not to mention you don't have your facts right," Lauren stuck the white rolled paper between her lips. "You can't overdose on weed or get addicted to it unless you use it for the wrong reasons. It's not the same as being addicted to the hard stuff though, so I wouldn't worry."
"You're gonna smoke that now?" asked Karla, admiring her deep red lips.
"Not unless you don't want me to. Do you not want me to?" Lauren removed the joint from her lips and carefully licked them once she noticed Karla had been focused on them.
"Do you need to relax?" Karla's eyebrows raised.
"Kinda. You make me nervous."
"I make you nervous?? How?"
"None of your business how, you just make me nervous."
"Well you make me nervous, too."
Stunned, Lauren took a moment to process her confession. "How come I make you nervous?"
Karla slowly shook her head, her eyes crinkling at the corners. "Nuh-uh, Jauregui. You have to play it fair with me, it can't just be you having your way. No answer for me, no answer for you."
"Mm," Lauren purposely knocked into her shoulder, her head lowered to hide her blush in response to Karla's voice drop. She leaned over and murmured, "Nevermind then, huh?" then got up to return to her vinyls, flustering Karla the same way. Lauren ditched her joint and introduced a new topic, "So you and Eli...that's happening."
"Yeah..." Karla got up and sauntered to the milk crates. She dropped down next to Lauren, sitting on her ankles as she leaned forward to check out one of the records. "He's sweet."
"And what else?"
"He can be funny. Charming. A good kisser, thank God. Apparently I make him nervous, too. Now that I think of it, that's what everybody tells me. Should I be insulted or something?"
"Please. It's because you're beautiful, nobody ever knows what to do around beautiful people except make a fool of themselves," Lauren spoke her mind, forgetting that held consequences. She froze and stared widely at the black vinyl in her hands.
"Explains why I act the way I do when I'm around you," Karla boldly stated with ease. She acted like it wasn't a big deal to say. Lauren didn't have time to react, Karla reached over her lap to pick up a record she didn't care for and bullshitted the whole thing, "I know this album. I didn't listen to it but the guy at the music store said Bad Religion made some good stuff. Told me I should give it a shot but I passed. What do you think?"
Silence.
"Jauregui?" Karla shifted her gaze. Lauren's chest rose and fell at a concerning pace, she seemed distracted and terrified. "Is everything all right? Did I say something wrong?"
Still no reply. Lauren blinked and disregarded everything Karla had said. She readied Rancid on the record player and got up to fetch some pillows. "Let's just listen to some music."
...
'black coat, white shoes, black hair, Cadillac, yeah the boys a time bomb. black coat, white shoes, black hair, Cadillac, yeah the boys a time bomb.'
"Wow—"
"Ya see? You didn't know punk could sound like this, huh?"
Quite pleased with herself, Lauren lied back down on the pillow on the floor and crunched on her last Dorito. Karla's eyes shone as she bobbed her head to the sound of a particular song on the album she hasn't anticipated. She looked at Lauren, mouth gaped and Lauren bounced her eyebrows.
"It sounds Jamaican. They're using those pianos or organ—whatever it is. I'm not angry, I'm very happy," Karla exclaimed. "I can get with this, oh yeah."
"See what happens when you judge too quickly?"
"Are there any more songs like this by them?"
"By Rancid? Of course! I'll write it down for you."
"Sweet," Karla lied back down next to Lauren and pouted because she was getting up to change records.
She rest her head on her sprawled arm and took advantage of the opportunity to enjoy the view. Lauren removed her flannel twenty minutes ago and showed some skin with her cropped spaghetti strapped blouse. Her silk hair was a disheveled mess but shined with volume, Karla absentmindedly started playing the its tips. When Lauren's profile showed, a tiny gasp emitted from the cheerleader; it shouldn't be legal to possess what could stop traffic or God himself in the middle of sculpting his newest creation, making him feel underwhelmed with it. Karla stopped her drooling upon spotting a lonely eyelash stuck to Lauren's cheek.
"Here," she rose up and brushed her thumb over Lauren's cheek, causing the other girl to flinch and lose her breath. Karla tried her when she placed her hand over Lauren's hand, passing it off as something she wasn't aware she did, and shifted closer for a "better" look at whether or not she removed the eyelash. "You had this on your cheek," her voice hushed.
"What? Oh," Lauren glanced at the curled lash, not giving two shits about it. There she went again, panicking. "Thanks," she barely got out.
"No problem," Karla cooed. She glided her fingertips against Lauren's hand as she lowered herself back down. "Hurry up and play something. I already trust that whatever it is, it's great."
"Right," Lauren excessively blinked, her forehead creased. She put the needle over a Joan Jett record then lied down next to Karla again. Lauren huffed as she stared at the ceiling while Karla concentrated on their distant hands and how she was gonna finesse her way into holding it again. "So..."
[Crimson and Clover by Joan Jett begins to play]
A soft raspy voice and a guitar registered at high volume.
'Ah...now I don't hardly know her, but I think I could love her. Crimson and clover...'
"Mmm," Karla hummed, delighted. "Wait, this is a woman??"
"Yeah," Lauren side eyed her. "Don't you know Joan Jett?"
"Of course I do. I just never heard this song before. And it's about a girl.."
"Uh-huh. So?"
"It's weird. They let her do that. I mean, not weird like disgusting but weird that she wanted to and was allowed to cover this song, I know it's not the original."
"Do you...do you like it?"
'Ah, when she comes walkin' over. Now I've been waiting to show her...crimson and clover...over and over.'
Karla's eyes danced around the room as she started to nod. "Yeah. I love it," she searched for a reaction that'd indicate Lauren put this on because she had something she wanted to say. She had the feeling. Unluckily for her, Lauren displayed no emotion. "Can I ask you something?"
"You kinda just did."
"Shut up. No, really. Is it ok?"
"Go ahead."
"Who was Molly Turner and what actually happened between you two?"
Lauren shut her eyes and sighed. "I don't want to talk about Molly and I certainly don't trust you to start sharing personal information that can be used against m—"
"There you go again, assuming the worst of me. Who do you think I am?" Karla grunted.
"Do you blame me? I can't trust anyone, I'm not stupid. Quit taking it personally."
"Fine," Karla mumbled. "But sooner or later you're gonna have to try."
"Well don't hold your breath for now."
"Whatever."
"Can I ask you something?" Lauren turned her cheek. Karla threw up her hand impatiently. "How do you feel about live music?"
A brief pause before, "I'm fond of it. Why?"
'Yeah. My, my, such a sweet thing. I wanna do everything. What a beautiful feeling. Crimson and clover. Over and over.'
"Do you wanna come with me next week to see this band I think you'd really like? They're these new guys called 'The Subways', from Wynwood. It's gonna be just me, my sister and the guys I'm always with. Should be a good time," Lauren played with her fingers. "You don't have to say yes or whatever. I won't mind—"
"I'd love to go! I've never been to a live show before," Karla found this the perfect time to hold Lauren's hand. Lauren questioned it but didn't pull away. She just stared back at her. "You sure it'll be fine for me to go? Would they be cool with it, I mean..."
"I'll talk to them, they should be. I'll make sure Marilyn doesn't give you a hard time—and she shouldn't, she's out with August Love right now, so she has no room to talk."
"August? Seriously?"
"Shocked me, too. Given that he's part of your clique and all. At least he can be bold."
"Hey...I can be bold, too," Karla propped herself up on one elbow, offended by what Lauren was implying.
"Sure you can. The colour of your skirt backs up that statement but that's about as far as it goes," Lauren chuckled.
"I'm not kidding, I can be bold! You wanna see?"
"Please don't do something stupid."
"What constitutes as something stupid?"
"Plenty things that involve hurting yourself."
"Okay then. I won't hurt myself," she shrugged. You'll do it for me, she thought. Karla's chocolate eyes flickered to Lauren's lips like it routinely did, only this time her impulses kicked in full throttle and she was leaning down slowly.
'Crimson and clover, over and over. Crimson and clover, over and over. Crimson and clover, over and over.'
"Cabello?" Lauren tensed up.
"Yeah?" the cheerleader whispered, few inches away from closing the distance.
"Are we friends?"
That stopped her. Karla abandoned her attempt to act on her desires and sat back. She brushed her fingers through her hair and cleared her throat, reconnecting with common sense. "Sure we are. Or at least I'd say we are. We're hanging out, right?"
"And you won't do anything to fuck that up, right? I can be comfortable being friends with you?" Lauren lifted herself off the floor, holding all her weight in the palms of her hands stretched out behind her.
Karla squinted. She scoffed in disbelief, her mouth hanging ajar. "What are you assuming this time, Jauregui?"
"Nothing, I'm—"
"Can you even handle being my friend without making me feel terrible for the things I haven't done nor have the intention of doing or is that, like...too hard for you?"
"Nevermind," Lauren muttered.
"Don't you nevermind me. I'm serious."
"Just forget it!" the older girl snapped. She got up and decided she'd have that joint after all. Once retrieved, the window flew open and Lauren sat on the sill, lighting the end of her joint. Karla debated on leaving or sticking around and wasting time. "Look, I don't assume the worst of you I fear it. And it's not fair to get all defensive and mad at me when I question what your motives are or ask you if you mean it when you say that we're friends. If you're pretending to be, let me know. If you're trying to get me to do something so you can tell the other girls and make a repeat of Junior year, let me know."
"I'm sorry," Karla's gaze fell and her shoulders hung in resignation. "Maybe I just can't handle you thinking anything bad about me? I don't know. I hate anyone thinking bad about me but it's worse when you do it."
"You care about what I think? Me of all people?" Lauren tittered, the smoke coming out of her mouth. When comparing their social status, it came across as peculiar or strange for Karla to give a rat's ass about something like that.
"Of course you of all people, look at you," Karla thrust out her arm.
"Exactly! Look at me!"
"You're saying that what you think doesn't matter all because...what exactly? I'm deemed acceptable and perfect meanwhile you're deemed a lost cause embedded in poor decisions and questionable vices?" Karla took a really good shot and succeeded because Lauren kept silent. "Because I'm somehow 'above' you? If so, Jauregui, that is ridiculous. Can't we just agree to not judge each other and assume only the best?"
Lauren sighed, taking another hit with a distant gaze aimed outside her window.
Karla rolled her eyes and got up off the floor to accompany her, leaning against the window frame with pleading eyes. She tapped Lauren's shoulder. "Hey," she addressed softly, hurt ringing through.
"What?"
"Don't ignore me when I'm talking to you. Will you look at me and take me seriously? Please?"
Lauren complied and raised an eyebrow, exhaling strongly through her nose. Once again with the hostility. Karla smiled anyway and inched closer.
"I have absolutely no intentions on doing whatever Molly Turner did to you or to play some sick prank on you that was orchestrated by my friends. Nothing you say to me will be weaponised against you, I promise. And whatever we do on our own time..." Karla shifted her weight and slowly travelled her gaze up Lauren's body to meet her darling emerald eyes, "well, that's our business. Not Normani's, not Carlie's and definitely not Eli's. You're just gonna have to trust me, okay?"
"Okay," Lauren caved. She ashed her joint and took one last quick drag, revealing her teeth as she sucked back in the smoke that had escaped. She put it out then warned, "But if you fuck with me, Cabello—"
"I'm sooo gonna rub it in your face once you finally realise that I won't," Karla giggled. Lauren softened from its affect; these butterflies in her stomach needed to be caged or murdered.
The front door slamming downstairs and the sound of brown and plastic bags being dropped and hauled into the home alerted both girls, drawing them away from each other and to the center of the room. Lauren muttered some curse words as she scrambled for a bottle of Febreze, trying her hardest to mask the earthy stench of marijuana. Karla anxiously fixed her appearance and awkwardly moved her hands around, not quite knowing what to do with them now. Parents triggered unsettling sensations within her, as she feared messing up and making a bad first impression. If Lauren's parents were anything like Marilyn, Karla was considering jumping out the window rather than meeting them.
"Uhh—"
"Lauren, I'm home! Come help me put away these groceries, my back hurts and—who left these dirty dishes in the sink?!!" Clara yelled.
"Chillax, Cabello, she always comes home in a bad mood but she's cool. Once she knows I have company she'll turn into Ronald McDonald," Lauren eased her when sensing Karla's panic. She stepped in front of her and pulled her close for a hug, tightly wrapping her arms around Karla's petite frame. "Smell me. Do I smell like weed?"
"Oh—I—" Karla furrowed, confused, as she thought Lauren's mom knew she was a stoner and didn't care. Taken by surprise with a sudden embrace, Karla reciprocated a bit late then sunk into the warmth that was Lauren. She held on and buried her face into her hair, moaning with delight. "You smell wonderful."
"Okay but do I smell like weed?"
"No. Can I ask what you're wearing though?" she wanted to smell just like her.
"Something wonderful apparently," Lauren smirked and pulled away. She unlocked and opened the door. "Come meet my mom really quick and then we'll come back upstairs to finish—"
"Actually, I think I should get going. I have to, like, study for calculus or something. My grades already aren't looking too promising," Karla rubbed the side of her neck.
"I can tutor you if you ever need me to. I'm really good at that stuff, it's no big deal," Lauren passed off with a shrug albeit she was excited to have another excuse to spend more time with Karla.
The younger girl was as well. She got stuck on making a schedule in her head for every day, then fantasised about Lauren teaching her things at close proximity or them ending up forgetting about tutoring to do other things—her daydreaming carried her away so easily, she hadn't realised she hasn't responded to Lauren's offer. But it was too late.
"Lauren Michelle—"
"I'm coming, woman, Jesus Christ!" Lauren shouted as she leaned out the doorway. She sighed then said, "Just putting that out there. Go get your things and just introduce yourself on the way out, she'll love you. I'll be downstairs."
"Okay," Karla blushed.
"And Cabello?" Lauren halted, looking over her shoulder with a hand gripping the wooden railing to the stairs. "What exactly were you trying to do to me a few minutes ago before I pissed you off?"
Whoops. Karla wasn't expecting that to be addressed. She wasn't all that sure what that was all about though she did feel pretty stupid for thinking it was wise to go there. Lauren didn't come off as disgusted or mad with her, which should have made being honest with her easier. It didn't. And to cover up her shame and erase any suspicions, perhaps a little distance after today would be a lot better than following her heart's desires to get closer. Lauren was too closed off to continue testing any waters.
"Not whatever you were assuming. Nevermind that, Jauregui, let me grab my stuff. I'll be out of your hair," Karla nonchalantly said.
Lauren skeptically stared a bit longer when she turned her back to fetch her bookbag and Karla pretended not to feel it. The sound of bustling footsteps disappearing down the stairs was her cue to release the breath she was holding and curse herself for how reckless she was being. Stuff like this never ends well, does it?
***