Never told you

Time flies

//7 years later//

"Yes mom, I'll be on time, don't worry," I said on the call.

"Come fast, they have already arrived," she replied on the call.

"Ok mom! Bye!", I hanged up.

I don't know why my parents keep irritating me. I am the CEO of a multinational software company and they should understand it that I don't have enough time. Still they keep bothering me for nothing. Today, they want me to meet a guy for my wedding. I told them a million times that I am happy single but do you think they'll ever understand? I have managed my meetings just to meet my fiance. That's ridiculous!

"Come on Shi Jin, let's go!", I tapped the steering wheel of my car.

If you are thinking who I am calling Shi Jin then let me tell you, it's the name of my car. Yes, you heard correct. I named my car Shi Jin because of two reasons. First, so that I can 'park' it, and second because....I miss him. I don't know how to explain how I spent these 7 years without him. No calls, no messages, nothing. All I have with me is his picture. Sometimes we never realise the value of a moment till it becomes a memory.

Seoul, that used to be so unusually sparkling was another new world to me. I met Shi Jin when he was clammy with sweat. A somewhat strange kid. BFF'S on one day, enemies on another. We were each others mystery. Is that why it's even more special? I remember our uniforms, out memories are movie. That cookie incident is a comedy movie, yeah!

But without Shi Jin, my life is like an ocean where daylight never touched. My lost feet stuck in the mundane. Every noise, every sound becomes filled with pain. Every moment seems like forever.

The life that lives without doing anything is the same as slow death. The moment I am flying high, as I wished, my shadow grows in the blasting stark light.

My inner evil always asks me, "Try smiling, what are you hesitating for? Wasn't this kind of thing you were hoping for? Or cry instead, what are you scared of? Wasn't this kind of thing you'd been wanting? The life you hoped for, the life you wanted, you achieved everything without regrets. And on top of that, you have a big house, big cars and big rings. All the things you wanted, you've got it all. So what's the problem? Just enjoy it. Or just let it go, no? Then run or stop. Don't whine, just choose one or the other. You're saying I never told you? You're asking me if I really didn't know?"

Someone please tell the devil how I spent these 7 years. I wondered everyday how far I'd go. I came to many senses and I find myself here. The shadow at my feet have grown bigger. I run but the shadow follows, as bright as the lights intense. I am afraid, flying high is terrifying. No one told me how lonely it is up high here. I can leap in the air but also plunge. People say, there is a splendor in that bright light. But my growing shadow swallows me like a monster.

I pray, hoping to be okay. All that time, I had it tough. While looking up at those stars in the sky, too far out of reach. People didn't believed in galaxies. But I saw it, a silver galaxy. It must have hurt, it must have been so difficult. But when I looked closely, in that dark endless road, I was the light.

"Your sky and mine, has become all smoke, like a dream. Your sky and mine, is spread in parts, like breaths. Whenever you go, you'll find me only. These shadows of mine are comprised in you. And we shall meet again in the world of stars," I said with Shi Jin's photo in my hands.

"Since you have met, it has so happened, as if some unheard wish is fulfilled. As you left, you took with you, every reason for me to live. I am sacrificed on you, I am made of you, from you only I have believed in myself. If I'm here, you are somewhere here only."

The rainy season had come and gone, but no one could replace him in my heart. I sang his name every time I prayed. I can't learn to forget him. I have a heart, but I don't know why it hasn't beaten for a long time. How am I supposed to address this problem? I live in the bits. I die every second. Without him, my heart feels hollow.