Be Quiet

Stress Relief

Just going to be blunt with it. This is kind of dark. Specific sentences/phrases can be triggering for some readers.

Random fact: I wrote this in the dark while  listening to sad songs just to get me in the feels while writing this.

WARNINGS:
- No smut
-Terrible mindset
- Self hatred

——

It may break your heart, but you accept it. You shouldn't have done what you did, even when you knew it was wrong. You knew Draco was right when he said you should have told him first. Everything that has happened is because of you.

With a shaky breath and blurry eyes, you take one last glance around his room. Your eyes plant on his bed. It only reminds you of Draco and your cuddling. Before you cry harder, you take out your wand and apparate home.

——

A wave of multiple and confusing emotions wash over you as soon you apparated in your living room. Being in your own home made you feel safe and comforted, but what just happened with Draco tears your heart in half.

Your suit case falls on the floor with a thump, breaking the silence of the empty and quiet house. You look around the living room. The only source of light is from the sun coming through the window. You continue to look around with blurry vision and a sting in your eyes.

You slowly make your way to the couch that is in front of you. Each step you take is painfully slow, it feels as if you are in slow motion. You sit down on the cushion staring blankly at the unlit fire place ahead of you, only a wooden coffee table separating you two.

'We're done'

Draco's words rang in your ears like a siren. Tears start to form again from his words. Now being in your own space, you finally break down.

Heavy and warm tears stream down your face soon to fall onto your lap. Your eyebrows furrowed and a clenched jaw, you continue to stare at the fireplace. Images of Draco flash in your head. Every memorable moment you can think of replays over and over. It should cause happiness, but it only breaks your heart.

Then, it switches. Images of his father pop up. Everything that man has done and said to you, is all very vivid. It's as if you can still feel and hear them. The thing is, it's not about him, it's about you. You remember how you enjoyed it. The way you kept it a secret from Draco. Now that, that's what hurt you the most.

You hear it again. You hear Draco's voice.

'You're not sorry, if you were sorry you would have told me' More tears roll off of your face as you hear those words.

You are sorry. Then why didn't you tell him?

You love Draco. Then why did you lie to him?

Lucius didn't give you a choice. You enjoyed it.

It's not your fault. It is your fault.

It's your fault for not fighting back. It's your fault for not telling Draco. It's your fault the relationship is over. It's. All. Your. Fault.

Anger engulfs your emotions, no longer saddened as to what happened. All that's remaining is hatred and anger only for yourself.

You grit your teeth at the thought of yourself. In this moment, you disgusted yourself. Only a terrible person would do those things. A person like you.

The feeling to scream, hurt, and destroy is immense.

It's your fault.

The pot of anger boiled over causing you to snap. You stand flip the coffee table over. One of the legs  snap off. You stomp over and grab the leg. You turn around and throw it, breaking an object.

You yell, scream, and break things within your living room. Windows shattered, picture frames broken, and furniture toppled. Anger filled your eyes as you destroy your belongings. Your brain replays your sessions with Lucius, causing your self hatred to rise.

You hadn't planned on stopping your chaos. But, something stops you in your tracks. A glass shard entered your hand, causing a sharp pain. You hiss in pain when as you quickly pull the shard out.

You look at your hand to see a small, but relatively deep cut. With a curse you leave the room to find the first aid.

As you cleaned and bandaged your hand, the anger inside you has lessened. It's still present, but only as a small scowl upon your face.

You go back into the living room and see the mess you have made. You take in on what you just did. It's certainly not the best thing that happened, but it did help as a stress reliever. 

With a defeated sigh, you bring out your wand and whisper a mending charm. You repair everything you had broken. Every glass shard in its place and broken object now repaired. 

——

The burning in your eyes remained and the pounding on your head isn't helping. You feel a headache come along. Instead of going through the physical pain, you want to sleep it through.

You enter your bedroom and turn on music to rid the ringing silence. You lay down on the bed and close your eyes. Your mind wanders to Draco and his parents. You scowl at the thoughts, so you try to think about other things. Somewhere in the process, you drift to some much needed sleep.

——

You open your eyes, staring at the barely visible ceiling. With a deep breath you sit up and look around. The room is now surrounded in darkness. You look towards your window and see that it's already dark. You groan at the thought of sleeping all day.

Suddenly you remember what happened today. Everything that happened from this morning to you falling asleep.

"So it was real" you groan to yourself.

You shake off the thought and leave your room, sauntering to the kitchen. You make yourself a quick meal to eat as you haven't ate anything since breakfast. Even then, you only pecked at the food due to the gazes from Narcissa and Lucius.

You return to your room and turn on the tv. You never grew up with this technology, but when a muggle-born friend introduced it to you, you were fascinated. After you attended Hogwarts, you asked the friend if they could get you one. Ever since then you've been using the tv.

As you watch a muggle show and eat your food, your mind wanders back to Draco. The same feelings you felt earlier washes over you.

You felt sad because Draco loved watching the tv. Much like you, he's never owned one so he would come over and watch it with you. You and Draco spent countless hours cuddling while watching it. Now, there's no one with you...

You close your eyes and take a deep breath, trying to calm yourself down. 'I'll be okay' you  repeat to yourself. Eventually, it works so you go back to having your dinner and watch the show.